Print Page - This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: isittoolate on June 03, 2007, 05:44:18 PM

Title: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 03, 2007, 05:44:18 PM

My daughter was born in May, 1964. I was home with her until she was 2½ and left her father—abandonment #1

She was such a great kid and had good caretakers when I worked –then at age 5. I was in the car accident, 1969, and away for a year (now she is 6) to return in a wheelchair, 1970—abandonment #2----different mother?---abandonment #3

Her father was writing me about reconciling, and after a year without drinking, as I had stipulated, he came to town and got a job. Before I knew it he moved from the hotel into my apartment. We were 3 again, and his divorce was in the works AGAIN, because the laws had now changed from only adultery to irreconcilable differences. The papers were with my lawyer.

One Saturday he had to work and drilled through the wall into the electrical box of the Paint Store next door and a fire started. Burned down ½ a city block. Now out of work, and I was still working and was still not familiar with alcoholism. After he asked, I agreed he could have a 12 pk of beer a week. I had a bottle in the fridge for my “after –work” drink and he never once touched it. To make a long story short he was drinking vodka all the time and putting the bottles out of my reach/sight (The cleaning lady dusted them and put them back, so she told me after.) That’s why one beer a evening had him tipsy. I had to ask him to leave again when the drinking became so bad I was afraid again. Our daughter was away that day with friends and came home to no father, again. She was 8-------abandonment #4

She got a dresser back in her room, so my bed had to be moved and she found a quart whiskey bottle behind the headboard leg. She knew then about his alcohol abuse--it wasn't just 'talk'.

Her father killed himself when she was 15—the end of her daydreams of his ever returning—abandonment--#5

In just 5 years she, 20, was married to the N who messed with both our lives. 7 years later the N kicked me out. I drove away and the estrangement began. She was 27—abandonment #6

She left the N in 1994, age 30, 3 children and divorced in 1996.—traumatic

Her eldest son left her to live with his father in the year 2000, so she lost a child (as had I)—abandonment #6

I can see the issues she has had and since our latest attempt at communication didn’t work, I stepped back and out--- abandonment?

She won’t know until I die if she will be my heir

I created a very Nish daughter and that does not make me happy. That makes me feel that I was a failure all through my life and only have a glimmer of hope for ME with this therapist.

Izzy

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: teartracks on June 03, 2007, 06:00:08 PM

Iz,

My heart is screaming, NO, NO, NO IZZY, DON'T SAY THAT! DON'T GIVE UP!

You're a block of gold like MS described on another thread.

Love,

tt

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 03, 2007, 06:07:27 PM

I don't know anyone else isn't saying it, so I will. You would be missed very much if you left the board.

I'm sorry things seem too large to overcome right now.

Sometimes we end up in better places after suffering through terrible times.

I hope we all learn and grow through our mistakes and tragedies.

That seems to be what life is about, from where I'm standing.

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 03, 2007, 07:13:10 PM

Oh Thank you ALL for your replies
tt, lighter and Ami

I am okay, but haven't much else to say.

I read that post to Hops about estrangement of adult chhildren and some parents cut them out of their Wills. I won't. She is my next of kin.

Our estrangement will remain, but these last communications gave me enough info that I haven't lost any of the "voice" I gained, from being on this Board.

So all the Ns are out of my life and I have rehashed enough, that it's just the therapist and me, about Me!

Love
Izzy

(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/pres_m2.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/pres_m2.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/pres_m2.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/pres_m2.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/pres_m2.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/pres_m2.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/pres_m2.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/pres_m2.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/pres_m2.gif)

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 03, 2007, 07:29:56 PM

Well, hon...aww Izz.

I'm so very sorry for the pain.
I hope you're glad of the extended communication you had with your daughter.
You never know what seeds of healing you may have planted for you both.
None of us can say when an N-ish person is redeemable, or irredeemable.

When you "step back", you don't have to bolt and padlock and solder the door, do you?

Can you allow for miracles without expecting them?

Meanwhile...so glad you're going to focus on your own healing now.
You've made your amends, Izz.

You've earned peace.

hugs
Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 03, 2007, 07:54:18 PM

(((((((((Hi CB)))))))))

What a lovely post--you remembered.

Yes, the forks in the road. I always chose the wrong one, eh? Look what I put my little girl through!!!! Well that's all done.

