Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Gaining Strength on February 13, 2007, 08:13:28 AM
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I want to keep my eyes on the way out. I am starting a post here to focus on positive, healing aspects. - Pot
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Keep that goal in your viewfinder.
axa
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I have been reading books which feature positive words. Plus I know the steps I am taking are moving of forward in the big scheme of things.
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I have trying to focus more on what is actually happening around me in my day to day life instead of always having my thoughts on what already happened or on what might happen. Trying to be more immediate. Trying to listen better. Trying to take things as they come and really pay attention all around.
Pennyplant
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I am using an affirmation to help me deal with feelings of shame, depression, comparison and impending failure that peck at me over and over, all through the day. I thank God that he is transforming these feelings which come from my deep wounds into joyous activity.
I am determined to move out of the dark, low energy levels and move into functioning, joyous energy. Having realized the traps that I have internalized and perpetuated, I now have affirmations to help me alter the negativity to someting positive.
The double-binds that I uncovered by reading co-narcissism are the very things that have held me down after I did womething well. I cannot get over how bizarre it is to see that all these years I have allowed my parents need to see me fail actually keep me in failure. As I have learned over and over, when I set my mind to make changes the ugly head of that behavior that I seek to change becomes bigger and stronger than ever. But I am confident that this new energy will overcome this dark voice that has pulled me down all these years.
So glad to have a place to share this. Old voice want's me to be afraid but to much positive has happened and is happening. i know I will succeed. - thanks - GS
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Positive affirmation:
I willingly release the need for struggle or suffering. I deserve all that is good!
I have about a ton of affirmation cards I got in December by Louise Hay and a few others in her field. I think she might be the positive affirmation queen.
This one has been taped on my mirror for a while. Thought I would share. I try to say it to myself at least once a day.
Another I heard this morning:
I am worthy of love and respect.
---Debbie Ford podcast on abuse 2/16/06
She says write 20 things that you love about yourself every night for 20 days. And why you should be loved.
Think I'll give it a shot. Can't hurt can it?
Namaste,
Sunny
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Hey, don't mean to hijack the thread but will someone define "double bind" for me again!!!!
Whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is pure...................think on these things!!!!!!
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Hi, Kell.
I don't have my textbooks at my fingertips at the moment, but I'll try to define the concept of "double-bind" off the top of my head. A "double-bind" situation might be where it is a "no-win" situation. An example I can recall with my Nmother when she bought certain foods. If we didn't eat it fast enough, we were punished. If we ate it faster, we were STILL punished! If she thought we were lying, she beat us. When we told the truth, she beat us. It was crazy-making!
Bones
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Oh, a no-win situation........like my mom saying if you do this, this and this......THEN I will back off. So you do them and then you didn't do them well enough......or she didn't recall saying that.............
So back to keeping my eyes on the prize....................when my mother puts me into a double bind situation I will say, "Did you mean to put me in a double bind situation?"
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Bones and Kell,
I think I have heard this referred to as cognitive dissonace or is that just the result of the double-bind?
Or am I way off base here. Any ideas?
Sunny
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Bones and Kell,
I think I have heard this referred to as cognitive dissonace or is that just the result of the double-bind?
Or am I way off base here. Any ideas?
Sunny
I have to look it up. Off the top of my head, I would say it's a bit of both.
Bones
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Kell and Bones
Examples of "double bind" pretending to be a religious person filled with Holy Spirit but yet full of mocking others motive's .
Actions and behavior speak louder than words.
Bully's do this .And these are only reflections of a their lack of kindness .
Everyone needs their own path to learn that is all .... God - no separation.
The difference are in the choices we make
either to understand other's pain or not to do so .
All is OK no right or wrong just different paths...one can mock or live in fear or choose not to do so....
These things are done by ones that do not show who they are and live unmasked but as they say God See's All
Truth be told etc When one mocks others this usually is a big clue they are stuck in anger .That is sad.
Sad for those who believe there is something to win or lose.
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I just remembered an example of "double-bind" from one of my psychology textbooks (can't remember which specific book). The example was described by a psychologist, who was a student intern at the time of the incident. An individual was an inpatient being treated for schizophrenia. His mother came to visit him at the hospital. When the patient went to hug his mother, she visibly stiffened as if she was rejecting his embrace. When he drew back from her physical rejection, she demanded: "What's the matter with you?!? Don't you love your mother?!?!?" He attempted to hug her again, only to be rejected again.
