Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: gratitude28 on January 18, 2007, 09:59:40 PM
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Here is an awesome test for emotional abuse... see what your answers are to these questions:
What names, including nick names, were you called as a child?
Clumsy... could trip over the line in the middle of the road... only did schoolwork that was easy for me... got good grades in things that were easy... slut...bitch...
What words were used to describe you, your appearance, or your behavior?
If you eat like that you will weigh 150 pounds... Well, your butt must have come from your dad's side of the family... You may as well think about going to cosmetology school. You'll never make anything of yourself with those grades... Why in the world would you study Russian... Don't you miss the amenities of normal life (after travelling abroad)... Your ankles are big... Girls shouldn't try to get muscles at the gym like you do... Your sister has my body... Your legs look good... You have lost weight... Nothing said if I hadn't lost weight or been working out... I only gained 11 pounds when I was pregnant with you...
How did people talk to you?
I said change your shirt before you cook (yelled) Everything yelled. I didn't yell. My sister and mother loved to yell. My dad didn't either. Through pursed lips when disgusted or angry.
What stories were told about you? What do those stories say about you?
That I didn't know what spark plugs were (Isn't that ridiculous, how stupid.) That I was good in languages (they are easy for her). That I wasn't like those other "hick" kids where we lived.
How did you feel in your home?
I hated it more than anything in the world. I wanted to stay on vacation forever... anywhere we went. I was mortified and embarrassed. I still am. I dreaded spending time at home but wasn't allowed to go out at all. I felt like I was in a prison. I wanted to run away or die.
How were you treated?
They enjoyed "teasing" me when I was grumpy or tired. If I tried to clean, I was being disrespectful and "making my mother feel bad."I wasn't like them. I didn't like what they liked (and they were the experts on all things desirable).
How were others in your home treated?
My sister is so amusing. She is the light of the house. She is a medical expert. She had college paid for without complaints because "she was going to med school." They went to any performance she ever had. My mother told my dad when she was little that he needed to pay more attention to her. My mother was adamant that she would never have a hand-me down. But I had clothes she sewed me. I had to do everything "my way." I could never do what they wanted. My sister did everything the way they wanted.
What was said or communicated about your abilities to do things?
I am good at things that are easy for me.I am naturally talented and don't work at anything.
What was said or communicated about your role in the family?
I went against them. I could never do "normal" things. I went to an annoying college. Thank God they married me off. Why can't my family live near them now? I should be the executor to their estate, but since I am not around. my sister will replace me (trust me, I couldn't want anything less, but they find a perverse pleasure in this and in putting my sister's name on their account). I am spendtrhift while they like to spend money (not true, but how they see it). I hate them because all kids go through that.
What was said or communicated about your worth?
i would find a man (my mother was so devastated I gave up a wealthy and "connected" asshole I was dating even though he treated me like shit.) I couldn't be anything without a man. My field is weird and living abroad would be ridiculous.
What did you believe about yourself as a child?
That I was fat. I stile food from others' houses. I also took medecines from their cabinets. I thought if I drank I would be an adult and be happy. I thought sex was a great way to be adult-like too. I thought I was gross and nasty and fat. I thought I could develop magical powers. I thought something magic would happen and my life would end up being incredible. I thought everyone hated me. I thought everyone thought I was weird and ugly.
What do you believe about yourself now?
I am an adult. I am a great mom and I adore my husband. I know a little bit about everything. I am intelligent, and because of it will be able to continue learning my whole life. I also have a whole life to keep improving myself in other ways (spiritually, physically). I have been afforded so many amazing opportunities... education, travel, my family. I am a good person. I am a hard worker (most of the time :)) I believe I am getting to the point that I can control all the things in my life that I CAN control.
Wow, this was tough to fill in. I challenge you all!!!!!!
Love, Beth
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Jeez Beth,
Your family is a bunch of buttheads. Sure you're not adopted?
mud
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I adore you Mr. Mud. did you give up any kids for adoption????
Kisses. How is Mrs. Mud??????
Love, Beth
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did you give up any kids for adoption????
If you mean you, how old do you think I am? I look upon you more as a sister than a daughter. :P
Mrs. Mud is doing well. She has one more chemo treatment next week then onto estrogen blocking pills. Her tumor marker test is nearly back to normal and she is feeling good, except for the two or three days after chemo.
mud
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what mud said. raised to the Nth :twisted: power.
mud, glad Mrs. is hanging in and holding fast. thank god for the tumor marker test results!
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Here is an awesome test for emotional abuse... see what your answers are to these questions:
What names, including nick names, were you called as a child?
Clumsy... could trip over the line in the middle of the road... only did schoolwork that was easy for me... got good grades in things that were easy... slut...bitch...
jealousy. ugly insecure jealousy!
What words were used to describe you, your appearance, or your behavior?
