Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Gaining Strength on February 22, 2007, 10:17:50 AM
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I are working on changing where I am. I realize that during my formative years I internalized fear of abandonment and rejection and a highly critical perfectionistic voice that is NEVER satisfied. I want to overcome that voice and to rejoin the world that I once felt a part of (if partly on the fringes). To move on I must develop a good feeling about myself, I must change my "norm" of stress and move into positive encouraging loving nature.
Each day during Lent I am going to set a small goal that will build toward a larger goal of moving my inner being from anxiety to peace. Today my goal is to begin cleaning my house - to start with my bath and bedroom and to exercise for 20 minutes.
One of my great strengths is persistence. I can develop a place of love within my heart and that will set me free to accomplish what I long for my life. I hope others here will join me on this journey. - GS
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Hiya GS:
What a great idea! Doing something instead of giving up something for Lent! I love it! Those are wonderful, doable goals too! Go for it!
Oh! Thankyou for your motivating words!! I need to get more organized. I believe I have let too many things go, while trying to recover from trauma, and now I feel ready to change some of that.
Today I will do a good deed for someone..... a stranger.
Today I will remember to take my vitamin pill (which I keep forgetting).
I will write myself a note to remind myself and
I will go to bed 1/2 hour early and get up 1/2 hour earlier tomorrow (I had gradually shifted my sleep pattern and I want to change it back. I think the extra daylight helps me.)
Thankyou for inviting me along GS. I don't think I will be able to get here every day to post but I will keep track in my journal and keep setting small goals each day. Practice my own preaching....small steps eh?
:D Sela
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(((((((((((GS))))))))))))))
You rock. That message is the bread-and-butter of life, in my estimation. You start where you are, do what you can, and get just a little bit better at living well.
In the house-cleaning and self-care tasks you might want to look at FlyLady.com. I don't go in for all the tchochkes and doodads - or even the full schedule - but some of the fundamental ideas about taking care of the house and of yourself, are genius. Like doing things for 15 minutes at a time, letting go of perfectionism, or creating a schedule for housework and sticking to it.
Anyhow - thanks for this upbeat and cheery message. I'm sure we all can use a little up-beatness!
xx
Maitri
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(((((((((((((((((((((((GS))))))))))))))))))
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GS,
It's an honor to be your companion.
One square foot might become a beautifiul thing.
love to you,
Hops
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(((((( GS ))))))
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I love fly-lady. Haven't visited her in years - I was thinking about "polishing sinks" this weekend while visiting a lovely home in New Orleans.
Today I am going to exercise and work on my laundry business.
The greatest task at hand is to convert my thoughts from fear, shame and condemnation to ones of hope, joy and love. Changing my thoughts and feelings are the key to everything for me. I am committed to it. - gs
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((((( GS )))))))
You already have the key to Love, Hope, Peace and Joy .... within your heart. Now you are unlocking the door.
Lent is the perfect time for personal spiritual refreshment.
((( Leah )))
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I accomplished yesterday's tasks early on. It felt great.
Last night, my mother had a party in celebration of my birthday. So there is a small mess in her kitchen and my task today is to clean it up and whistle while I work.
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Dear GS:
Could you please, post more goals? I will accompany you in some of them. I already go to the gym, started a diet, and still reluctant to clean the house, but I will. Give more ideas. Also got a list of reasons to be happy. Please, let us hear more about your success. Thank you for wonderful ideas. Today is Saturday. Saturday is a good day to do things since I don't have to go to work.
Thank you GS. I am looking forward to read more about you. You are great!!!!!
Lupita
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Last night, my mother had a party in celebration of my birthday.
Happy Birthday ((((( GS )))))
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Lupita - a couple of years ago I created imaginary parents who are encouraging, loving and supportive. In recent days I have turned to these loving people to help me change my attitudes and feel loved. I am using this, almost without ceasing, to feel what it would be like to have that comfort and nurturing that I need and never had. It is really helping. Each and every time I feel anxious I conjure up their image and hear their comforting words. This is a technique that I have cobbled together from many books and in a few short days I am beginning to get real concrete results.