I wonder if I can be therapized without having to talk about Ns???

You are something else!!!! (http://www.slrkelowna.ca/rose.gif)

Hiya ((((((((((Hops))))))))))))))

Aw. I don't believe in miracles, not at my age and how messy I made my lfe.

I have learned a bit more about my daughter and the biggie was that all these emails were taking up her valuable time. What an insult!!

I think she is just afraid she might have to look after me in my old age--older age! Well!! I will change my own Depends, thank you.

Anyway, let's see what ME therapy is like!!

Quote

you don't have to bolt and padlock and solder the door, do you?

Nope!

You're something else again!!!(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/rose.gif)

and to tt, lighter and Ami (http://www.slrkelowna.ca/rose.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/rose.gif)(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/rose.gif)

Love
Izzt

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: dandylife on June 03, 2007, 07:54:39 PM

Izzy,
Please go back and read your own post. You are describing incidents that were well beyond your control. You did not make these things happen.

All of us - in our very human conditions - have good and bad things happen. You have an inordinate amount of bad things that happened to you and your daughter. But also, - because you are in therapy - you are focusing on the bad and the negative - in order to deal with the pain and move on in a positive way.

Izzy, you are an incredible mother. You are reaching out, extending your heart, extending your voice to your daughter. That is far more than most of us will ever receive from our mothers - N or not.

You tell the truth, you look for the truth, and most times, you find it.

I would be so so very happy to have you as my mother. Your daughter is her own person. She is responding in her own way to having a challenging life. You must allow that to happen. Allow her her own experience. Don't FEEL you have to control (or have control over) everything that happens or is to happen. You are doing your best, and giving far beyond the norm.

Love,
Dandylife

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 03, 2007, 07:58:28 PM

I've been lurking here a while, Izzy. You've amazed me with your humor and ability to expose yourself. To BE yourself. Exploring the painful stuff is so hard, most people can't do it. You keep going though, that's bc you're a strong person and you really desire to heal and understand.

I really believe your daughter will continue to reach out. It might not be this month or this year but, on some level she understands that you're not the cause of all her problems, ,esp with her N (and your being driven away by him.) She's working through her own stuff too, Izz. Her own guilt and vulnerablility. I'm guessing her own scary stuff has more to do with this break than her stuff with you.

Keep growing and learning. When/if she does reach out to you again, you'll be able to show her how to overcome bc you're doing it. There's not better teacher than watching someone else succeed.

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 03, 2007, 08:14:45 PM

oh dandylife(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/rose.gif)

The truth is, I could have [controlled] not had the accident if I had said "Yes" to that dimwit date, instead of "No" .

I wasn't a virgin so...but I didn't know he would become so angry. Third date, never see him again as he was going back to his Army base then on to Germany. Tromped on the gas and took that car to 120 MPH and lost control.

I was 'going home' to my daughter, to wash my hair and get ready for a girl friend arriving the next day (Sheesh!! My hair didn't get washed for 3 weeks and it was full of glass and gravel. plink! pliunk! --a kindly nurse did it at 4:00 in the morning)

and I see you are back (((((((((((((lighter))))))))))(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/rose.gif)

Yep She has all her scary stufff and I have mine and there are more similarities than differences, if she would only listen, but it's time-consuming for her. I'm getting older, eh?

Well my g'daughter is 18. One more year to 19 and hope she doesn't do what her mother did. Enuff Ns in the picture

Love Izzy
(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/rose.gif)

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 03, 2007, 08:25:03 PM

Izzz....that was an insulting thing she said, about her valuable time.

But don't fixate on that, stay stuck on it, believe it's the sum total of your interaction.

It isn't. It was a stupid blowhard remark that probably came from fear.

I fear you'll fixate on her clueless careless comment and miss the forest for that tree.

You and your D COMMUNICATED, in some detail, over an extended period...after years!

Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Bella_French on June 03, 2007, 08:47:27 PM

Hi Izzy! I am new here, so I am sorry that I do not really know enough about your situation to offer you much help:(

I guess I just wanted to say `hugs' to you; please don't give up.

I also wanted to say that what lept out at me from your post was just how much you've taken on board which was well beyond your control. Most of those events are unlikely to have contributed towards narcisism. There are many factors, including genetics and personality. And please don't blame yourself. You've already had a hard enough life.

