Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: lighter on June 02, 2007, 09:41:51 AM
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I was just taking a break and came back to fine the thread was no longer available?
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Lighter,
I don't remember that thread. It's possible that the originator pulled it---you can do that if you start the thread.
Do you want to revive it and just start over?
CB
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I think the thread was new and the poster went over her and her NH's triggers and coping strategies so others might learn from them. I was definately interested and so dissapointed when I couldn't find it again. I hope she'll send it to me if she doesn't want to repost it on the board.
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Sorry lighter,
I thought about and felt sort of exposed after posting it. There didn't seem to be much interest in it so I deleted it.
Let me know if you want me to send a private email to you and I will send.
Dandylife
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Okay - here it is:
I thought it might be interesting for others to see something my therapist had me do to work out the coping strategies of myself and my N partner. I had a worksheet to go by and was encouraged to add my own experiences.
Dandylife
NH:
Dependent/Endearing
Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:
Being abandoned, left alone, empty, insecure.
To Cope:
Seek support by acting child-like and in need. Seeks help often, becomes depressed, clings. Others may want to care for them, but feel drained. Blocks help from others by judging them as somehow “not right”. Gives up easily when not assisted.
Tough/Generous
Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:
Longs for intimacy, neediness, inferior, fears being overpowered.
To Cope:
Becomes domineering, controlling, hides vulnerability. Am I respected? In control? Won’t show hurt. Intimidates others by being stronger, more intelligent, more informed, more important. Desire to be on top, leader. Can’t form equal relationships, must be one up. Generous to those that admire and respect them. Overconfident, impulsive.
Expressive/Clinging
Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:
Can’t get the attention I need. Disappointed – yearns to be loved. Feels pushed away. Not attended to.
To Cope:
Am I interesting? Wanted? Easily upset, often makes a show of it. Loud, emotional, seductive, flamboyant. Anxious, sensitive. Idealizes others. Makes unreasonable demands. Looks for proof you care. Can’t tolerate distance. Desperate for closeness. Creates sickness. Delays separation. Trouble letting go.
Industrious/Over-productive
Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:
I am the “man”. Have to work to be okay. Always something to do. Fear loss of control.
To Cope:
Workaholic. Serious, perfectionistic. Seek challenges. Difficulty relaxing. Stay busy. Feel unappreciated.
MINE:
Sensitive/Withdrawn
Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:
Coldness, ignored, attacked, hateful.
To cope:
Withdraw. Isolation under stress. Shy, distant.
Self-Relying
Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:
There’s no one to help me.
Work alone. Expect nothing from anyone. Hard to ask for help. Hard to tell anyone things, believe they won’t care.
Burdened/Enduring
Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:
Stuck, defeated, “I must say yes to you”, “I must do what you want to make you happy, make you not hate me”
To cope:
Avoidance, low self-worth so stuck, passive-aggressive, in one-down position, hard to share ideas, strong shell. Delays confrontation.
Industrious/Overfocused
Feelings that evoke this coping strategy:
Fears being held back, longs for father, longs for tenderness.
To cope:
Am I worthy? Competent? Must work hard, keep going. Have trouble letting themselves be loved. Want equality. Cold. Distant. Busy.
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Dandy, just wanted to encourage you here. I can imagine that you felt vulnerable when you thought no one was interested in the post.
I just wanted to let you know that I am having a hard time keeping up with posts these days, and I think I just didnt catch it in time. There have been so many posts lately, and I am not home enough. It's wonderful to read all the interchanges I have been able to keep up with--but can't always respond.
Sounds like your post struck a deep chord in several people. I finally got to read it on this thread and I can see why. I think I will use Besee's plan to use it as a journalling prompt (thanks, Besee!)
CB
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Besee,
you are right on the nose about the N in my life interpreting things as questioning his competency. Twice in the past week we've had the runaround argument about it.
Funny how once something happens you're like "Ha fool me once...." that old thing. And THEN IT HAPPENS again! And again! Just make you feel crazy. I have a hard time with that. I feel like we're not learning from our past.
CB123, I think it's okay when there's not much interest in a topic - I just sort of questioned myself after posting if I really had wanted to be so vulnerable/revealing. (I'm shy - see above coping strategy!)
Thanks,
Dandylife