Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: brokenhearted on March 04, 2007, 11:28:06 PM
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I just wanted to say goodbye to all of you. I know that will make a lot of people here very happy.
I can see that no one noticed but I spent the better part of last night deleting all of my posts so that no one will be reminded of me but to be honest because of how raw it felt to leave so much of myself in a place that dislikes me so intensely.
I should be used to that by now. Only a few people could relate to having a mother who threw knives at you and choked you and beat you. Or a father who raped you so bad and so many times that you can't even remember. And sisters and brother who didn't care. And still don't care. All they could ever do was tell me to shut up about it. I feel like that hurt me so bad, I've spent my whole life trying to heal from it, trying to say, hey, you know, I'm so hurt inside but no one ever wants to listen. I always recreate that dynamic, the no one wants to hear it scenario. I try very hard to see my part. I feel I'm making some progress. I know I get angry and I don't always say the right things but I've accepted that I'm human and can't be perfect. But when other's hurt me, and I try to talk about it somehow I'm not supposed to. I guess I should be perfect after all. I should know it's not the right time or that I should say it better. I should know I haven't said it the right way. I'm too angry or too judgmental. I just want to die because anything would feel better than this pain. It's like a huge boulder on my chest. I feel stupid writing this. I know some people will think I"m looking for attention or for someone to feel sorry for me. I know some people think I'm a troulbe maker and I'm out to get them. I know a lot of peole will think I'm acting. My whole family says all of those thing to me about the abuse and the molestation because I should just shut up. I guess that's how I feel when someone tells me to shut up, like they made me feel about the molestation and the abuse. we've never tlaked about ti and we never will. But surely God wants me to heal from this because I keep encountering it over and over again. They just wanted me to shut up. And you guys just want to shut up. SO I probably should shut up too, forever. I noticed in the new threads about conflict, Gratitudes thread said, "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. Boy, what a kick in the gut. I just felt sure she was talking about me and suddenly I knew what I needed to do. I don't want to have such negativity directed towards me anymore. It was hard enough living with it eighteen years in my mother's house. God, would'nt my duaghter be heartbroken to know that her mother is just a big pice of nothing. I don't want her to ever live with coming from that. And my son, he wouldn't want to go to open school night with nothing, how will he ever have pride? No, better for me to go away. I'm just going to go to sleep and never wake up and God will forgive me, because he see's my heart and he knows that I"m not a bad person and I'm not an abuser and I'm not an animal. I think I just don't bellong here in this world. I have a heart that's too sensitive and I'm so tired of it being stepped on and tossed aside and broken. But when I die I won't feel this pain anymore. I wonder if that's what people who commit suicide feel like and that's what they want to say. Funny, I never thought of myself as suicidal until now. So I don't know the point of this. I guess I just wanted to express my feelings, because I know how happy it willl make all of you. at my funeral they'll be a nice big empty room. after all when your own mother treats you like you're nothing and your family treats you like you're nothing and your father uses you because you're nothing, it doesn't take too much to know that you are nothing and everywhere you go you continue to be nothing. because you don't matter. And I just can't cope anymore because nobody loves me and nobody cares about me and everyone hates me. God, that hurts to know. I've tried everything I can think of and nothing is working. so what's left but this. ~jac
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Jac,
You here?
Deb
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Jac, hon.
PLEASE don't do that.
I care about you, I can feel how much pain there is...I know that's why you get angry sometimes.
It's okay Jac...it's okay to be you. Please, come talk some more.
I'll stay up and post with you until I fall asleep. Then I'll check again in the morning.
Of course you want attention! THAT'S OKAY! YOU NEED SOME!
I'm attending!
Jac?
love,
Hops
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brokenhearted,
I care. I'm sorry for all your pain and I wish I could undo the damage that was done to your life, but I can't. I do know that Jesus can and He loves you and has some answers to all this.
I didn't respond to your posts, because apparently I never saw them on the board? I'm not sure.
I do care if you commit suicide. I truly do. You are a person who has a purpose on this planet of some kind. GIve yourself a chance to find out what that is. Healing takes time. I'm in your corner.
~Laura
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Me too Jac,
I stay up late. I'll stay up all night.
