Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Bones on February 24, 2007, 02:27:41 AM
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I think after being on this Board for awhile, I've begun to develop a sort of "radar" sense when an N is nearby or when N behavior is being observed. For example, the other day I was watching Judge Judy when an Nmother had the NERVE to aim her N-behavior at Judge Judy! BIG, HUGE, MISTAKE on the N's part and was fun to watch the consequences! Judge Judy does NOT play!
This evening, when I went to work, my "radar warning system" started to go off when one of the clients started attempting to hand me a bunch of drivel, expecting me to feel sorry for her. When I commented that she needs to look at other points of view and be empathetic about how other people feel, she responded: "I DON'T WANT TO EMPATHIZE AND I DON'T HAVE TO!" and started attempting to rationalize her entitlements. My response? "I'm not wasting any more of my time conversing with you and this discussion is over!" Then I turned my back on her and walked away. She attempted to follow me, whining more self-centered, self-absorbed drivel and I told her "It happens, so what?!?" She got the message and left me alone.
Bones
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BRAVA!!!!!!!
Well done when you can flush them from cover that quickly, Bones.
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Bones with her N-Detector on :shock: (no smiley thingy for an N-Detector....... so will that do?!)
Today, I had to go drop some items off the ex church lady friend I told you about .... who is most likely an N
and had on my N-Detector ......
So I graciously .... tentatively ...... accepted her kind offer of a coffee ........... but, it had a price!!
So we sit across the table and she made light comments .... then followed ..... one Projection after another!!
To which I responded ... "do you realise that you are referring to yourself, not me?"
Her eyes went black and huge ....... and she sat silent staring at me.
The silence was not golden, it was now getting uncomfortable....
And so I graciously, politely, thanked her for my coffee, and left.
She stood in her porch ........... staring as I cordially waved goodbye.
Genuinely, do feel a compassion for this lost soul.
But, she cannot hurt me anymore .... I simply won't permit it.
Leah
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Oh Leah that is so wonderful!!!! Holy smokes. I wish I could have had the presence of mind to do that when I was attacked in a hurtful way.
I am going to make a mental sticky for this and try to remember.
You are courageous.
i have been watching the Sopranos lately and Tony's mom is a blown up characature of an N mother. Just seeing her in action with her son and the subtleties of her undermining him is eye opening. Eventually, she unconsciously of course, she sets him up to be killed by continually disclosing to his fellow gang members that he is seeing a psychiatrist. This is worse than killing people ie seeing a pyschiatrist. Personally, I often felt that my mother was trying to destroy me but I wouldn't and couldn't believe it. What IS the goal of a Narcissistic parent? They are spirit killers.
Sea storm
Sea storm
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Personally, I often felt that my mother was trying to destroy me but I wouldn't and couldn't believe it. What IS the goal of a Narcissistic parent? They are spirit killers.
Gosh Sea storm,
That's what I came to strongly believe regarding my Nmother
And many times I have thought .... how evil she must truly be deep inside .... to want to destroy another human being ... her daughter!!!
There can be no other word for it ....... not nice to say ..... but the facts must speak for themselves.
Leah
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There is a saying, I think among the Inuit, that the chief food of human beings is the souls of other human beings... I was trying to find the direct quote, and didn't manage it. But I did find this: and it speaks to the heart of the matter.
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Edgar Lee Masters (1868–1950). Spoon River Anthology. 1916.
108. Robert Davidson
I GREW spiritually fat living off the souls of men.
If I saw a soul that was strong
I wounded its pride and devoured its strength.
The shelters of friendship knew my cunning,
For where I could steal a friend I did so.
And wherever I could enlarge my power
By undermining ambition, I did so,
Thus to make smooth my own.
And to triumph over other souls,
Just to assert and prove my superior strength,
Was with me a delight,
The keen exhilaration of soul gymnastics.
Devouring souls, I should have lived forever.
But their undigested remains bred in me a deadly nephritis,
With fear, restlessness, sinking spirits,
Hatred, suspicion, vision disturbed.
I collapsed at last with a shriek.
Remember the acorn;
It does not devour other acorns.
http://www.bartleby.com/84/108.html
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Great thread!! I am getting better, too. My husband pulled the sullen, "we need to talk" Jekyl/Hyde thing last night and I just raised my eyebrows and walked away. You should have seen me grovel in years past. I also play the "dumb blonde" around my mom (although my hair is almost black...........) Just ignoring her hateful spirit and responding with a "(duh) isn't that nice?"
