Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: CB123 on February 10, 2007, 08:42:35 AM
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CB123 - Perhaps he chose Tuesday just to avoid the deadline on Wednesday. Call your attorney first thing on Monday!!! Depending on the laws in your state, your husband could be jeopardizing his claims on the marital estate by abandonment.
My heart goes out to you concerning your daughter. It is very common for offspring, especially female offspring, to feel abandoned when a father leaves and becomes romantically interested in someone else, especially if that father has been emotionally abusive. Underlying that feeling is abandonment - and it is not the present abandoment, it is the summoning up of the real emotional abandonment that has already occurred. Her mind is rapping it around her unconscious fears that he might have anothe family that he will treat well. What she is dealing with has far more to do with the emotional abandoment that she has already experienced but it is being placed on what is happening right now.
Perhaps you can have sympathy for her as you would if she had lost a pet who was a real stress for you to care for (her loss your gain) or a friendship that she mourned but you knew was best ended. I know you can find a way to tend to her loss even when the same event is your gain. Just mentally sever them. Think of it as her loss of "Father" in the abstract sense rather than the particular man who happens to be her father and your soon to be ex-h.
Just a suggestion to help in a terribly difficult situation. I expect the fact that you are left to pick up the pieces for all the children is another part that is guiling. There are so many hurtful parts to your situation. I pray that your husbands "disappearance" will actully work to your benefit legally.
Keep pouring out your anger here. It can help and we can hold your burden with you. - your friend - Gaining Strength
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Depending on the laws in your state, your husband could be jeopardizing his claims on the marital estate by abandonment.
I pray that your husbands "disappearance" will actully work to your benefit legally.
Could well be a case of 'things working to the good', as he dealt with your settlement unkindly and unfairly (putting it mildly), sometimes, we don't know why things happen they way they do, then look back and see that there was a reason, and it worked for the good - our good.
In my thoughts and prayers,
Leah xx
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CB123,
Call your attorney first thing on Monday!!! Depending on the laws in your state, your husband could be jeopardizing his claims on the marital estate by abandonment.
Do not take this suggestion lightly. He is feeling the pressure and relieving it by doing something irresponsible and stupid. Since he has essentially stolen a good portion of your inheritance through what amounts to extortion he may, and I stress may, be giving you an opportunity to address that wrong.
Jesus said be wise as a serpent and as harmless as a dove. Perhaps you can do both at once here.
mud
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Dear CB.
What a fathead.
Attorneys make big bucks. I say call him TODAY. He may have some action he thinks of that could be legally important for you, such as a warning letter to xN to not leave without responding to xyz.
Or not, but on the chance there might be a legal ramification that could work to your advantage that your lawyer would need more than a few hours to prepare...I'd go ahead and call him now. (You never know, he may have planned to leave without a word to you, but emailed you on the advice of HIS attorney. Stay alert. Don't trust. Call your lawyer, imnno...)
Seriously. It's not a crime to call these high-paid folks on weekends in an urgent scenario. I think your stbxN's actions do demand urgent legal awareness. There may be nothing needs doing, but in case it's an opportunity, I wouldn't let the day-of-the-week custom get in the way.
love to you,
Hops
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Hops,
It's not a crime to call these high-paid folks on weekends in an urgent scenario.
You're assuming she has his home phone number. She may, but my experience is few lawyers give that out.
Not something you want circulating too widely when you might be representing accused murderers and other delightful citizens.
mud
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Well, you might be right there, Mud.
Hopefully, he may have an answering service that could pass an urgent message?
Anyway, CB, let us know, and I hope you're feeling better since his latest grandiose announcement. I'm very sorry for the frustration and fury you're going through.
(((((((((CB)))))))))
Hops
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imnno - in my ___n?___, ___n?___ opinion
n? what Hops?
(modified after your reply hops)
LOL - never humble heh - LOL
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Whoops, GS...meant to type imnho, "in my never-humble opinion"...