Does that help clarify double-bind a little better?
Bones
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Bones
perfect example
really the best
push pull
all that is needed in a no win thing
Is not to play that game
sadly these two did not understand the dynamic
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That is a perfect example of double-bind!!!!! Now for cognitive dissonance.......................that is the feeling you have when you walk out of a car dealership and have just signed for a car you love but you really can't afford........................you walk out and think, "oh, I don't know if I did the right thing by buying that car.............." Another name for it is buyer's remorse......
Keeping my eyes on the prize!! Independence!!! (trying to keep the thread on topic somehow...........)
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Is this a double bind or talking out of both sides of your mouth??? Year ago nmom says, "we are now going to Just In Time Inventory........." Six months later she says, "the industry thinks there are too many costs in Just In Time inventory so we are now going to order every other day instead of every day." Six months later she says, "why aren't we doing Just In Time Inventory?" And when you remind you of what she said six months ago, she poo poos you and says "I never said that."
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Does that help clarify double-bind a little better?
Bones,
Yup, and it brings back fond memories of dear N mom as well. :?
ooh, oooh...now I am back to needing my affirmation:
I deserve love and respect!
Whew! Better. Go to my happy place! Go to my happy place!
Peace out--
Sunny
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CB,
Won't it be nice to have all new energy at your new place? I mean vital energy and vibrational energy. Here's to getting rid of some huge reminders--like the same house----of your old life!
Yippeee!
Wishing you "Good Vibrations" ---- Beach Boys?
Sunny :wink:
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Kell and all,
Buyers remorse I have never heard it put so well... :lol:
moonlight
p.s. another example" double bind " "the chicken or the egg which came first"?
Heads I win tails you lose these double binds are so tricky .No win people that live to manipulate others sad
I never heard of this method before.I would guess it would be no fun if the victim did not know or care it was happening.
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Here's a double bind that I lived with in my first marriage and in my childhood at home - my first husband said more than once, "No, I won't do that for you because you asked." And he wasn't going to do it if I didn't ask. That was the same lesson I learned at Christmas and birthdays growing up but it was never verbalized. I would receive expensive gifts but not ones that I wanted or asked for and then I would be excoriated because I was "unappreciative."
The message of the double bind is that I did not deserve and could not have whatever it was that I wanted or longed for. It was a very damaging message. I grew resentful and just barely under the surface rageful. What I have only recently discovered is a double bind that I was an embarrassment if I was not successful in any particular endeavor and I was ignored and secretly loathed if I was successful on any scale. That is the really big psychological double-bind that has entrapped me forever and which I am just now undoing the damage from. 100 times a day I have to identify these dread feelings that grip me and talk back to them with conviction and confidence that I have overcome them.
It is not the conscious stuff that I struggle with and it is not the surface stuff that Dr. Phil loves to "solve" in 10 or 15 minutes but the real struggle is the stuff that was first imprinted at that preverbal stage and drilled in - unconscious even to the N perpetrators. So here I am down in the ditch again when I really want to keep focus on how thankful I am to have discovered the manacles so I can use positive transforming thoughts to unlock it. And now I am going to positive think myself into fixing dinner and making valentines for school tomorrow.
Undoing binds for valentines!
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Bones
perfect example
really the best
push pull
all that is needed in a no win thing
Is not to play that game
sadly these two did not understand the dynamic
Thanks, Moon!
Bones
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((((CB))))
I feel your excitement, and I'm so happy for you!
Take care of yourself physically now, too.
I think you're living up to your tagline!
Hops
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CB
Great news about the apartment......... so excited for you...........new beginnings, wonderful new beginnings to you.
axa
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CB
The way out means that all those things are more important than anything I lose in this divorce. It means that, even if I am not going to a resort for an adventure, my life is going to be an adventure right here where I am. I really, really believe that.
Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!!!!!!!!
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keeping eyes on way out
Heh. At first I thought you meant you wanted to make sure you still had your eyeballs on your way out of some stressful situation, GS. Sounded pretty gruesome so of course I read on.
Not sure if that says more about your syntax or my mind. :? :oops:
mud
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Well, that would make 'keeping your eyes on the prize' kinda messy, wouldn't it?
:twisted: :twisted:
;-)
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LOL mudpuppy!!
Perspective, perspective, perspective.