Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on June 04, 2007, 05:57:14 PM
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I don't know if I can express the sadness that I felt with an interaction, today. I did not take the call,but my Father left a message.I have been NC for 2 months I tried to "tell" them about my N mother's problem. I had not found this website yet. However, I had read the standard"books" and thought that I had finally found the answer that would help to solve the '"problem".
I wrote my heart out by e mail . I told my mother, the therapist, everything,that she must have missed. I told them how my father would never stand up,but stood silently by.I told them that I was 112 pds and 5 ft. 6 in. tall. I could not eat.
Today, my father left me a message on the phone,"We have some of your doll collection in the attic. We are cleaning it. Do you want us to send it to you?"
. Vaknin says that the spouse of an N pulls the "supply" in when the N screws up so badly and the supply(me) goes away.
I am just floored, shocked and saddened that my life with them has come to this.
Now, I am looking at my Husband. He is an N,I think,but not as malignant as my mother. He says that for us to have a good marriage,"The ball is in my court."
I am just observing him ,now.. He is going to have to earn my trust. I never faced how my father was a co-conspirator. He was a kind person. He was the only kindness that we had in that house. He was the only stability that we had. However, he would never, ever stand up.
One thing that is so great ,though,is that I feel more "real". I feel sad,but it is a real feeling.
Any comments would be much appreciated. I think that this must be another stage in healing .I hope that I am expressing myself ,here. I don't know if I am.
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Dear Ami,
To me, you are expressing yourself quite well and simply... and my heart hears yours.
This sadness has life in it... not like resignation, which is dead and dry. Sadness can be replaced by joy and hope...
resignation just lies there, destroying everything positive.
I think you're doing very well.
With love,
Hope
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Ami,
My dad is deceased. Oh how I wish I could ask him the questions that have come up in my recovery. Like why did he put up with the manipulation, control ,and bullying we all endured? Why didn't he stand in the gap and stand up for us and himself. He also, was a kind tender man, but he dropped the ball in many ways when it came to the manipulation, bullying and control. He was not a shrinking violet by any means, I think he fell deeply in love with a beautiful milkmaid type girl and stayed googly eyed almost up to the end about her.
I agree with what CH and Lupine say. You're in a process, you're not static. You're recovering and sometimes it feels like you're stuck in a knothole flapping in the wind and going nowhere, but you are.
tt
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I'm sorry you're in such pain Ami. I'm in a very different place from you right now and I can't really understand what upset you about your father's message.
Is it that he's trying to get you to call and involve them in your life again by digging up your dolls and dangling them?
Is it that he's stepped on the NC boundary?
Is it that your NH is never going to be able to earn your trust and the ball really isn't in your court at all, aside from emotionally detaching from him and depending on yourself for your emotional well being and fulfilling life?
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((((((((((((Ami))))))))))))))
Ow.
And some other person, not this man in the reality of who he is, might've said:
I miss you, honey. It worries me that I haven't heard from you.
I'll bet my last paycheck that your poor Dad is so ineffectual that he was just being messenger man.
I think your mother fed him that line.
They can't parent you, Ami. Neither one.
That doesn't mean your Dad doesn't love you.
It means he can't do anything about it.
But you can...learning to treat yourself kindly, be loving and compassionate toward your own inner being...
you can love yourself enough that you will not be weakened any more by their weakness.
love
Hops
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AMi-hugs to you! I can feel your sadness and your sense of longing for your father's untainted love. Its the potential of what that father-daughter relationship could have been thats so disapponting isn't it?
I feel the same way about my father. I love him for his gentleness, his kindness, and steadfast acceptance of me (when he is `allowed' to have a relationship with me, that is) , but its hard not to feel betrayed by him for letting me down as a father. His life is about protecting `the lie' and holding on to an abusive relationship at any cost. I understand what he feels a victim of narcissistic abuse. He has lost his spirit, and its become easier to live ina state of delusion. But I find myself disrespecting the way he avoids the truth so vigilently.
And what you said about `co-conspiracy' is so true of my father as well- by failing to confront the truth, he has become a co-conspirator in the abuse.
Hugs to you Ami. I am sorry that you are experiencing this. It is very sad.
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Ami,
Hi. Sorry you're feeling down about this.