If you eat like that you will weigh 150 pounds... Well, your butt must have come from your dad's side of the family... You may as well think about going to cosmetology school. You'll never make anything of yourself with those grades... Why in the world would you study Russian... Don't you miss the amenities of normal life (after travelling abroad)... Your ankles are big... Girls shouldn't try to get muscles at the gym like you do... Your sister has my body... Your legs look good... You have lost weight... Nothing said if I hadn't lost weight or been working out... I only gained 11 pounds when I was pregnant with you...
making sure the brilliant you didn't catch on that the rest of you was whole, wonderful and fine as you were
How did people talk to you?
I said change your shirt before you cook (yelled) Everything yelled. I didn't yell. My sister and mother loved to yell. My dad didn't either. Through pursed lips when disgusted or angry.
they didn't talk to you, they talked at you
What stories were told about you? What do those stories say about you?
That I didn't know what spark plugs were (Isn't that ridiculous, how stupid.) That I was good in languages (they are easy for her). That I wasn't like those other "hick" kids where we lived.
that you were stupid (in ways they were clever) and that you were brilliant (in ways that were no threat) and that you were special (in ways they wished they were)
How did you feel in your home?
I hated it more than anything in the world. I wanted to stay on vacation forever... anywhere we went. I was mortified and embarrassed. I still am. I dreaded spending time at home but wasn't allowed to go out at all. I felt like I was in a prison. I wanted to run away or die.
you were real and alive and had sane emotions in response to bleak surroundings, stupidity and cruelty
How were you treated?
They enjoyed "teasing" me when I was grumpy or tired. If I tried to clean, I was being disrespectful and "making my mother feel bad."I wasn't like them. I didn't like what they liked (and they were the experts on all things desirable).
petty power is the recourse of the envious, and the bully
How were others in your home treated?
My sister is so amusing. She is the light of the house. She is a medical expert. She had college paid for without complaints because "she was going to med school." They went to any performance she ever had. My mother told my dad when she was little that he needed to pay more attention to her. My mother was adamant that she would never have a hand-me down. But I had clothes she sewed me. I had to do everything "my way." I could never do what they wanted. My sister did everything the way they wanted.
they taught you envy, and when you displayed a thread of it, they wove it into a garment for you
What was said or communicated about your abilities to do things?
I am good at things that are easy for me.I am naturally talented and don't work at anything.
more envy
What was said or communicated about your role in the family?
I went against them. I could never do "normal" things. I went to an annoying college. Thank God they married me off. Why can't my family live near them now? I should be the executor to their estate, but since I am not around. my sister will replace me (trust me, I couldn't want anything less, but they find a perverse pleasure in this and in putting my sister's name on their account). I am spendtrhift while they like to spend money (not true, but how they see it). I hate them because all kids go through that.
jealousy of your intellect and your new life, fear they would lose their scapegoat, frustration you've escaped
[/b]
What was said or communicated about your worth?
i would find a man (my mother was so devastated I gave up a wealthy and "connected" asshole I was dating even though he treated me like shit.) I couldn't be anything without a man. My field is weird and living abroad would be ridiculous.
jealousy of your independence and character and chutzpah
[/b]
What did you believe about yourself as a child?
That I was fat. I stile food from others' houses. I also took medecines from their cabinets. I thought if I drank I would be an adult and be happy. I thought sex was a great way to be adult-like too. I thought I was gross and nasty and fat. I thought I could develop magical powers. I thought something magic would happen and my life would end up being incredible. I thought everyone hated me. I thought everyone thought I was weird and ugly.
you were desperately hungry for love, but the aware part of you wanted to escape the jealousy
What do you believe about yourself now?
I am an adult. I am a great mom and I adore my husband. I know a little bit about everything. I am intelligent, and because of it will be able to continue learning my whole life. I also have a whole life to keep improving myself in other ways (spiritually, physically). I have been afforded so many amazing opportunities... education, travel, my family. I am a good person. I am a hard worker (most of the time :)) I believe I am getting to the point that I can control all the things in my life that I CAN control.
YOU ARE A VERY FINE PERSON AND YOU DIDN'T ALLOW CHILDHOOD TO CRUSH YOU
Wow, this was tough to fill in. I challenge you all!!!!!!
Love, Beth
What an amazing brave post, Beth.
love,
Hops
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Well, I am 23... Oh, OK, I guess I'm a bit older than that. See how my silly brain works... I kind of assumed you were older (you know what assuming does...).
That is wonderful news about Mrs. Mud! Gosh, she has been so stand-up through all the treatment. I will keep her in my prayers.
Love, Beth
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Hops, you are too kind to have gone through that and answered all my rantings :) Thank you...
I had meant for this to be a test other's could take too!!!!I am feeling a bit guilty that I got all this personal attention over it. You all always surprise me with your caring.
Love, Beth
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well that was sort of thick of me, Beth :oops:
I do care though.
I am so glad for you and your hunky hubby.
love,
Hops
PS--and the kids... :)
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I would do the test but I don't remember them talking to me except for :
"I'm going crazy" and "we found you in a ditch and brought you home" and "SHAME on YOU!" ...mom
"WHAT ON EARTH DID I DO TO DESERVE 5 LAZY LITTLE BASTARDS LIKE I GOT?"..dad
(I'll have to think for a few days)
Izzy
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(((((Izzy)))))))))))
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Hopsy,
I my lame manner, I was trying to thank you. Really, I am not used to people caring about the things I have to say. I so appreciate that you responded. I was embarrassed that the thread had turned into being all about me... But the input you gave me was just what I needed to hear and made me smile.