Deb
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jac - I'm new here and seriously do not know what is going on, but I can see your personal history is being massively triggered right now on all of your vulnerable spots and wounds.
Don't take any action from that place. Do NOT do anything to yourself while you are so thrown out of wack because you are triggered.
You are NOT nothing. Your past is triggered and activated. The negative scripts coming back. You are NOT the same as the negative scripts, but you can be temporarily swamped in them.
I hope you will call a hotline tonight and stay on it as long as it takes. That is what they are there for.
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Jac,
Please please, pleaaaaaaaaaaseee if you are reading these let us know.
Deb
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Jac,
I wanted to let you know I let Dr. G know of your last post, because he should know. I don't know if he has any way to reach you but if he does I hope you'll talk to him.
Better yet, please do as suggested and call a hotline. Even better, if the pain is this bad just drive yourself to an ER and ask to speak to the psychiatrist on duty. I did that once years ago when I was in anguish.
I didn't have to check in, but if I did I would have.
There is no need for you to be alone with this.
It's night-time. It's late. That's the hardest time of all to be alone when you're in too much pain.
And there are people awake and aware who will gladly help you and hold you together if you're having too much trouble doing it alone.
NONE OF US CAN DO LIFE ALONE, JAC.
love to you, thoughts your way...
Hops
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Hi ((((((((((((((((jac))))))))))))))))
In no way was my quote directed at you... I love Oscar Wilde and it honestly makes me think of my mom.
I feel like you are having some sort of breakdown jac. Is there someone there to help you? Your kids need you. And we all care about you here. And it is so good to see that you can talk to us on level. This works so much better than fighting.
Jac, I love you. Even when you were mad at me and trying to make others mad at me. I was scared of you then. But it made me stronger.
You have been through too much to handle it by yourself. Please please ask someone near you for help.
Jac, I will check back to make sure you write. Please remember your kids who need you.
You have been through more than any person could ever go through and not suffer terribly. Your parents were freaks and should have to suffer the pain that they caused and innocent child and which has clouded a lovely woman's life.
Please write back.
Love, Beth
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((((((jac))))))))))
please answer us?
please?
WE want you to be well!
please!!!
Izzy
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come on Jac,
If you were here I would put you on the couch wrap you in a blanket, give you some, coffe, pepsi whatever you like and we could talk and find out how we can make you feel better together. Talk to us Jac.
Love Deb
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Jac,
1-800-784-2433
Get back on here and let us sit with you. My lord girl, you are needed by so many.
teartracks
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(((((((((((((((((Jac,)))))))))))))))))
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Just letting you know I'm still here.
Love Deb
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Hi Jac:
This is really awful for you. All the bad thoughts are in charge right now and one good thing...you came here and said so. I hope you will come back and talk some more.
May I tell you my opinion? I think........your father who raped and molested you and who does not take responsibility for his horrendous behaviour.....is nothing. But not you...you're something! For being able to trust in God, for being able to love...your children.....for fighting to heal! That's all something Jac. It's who you are.....not a quitter....sensitive.....in pain, yes, but not like him! Not cruel and selfish and a liar!!
And I think your mother.....who threw knives at you and choked you and beat you and who wants you to just shut up...who won't acknowledge your pain or your right to your pain and who treats you as if YOU are responsible for your pain.....I think she......is nothing. Not you though. Oh no. You're something! For striving to speak your truth....for not becoming like her.....for striving to heal. That's all something too. Part of who you are.....someone who does not abuse their children and is concerned for them and who is in pain but not denial eh?
I could go on and on here but maybe you will hear better if I just say......it's not you who is nothing Jac, it's them! Those who added to your pain instead of trying to validate it and help you through it...those who are so stupid not to care about you....those are people who are nothing Jac and you don't need people like that in your life. They are nothing! Not you!
And your children? They care about you I bet. They will suffer if you are gone, Jac, much more than if you are here and not perfect. They need you Jac. You won't be doing them any favours by abandoning them. They don't see you as nothing.....they see you as their mother, whom they need and love, I bet. Your children aren't nothing right? They are part of you too. Aren't they good people? You brought them here. You're teaching them to be good people, right? What will suicide teach them? Won't the message be that you don't love them enough to live? That's not true is it? I bet you love your children.