I can tell you from my experience - I had an N dad. And my mom was the one who stood by and let it all happen. She wasn't silent, mind you, she'd scream her lungs out sometimes. But my dad knew she'd never leave. Why? Because her own N mother told her that she made her bed and she should lay in it after she met my dad. She could never go home. My mom always said to me (I was the youngest for the longest time until my little sis was born 17 years after me) "When you are 18, I'm gone." So my dad knew for a dam* fact that she would never leave him. I think he took that as license to act badly.
I guess my point is that the spouse has their own issues. Why does she stay? (there is a reason) Why doesn't she demand limits be kept? (there is a reason) Why doesn't she set a boundary and when it's crossed, leave? (there is a reason)
Parenting is an art, a skill. Most people suck at it.
There are so many ins and outs and filters and beliefs and values that go in and get scrambled and make up the person who is...your mom. Or your dad.
Why don't people do the right thing? That is the golden question.
Dandylife
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Ami, It sounds like you are at a crossroads. Observation of your husband, for as long as it takes, sounds like a good idea to me. Let the wheels turn as long as you need them to. Everything is a process or a long path to take. Even the NC. And the "ball in your court". The role of the co-conspirator is a very complicated one. Maybe even worse than being the actual N. Ns are just broken in some ways. It's pretty simple for them. For the rest of us "satellites" it's a hard, hard thing.
And I agree, feeling sad means you're feeling real. And feeling real is everything. It is hard. But it matters. You matter.
PP
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Thank you so very much for responding.I appreciate so much how you tried to understand this post. After I wrote it, I realized what the point was. I gave my heart, soul, life ,core,physical and mental health to her. I became a shell to make her happy. I let her 'suck out my insides" so I could go forward as her clone.I became her clone. I married my husband, a doctor, so she would be proud of me. My heartbeat and soul was to help her and to try to make her O.K.. I hated myself my whole life because i could not make her O.K.I blamed myself, wanted to punish myself and hated myself because I could never ever make her happy.I gave up my self esteem, dignity and integrity and threw it at the alter of her.
At the end it comes down to her total denial of any reality. She has no 'connection' about her actions and reality. She hurt me so badly that I almost died. She has NO reaction to this. I am abused and she says,"Don't think that you are coming here(home).". It comes down to her having a blank face . It comes down to my father protecting her at all costs. I am a piece of trash on the side of the road compared to protecting the lies. The lies are that she is O.K. and "normal".The "lies" are everything in our family. The lies are the "god" and the king. Nothing will change this...They will prevail even if all the kids die because of them. The only thing that has to be maintained is them
I am looking at my life as a gerbil on a wheel -all for nothing. I am sick in body and mind-all in the goal of pleasing her. None of it meant anything. I could have been person A,person B or person C-. None of it would have mattered. The end would have been the same. She would be there with her blank face. I could have been a "prostitute" or the president- none of it would have changed her and the blankness.The same with my father. No matter what I did, he would protect her at all costs.- even if it meant the end of me literally.
This is what I saw today..
Vaknin talks about the "blankness" of the N. You could do any action to them or for them and the end would be the same- the blank face. .She could have done anything to me and my father would never protect me. My husband was abusing me and my father was worrying about my husband .. I wanted a father who would say,"If you lay a hand on her, I will kill you."He would rather let me die rather than raise his voice- Mr Gentle.
After all the pain etc that I went through,instead of facing anything, they are worrying about some old,dirty dolls in the attic.This is what upset me today. It all comes down to some crummy dolls in the attic.. I never read the "Glass Menagerie" but I heard that it was about a girl playing with these glass figures instead of dealing with the reality of life(I think). This is what the dolls in the attic were.They are worrying about some dolls in the attic while lies are enshrouding our house in a dense,deathly fog.We are all dying because of these lies. Everyone is sick because no one will face the truth.
After all of this ,it is strange because, I am really happy. I feel "real". I feel" real" hurt and indignation. I feel real feelings. I also have the strength to face the lies for the first time.. I am facing that there is "nothing" in the relationship but blankness and lies.However,it is O.K.
. When it is all said and done, they did not destroy me. .. I am not alone. In time, I will handle my life like CB is. Love Ami
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((((((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))))))
You have figured it out. You know what this really is and you see what this really is. Now you are on your way. You will be free.