You guys, the not reacting to the buttons pushed gives you so much power!
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(((( Stormchild ))))
Amazing absolutely amazing
In my own bumbled way, for a few years now, I have tried to say something on the lines of
I GREW spiritually fat living off the souls of men.
If I saw a soul that was strong
I wounded its pride and devoured its strength.
The shelters of friendship knew my cunning,
For where I could steal a friend I did so.
And wherever I could enlarge my power
By undermining ambition, I did so,
Thus to make smooth my own.
And to triumph over other souls,
Just to assert and prove my superior strength,
Never before have I come across anyone who understood what I was trying to say.
Did not know how to search and find ........ this is the answer to my heartfelt quest ......
Thank you so much for posting this right now.
You know Stormchild, as I drove home today, from that ex church lady friends house,
I had this thought come to me ....... that she wanted to kill my spirit
that she felt weakened ........ as I was no longer "poor Leah"
as there I had sat shining from my eyes, with my restored inner joy .......
but she was joyless, and seemingly powerless.
God Bless you ((((( Stormchild ))))
What has come to me so long ago ..... is real after all.
Humble thanks,
((Leah))
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Great thread!! I am getting better, too. My husband pulled the sullen, "we need to talk" Jekyl/Hyde thing last night and I just raised my eyebrows and walked away. You should have seen me grovel in years past. I also play the "dumb blonde" around my mom (although my hair is almost black...........) Just ignoring her hateful spirit and responding with a "(duh) isn't that nice?"
You guys, the not reacting to the buttons pushed gives you so much power!
Kell, you are reacting. You are reacting by choosing to stay calm, and in control of yourself, and that keeps you on steady footing.
You go girl! And take it one event at a time. :-)
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... as I drove home today, from that ex church lady friends house,
I had this thought come to me ....... that she wanted to kill my spirit
that she felt weakened ........ as I was no longer "poor Leah"
as there I had sat shining from my eyes, with my restored inner joy .......
but she was joyless, and seemingly powerless.
Leah, you saw through it, you saw through the game, just as kell did in her situations.
You could believe your own judgement, you knew that you were right about what you saw, and you didn't allow yourself to be drawn into feeling guilty about escaping.
Fantastic!
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((((stormchild))))
Thanks, your encouragement really means a lot to me ........ living on my own, no-one to share with. (thinking about it - no difference really!) but you get my drift.
She tried to throw in "we are not to judge" and with all I have rabbited on here, boring you all silly no doubt, about the real meaning of 'judging' ..... I was able to gracefully flow with the true meaning.
Leah
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Seastorm,
I read your post about the show THE SOPRANOS. I don't prefer to watch mafia-type shows, personally, but, being from an Italian family, I can tell you that there is a definitely noticeable MATRIARCHAL narcissism that often goes on in many of them. The grandmother is almost like a queen and the mother, seen as her successor. When the grandmother walks into the room, all eyes are on her, and people begin scrambling to please her. God help any of the children who dare to speak out of turn to the lady!
My grandmother is a good person, but the way my step-father made us walk on eggshells at her house, and he did the same, was ridiculous! My grandfather also held a lot of weight in things too, but it was more subtle.
Just noting.
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Sea storm and reallyME,
Have not watched The Sopranos but understand that traditionally, italian catholic families are matriarchal.
Italian family I knew explained this to me as being to do with Mary.
I found The Godfather scary so have not braved The Sopranos - it's very popular here.
Leah
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((((stormchild))))
Thanks, your encouragement really means a lot to me ........ living on my own, no-one to share with. (thinking about it - no difference really!) but you get my drift.
She tried to throw in "we are not to judge" and with all I have rabbited on here, boring you all silly no doubt, about the real meaning of 'judging' ..... I was able to gracefully flow with the true meaning.
Leah
Not boring at all. The difference between judging and discerning is important, and people gloss over it all too often.
Please keep posting. You are bringing good, fresh information here, it's interesting, it's helpful, it's needed. I do wish you had been spared the things that brought you here... but - glad you found this place.
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BRAVA!!!!!!!
Well done when you can flush them from cover that quickly, Bones.
Thanks, Stormy!