Please come back and talk or call a distress centre or the number TT put up....just don't quit Jac. Don't let the nothings put you in your grave! They are not worth it!!
Sela
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Dear Jac
Please stay on the board. You are in terrible pain right now. My heart goes out to you. Nothing else matters except your beautiful spirit right now.
No wonder the pain is overwhelming. You have been through things that no child should have to go through. You were the lamb of Jesus and you still are. Give your burder to God. It is too much for you to carry alone.
Please give your burden to me and the others who want to hear from you.
There are lots of silly things said but when the chips are down we smarten up and care.
The shame and humiliation of being abused should not be YOURS to carry. Give it back to the offenders. It is not your fault. Any of it. The adults were your trusted guardians and what a disasterous job they did of protecting you. Instead they were guilty of the soul murder of a child and this followed you into adulthood. Your chidlren need you just like you needed your parents. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporarty problem
You sound like the pain you are feeling now is unbearable. Go to the hospital and get medication. You should not be alone right now and you need support for how you really feel inside.
I am up and awake and will be standing by to talk with you and support you in any way that you need.
Dear one, you are precious and irreplaceable. You are not unloveable at all. If it felt like no one was listening, then I am sorry. That is a horrible feeling. Please feel the love and healing that is directed to you.
The power of God is in you and the grace of God surrounds you.
Love
Sea storm
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I am still here Jac.
Sela is so right. Do you want the people who hurt you to win??? Do you want them to take what is left that they didn't ruin?
Join the club on imperfect people. There is no one who is perfect (or even nearing it).
And you won't punish anyone jac. You are hurting yourself and NO ONE wants to see you hurt.
Hang in there girl and call someone. I have made the help line call and it wasn't fun but I sure would do it again (and again if necessary).
Love, Beth
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I read your post again.
In your family you are the only one who wants to talk about the abuse. This can create a very difficult role for you in the family. Really deadly. You can become the scapegoat. The scapegoat in the family is very often the one who tells the truth about what really went on. They are not thanked for shedding light on the dark areas in the family. Instead, they are loathed for it. You seek to be heard in your family and have been told to shut up and quit trying to spoil things.
I have heard many survivors of childhood sexual abuse say the same things. This is so wounding to them. It never seems to end.
It is so important to tell your story to someone who understands about raped and sexual abuse and violent mothers. The regular population can't seem to bear to hear it. It overwhelms them completely. This makes these people very unsafe of surviviors because the last thing a person who has been sexuallly abuse needs it some invaldating, minimizing person who is trying to shut them up. When the memories start to come seek to tell your story to those who CAN listen.
I want to hear your story. I swear that I do. I have heard the stories of women who felt they would die from the pain of their memories. They survived and were able to go on and get to contentment in their lives.
I am talking a lot. I would rather listen. There is nothing that would make me not like you. If I have hurt you, I apologize with my all my heart.
Please, please know that you are loved.
Sea storm
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Jac,
Still here too.
I'm sorry if I hurt you by not listening like you really needed.
Love Deb
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{{{Jac}}} I have been away from these boards for a really long time and don't know what is going on here, or with you, but I wanted to send my love and a hug. I would be glad to get to know you better-- please post and let us know you are here?
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Hi jac,
I fell asleep but just woke up again, Jac, thinking of you...
You better come on and please please tell us you're hanging in, you've gotten some help, some ears in real life too....
Jac, it's just a couple hours until sunup...
Sunup...
Love you Jac. I really do.
Hops
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brokenhearted (Jac)
I hear your pain and I want to let you know that it's ok to go for help. I had to do that twice in my life, after being in very traumatic relationships with people. It's ok to reach out and cry out. We are ALL hearing you and we all CARE. Forgive me if I was caught up in the situation online or in my own personal life here, to notice your pain. That isn't like me at all.
If Deb is going to wrap you in a blanket, give you coffee, etc, then once you are resting, I will sing to you. I've been told that there is an anointing of peace on my voice. I'd sing to you till you felt the warm love of God upon you.