PP
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((((Ami))))
I guess you're at the place of accepting that your parents can't/won't do a better job than they're doing. That's a very sad awful low place but, you're there. I'm so sorry. Like being an orphan but harder bc your parents are still right there, you should be able to expect kindness and care, I kow. It's so unfair that instead you;re cannibalized. Outrageous and they do it so that others can't see it. Toxic and confusing. You're lucky you can begin to see the truth though.
Probably hard to stay there in that pain, I know. Sometimes just sinking into it without the expectation that you can escape it or do anything about it right now, just let it be with you for a while may help. Accept it and see what it has to say to you.
Facing that kind of pain is so terrible, it's usually impossible to get through.
But know this, if you can stick with it and give up the hope that mama will be decent and caring, that dad will be protective and appropriate, the little child inside of you gets to stop wishing and hoping your life away.
Cry, scream, pretend their sitting in fron of you, pretend you're 4 or 5 or 10yo and really tell them how you feel. Get it out and rage over it. Let it wash over you and through you and experience every bit of it so that little child inside of you can feel heard and stop tapping you on the shoulder all the time. She wants to be heard and she'll keep showing up in in all kinds of ways if she can't just be sad and mourn what she deserved.
Terrible thing. But you deserve to feel sorry for yourself. Own it, it's yours.
I'm so sorry (((Ami))) You didn't do anything to cause this. They can't do any better because they're broken.
You can do better, however. You're able to see the truth clearly and seek healing for yourself.
The struggle to strengthen your self is painful and hard but it's certainly worth it when you realize that the pain doesn't last forever. It ebs and flows and when things settle down, when you're happy to be alive again, you understand why things happened the way they did. Things clear up and your stronger for having learned those painful lessons. You;ll grow and become much stronger. That's a byproduct of facing the pain.
What I want you to take from this long post is, that you don't need anyone else but you to be whole. Really. Taking scary steps are usually the first steps to liberation and feeling better. It has to get worse before it gets better. Just know it does get better.
Pray to see the truth more clearly. Pray for God to help you help yourself. Get therapy and demystify your reality. You're on your way, whether you stay with your husband or not.
((((Ami)))
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Lighter,
You've helped me too...with this. Thank you.
if you can stick with it and give up the hope...[...]...the little child inside of you gets to stop wishing and hoping your life away.
In a weird way, you've absolutely nailed what Pena Chodron tries to get through to people. Giving up hope is empowering.
(I think it doesn't mean never being HOPEFUL...that can come and go. As I understand it, it means giving up being HOOKED on hope, so that it dominates your life and saps your will)
This is a lesson I need to learn. I feel your struggle Ami, and I feel your huge breakthrough too.
Hops
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You're welcome Hops.
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((((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))
So painful, to discover that they love their lies more than they love us, and they will always love lies more than they love us...
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"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.
"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."
-- from The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams
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Ami: the good news is: You're not a lie. You're real. And it lasts for always.
((((((()))))))
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I am looking at my life as a gerbil on a wheel -all for nothing. I am sick in body and mind-all in the goal of pleasing her. None of it meant anything. I could have been person A,person B or person C-. None of it would have mattered. The end would have been the same. She would be there with her blank face. I could have been a "prostitute" or the president- none of it would have changed her and the blankness.The same with my father. No matter what I did, he would protect her at all costs.- even if it meant the end of me literally.
This is what I saw today..
Oh Ami, It is so heartbreaking when such enormous attempts to win love fail. N's make all of us feel that way: like no matter what we do, we can't win their love (although it is implied that we can, if only we did A, B &C). I know the sense of futility you're decribing.
I saw some wedding photos last week which were taken at my sister's wedding when i was still with my ex-N. I was quite shocked out how beautfiul I looked. I'd never looked better in any photo I'd seen of me.
But I remember how my ex had flirted with any girl he could that day, even my sisters. Especially my sisters, because he knew it would hurt. He told me I looked ok, but in a strained voice, and he just had to find some minor details to criticise. A few people commented on my appearance and gave me attention. He became so moody and threatened to leave the wedding. He said i was p'ing him off' and left me to work out why?
It was a horrible day and I felt ugly and unlovable to the core. And now i look at that picture, from the wedding, and I can't believe that guy couldn't love me and couldn't see anything beautiful in me.