I have to go out tonight to a school fundraiser. I hate going alone to such things, especially because I don't feel much wanted. But I am working on changing my attitude before I go. I can't wait to see how changing my attitude will make a difference. I am trying to envision myself with friends who call every now and then and who want to get together and have dinner or go to a movie. That is what I am trying to envision and see into reality.
I would love to take steps along this journey with you. So glad you want to come along. It is more of an interior journey that will have real, measurable outcomes. I'll let you know how this evening turns out. - GS
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OK, you won't believe this! I was seated at a table with three couples. Two of whom I used to be friends with. We had a wonderful time and have made plans to get together for dinner in two weeks. Can you believe that!
I'll let you know how things go in two weeks. This is kind of eerie. If it hadn't happened to me I wouldn't believe it. As I look back on what I wrote just hours ago I can hardly bellieve it. This change of attitude appears to be working. Dare I believe it?
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hee hee, GS! I'm dancing around the room with you!
We had a wonderful time and have made plans to get together for dinner in two weeks. Can you believe that!
How cool is that? In just a few days, you went from making a goal of cleaning one room to being brave enough to go to a social function you were dreading. AND having a wonderful time, too!
You have got to feel great.
CB
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((((( GS ))))) So very very happy for you and reading your news this morning is just so wonderful ((( Leah )))
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IT DOES WORK!
Thanks jac, CB and Leah.
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The power of prayer never ceases to amaze me, even when we sometimes seem to wait forever, for an answered pray.
This morning I thought about Lent ..... shouldn't it be all year round. Likewise, at Christmas when an effort is made to be
kind to one another (excluding N's for the moment!) ....... shouldn't that be all year round too?? If only.
Leah ...... thinking and pondering
Leaning not on my own understanding, rather placing my trust in Him.
"Enjoy your Sunday"
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GS,
I just wanted to give you a present, but couldnt send you anything through cyber space! So, I went looking for your thread--you're right it did need digging for!
If you don't want to use it, that's okay. But you had such nice momentum going--
CB
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Good, cb...
Your adrenals are likely exhausted.
Rest, relax, play Scrabble, let things lie for a bit.
It's okay.
Youre safe now.
Maybe you need a new kitten.
Hops :lol:
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Whoo boy - adrenals is right Hops. I got on line to order some adrenal support supplements and logged in here instead.
Thanks CB. I am finding so much strengthening from focusing on the positive. I have learned that it is different from sticking my head in the sand. I see the negative but I am simply chosing to FOCUS on the positive and my life is growing and I am beginning to see blue sky even in the presense of clouds. - GS
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By Anil Bhatnagar
Have you ever thought about the fact that there is never a moment when you are not thinking—that whatever happens in this world begins with a thought? Here are five simple steps to help you manage your thoughts and achieve success and happiness in life
BE AWARE OF YOUR THOUGHTS
Start watching your thoughts, without identifying with them. Watch them as a detached observer.
You may even get carried away by your thoughts. Never mind. It is natural—especially for a beginner. What you need to do, whenever you detect this, is to take yourself out of your thoughts immediately and get back to the process of thought-watching once again as a detached observer.
Do not get perturbed by your thoughts. Don't condemn or justify them. Don't try to control them. Just watch them. After some time, you will come to know what your negative thoughts are about. Now concentrate on all the positive thoughts that you can replace these thoughts with, in order to switch over to a more positive attitude towards them. Our attempt should be to cut down the quantity of unnecessary thoughts and to improve the quality of the necessary ones. Keep yourself busy. Simple food, deep breathing and relaxation exercises also help manage your thoughts easily. Expect less from others.
IDENTIFY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
Keep a logbook. Jot down your thoughts. Write down happenings of the day. Were they positive, appropriate and adequate or were they confused, superfluous and negative? Could you notice the interval between the happening and your response? If yes, could your foresee your negative thoughts? If not, what can, you do to notice this interval? Was there any discrepancy between words and thoughts? If yes, was it justified—could you find a better way of harmonizing your words and thoughts? Was the verbal response necessary, appropriate and adequate?