Bones
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Bones with her N-Detector on :shock: (no smiley thingy for an N-Detector....... so will that do?!)
Today, I had to go drop some items off the ex church lady friend I told you about .... who is most likely an N
and had on my N-Detector ......
So I graciously .... tentatively ...... accepted her kind offer of a coffee ........... but, it had a price!!
So we sit across the table and she made light comments .... then followed ..... one Projection after another!!
To which I responded ... "do you realise that you are referring to yourself, not me?"
Her eyes went black and huge ....... and she sat silent staring at me.
The silence was not golden, it was now getting uncomfortable....
And so I graciously, politely, thanked her for my coffee, and left.
She stood in her porch ........... staring as I cordially waved goodbye.
Genuinely, do feel a compassion for this lost soul.
But, she cannot hurt me anymore .... I simply won't permit it.
Leah
No problem, Leah!
I can just imagine that the expression on that N's face was priceless!
Bones
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Please keep posting. You are bringing good, fresh information here, it's interesting, it's helpful, it's needed. I do wish you had been spared the things that brought you here... but - glad you found this place.
(((((((( Stormchild ))))))))
Thank you for your kind acceptance and encouragement.
God bless you.
Leah xx
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Has anyone else observed N's on some of the court shows? For example, today's Judge Joe Brown had a real doozy of a case with a defendant 15-year-old and her mother.
Bones
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Bones,
I have seen N's on court tv shows too. I love watching those shows, because, due to the fact that the judge has the final say in things, the N's don't usually win over the innocent victims. Sometimes the judge is the only one who can back an N into a corner and give back somewhat of a voice to the voiceless ones.
~Laura
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I admit it's fun to watch N's get their come-uppance from a judge while rooting for the underdog who has been victimized. That one case I was referring to yesterday, the 15-year-old had snatched a relative's car, without permission, because she REFUSED to walk the two blocks to a fast food joint and she wanted her food NOW. (The car owner had refused to drive her the two blocks.) During this kid's "joy ride", she destroyed THREE other cars in the neighborhood and attempted to tell the judge that the "vehicle wrecked itself and she wasn't paying for anything". Nmom also chimed in, announcing she was "paying for NOTHING". Judge Joe Brown had a LOT to say to the 15-year-old defendant and her mother. The case took up the entire 30 minutes of the show! The plaintiff won the maximum amount.
Bones
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I thought I would share a follow-up about an N that I encountered at my previous job with the hypothermia shelter. I think I had previously mentioned this one individual who attempted to follow me around with self-centered, self-absorbed drivel when I attempted to discuss empathy with her.
Well, things finally came to a head when this N locked horns with another N in a public restroom. The N I encountered at work tended to behave as if she is a "Princess" and she decided to lay claim to the public restroom, telling everyone else that it was now her territory and was off-limits to everyone else. The second N "invaded" anyway because she needed to use the facilities. N#1 attempted to block N#2 from entering the restroom and N#2 pushed her out of the way.
N#1 claimed she was "physically assaulted" and demanded that she be allowed to call the police and file a report. By this point, all of the staff had reached their limits because she had plucked everyone's final nerve. The executive director told her, "Before you are allowed to return, you WILL get a psych eval!" She, of course, refused and SHE NEVER CAME BACK!!!!! (Thank God!)
As for N#2, she attempted to manipulate the system on the final night of the program and I told her, "Tough! Either you accept what the program offers, AS-IS, or you get NOTHING!" She got NOTHING and she has no sympathy from me.
Bones
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So good to see you Bones!!! how are you graduate????
What up good with you? your friend, GS
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I thought I would share a follow-up about an N that I encountered at my previous job with the hypothermia shelter. I think I had previously mentioned this one individual who attempted to follow me around with self-centered, self-absorbed drivel when I attempted to discuss empathy with her.
Well, things finally came to a head when this N locked horns with another N in a public restroom. The N I encountered at work tended to behave as if she is a "Princess" and she decided to lay claim to the public restroom, telling everyone else that it was now her territory and was off-limits to everyone else. The second N "invaded" anyway because she needed to use the facilities. N#1 attempted to block N#2 from entering the restroom and N#2 pushed her out of the way.
N#1 claimed she was "physically assaulted" and demanded that she be allowed to call the police and file a report. By this point, all of the staff had reached their limits because she had plucked everyone's final nerve. The executive director told her, "Before you are allowed to return, you WILL get a psych eval!" She, of course, refused and SHE NEVER CAME BACK!!!!! (Thank God!)