I sooo agree that its wise to give up hoping and yearning for love from N's. its the hardest thing, because these people demand that we make such a huge investment in loving them. Its like being beaten, whilst having a carrot on a stick held out in front of us, always out of reach.
Ami, people like you are so lovable. A regular parent, or a regular man, would give you more love than you imagined. Its not your fault that your parents are they way they are. You deserve to receive love. You didn't deserve what you received in its place.
hugs to you!
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Storm:
I read the veleveteen rabbit to one of my children. This was years ago. She'd already stopped dragging around her little stuffed animal friend. It had been a while since she'd asked for him.
Afte I read that story to her, she began asking for him again and making sure he was around at bedtimen fairly regularly. He's still making appearances to this day, lol. Thanks.
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Dearest Ami,
I can't add anything to the incredible wisdom of the posts above, but I just wanted you to know how much I care and understand. My situation is so similar to yours . . . my Dad is so gentle and passive, and he has definitely done that "manipulation by proxy" thing, in which he has tried to do and say anything to pull me back in. It is truly shocking to finally comprehend that my Nmom is the ONLY thing that really matters to him. He may love my brother and me, but we've been sacrificed over and over, our whole lives, in the effort to make Mom happy.
The only connection we had left was that we all belonged to a group health insurance policy--my husband and I were paying for ourselves and our two children, so my parents weren't having to pay a cent for us. But we needed to belong to a group to keep our rates down, because of my husband's health problems. And yesterday my Dad left me a message saying we could no longer have health insurance through their group, if they couldn't see the kids UNSUPERVISED. So they're cutting off their only grandchildrens' health insurance.
We're moving to Washington State in about a month . . . far, far away from my parents . . . I feel ridiculously like a baby bird leaving the nest. But very hopeful.
The thing is, I can't get rid of the same anguish that you are feeling. Just remind yourself, you're making the right choices, and you can't control the choices they make. It's time to get out of this endless cycle of poisonous relationships, and protect yourself with strong, healthy boundaries. And lean on your friends . . . we're here, and we understand.
Hugs and caring!!!
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Ami, it hurt deeply to read this. As I see all these situations, I see myself. I know why your dad is like he is. He had probably tried to stand up for things early in the marriage. He got worn down and tired and gave in. He became weak. Your mother picked him for a husband because of his personality. It is how N's operate. They know who to find as a mate, a pleaser. A PLEASER. That is me. As a pleaser, you do all you can to make the others happy. We go through life wanting to help others and make others happy. We look for those who need us. We are not self-centered. If I walk in a crowded room, I will search for someone who looks uncomfortable. Someone who needs help fitting in. I worry about that person the whole time if I am uncomfortable in talking to them(I am not very out-going). So, I am a perfect supply for my NH. Until, I got sick of it and saw though it. Until, he demanded attention from me. Until I got sick of his childish tantrems. Sometimes, it is not worth it to stand up to him. I need to be here for my boys. He has the stage set and I can't leave it. I have a comfortable life. My H is grandiose, not so bad as it benefits my lifestyle. I drive a nice vehicle, live in a nice home on a lake with a beautiful view, can buy what I want (within reason!), go on great vacations, eat at nice restaurants, have a really nice camper. Why would I leave to hardship? Actually, if we divorced, I would be well off but the boys would suffer.
My H also put the ball in my court. It took a few therapists to find one who told me about emotional abuse. I was taught how to deal with it. Unfortunately for my NH, I am a strong person. I will not sit by and watch my H do his N thing to our boys. My NH does go to therapy. He does listen. He reacts horribly when I speak up to him but he gets over it and it does get him thinking.
I gave my heart, soul, life ,core,physical and mental health to her. I became a shell to make her happy. I let her 'suck out my insides" so I could go forward as her clone.I became her clone. I married my husband, a doctor, so she would be proud of me. My heartbeat and soul was to help her and to try to make her O.K.. I hated myself my whole life because i could not make her O.K.I blamed myself, wanted to punish myself and hated myself because I could never ever make her happy.I gave up my self esteem, dignity and integrity and threw it at the alter of her.