I can't imagine what you're daughter is going through, but please have some faith in the strength of a daughter's love and deep need for her mother. She has been through a lot, but she may be healing in her own way. Misdirected anger and antagonism can be part of the process, and very rarely permanent.

Hugs to you.

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 03, 2007, 08:52:48 PM

Well you might wish you'd said YES to that psycho but, you had every right to say NO, Izzy. It's a terrible thing when foreplay is a choice to be crippled in a deliberate act of stupidy or have sex. <shaking head>

I don't know whether the DA lived, or not. Did he?

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 03, 2007, 09:12:14 PM

I also want to say that I entertain thoughts of NC with my entire FOO, lately. This is a new development in my life. I don't know if it would solve many of my problems but, I do think about it.

I've also said some unkind (read that as loud and truthful) things to my mother in the last week. I wouldn't usually do that but Ive been really angry at her and I'll explode if I hold them in so, I say them. I must tell you, she acts like I didn't say anything at all. Sort of maddening. If I asked her to go away, she'd probably pretend I never said it and soldier on. Id probably be glad she did.

These feelings don't mean that I don't want her in my life. Honestly, I do want her there. It just hurts that she's so busy with her own life, and always has been, that she doesn't spend any time with me. In other words, it's my pain talking. Not what I truly desire.

Hey, I know I'm a bit sour with her. Have been for years. It's passive aggressive. So sue me. I Can't help it! Ahem.

On the other hand, you're a smart lady. Maybe you should trust your instincts but keep that door open, on account a you just never know?

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 03, 2007, 10:33:37 PM

Last email to daughter said:

I have to step back. I’m just dizzy, as though I have been spinning in circles.

It is very draining trying to keep up with you, with my inability to communicate without making a mistake. I’m just adding to those I’ve already made and leaving myself open for criticism.

Thank you again for your perspective on all the questions I did manage to communicate to you.

IZZY etc.

No I will not focus on that one thing, all in all that was an insult as well as calling accidental things "intentional" as well as asking for apolgies for calling her controlling and manipulative, when in context the sentence meant anyone. So I pointed that out.

When I mentioned that I was on Gus' pulse from before I met him, she said
"I"m not sure what to say re: Gus. Let it go. He's an asshole and that's all there is to it. and another, also about Gus was:
Me: In the first 2 months, I was none of Gus’ business, as he had me already set as a ‘mark’ before I met him.
Her: I can no longer comment, because this is clearly dangerous ground and I am not going there anymore.

She is very angry and didn't like going back to things from the past & refused to respond to anything where I had been 'right'. Yes we communicated but what SHE wanted to say.

lighter etc.
No he didn't die. He had the steering wheel to hang onto for 3 rollovers. Was charged and convicted by Provincial Police and I sued him. No. He appeared to feel so entitled (now that I know Ns) that I'm happy I didn't give in.

Remember, I am 68 and my daughter is 43, and live 2000 miles apart. No l.d. phone calls, just emails. I can 'hear' the tone of her voice in some mails--and she is pissed off.

There has been nothing since I sent the email above, which is saying how much she criticizes me--- May 31, 2007

Love to both of you
Izzy

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: reallyME on June 03, 2007, 10:43:05 PM

>>>Please- I love you and God loves you. You are going to reconcile with your daughter.

Someone said a very true and encouraging thing here. The Bible has a promise in it for all who follow the Lord..."your children will return to the land of their fathers and call their mothers blessed"

I once told this to a lady with a daughter who had been estranged to her. It took a while, but her daughter did return and do just that!

Trust in the Lord to see you through this. He loves your child even more than you do.

~Laura

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 03, 2007, 11:25:39 PM

So, she's ticked off. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are.

She can be ticked and you can enforce your boundaries and keep your voice.

You can step back and take a break.

So can she.

She can avoid painful issues that trigger guilt,
as frustrating as that may be for you.

She may not be in the same place you are. Self examination is a tough spot.

All in all, it's likely neither of you is feeling very understood. That's a very hard place to communicate from.

There's a lot of baggage and misunderstandings involved. It's to be expected, considering.

I'm glad you kept your Voice and defended your boundaries, Izz.

