Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: towrite on May 17, 2007, 04:25:31 PM

Title: back sliding
Post by: towrite on May 17, 2007, 04:25:31 PM
and how angry I am with myself for doing it. .....  My life is frustrating enough wihtout bullsh** from my XN. But I brought it on, I asked for it, and I see that nothing's changed. It's still all my fault, it's still me who did all the insulting, it's still me who's to blame. I wish I had the strength to let it go, but now I am so angry and frustrated all over again. What is wrong with me????

towrite
Title: Re: back sliding
Post by: towrite on May 17, 2007, 04:28:36 PM
and ... adding to it ... I get forgiven!!!  How bizarre is that?  I equate forgiveness with compassion, letting go, yet if past hurts keep being brought up again, isn't that just the opposite???  Or am I completely nuts?
Title: Re: back sliding
Post by: isittoolate on May 17, 2007, 05:47:23 PM
I'm here towrite

What happened to bring all this on?

Let's hear and see what happens!
love
Izzy
Title: Re: back sliding
Post by: Margo on May 18, 2007, 09:07:49 AM
Quote from: towrite on May 17, 2007, 04:28:36 PM
and ... adding to it ... I get forgiven!!!  How bizarre is that?  I equate forgiveness with compassion, letting go, yet if past hurts keep being brought up again, isn't that just the opposite???  Or am I completely nuts?


If your exN is envolved..... I think you're being driven nuts.  Remember, the N's never change.... it's the people around them that do the changing. 

Consider that you're finishing up business with him and forgive yourself for whatever happened.  Realize you can't change him and he's not ever ever ever going to see how crazy he is.  Stop having contact with him and ignore him.  Completely if you can.  Margo
Title: Re: back sliding
Post by: James73 on May 18, 2007, 07:34:15 PM
hey towrite, youre NOT NUTS HE IS!!! do if you can what Margo says let him go totally, dotn see him or speak to him if you can ever again, get on with your life and find yourself again and be happy as your XN will only make you feel this way again and again if youre around to let him.
be strong
James
Title: Re: back sliding
Post by: mountainspring on May 18, 2007, 08:21:25 PM
towrite....

Quote
It's still all my fault,

He makes you believe it's all your fault?  Are you okay?  Are things better today? 
Title: Re: back sliding
Post by: towrite on May 21, 2007, 12:54:31 PM
Izzy, what happened is I contacted my XN by email and broached the subject of trying again and going to therapy together. All I got back was how innocent she was and how much hurt I had heaped upon her. But she "forgave" me!!!  She said she had "nothing to be forgiven for" b/c "In [my] heart of hearts I know I did nothing wrong and had only the best intentions" and that I was blowing such a tiny thing into a mountain of catastrophe.

Ami, what's the name of that book you mentioned by Sam Vaknin?

Thanks.

towrite