Love, Beth
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Izzy,
Q: What did you deserve to wind up with selfish incompetent would've-flunked-a-basic-babysitting-test parents like you got?
A: Nothing at all from the first time you drew breath to now.
Hops
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Beth...big smushy HUGS. Thanks and you're welcome.
CB, thank you to you too. You got rose-tinted glasses on for ol' Hoppy but it makes me feel good.
Hi Mud.
Hops
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Howdy, hops.
mud
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Hi
WHAT ON EARTH DID I DO TO DESERVE 5 LAZY LITTLE BASTARDS LIKE I GOT?"..dad
This ought to read "WHAT IN HELL DID...."
When he said that, we kids were so lacking in voice that we said nothing, as my sister and I were milking 12 cows before going to school. Up at 5:00 to clean the cow stables, the bull pen (and we were left alone in that bull pen without protection from it), clean the horse stables, clean the pig pens, freshen the straw bedding for the bull, the pigs, the horses and the cows, separate the milk, and give the skimmed milk to the pigs, after we mixed up their chop etc, and spread it in the trough, and the cream went to the house for mom, which she sold for butter--and one pail of fresh milk went to the house for each day.
Go upstairs to the hay mows and drag out enough to throw down the chute to another sister to feed all the animals, except the pigs. Go up there where there are no lights and it's freezing cold and try to figure out if you are doing it right or get blasted by dad.
The pigs were the last to be fed and squealed the whole while we did all this other crap and as I'm milikng my 6 cows I hear my dad raging that I am "A LAZY BASTARD". I will never forget it, and I wish I knew enough to say"Lazy? You call all this work I do---LAZY?-- you raging bastard!
and as well I help with the haying and the harvesting and you just mumble and grumble the whole while. We are all just free labour for you on this fricking farm".
I did those chores morning and night from age 8 to age 16, 365 days a year, without one word of thanks from him. I was his child labour!--beaten as well as he beat the animals, once blinding a cow.---just speaking for myself, but there were always 2 sisters in this position, depending on when we reached age 8, or reached age 16.
Damn it! There are so many times I needed a voice and never had it--never knew I was entitled to it!
******
Then in 1976 I sat at his bedside in the hospital, as he was in his last 6 months of dying, all I asked for was his signature on their Tax Returns that I had been doing every year, and....left...
3 months later as mom nursed him at home, for his last 3 months, he was a skeleton with skin and couldn't speak, just eyes looking at me and I felt nothing!!! Absolutely Nothing! I said nothing....Then he died the next morning!
Izzy
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Izzy, Your father was the lazy one and he knew it and hated that about himself and projected it onto you kids. A terrible injustice was done to you kids. I remember learning in college about horizontal violence. That is what occurs in situations where people are in no position to overthrow the ones in power so they take it out on each other. Black on black crime, co-workers bickering among each other, rioters attacking innocent by-standers. And perhaps.... siblings who were in no position to take on the violent and unreasonable head of their family. Perhaps this is part of why you were the scapegoat of your siblings. Your father was behind that abuse too due to his power over everyone in the family. What a pathetic man he was. He got what he had earned in the end.
Pennyplant
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hiya pennyplant
horizontal violence.
Thank you for the post.
That sounds exactly what could have happened and I never knew the phrase/condition existed....just amongst the squabbling, fighting, stealing from, taunting etc. in our family.
Thanx
Izzy
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Izzy,
This may sound dumb but for every fresh and nourishing meal I've ever eaten that was possible thanks to the grueling labor of children on a farm....
thank you.
love, and every healing thought poured back over your painful memories,
Hops
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hiya Hops
That is not dumb.
It's amazing how many people eat food and never think of the source!
I'll tell you a couple of other unbelievablel things of my dad's sick behaviour, when we we growing up and less than 14-15 yrs old.
When we needed veal, we had to help him hold down a little calf and watch him hit it over the head with a large sledgehammer to kill it----- veal for the people, and us
We had to help him corner a large pig in a horse stall and hold it down while he slit its throat to then hang it up to bleed out. Then we kids had to take the carcasss and rub it up and down a barrell of scalding hot water. The edges if the barrell scraped the hair from the pig's skin----otherwise people would be getting hairy pork.
Mom would say, "Go get a chicken for dinner" and without even thinking, I would pick up the hatchet, go get a chicken and cut off its head then bleed it out--then mom would pick off the feathers and ===Onward Ho. Chicken for dinner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have no thought of thinking these things were not "right for a child". I must have flipped a switch within me!
Izzy
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AAArrrggghh... it ate my answer to you Izzy...
(((Izzy))))
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ed
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Thank you CB
I think that context is everything. You were verbally and emotionally abused in the midst of all that. That is going to get all mixed up with what you were doing.
Well at least I didn't become another John Wayne Gacy!