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 04, 2007, 07:08:32 AM

Hi Izz,
For both your sakes, you need to stop needing to be right, more than you need to be in her life.

You need to let it go about Gus. It's over, this is the present. Don't rub her nose in her failure any more. That's her boundary, and she'll feel safer with you if you don't bring him up again.

I think you wrote that last one very well. It's clear and simple and doesn't lock the door.

You take care of Izz, now. Give it a rest. She'll still be there and so will you.

And we're here for you, and so is your T, and you've done a brave, wonderful thing here.

You did it well enough! You pass! You did a whole bunch of healing, and opened space for her too, as well.

Give her time to mull it over...

lots of love,
Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: axa on June 04, 2007, 08:34:31 AM

Izzy,

I love that you are here. I see your struggle and pain. I identify with much of your pain. I want you to stay. I think you have been brave enough to let the light into the darkness of your life and that takes such courage. I wish it was different for all of us here but it aint and we have all begun our own journey. I want to stay alongside you.

axa

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: WRITE on June 04, 2007, 12:38:25 PM

you know in our families we probably weren't taught this but it's okay to take a break from a relationship, to step back and in open love say I don't know what to do right now so I won't do anything except pray and wait....

There was always such panic in my family that you were going to be abandonned, it's not like now where I can say to my son, I am angry with you, go away for a while until i calm down, it's like we locked into battle for fear of losing what little we had.

I don't know if I am making sense Iz, and I am sorry you are hurting, and I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

But all gets made well in the end, I sense that. That's what G_d is for me, that balance of the universe, that non-human love irrespective of our lives here.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 04, 2007, 12:59:36 PM

Me too, Write, and Izz:

When I started obsessing over my D rejecting me this wknd, that's what it was. Panic over potential abandonment.

Letting something be what it is, hang in the air without resolution for a while, now that's a test.

pemachodronpemachodronpemachodron

She (Pema) asks, like Victor Frankl, what's the worst that could happen, and then what choice would you make?

Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 04, 2007, 02:09:49 PM

Hi everyone,

Yes I am just going to sit back and ignore her and go on with my therapy.

There won't be anything new about her so that's why I said "might be my last post"---that I start I ought to have said that, but not feeling all that bright regarding relationships, I might now feel 'not-qualified' to post to anyone else.

If anyone wants horror stories I can comply I suppose, like when he trashed my car to the tune of $1500.00, then had it fixed in 3 days (guilt), but I'd like to see all of us in a stage of improving and not having any backslides. However, even those are bound to happen.

Am anxious to get to therapy (tomorrow) and see what it's like not bringing daughter into the equation.

I tried something different today--no eyeshadow. I am going to the library and it will be my first time in public in about 50 years without eye-shadow! Such ruts we get in!

Love for now to all
Izzy

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 04, 2007, 02:18:40 PM

I had to laugh at the "no eyeshadow" comment. I can leave the house without a stitch of makeup lately and I still feel like myself. My mother would be horrified, lol.

I'm looking forward to hearing how you felt in public without that eyeshadow, lol.
And just for fun, since I don't ever eyeshadow on my girliest girl days, what color did you wear and how much?

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 04, 2007, 03:19:39 PM

Hey lighter

I have the funniest eyes, Hard to describe. Eye brow up high and just a tiny eyelid, as eyes are not deep set, & as I've aged the lid is more hooded.

Very smooth at 20, but such a wide space always betweem brow and eye --wore brown eye pencil then==now use blond

so 3 eyes, age 20, one made up and one no shadow so 'hood' shows more

very short lashes too.

Glad you had a chuckle.

xx
Izzy

[attachment deleted by admin]

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 04, 2007, 03:58:29 PM

Ahhhh, the "techincal shading" eyeshadow, lol.

That was very efficient, you providing all 3 pics quickly and without too much trouble I hope.

Pretty eyes Izzy.

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 04, 2007, 04:36:01 PM

Gorgeous eyes!
(And brows.)

Izz, your eyes remind me of what was that French actress' name...oh shoot, umm...

Jeanne Moreau!

Exotic looking.

Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: camper on June 04, 2007, 05:00:11 PM

I am going to jump in a bit late here but Izz, you are such an asset to this board. I love reading your replies and posts. So glad you were begged into staying here!

