Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: DivineSunshine on March 01, 2007, 05:37:20 PM
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Just finished reading another awesome book last night. This one I am going to start again today and this time take notes! I was so enthralled I couldn't put it down as I snuck it around the house with a bogus book cover to hide the title from my blackmailer/controller/N!
It is called Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward. Should be required reading for all so they can cope and avoid these people. I think I am going to have my daughters, ages 15 & 14 read it soon. Hopefully it will give them a head's up on life. And they can bust me if I ever try any of it on them. Cause I wanna know! And I certainly don't want to pull any of that behavior on them. They deal with it daily with their father. We all do. He is a master---and I didn't even know there was a term for what he was doing to us.
She talks about how these people create a FOG (literally) for us by using our emotions, good nature and hot buttons against us to get their way and keep us confused and off-blance.
F: FEAR
O: OBLIGATION
G: GUILT
She is brilliant in her analysis and she gives great examples on how to make changes in us in order to put a stop to their crap! Not blaming us, but helping us out of the FOG! My life is changing. This book was priceless for me!
Just thought I'd share!
Namaste!
Sunny
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Hi (( Sunny ))
Dread saying this as I sound like a Bookworm .... well I am actually !!
Read this book 2 years ago and thought it was fantastic
And yes, Fear Obligation and Guilt says it all really and you know,
it created such a lasting impression - I quote it often.
Presently, rereading a book I bought at the same time ..... Emotional Rape Syndrome
Remarkable content and well presented / laid out in emboldened subheaded paragraphs.
Emotional Rape is the violation of the human soul
Identifying, Preventing and Healing - Emotional Rape.
Warm wishes,
Leah
PS. Anyone any good at putting up bookshelves ?? I put one up before Xmas and it has fallen off the wall :(
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Leah,
Funny, I feel like a total bookworm. But it's about time I start finding names for this stuff. It still amazes me that I am not alone in this feeling/treatment. Thought I was.....
It's nice to have some validation of my frustrations in book form and on this board. I have tons of books on my ipod for when I am working in the house so I can listen and learn in private while I do my "chores". ( But that is mostly metaphysical, philosophy, biography, & self-help stuff).
Thanks for all your helpful input. I was thinking of picking up--Why Does He Do That? Perhaps you have read it? :o
Namaste
Sunny
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:D Yes I have Sunny!
You know me well
It is an excellent insight into his choice of behavior
Like me, I was so desperate for some labels ...... when I realised that there was a label for each type of behavior I wept tears of relief.
And the books were my best friend speaking validation to me
If that makes any sense!!
Warm wishes,
Leah
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Hey everyone,
Just wanting to let ya'll know that I was forced to use my new skills of defense and blocking the controlling and emotional/verbal abuse this morning with my N, and it worked! And I did it with dignity and control! In fact, I've had to use it several times this week as he has been trying to pick a fight and mess with my mind emotionally all week, but this morning he crossed the line and I had enough, so I called him out on his pouting and silent treatment, and ETC.
He was shocked and stupified to say the least and I was finally proud to have stood up to him and maintained the control needed so as not to make a huge fight out of nothing. I was able to deflect every manuever of his to bring me down, and tell him he was full of crap for trying to use these methods to manipulate me. He didn't know what to say, after about 50 different maneuvers (I kid you not---50!!)
I knew what was going on finally between reading Emotional Blackmail and Controlling People this week, I felt I was ready to be assertive and strong! I am not yet ready to make my move to get out, but I am within months, I need to hang in there and not let him have it for a bit longer, so I had to bite my tongue and choose my words correctly, but I DID IT! I am proud of me, finally, I am making a difference and I am on my way out! I won't go quietly, but I will go with my dignity!
I do know he will think twice before trying that for a while, and it should be quiet for a bit while I set up my safety net I will need before I split. Wooohoooo!
Namaste....and May The Force Be With ALL OF YOU!!!!
Sunny
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Oh Sunny thats wonderful inspirational news
"Well Done You"
So proud of you - truly.
Now you will have some precious respite time to gather strength and resources for your next step.
These books are truly life saving keys to the door out from Verbal Abuse
and so very validating and liberating.
Warm wishes & blessings,
Leah xx
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Sunny,
I would say something to you but I can't talk because my
jaw
is
on
the
floor
I think I can croak out
CONGRATULATIONS!
I am so happy to hear it.
Talk about taking hope and learning to HEART.
:D
Hops
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Sunny,
I am SO PROUD of you!!!!! Aren't you something???
You seem to be healing emotionally at a breakneck pace--what an encouragement you are.
CB
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Putting into Action what you have read and learned ..... being Real
all of which enables Pattern Changing.
Someone once said in a lecture ..... "Get Out of Traction and Get into Action"
Sunny, that's what is happening with you.
I know because that's how it was with me.
You'll look back and just won't ever want to be the old person ever again.
Butterfly days for you.
(( Leah ))
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As my kids would say,
Giving a SHOUT OUT TO SUNNNNNNNYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! You worked it girl...
Oh my! I got the lingo! :shock: 8)
Love Deb