Sometimes we talk to others, or simply to ourselves, or think about something just like that. Ask yourself what provoked you to take the initiative to start a conversation. Was it essential? What was the purpose? Did it serve the purpose? If no, then why not? Did it use any unnecessary and emotionally charged negative words? Were the words used in thinking, inner dialogue or in talking to the other person, precise, appropriate, adequate and positive? Did you feel happy or satisfied after the interaction with the other person or with your inner self? Can you find ways of improving your performance as a thinker or a speaker?
Keep in mind that logbooks are meant to get you started and make you aware of your negative thoughts. It is far more important, however, to be aware of these thoughts when they are just taking birth, rather than leave them for later analysis.
Be conscious of the interval that separates the event from thoughts with which you respond to the event.
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
Imagine a strong sun radiating a powerful light. Use this mental sunshine to kill your negative, undesirable thoughts, emotions and images as and when these are detected. Take this sun as a mighty weapon which is always on the alert and which automatically chases any negative thought and kills it with a flash and then withdraws. Don't forget to imagine that this sun is your faithful friend and is extremely kind to you.
Keep a note of how many times you need to call the sun for its services. There will be a gradual increase, followed by a drastic fall. This is so because initially the number of times you call on your mental sunshine increases gradually as your awareness of your thoughts grows.
The drastic fall is because what we do not use (the negative thoughts, in this case), we tend to lose.
REPLACE WlTH POSITIVE THOUGHTS
A vital step in this process is the immediate replacement of all negative thoughts by the positive ones. The shorter the interval between the disinfecting and the replacing stage, the better it is. Longer intervals between these two events weaken the impact of the positive thoughts. Our success and happiness depend on identifying our goals precisely and chasing them effectively, both of which, in turn, depend on how well we manage our thoughts. The quality of our thoughts decides the quality of the outcomes we land up with. Thoughts have the power to materialize themselves because they are instrumental in channeling energy towards the physical or mental condition they are about.
External situations and the remarks of others can harm us through our thoughts—but only to the extent our thoughts allow them to. So think positive. Talk positive. Read positive quotable quotes of great people. Surround yourself with posters and cards bearing positive messages. Keep them on your table. Hang them on the walls. Paste them near the bathroom mirror and on the doors. Stick them on your watchstrap. Keep them on the refrigerator. Have them on the dashboard of the car. Slip them under the glass of the table in front of you. Slide them in the inner side of the briefcase you carry. Find other suitable places where you are bound to look at them every day.
Remember that these messages will stale with prolonged use. So keep changing their position and contents. Do not let the momentum of these thoughts get weaker.
Use them appropriately in response to specific negative thoughts. The replacing thought must be positive in every sense. Apart from being inspiring and assuring, it should also be suggestive. For example, if you confront a negative thought, "I can never succeed", it will not suffice if you replace it with "Sun! Attack! I can succeed". This kind of replacement may not be effective, for it sounds like wishful thinking and lacks assurance, depth and penetrating certainty. It is better to break your replacing thought down into more definite and specific steps or instructions.
The replacing thought in this case may be: "I can succeed. By earlier failures I have become rich in experience and have come to know specific areas that require special attention. I will jot them down and systematically think of the ways in which I can improve. I shall plan. And then stick to it. There is absolutely no reason why I should not succeed. I will assess, plan, execute, monitor, modify and carryon with the plan, and finally succeed. In fact, I think that success has already been achieved and only time separates my thought of success and its transformation into reality. I am committing myself to all that is required to achieve success. I am a river that knows no obstacles. I shall find my way anyhow—and if there is none I shall make one."
REINFORCE
Thoughts like these can be further reinforced with emotions and images. All this may take longer than one single replacing thought, but these are far more effective since they allow you to divide the desired target into workable units. Focus on a pleasant event that took place in the past. This way your thoughts will turn positive and your emotions and images will reinforce each other, resulting in an overall positive attitude.
Deb
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Thank you Debkor.