Hops
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CB ,
Some attorneys do not give their home phone numbers out I believe .Mud you are too much!!!!!!!!!!!
But your soon to be ex will suffer the consequences of his actions maybe not right away "but the chickens will come home"
I am so sorry the kids are hurting I know when my oldest girl went thru some rough stuff I suffered so and yet as a parent we must be strong.
CB your ex will have to face his choices regarding you and his kids morally emotionally and legally
"he can try and run"
So much love to you dear CB
Moonlight
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Oh good, CB.
I am LIKING the sound of this good old boy, your attorney!
For some reason I am liking the sound of this whole thing.
You have been an absolute champion.
You keep your BP down, now, dear, hear?
love,
Hops
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CB
I am so glad you posted this. Always, just always expect the worst. Him and his bloody adventure. How they treat their children is so disgusting. I am so sorry for your kids. Hope there will be an avalanche at the ski resort and .......... you fill in the blanks.
Thinking of you with love
axa
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CB,
Maybe someone has already said this...He can run, but he can't hide!
I think, sometimes these judges issue warrants for people who don't show up to hearings. I know all too well. I have been served with several as my NH has ducked out of hearing after hearing for his debts he refuses to pay. He hides, and I get served! Fun. Usually they don't mean much, but they are a bit un-nerving to get served with so maybe it will scare him a bit.
Probably you have already discussed this with attorney, I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and wishing you the best. Sometimes when we lose, we win--eh? It takes hindsight to see it clearly. Let him bury himself. Sounds like visitation might not be so much a problem if he is not around. Can the attorney file for keeping your son in your state? Hope so. But he might get too distacted with his new N supply soon to make much hassle there. Hope so. Hope so. Hope so!
Plow on, baby! Plow on!
Sunny
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What a jerkola!!!! What a swine. I wish I could add more words, CB, but I don't want to turn this into a nasty-word page. Though he deserves it!!!!!
What a great attorney you have!!!! It sounds like you are safe with him and he will do his best for you!!!!
Maybe it is a blessing your husband is showing his rotten side... it'll look great in the courts.
Love to you and your family!!
(((CB)))))))))))
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CB ,
Lets hope beyond the winning and losing beyond this there is a place where everyones needs get met.
The ones that get hurt are the children.I wish everyone understood this....
Some parents will understand their children's needs some will not understand well at all ............................some just do not have a clue...
I hope your children are going to be having an easier time .How is your son doing?
And I hope your ex will realize it 's his kids feelings that count.......
Blessings to you CB
moonlight
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Hey CB
The healing is happening I am so glad for you and your son .You are such a kind caring parent.
I know how very difficult this must be and at the same time be so happy for his recovery.
Why would your son need his thyroid checked?
Bipolar in the manic phase can be misdignosed as n spots but bipolar has more to do with moods
and when the "manic "is under control
living with bipolar is much easier for all.
You sure do have a lot going on I am so glad things are easing up for you.
I never was in a hospital for bipolar.I am sure he has had much to deal with so young.
Is it possible his behaviors are learned then from his N dad??????
Write has bipolar and does not take meds.
medication has helped me.
thanks for letting me know
my prayers are with you
He is a hero....... mine too.
so much love to you CB
MOON
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Thinking of you today ((((( CB )))))
in my thoughts and prayers.
Leah xx
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Dear CB
You are some Mom. I am so glad that your son is doing so well. It is so difficult walking this journey with hiim but he is blessed to have such a loving an supportive Mom to hold his hand along the way. Poor kid has so much to deal with besides having to engage with a dammed N.
I know of people who have had psychotic episodes along with depression, dont know much about it but hopefully with love, therapy and support he will grow towards health.
I so admire you,
axa
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CB,
Thanks for sharing this. What a mother you are.
I am sending almighty vibes to you and to your unscary, benevolent, onyourside, notyourhusband lawyer!
Your son's story gives me hope for my D.
I wonder if it would be offensive to give her the book?
I'll read it myself first...I think I read it a long time ago.