Please stay with us, hang in on life girl. We care. We truly do! There is nothing that we can't all get through...TOGETHER.
hand in hand,
Laura
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Leah,
I don't get angry very often but would you please BACK OFF.
If you have anything more to post in defense of your posts or criticizing others', of course you can do so but would you please have the decency to not do it on this thread?
Thanks very much.
Hops
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Hops,
This situation would never have reached this stage - all due to the enabling, and lack of wisdom and insight, in the first instance.
My posts were and have been supportive - which is true, whether you like me or not.
I felt a little bit downhearted and received no support at all - but that's by the by.
However, back to my reason for posting, my heart felt feeling is that by my posting "Hearts Cry" regarding Bean's situation, may have
planted an "idea" with Jac.
My real life experience is that I actually happened to come to the rescue of someone in a real life suicide attempt.
Presently, I feel physically sick.
That's real life.
I have emailed Dr Grossman as I believe you have done also.
This isn't about just about cyber, it's real, and Jac needed wise counsel, insight and support here, not enablement, and certainly not
the "bat and ball games" which has been ongoing for what is it --- 3 years now ??
That's real life Hops.
Leah xxxx
Yesterday, Jac posted via mobile phone, and therefore, Dr Grossman hopefully, will be able to contact her in real life.
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Hi Jac,
Many people here (including me) care about you. I hope you will get the help you need (therapist, ER, hotline) to get through this crisis period.
Best wishes,
Richard
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Jac,
Still waiting for you. Please come on. :(
Love Deb
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Sometimes our own words fail us.
Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff
You’re telling me and anyone
You’re hard enough
You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone
And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
We fight all the time
You and I… that’s alright
We’re the same soul
I don’t need… I don’t need to hear you say
That if we weren’t so alike
You’d like me a whole lot more
Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone
And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
I know that we don’t talk
I’m sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me – when – I -
Sing, you’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why the opera is in me…
Where are we now?
I’ve got to let you know
A house still doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone...
And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
Sometimes you can’t make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own, U2
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Jac,
Don't let the bastard abusers win! I've been through similar abuse and I REFUSE to give those !@#$ that kind of pleasure! Don't give in to them!!!!!!
Bones
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jac: I have always appreciated your posts and I have to say that I am ignoring the defensive posts that some people do in the midst of your frustration and anguish! This is about you and people ganging up on you. I dont know about you but i cannot deal with the people who feel the need to put their two cents worth! Love to YOU!
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Dear Jac,
I pop in every now and then, and although I'm not a regular poster, I am, without a doubt, a sister who understands, at least in part, what you are feeling. I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling. I'm sorry for the feeling that you are not being heard. Please, pause a moment in this pain that is sweeping over you to listen to the sound of your own heart beating. It is gently calling your name, through the tears, through the pain, through the hopelessness.
Hear your own voice. It speaks for life...not just survival, but life, full and rich, and everything you so deserve.
Here is a song. It sang for me. Please let it sing for you now.
Peace
Demian,
~DreamSinger
Future Song
copyright DreamSinger
Broadband (http://www.soundclick.com/util/streamm3u.m3u?id=878180&q=hi) Dial Up (http://www.soundclick.com/util/streamm3u.m3u?id=878180&q=lo)
The future's creating the present
Against the backdrop of the past
And every dream will call me
Until I answer them at last
My future makes the sun rise
No more a slave of time
I'm not defined by yesterday
It's what I'll be that shapes my life
It doesn't matter who hurt you
Or whether guilt still haunts your heart
For when you walk with compassion
Your soul will heal its scars
You know it's not enough
To no longer fall
You got a right to fly
You can soar on Spirit's call
So tell yourself the truth
Of where you've really been
No matter how dark your secret
Let the healing work begin
You can feel the pain inside you
Name your rage and set it free
Then turn to face tomorrow
And decide what you will be
Because the future's creating the present
Against the backdrop of the past"
And every dream will call you
Until you answer them at last
Your future makes the sun rise
No more a slave of time
You're not defined by yesterday
It's what you're becoming that shapes your life
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aaaaargh, bleeeeeech, yuk.... every disgusting term you can think of.
This is exactly the kind of behavior that healthy people need to avoid. It's toxic.
Wake up.