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 04, 2007, 05:28:58 PM

Thanks, lighter, Hops and camper.

My forehead and eyes are a bit like Ava Gardner--will have to look up this Moreau person. Was she married to a Dr. who had an Island.?

Anyway, I went out and had to put a bag over my head--it was as bit difficult navigating, but I made it back home .

I do photo cuts, etc. for the websites I build. so it goes fast. People also send too large. I am also scanning some pictures from the allbums as quite some time ago I said I would send these to my daughter--the real, live albums. So pics are available.

This is me-in-a-bag, but the truth is, it was pouring rain, as I was going to leave the Library and I asked for 2 bags, one for my lap and one for my head and I DID wear it this way!! I passed a couple of women and told them I was always being told to do this! :lol:

love
Crazy IZ

[attachment deleted by admin]

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 04, 2007, 06:31:52 PM

The bag's a really nice look, lol Izzy.

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: debkor on June 04, 2007, 07:06:30 PM

Izzy,

Hahaha

You make me laugh so much! Even when I'm not having such a good day. You can always lighten it up for me.
I'm glad I met you.

Deb

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 04, 2007, 07:47:41 PM

Hiya Deb :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks too, lighter
Glad you liked. I am an accident and a joke going somewhere to happen.

I wonder if I really took real life seriously or thought it was a huge joke on all of us, because the bag on my head was because of no eyeshadow and a thought of mine that I followed through.

That is what has got me through all these years and maybe I'm not at all serious.
I talk about tidying up my place before I die, so that no one comes in and finds any dirty jokes or dirty pictures! This is not a reference to killing myself. This is in reference to after my accident, the gang found a bottle of whiskey and thought they better drink it in case it went bad before I got home, and my sister found some sex books under my neatly folded gloves and scarves. She took them home and with her husband, tried some of the things, laughed and threw them out.

All I remember about one of those books is the idea of a woman slapping a handful of ice, on the you know where, of a man, when he was you know whatting!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

So happy to brighten up your day

I told this to a friend and she went home and cleaned up her act.

toodle -do
xx
Izzy

[attachment deleted by admin]

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 04, 2007, 08:03:41 PM

I have never been married so cannot comment on marriage.
I have, therefore never been divorced so cannot comment on divorce.
I can comment on living-in-sin and illegitimacy
My daughter was mine and her father never fought for her, let alone sent a card or a present after I left him, so no custody issues.
My parents are dead and I can only go from memory.
I might have comments now and again, but will be a lurker, as I see my 'shrink' and if there is something really different, I might have another post.

Izzy

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 04, 2007, 08:06:51 PM

Well I'll miss you a bunch, Izz.

Your jokes your pictures your flowers your goofy icons.

It might not do much for you, but I am always happy to hear you, even if you're just reporting on a venture to the library.

Don't be a stranger (unless you need to, in which case I respect your choice...)

love
Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: CB123 on June 04, 2007, 08:10:01 PM

Bye, Iz! Come back and visit!

CB

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Ami on June 04, 2007, 09:11:16 PM

Dear Izzy,
IMO, you may not have been married, divorced etc,etc but you are a human being with emotions, pains heartaches, laughs and loves. That is what the sharing is about. It is about one person with a heart sharing with another person with a heart.It is not about our having exactly the same life situations . I wish that you would reconsider. Love Ami

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: sea storm on June 04, 2007, 09:30:12 PM

Hi Dear Izzy:
I am glad to have shared in your journey here. You have put so much of your heart and soul into communicating with us all. I can see that you are laughing more and feeling more, even if it is painful at times. I think this is coming alive. And Cripse, you are even seeing a therapist to help you navigate toward connection with your daughter. You are pissed off at people who have hurt you and you reach out to people who have been hurt.
You used to talk about feeling numb. You are now one of the least numb people around.
I left here for awhile and I realize that this space had become my lifeline and my life. I spent hours and hours here. It was time for me to try to reconnect with life on the outside. It was not a conscious choice but important. I want to come back now after peeling away more layers.

In the process I learned to stop asking why so much, stop blaming other people for all my unhappiness and try to reclaim a bit of happiness for myself. Maybe all my tragedies helped to get me to open my eyes and start focusing on myself and what I need, who I am and where I want to go.
And Izzy, you ruby cystal emeral girl. IT IS NEVER TOO LATE.