Ami, look at this in terms of your dad. Your Dad did exactly what you did. He let her suck out his insides. He gave up self esteem, dignity and integrity and threw it at the alter of her. As a grown man, he should have been stronger but your mother topped him there. I feel so sorry for your Dad. He truly missed out in life. She took it away from him. Took the father-daughter relationship away that could've been. It probably hurt your dad to call and leave that message but he had to. She demanded it and he did it. My H does the same thing except I lie and tell him I did what he demanded and then I find a place for...(the dolls). Rather than stand up to my H, I lie. I have told him I lie to him and hide things from him. It is what I have to do to keep the peace. N's get so ridiculous in their thinking and requests! Sometimes, in my right mind, I can't follow through.
It is so great that you are finding yourself! It is painful but as the saying goes, "no pain, no gain" Just remember, "His pain, your gain" and because of His pain, you can do all things through Him who strengthens you! You are not alone!
Love to you,
MK
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((Ami)),
I am so sorry you are hurting. It sounds incredibly painful. But it also sounds like you are growing and learning so fast. I am so proud and happy for you (in a manner of speaking), even though you must be feeling pretty miserable right now. Growing pains are real and so are you!
If I had to guess, from my own personal experience with an Nmom and enabling/co-dependent father, I would agree with Hopalong's assessment when she said,"I'll bet my last paycheck that your poor Dad is so ineffectual that he was just being messenger man. I think your mother fed him that line." This happens constantly with my dad and N-ish stepmom (though she is not as bad as Nmom). I have watched my dad, sitting in a social situation, looking totally lifeless and lost, when my stepmom literally grabs him by the shoulders, moves his body into position, and feeds him a line to recite. And then he seems relieved, because now he know what he is supposed to do. The first time I noticed this, I felt like I got hit by a bolt of lightning. Now I see it all the time. I have not exactly forgiven him for being weak, abandoning my brother and me, etc., but I have let it go. When my mom threw him out, he left, because that is what she told him to do. it is what it is, and I doubt he will ever change. He will probably never excavate his real essential self. I can only focus on the tiny scraps of good in our relationship, like when we attempt to have a conversation out of the puppetmaster's earshot.
One question comes to mind. What is your sadness like? Is it like grieving for what you have lost/do not have? or is it the kind of sadness that comes from buried anger at how you are being treated? Or both, or something else? No need to answer these here if you do not want to. Just thoughts that may or may not be helpful.
Love,
Green
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(((((hugs))))))) Ami.
I am so sorry you are hurting. You always have such uplifting words for me. I hope my words can help you too. I've been there too.
I remember once when I was about 12 or 13, my mother had asked me to rearrange my closet, so I did. I rearranged it the way I liked it, and when she came in to inspect it, she took one look, screamed at me and slapped my face. My dad watched the whole thing and didn't say a word to her. He tried to console me, but he never said a word to the woman who had hurt me. That's the way things happen all the time. With my son, my dad has intervened a few times, and said you need to try something else. But I don't ever remember him telling my mom, "That's wrong. You shouldn't do that, you shouldn't say that." And my dad let my mom initiate all contact when I was at school. He didn't call, she did. He never made her stop calling at 3 in the morning. He just let it go on.
I hope things get better for you Ami.
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I remember once when I was about 12 or 13, my mother had asked me to rearrange my closet, so I did. I rearranged it the way I liked it, and when she came in to inspect it, she took one look, screamed at me and slapped my face.
Oh no, tayana. Now I picture you in the house with Mommy Dearest. I really hope you can get out of there soon. Slapping you in the face! HOW DARE SHE!?!?!? That's just so wrong in so many ways. (((tayana))) What she's done to your soul, to your father's soul, is even worse.
You too Ami. You and your father didn't ask for this treatment but it's up to you to stop it and require better treatment for yourself. Your mother and father aren't ever going to be able to provide it. No matter how much you wish they could.
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Dear Hope,Lupine,TT,Dandy,Tayana,green,camper,Bella, Lighter,Hops,CB and Besse,
Thank you for the warm Cyberspace hugs that you each gave me. I came through a huge growth spurt.This week,my H is home for a few days. Now, I am facing him. I think that life is just so pitiful
I realized about my parents and now I think that my H iis an N. However, hopefully,he just has N traits.
I finally got some dignity and integrity back by standing up to my parents.