As for N#2, she attempted to manipulate the system on the final night of the program and I told her, "Tough! Either you accept what the program offers, AS-IS, or you get NOTHING!" She got NOTHING and she has no sympathy from me.
Bones
Hey Bones! What a story... honestly, I think I know where N #1 went, though, she's working with me these days. ;-)
You can have her back any time you like :roll:
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They are spirit killers
This just jumped off the screen at me. I felt this all the time with XN like he was trying to steal my spirit. He hated my joy and energy and when I would become deflated and low he would seem to get quite high as if he was feeding off of me. Yuch....... gives me the creeps just to remember.
axa
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So good to see you Bones!!! how are you graduate????
What up good with you? your friend, GS
Thanks, GS.
I've just received word from the university that I have officially completed my masters degree. I'm in the process of getting my financial situation settled so that I can proceed with the commencement stuff. (Still job hunting, though.)
Bones
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I thought I would share a follow-up about an N that I encountered at my previous job with the hypothermia shelter. I think I had previously mentioned this one individual who attempted to follow me around with self-centered, self-absorbed drivel when I attempted to discuss empathy with her.
Well, things finally came to a head when this N locked horns with another N in a public restroom. The N I encountered at work tended to behave as if she is a "Princess" and she decided to lay claim to the public restroom, telling everyone else that it was now her territory and was off-limits to everyone else. The second N "invaded" anyway because she needed to use the facilities. N#1 attempted to block N#2 from entering the restroom and N#2 pushed her out of the way.
N#1 claimed she was "physically assaulted" and demanded that she be allowed to call the police and file a report. By this point, all of the staff had reached their limits because she had plucked everyone's final nerve. The executive director told her, "Before you are allowed to return, you WILL get a psych eval!" She, of course, refused and SHE NEVER CAME BACK!!!!! (Thank God!)
As for N#2, she attempted to manipulate the system on the final night of the program and I told her, "Tough! Either you accept what the program offers, AS-IS, or you get NOTHING!" She got NOTHING and she has no sympathy from me.
Bones
Hey Bones! What a story... honestly, I think I know where N #1 went, though, she's working with me these days. ;-)
You can have her back any time you like :roll:
I honestly believe that N#1 belongs in a psych ward with all of her delusions of grandeur! :roll:
Bones
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They are spirit killers
This just jumped off the screen at me. I felt this all the time with XN like he was trying to steal my spirit. He hated my joy and energy and when I would become deflated and low he would seem to get quite high as if he was feeding off of me. Yuch....... gives me the creeps just to remember.
axa
My Nmother was the same way.
Bones
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I've just received word from the university that I have officially completed my masters degree.
Yay, Bones! What an accomplishment! I really appreciate the amount of work that went into what you have done.
CB
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I've just received word from the university that I have officially completed my masters degree.
Yay, Bones! What an accomplishment! I really appreciate the amount of work that went into what you have done.
CB
Thanks, CB.
Bones
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I've just received word from the university that I have officially completed my masters degree.
Hotcha hotcha hotcha! WOO WOOO WOOHOO!!
Happy dance happy dance happy dance happy dance YEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
:mrgreen:
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(((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))
That is awesome. I'm so happy for you!
tt
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lBones,
Well done...... the very best of luck to you with the job hunting
axa
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I've just received word from the university that I have officially completed my masters degree.
Hotcha hotcha hotcha! WOO WOOO WOOHOO!!
Happy dance happy dance happy dance happy dance YEEEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
:mrgreen:
Thanks, Stormy!
Bones
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(((((((((((((Bones)))))))))))))
That is awesome. I'm so happy for you!
tt
Thanks, TT!
Bones
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lBones,
Well done...... the very best of luck to you with the job hunting
axa
Thanks, Axa.
Bones
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WTG Bones
WTG!!!!!
Izzy
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WTG Bones
WTG!!!!!
Izzy
Thanks, Izzy!
Bones
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Hello, BonesMS !
Just an introductory hello and congratulatory sentiment all in one!
cats paw
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Hello, BonesMS !
Just an introductory hello and congratulatory sentiment all in one!
cats paw
Thanks, Cats Paw and welcome to the Board.
Bones