This is classic borderline behavior and this is exactly what gullible people do. Let the person have their "spotlight". Yuk.
I hope this person gets help - professional long term therapy is what she needs.
This board does not need to be held hostage by this person's toxic behavior.
A nod to Dr. Grossman - who gave it exactly it's due - "seek help". Period.
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To the kindhearted Gaping.
How clever of you to give a diagnosis through the Internet. Take your labeling and shove off. Get out of here. Your cruel words are revolting.
If you are here Jac the post about Borderlines is just the sort of crap that can make a person lose all hope. Sometimes the pain IS TOO HARD to bear. You can fall into the soft net of your support here. There may be judgemental twits but there are MORE kind souls who care.
You are so right when you say some people don't listen. And even if they listen, they do not have empathy for your feelings. That is true. It is also true that there is love for you and caring.
Dear Jac.........
Love
Sea storm
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ya know something, gaping...first of all, I was vulnerable on this board and admitted to struggling with the same intolerant attitudes that you just openly exhibited. The name "gaping" fits you, because you just are wide open with your venom toward this hurting person's cries. Thankfully, I've never been that callous toward someone, I don't think.
If someone is saying they feel unheard, invisible and plan to end their life, I have ALWAYS taken that EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY! You should too.
Whether or not, you'd consider a cry for help and attention to be a Borderline thing, the point is, this board and we who are on it, are here to be a support for people, not here to point out their behavioral issues or impulsive actions and then condemn them for admitting to their struggle, the reasons for it (which are absolutely painful to know about) or their resulting actions.
All I can say is how DARE you kick a hurting person while they are down? I pray that someone will treat you much better in your ultimate time of need.
~Laura
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Hello Gaping,
welcome to the board. You appear to be very angry. Seems to be alot of it these days. I seem to see my hands stretched out but I do not see handcuffs on them. No gaping I am not held hostage but you appear to be in my way of trying to help someone. Could you step back a bit.
I'm sure there is not one person on this board who would refuse to talk to you. You appear to be angry. We are not hostile people. Is there something we can help/share with you. Hey if you need to grab on to hands mine is out to you too.
Love Deb
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well, there ya go, gaping...someone to treat you with kindness...debkor. Bravo!
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Jaccccccccccccccc,,
Where are you?? I am putting pounds on here by the moment just eating away as I wait for you.
Love Deb
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Jac,
I just wanted you to know that I read every word, every sentence of your post and each one is so eloquent in describing what happened to you and how you feel. I just want to be one of the first to sincerely apologize for things I said in posts to you and about conflict that stung or hurt you. Even though that wasn't my intent, it may have come across that way. I'm so sorry. I want to be able to say something now that will help, but words can't express. Please know that even though you get angry, you are so relevant and so important. You do matter. I hope you will forgive me for not seeing when you were in need of a kind and loving big embrace, and not fuel for your burning pain.
Dandylife
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Dear Jac,
Whatever shape you are in I would like to hear from you. You are always welcome.
Love,
Sea storm
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Has Dr. Grossman or anyone else been able to contact JacMac?
Bones
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Dr Grossman has posted on Page 2 of this thread Bones. Leahx
Reply No.26
Leah x
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Leah, that is all fine and wonderful that Dr Grossman wished Jac well, but what is he doing to actually CHECK ON HER? These sorts of things can really irk me...someone cries "suicide" and everyone tells them they are loved, being prayed for, well-wished, yet does anyone find out where this person lives, send the police to check on them? SOMETHING?
I sound paranoid right now, but that's cause I've watched too many "bystander effect" things on the news.
~Laura
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Laura, hear what you are saying, my feeling is that as she posted a post via a mobile phone (there was a little icon) that would most certainly be traceable, as the mobile number most likely would be stored on the Forum Server, as per IP address rule - which is also traceable to the IP Company for reporting violations etc (standard procedure). Other than that I know not. Leah x
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Dr G...I realized after I posted the question about what you are doing about this situation with Jac, that I never asked YOU that. So, please tell me...is anyone doing anything to trace and find her? Please assure us if you can.
~Laura
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I have been in touch with Jacmac. She is deeply depressed but no longer suicidal. She has too much concern and too strong a sense of obligation for her children to follow through.