Now, again, I must take my dignity back with him. I wish that I just had a safe place to curl up with someone who just cared and would have my back.I guess that this does not really exist in life.
I guess what is pitiful in life is that we are so alone and we want so much to belong to another person- to have another person care and love us. It seems like those desires end in pain.
I guess that I want to get to the place where I have "life"problems and not N problems. I want to be whole and face life whole.
I don't know what will happen with my H.I must maintain my newly found dignity, I think that I have not faced that all I have when it is all said and done is --- me. This is a "huge" ouch-but maybe this is what all people face.
I have no idea what to do with or about my H,but I am praying that God will show me the way.
Love and Hugs Ami
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I was thinking about what Hops said about Pema Chodron. I got some of her tapes. I could not,for the life of me figure out what she meant.
Now, I think that I do. I feel a "hopelessness" but also a freedom and a lightness. I think that Buddism talks about life being suffering and that happiness is not having expectations. In the Bible it says,"In this world you will have tribulation..."
I think that to let the dreams and hopes die would be a peaceful thing.
I am hurting because what I thought was life is dying. Maybe healthy people have come to this point of accepting being alone and not expecting another person to fill their aloneness.Maybe,this is a big part of being healthy-- that you control your side of the street-only. I have been trying to control everyone else's side of the street and mine is in total disrepair.I want so much to have a healthy way of looking at life.
.I take solace in other people here who have been through this journey. Maybe it is a predictable journey with predictable steps.. Maybe, the first step is facing the truth. Then you come to the next and the next predictable step. Maybe, it is a step by step process to just facing yourself as you are and life as it is. Thanks for all your love Ami
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I was thinking about what Hops said about Pema Chodron. I got some of her tapes. I could not,for the life of me figure out what she meant.
Now, I think that I do. I feel a "hopelessness" but also a freedom and a lightness. I think that Buddism talks about life being suffering and that happiness is not having expectations. In the Bible it says,"In this world you will have tribulation..."
I think that to let the dreams and hopes die would be a peaceful thing.
I am hurting because what I thought was life is dying. Maybe healthy people have come to this point of accepting being alone and not expecting another person to fill their aloneness.
Dear Ami, I nearly cried after I read your post. I want so much to fast forward your life to the day where you feel loved and deeply cherished, for that is surely what you will experience when Narcissists are no longer a part of your day to day life.
Please don't give up on your faith in life, Ami, or your hopes for love and connection. I beg to differ with the buddists; happiness is not achieved through detachment from the glorious bounties that life offers us, nor from dulling our expectations. Happiness is achieved when we are loved, and feel cherished, respected, and feel secure in our attachments.
You can have those things in this lifetime, Ami. You can have love just as you are, witout changing anything about you, other than the company you choose to keep.. You only have to realise on a heart level that love can't be experienced with a narcisist, because Narcissists cannot love anyone truly. It is really that simple, and yet that difficult to embrace.
Please have faith that life can, and will, offer you love. I know its impossobly difficult when you have little former experience to draw apon, which would give you confidence. Just use your knowledge of narcissism, and realise that toxic people are only a small part of the population. You need to avoid these people, that is the only answer. You will hear this again and again because it is true, as hard as it is to face.
Hugs to you !!!
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Ami: Reading your post reminded me of my family. I think you and I had similar circumstances. I have had my mom choose boyfriends feelings over mine. Keeping up appearances is the all important thing and what floors me is that they start to believe that the lie is reality so when you shine a light on it and threaten to expose it, You must be SILENCED! WE WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO BRING EQUILIBRIUM TO THE LIE! It is ok to suck the life out of you to maintain control! But you have the
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power to stop the cycle-at least from your end. I almost think you should say I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU DO WITH THE DOLLS-IT IS NOT ABOUT THE STUPID DOLLS! But then they will think you are unstable and it is your prob. Remember the prison? Keys are within reach-grab them! And your husband? Tell him if the ball is in your court that the game is over and you are not playing. Stand up to him by keeping your resolve. Do not fall into the manipulation trap! I feel for you! Been there done that
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Tayana,
Heartsick to think of your mother slapping you over the way you organized a closet.
:(
I'm so sorry. NOBODY deserves that petty rage.
I hope you know that, now. It wasn't about you...it was like being hit by an out-of-control car.
I
do
not
like
your
biomother
Hops