Lots and lots of love to you,
Sea storm

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 04, 2007, 09:38:58 PM

Ummmm, Izzy, lol. Are you saying you're bored with all this divorce custody stuff, lol?

Don't hesitate to comment. Coming by honest input from people who've experienced N's, is priceless. You're input has value and is appreciated. The dynamics at work in the relationships are the same. Have a good T visit and let us know how it goes.

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: debkor on June 04, 2007, 10:49:35 PM

Izzy,

Oh no!! I will miss you very much but I understand. Peek in every now and then give us a shout.

Love
Deb

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Ami on June 05, 2007, 07:04:30 PM

Dear Izzy,
I wanted to write you one more post. I read your old ones and I think that you said that you were an avoidant personality(spelling?). Anyway, I was thinking about that. It would be so easy to let pain take you there.You had more than your share. You had enough for 100 people.
You mentioned being disconnected from your feelings,too.
I am finding that a key to healing is getting connected to your feelings. One way is to share really honestly and people will uplift you. Then, you can step your toe out little by little. Then ,you start to feel. Today, I can't stop crying,but at least I can feel. I am so happy that I don't feel so numb,anymore.
Izzy, you have been through so much life. You have so much inside you to share.I ,also, love the roses that you give.
I think that you are selling yourself short by leaving(IMO)
I just wanted to give my two cents, for what it is worth. Love Ami

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 05, 2007, 07:51:56 PM

Me too, Izz.

I accept whatever you choose of course, but I'd like to say that your whole life is interesting to me, and I'd like to keep on hearing about you and learning from you and offering you a friendly ear.

It doesn't have to be a one-issue dialogue, here, right?

Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 05, 2007, 09:37:46 PM

hi Hops, Cb, Ami. sea s, lighter and Deb,

Quote

from Ami who read old posts--- You mentioned being disconnected from your feelings,too.

Yes, something happened that disconnected me. The therapist thinks from when I was little, but the last time I cried was 1993. That is terrible. It was over my daughter and I haven't cried since. My therapist is not accustomed to this---these heartbreaking things and the 'client' doesn't fill the wastebasket with wet Kleenex.

That's initially why I went to a therapist again, to reconnect, and the main topic would be Ns--and my daughter. Therapist does not like labels, so I use controlling, manipulative, pathological liar and procrastinator.

I told the therapist that any discussion from this point on that mentioned my daughter would only be to fit her into the picture but not analyizng her behaviour. Therapist says/thinks that daughter just cannot find a way to tell me I was right about the man she married, who wrecked her life and maybe the lives of my grandchildren.

I always thought that, so some validation there--BUT, therapist did not know daughter etc.

Hops I asked you once if you know where a woman's 'yet' is and you never told me.

Johnny Cash on TV--Bio

Love to all
Izzy

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 05, 2007, 11:11:33 PM

HI Iz!
So glad you popped in...please keep at it.

About the...ummm...is that a trick question? :shock:

I got no idea but I ain't gonna talk dirty.

((((IZZY)))))

Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 05, 2007, 11:36:10 PM

Hops

There was a bad free-for-all downtown today. A woman was shot and the bullet is in her yet.

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 05, 2007, 11:56:14 PM

Ummmm, Izz. What do you meaaaaan by a "free for all" and why the heck did a woman get shot in it?

And oh ya, how was therapy?

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 06, 2007, 12:29:07 AM

Yikers, Izz! Were you nearby?

I am dreaming of an old crush I may get to see this summer...

Mom's declining, the pace is pcking up.

We're being steady and taking it one day at timr.]

nighyy night,
Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Ami on June 06, 2007, 07:51:49 AM

Dear Izzy,
I am sorry that you went through that. It is a shock. Hugs to you Ami

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Overcomer on June 06, 2007, 08:53:13 AM

Hi Iz-I have been a member here since 04 but I have not stayed active the wyo time. Sometimes I am feeling better so I dont feel the need to come and vent and am afraid that someone elses rant may trigger an emotion Idont need to feel at that time of my life. Sometimes the pain is too much. I hope you and yours can heal and get together! I know that sometimes I am mad at myself, not my mom but I take it out on her. Stay in touch- we do not want to lose you!

