Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: CB123 on January 03, 2007, 08:22:31 PM
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HI CB
I am starting a new day right along with you .
Goodness knows we both will be just fine.
Just keep that hope up and the fear at bay
love
rainbow
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Hi Rainbow!
Thanks for making me your first post! You are very welcome here.
Come back often and share as much of your life as you feel comfortable with. There are some sweet people here that you will enjoy getting to know.
CB
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Hello CB
I do feel at home here not nervous at all
I am so glad you made it thur your day .
Miracles large and small everywhere.
Funny the way the world seems to work with determination
and also not letting anyone put you down
we can find our strength and then no one can take it away
ever again
rainbow
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CB - you really can make in on your own. Though your crutches are a pain right now, when your leg heals it will be bionic and you will be the bionic woman - stronger than you ever were. I am so very excited about the way your day ended. You really can do it!!! - GS
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CB I LOVED your day!
Congratulations for being true to you. seasons
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You did it CB..... and you will do it again and again and again and again!! And you will be stronger and stronger and stronger and NO ONE will be able to convince you can't make it on your own.
((((CB))))
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CB = Copes Beautifully
CB = Courageous + Brave
CB = Can Battle!
Hops
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Thanks for all the cheers in my direction!
I didnt know if anyone would get what a big day it was for me. Sometimes I feel like I am coming out of some kind of time warp--I'm just now managing things that most women have done all their lives.
Thanks for "getting" it!
CB
P.S. Hops--what a colorful cheer! I wanted to do a little dance!
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CB123
I was so HAPPY for you. I was reading down the list of difficulties and then came the surprise of your breakthrough. Good grief! you are developing self confidence. This is wonderful.
I think this is cause for celebration. You remind me that I can do stuff too if I just do it one step at a time.
Way to go girl!!!!!!
Love,
Seastorm
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CB
Well Done. It was wonderful to read this post. S... happens, its how you deal with it. I was struck by how you turned the day around. I am impressed that the person you knew in the down dropped everything to help you. She must think a lot of you, do you not think?
Who took care of you all your life???????
Axa
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Hi CB
It was expected that a wife would not work, stay home with her children, her husband would support the family financially and handle financial aspects of the family as well as being the major decision maker in the family.
Ok, Feel a need to go through this. I have never met a wife who did not work. I realise that you were extremely controlled but you did look after your family and in that you have developed many skills e.g. organizational skills, negotiation skills, budgeting, multi-tasking, empathic skills, listening skills............could go on for a while but you could add to the list maybe. While he controlled the finances, you managed within some budget so that is a skill you also have. If you look at job advertisements these are often the skills that are needed for all types of work.
My H was always critical of my behavior and performance as a wife (he was an N after all!) but it never occurred to either of us to do anything different about our basic philosophy.
Somehow in you you had the strength and reserves to withstand this critisism, you were not beaten down, you survived and had the strength to walk away from such a constricted life. That takes guts....real guts, add this to your list.
My H abandoned me quite a bit emotionally and that was very painful.
Seems to me YOU were taking care of yourself.
I eventually began to interact with the "outside" world through the internet--first through special interest boards and then through actually going back to university online. The world got bigger for me. Where I was seemed too tight. When I began thinking outside the box--the N'ish behavior directed toward me by my H got stepped up. He was very threatened by my increasing competence and my voice. I still struggle with both those issues (people who know me well think I have a LONG way to go! :) ) but I am light years from where I have been for the last 30 years of my life.
I am in awe of what you have achieved. In some societies leaving the group you were conditioned into being part of causes death. You walked into life.
I am very competent in the limited areas where I have been allowed to operate, but the experience I had yesterday was way out of my realm. I am so pleased because I didnt collapse into a puddle of indecision. I have never really known what I would do if I had to handle something like that on my own. My daughters were watching me closely and I knew it.
We are all competent in limited areas and incompetent in others........ this is being human. Well done for being able to see your own strength yesterday and well done for being such a role model to your girls.
What is looming ahead is: buying a house and having a mortgage, getting a job after 30 years, buying a car. Making all my own financial decisions. Planning for my own future. The biggest hurdle is that I havent prepared for it--my marriage ended suddenly one day and all this has been on-the-job training. What my H has offered to me over and over is to come back to him and be "taken care of" (and have my every action analyzed and controlled) or to continue on my present course and "never amount to anything other than a waitress at poverty level".
Ha. We'll see.
May I say HA He'll see! I have no doubt that future looks daunting. Someone said to me once break down the tasks, know you can only do today what you can do today, not bad advice. I just want to say WOW I am so impressed.
Axa
CB
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I will take a certain amount of investment from someone and I am not sure that anyone will want to do that.
The right employer for you will want to do that, will recognize your value. I have a book by a 21 year old millionaire who grew up in the projects. The book is titled, "How to be a Realionaire" and in it this young man says he decided that it took 100 calls to make a sale. So when he heard NO he decided that he would hear NO 99 more times before he got to his YES. It was a numbers game. Approaching things this way he found that he was just going through a certain number of NOs to ge to his YES and so he did not get discouraged by NO. It was just chaff on the way to the wheat.
When you go out looking be ready for the no's but just sort through them until you find the YES. Remember, you are looking for the right employer just as they are looking for the right employee. - GS
BTW - I'd hire you in a heart beat.
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CB,
Ditto GS.
I'd hire you too, in a nanosecond!
Hops
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CB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are awesome!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for a fabulous story! I started reading it yesterday, but had to run before I got to the end.
Axa, what a thoughtful and true breakdown of CB's words!!!!!
((((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))
Here's to progress and recognizing our true selves!!!!!
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:D Hi CB
Great story and you coped so well in a difficult situation....Go Girl!!!!
My h also said that I would not cope without him....after reading your story it has given me hope for my future without him.
Thanks a million
Sandra x
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There seems to be an overt message througout the posts here that the Ns, XNs in peoples lives have drummed home a message to us that YOU WILL NOT MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN. I see everyone here MAKING it. In different ways, at different paces, with different skills, supports, struggles but we ARE MAKING IT. I want to acknowledge that for me and everyone who posts here.
Well done US
axa