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Thank you anonymous for letting us know that Jacmac is ok. I am very sorry that she is feeling so down. She is in my thoughts.
Love
Deb
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The "Bystander Effect" also irks me as well. As a child, I've watched the adults around me, in my FOO, do the same thing while other relatives attempted and/or completed suicides. In a few sick situations, some of these idiots actually egged them on and then shrugged their shoulders after the person died. To add to it, these same idiots then wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong because in their N-world, it didn't exist. It made me so angry! Even though I am training to become a psychologist, I am also painfully aware of my limitations and know when to defer to a licensed therapist.
I just don't want to see the history of my FOO repeated.
Bones
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Thank you so much, Anonymous, for caring to let us know.
Any other updates you can offer on Jac would be gratefully received.
Many of us have been in great distress worrying about her.
Thank you again.
Hops
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Hops - (from jacmac)
If it is not too much troulbe, please tell Hops that I am holding on, with God's grace.
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messenger
Are you Jacmac?
Izzy
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I am not Jacmac. I am a regular poster here though. In spite of the risk of being dramatic by using a hidden name, I am doing that just to keep personality out of it, for my sake. I apologize for that. I do think that bringing notes from Jac like this has a real downside but I have chosen to do it for two reasons. First because I could see that some people were genuinely concerned about Jacmac because of her lead post on this thread. And second because I bumped into her on another web forum where she was using the same name Jacmac to post. I PMed her there and she responded. I asked permission to convey a couple of messages and she agreed.
I think in part that by being an anonymous messenger I am perpetuating the drama that started however long ago and I apologize. I am going to go out on a limb and explain that one of Jac's earliest and deepest wounds was triggered by activity on the board and she reacted. Her reaction began to snowball and got out of control. Once things got going it sort of took on a life of its own and things spiraled out of control. The connection to the experience here and early, excruciatingly painful wounds were all too overwhelming. Apparently, it was like being back in that terrible place with no way out.
I think I have said enough now and will close the book on this so all can be at rest. While I plan to let this be my last post on the board I will offer to communicate via PMs if you have a question. Thanks for not expressing frustration or disappointment with my decision to post anonymously - I am aware of the shortcomings of my actions but hope that the benefits outweigh the downsides.
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Thank you messenger,
I needed to know.
xx
Izzy
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Izzy, glad it made sense to you. I couldn't understand what messenger was talking about. That is one of the problems with not mentioning situations, names, etc...sometimes, it makes very little sense.
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Has anyone heard from Jac? I was perusing the past threads and thought of her!!!
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Kell,
You and I must share a brain. I was going to start a thread to Jac today.
If you are out there, Jac, I hope you are doing well and feeling better. I also hope you know that you will always be welcome here.
We are not the people who hurt you before and we do have compassion for you.
Take care and good wishes.
Love, Beth
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I am wondering where Jac is at as well. I pray you are ok, Jac...come back when you are ready. You are cared about.
I was wondering if people might be interested in some info about suicide, since this is the title of the thread. We learned about it in Class and it's good info to have in order to help someone who feels so depressed that they just want OUT of this world and their pain.
Blessya,
Laura
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Dear Jac,
I hope you feel loved and cared for after reading all these posts. Sometimes it is hard to get the word out that one needs help. So hard to do this when the pain is too great.
You have been to hell and back. Your childhood was so terrible and you were so vulnerable. I hope that you can connect with survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The board here is good but people in the real world can help too. This doesn't mean that you are not totally welcome to post. We are all equal here. That is reality. Some people may seem more powerful or whatever but really they arent. This is the beauty of this place. YOU ARE WELCOME HERE.
I know how it feels to be triggered and feel rejected and shunned. I get into that place quite often. I know how it feels to be suicidal and I get into that place too. Lately, it is less and I can feel hope again. But I am not so far from there that I don't know the pain and hopelessness of that place. So please, when you feel that blackness overwhelm you, reach out for help. Write on line and the troops will surround you with their cloak fo protection and love. Call the crisis line, go to the emergency ward. Just ride out the storm and it will pass even if it feels like it will never be over. It will and you can get through it with support.
Love
Sea storm