Thanks again, and my thoughts stay with you.
love,
Hops
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Dear CB,
Thank you for the update sorry I missed that post.His recovery is from depression etc. and thank you for explaining the thyroid problem.
I am so glad things are getting better going in the right direction .
prayers and blessings
moonlight
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Hi CB & Hops,
Reading through my recently acquired copy of "Trapped in the Mirror"
and it is truly amazing, an awareness raising self-heal book.
Leah xx
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CB,
Why exactly did they diagnose your som with psychosis? I don't know anything about it and must have missed where you talked about it.
I had Grave's disease as well. I also had my thyroid ablated. It has taken me a few years to get back to feeling normal. I was suffering from deep anxiety from the disease and depression and I know I had post partum depression (although I didn't know it at the time). And that depression was fairly extreme. I was also absolutely unaware of how strangely I was behaving. I was a mess, yet I didn't know it. It is hard to tell you what it was like, because I don't really know what I was like.
With Grave's I think you relly do need to have your thyroid out. Then you need to keep getting checked to keep your thyroid in balance as so many things can affect it.
Hugs to you and to your son.
Love, Beth
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Hi CB:
Reading this thread I was cheering that the jerk wants to go and I was wanting to add nasty names to the list and was relieved/glad that you have what sure seems like a good lawyer and worried that your ex is just trying to skip off and abandon everyone, without paying, and hopeful that there are legal steps that can be taken to help you sell your farm and do what has to be done to secure your financial well-being. Then I felt so happy to hear that your son is doing better and is back home and sad that your daughter is hurt because of being replaced and one thought kept popping into my head.......
these seem like blessings.
If he wants to go away on an adventure.....yipee....because maybe he'll stay away long enough for you to get moved and for everyone to adjust a little. What a blessing!!
Your lawyer knowing the judge so well and being so fatherly toward you....yay! Maybe he can find a way to nail this bum's bum down financially and MAYBE EVEN do something to cut into his visitation of the children, since he seems to think he can just up and leave, at his convenience, and thus is truly....abandoning them!
What a blessing!!
And your son is doing better and is home and oh....what a blessing!!
And your daughter? Maybe it's better she sees the light now, even though it is painful? Maybe it will prevent her from having to feel it in pieces, year after year, time after time.....like a slow, agonizing toothache? Maybe, yanking that tooth out and getting the pain overwith is a blessing in disguise??
You may not be feeling like celebrating but I hope these are indeed blessings that will help you along through this time of change and struggling. You are my heroine CB!! You seem so level headed and wise! And what a wonderful mom too!! What a blessing you are to your children!!
I hope the creep keeps taking rope and financially, legally, and parental-rightly hangs himself!!!
:D Sela
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What she said. Especially the heroine part.
(((((Sela)))))
(((((CB))))))
Hops
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Sela,
...you had me rolling at "nail the bum's bum down!" I will be giggling all day. Hoping all the while that CB is finding relief with each new day and each new seemingly wrong thing he is pulling.
CB,
Have you read Vaknin's advice on how to Divorce the N? I know he IS one---but he really pegs a lot of the behaviors. Anything you can scare him with??? And watch him squirm like a child in the dark, afraid of his own demons?
http://samvak.tripod.com/divorcenarcissistpsychopath.html#Court (http://samvak.tripod.com/divorcenarcissistpsychopath.html#Court)
Above is the link I am referring to. It is interesting. I think there are few tips in there I can use now. Hope you can.
Sunny 8)
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Dear CB,
BESSINGS FROM ABOVE
So much you have to be grateful for the love and dear closeness of your children.....
love to you and yours :D :D :D
moonlight
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CB,
YAYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're almost done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!
Good to hear about your son, sorry to hear about your daughter.
Loved your response to XHN re: photos; envisoning him with a box of crayons and construction paper.
Love,
dazed
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re: photos; envisoning him with a box of crayons and construction paper.
or maybe he'll go for the 3D version and use play dough?
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Thanks for another laugh, Dazed!
CB: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D So glad for your overload!
Sela