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 06, 2007, 01:10:12 PM

Quote from: isittoolate on June 05, 2007, 11:36:10 PM

Hops

There was a bad free-for-all downtown today. A woman was shot and the bullet is in her yet.

you serious people you.--the bullet is in her yet---where is her YET???

Okay you gals, lighter,Hops, Ami --think!!
===================================================

an old crush eh? good Luck Hops

and I see you arrived, OC. I'll stay in touch. My thread is "This might be...I suspect when I stepped back from my daughter I might have to take a breather. That might be all it is! She is very angry, as am I! --anger reserved for one another from the mess her N husband created with divide and conquer.

Love Izzy

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 06, 2007, 01:14:33 PM

Quote from: isittoolate on June 06, 2007, 01:10:12 PM

Quote from: isittoolate on June 05, 2007, 11:36:10 PM
Hops

There was a bad free-for-all downtown today. A woman was shot and the bullet is in her yet.

you serious people you.--the bullet is in her yet---where is her YET???

Okay you gals, lighter,[b] Hops, Ami --think!![/b]
===================================================

Ummmm...... <thinking! thinking!>

Read in Spanish acccent...... "I do not thin that word means what you thin it means, lol."

That line is from one of my favorite movies. Anyone recognize it?

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 06, 2007, 01:29:15 PM

:oops:

I am yet thick as a brick.

Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 06, 2007, 02:08:14 PM

Quote from: Hopalong on June 06, 2007, 01:29:15 PM

:oops:

I am yet thick as a brick.

Hops

I'm so confused,lol!

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 06, 2007, 06:08:21 PM

Lighter

Oh this is fun

read this out loud!!

Do you know where a woman's 'yet' is?
No! why?
Because I heard there was a shooting downtown. A woman was shot and the bullet is in her yet!

(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/haha.gif)

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 06, 2007, 07:36:14 PM

I hereby do solemnly swear that before posting #52 I'd figgered it out.

HAH

Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 07, 2007, 12:24:46 AM

OK Izz.

So far, on the board, I've seen you feel Anger. Lust. Frustration and the kind of self satisfied amusement a cat toying with drunk mouse might feel. I STILL DON'T GET IT but I think you're getting the hand of feeling, lol. That's a good thing.

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: isittoolate on June 07, 2007, 12:46:26 AM

Awww lighter

You still don't get this?
Do you know where a woman's 'yet' is?
No! why?
Because I heard there was a shooting downtown. A woman was shot and the bullet is in her yet!

well let's do it this way---

Do you know where a woman's 'wrist' is?
Yes, between her hand and arm. Why?
Because I heard there was a shooting downtown. A woman was shot and the bullet is in her wrist!

(Did you ever be sorry you started something?)

LUST you say! Well well well!!!!!!--takes away a bit of the anger and adds to frustration LOL

Love
Izzy

(NOW Do you get it?)

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Hopalong on June 07, 2007, 12:53:23 AM

The old crush I may see this summer is completely unavailable (has a very nice doctor wife) but I can pine for him quite happily while babbling about poetry.

He was the handsomest man in Kentucky and we'd worked together as poets for several years after grad school.

Now he's got a horse farm and I think I'm actually more excited about helping with the horses than seeing him.

Hops

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: lighter on June 07, 2007, 08:18:36 AM

Quote from: isittoolate on June 07, 2007, 12:46:26 AM

Awww lighter

You still don't get this?
Do you know where a woman's 'yet' is?
No! why?
Because I heard there was a shooting downtown. A woman was shot and the bullet is in her yet!

well let's do it this way---

Do you know where a woman's 'wrist' is?
Yes, between her hand and arm. Why?
Because I heard there was a shooting downtown. A woman was shot and the bullet is in her wrist!

(Did you ever be sorry you started something?)

LUST you say! Well well well!!!!!!--takes away a bit of the anger and adds to frustration LOL

Love
Izzy

(NOW Do you get it?)

Even if you t y p e v e r y v e r y S L O W LY,

I still won't get it, lol.

And, Yes.

I often be glad I started something; )

Title: Re: This might be my last post--abandonment. I feel somewhat responsible, but--
Post by: Overcomer on June 07, 2007, 08:32:10 AM

That is the Is I know! Laughter will take away a world of hurt!