Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Leah on February 01, 2007, 09:30:39 AM
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One of the most common accusations abusers hurl at their victims is the phrase,
"You're too sensitive!"
This phrase, or one of its relatives, strikes fear into the heart of many an abuse survivor. It has been thrown from the mouths of abusers and well-meaning (but oblivious) folks alike, as if sensitivity were an unforgivable crime or a heinous act of rebellion.
More often than not, it is during times when the victim decides to defend themselves or point out the abuse that the perpetrator chooses to use this particular phrase. The situation varies, but the tone of voice is always full of scorn and contempt as the offender furrows their brow, interrupts their intended victim, and unleashes the terrible accusation, "You're just too sensitive!"
Well, this page is here to ask: What the hell is wrong with being sensitive?!
Why do people feel they must treat sensitivity as a topic of scorn? Why is sensitivity treated as something inferior, undesirable, or outright horrible? Why do abusers spit out the label of sensitivity as if it were an insult? Is there something wrong with sensitive people? Is it a bad thing to be sensitive? Are sensitive people defective somehow? Is it a character flaw?
I don't doubt that many victims of abuse are more sensitive than the average person. But I seriously doubt that sensitivity is a sign of weakness, inferiority, or defectivity. Nor do I believe that there is anything wrong with being sensitive (although the way some people talk, you'd think it was the unforgivable sin).
Now, with some broad generalizations, here are the reasons why sensitivity is beautiful.
Sensitive people care about others. They can feel the pain and joys of other people, and empathize along with them. They understand how others feel, and can meet their needs. They notice when people need help, and they have a great deal of compassion. Sensitive people are the ones who provide a shoulder to cry on, flowers on your birthday, or a hot meal for a hungry stomach.
They bring patience into the world, and try to ease suffering, not so much with medicines and food, but with empathy and hands-on care. They understand what hurts a person, and refrain from hurting them. Sensitive people meet others' needs where insensitive people do not.
Sensitive people bring beauty to the world. Many sensitive people are artists, musicians, poets, or writers. The passionate melodies of Tchaikovsky's ballets or the deeply moving paintings of Artemisia Gentileschi (and other Renaissance masters) could not have been created without great aesthetic sensitivity and deep, heartfelt emotion. The artists of the world have painted, danced, sung, written, and composed the entire range of human experience and feeling; and they could not have done so were they not sensitive to the human condition. It is not a clod who creates a masterpiece.
Sensitive people recognize the beauty already in the world. Sensitive people stop and smell the roses. They notice the beauty of the sunset, they hear the precious melody of a child's laughter, they love animals. They enjoy a starry night or a lovely piece of music. They take off their shoes and wriggle their toes in the sand on the beach. Perhaps they cry at sad movies. Sensitive people find pleasure in beautiful things.
Sensitive people are a gift from God. If you're a survivor of abuse, I'll bet no one ever told you this. Sensitive people bring love and hope to the world, things which humanity could sure use a whole lot of.
In Defense of Sensitivity by Maia at www.hhhh.org/maia
When I found this my heart skipped a beat ....... not with fear ....... with pure JOY
Just had to share it!
Truly happy and content that God created me sensitive :)
Leah
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Paying attention to your past and current, emotional experiences is so crucial, not only from the point of healing old wounds, but to learn the skills that allow you to embrace your gift of being sensitive - which is not something to get rid of, but to learn how to live with more wisely.
Just found the above statement and it does seem to make sense of what we all are doing presently on our journey.
Leah
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This sure rings a bell
I've had that phrase thrown at me steadily when I was younger.
I expect believing sensitivity to be wrong, I became harder and more cynical and left the sensitivity at the bottom of ther heap
Izzy
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I didn't reply when this first came out, but these words bit me as soon as I saw them. I can only remember one exact time they were said to me... this summer. But just hearing them... they swim in my head like a diseased fish... They sound like kind words, but they are mean and insidious. And knowing that I can't even remember examples reminds me of how little os my childhood I do remember - and how unhappy was the portion that I can bring up.
I am gald you brought this up, because this is obviously an area I need to explore, although I am not sure I want to... at least right now.
Love, Beth
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"Yes, and as painful as my feelings are sometimes, I am grateful for the way I was made, because I feel happiness really well too."
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I had one parent that really said I was too "sensitive" and the other one was "sensitive"also still I completely trusted her...
She only got mad at me once as a child.One time as an adult.........
(I kept losing my ugly glasses I really did not lose them I just wanted new style frames or maybe I did not want to "see" something Mr Freud? thank goodness for contacts)
my mom liked my sensitivity I liked hers we were a lot alike .
moonlight
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jac
is this an example?????
more insights into a statement made to a child as they are beaten "I will not stop until you cry"
The child does try to hold on to some dignity and grits teeth .... and does try so hard not to cry.
moon
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It helps a lot jac
I hope my example is not too much for the sensitive people here as I am also...
this happened to a child long ago and the adult is stronger now and holds this child's hand within
no blame no shame recovery
everyone suffers that is just life some more or less and in so many ways the thing is to learn thx jac
and leave room for the jello we do have the awesome beauty of the world.
compassion I think I might be of good use in the world
like what hops said I volunteered for a benefit to help raise funds for a good cause.
the fund raiser is for $ for local school
takes as long as it takes
m
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everyone suffers that is just life some more or less and in so many ways the thing is to learn thx jac
and leave room for the jello we do have the awesome beauty of the world.
compassion I think I might be of good use in the world
http://www.controllingparents.com/healthie.htm (http://www.controllingparents.com/healthie.htm) an interesting Table Listing
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You're too sensitive
Sensitivity is often wrongly given a negative connotation. Sensitivity is a mixture of dignity, respect, care, thoughtfulness, tolerance, dislike of violence, empathy, care and consideration for others.
Anyone who is not sensitive is insensitive.
Bullies of all kinds are insensitive.
http://www.bullyonline.org (http://www.bullyonline.org)
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Targets NOT Victims
People who are targeted by bullies are sensitive, respectful, honest, creative, have high emotional intelligence, a strong sense of fair play and high integrity with a low propensity to violence.
Bullies (who lack such qualities) see these as vulnerabilities to be exploited. Sometimes, behind the stereotyped "victim", is a child with a higher-than-average level of emotional maturity and a capacity to communicate maturely with adults.
I prefer the word "target" to indicate the deliberate and intentional choices that bullies make.
The word "victim" allows the bullies' army of supporters, appeasers, apologists and deniers to tap into and stimulate other people's preconceived notions and prejudices of "victimhood".
http://www.bullyonline.org (http://www.bullyonline.org)
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Bullies come in many forms. Good points here. My Mother use to call me weak cause I couldn't take her bashing family members. Geeeez what ever happened to just having some empathy???
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The child crying is the pay off the parents need.
By that stage the parent has more than likely left the room.
I did not cry - there was no point, no-one heard.
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leah
m