Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: WRITE on June 07, 2007, 12:40:55 PM
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I went to court this morning and they weren't busy so I saw the judge and he stamped it there and then!
Just organised car insurance, going to go with COBRA for health insurance whilst I research that; any tips gratefully accepted on good plans. It doesn't need to cover mental health costs- I have always funded those independently in order to get better care, in fact my doctors don't take insurance.
Ex was upset when we met this morning but hopefully he'll be okay.
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WOW WRITE,
What a huge day.! You had everything all planned. That is impressive. How do you feel? Do you have a whole range of feelings? Is it like a death or is it freeing-or both?
You took care of yourself and that is very impressive to me. I am in the 'baby steps' phase.
Hugs to you Ami
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Wowsers, Write.
Hope the oxygen feels good, hon.
Have you thought of joining a self-employed organization for the group insurance?
Way back, anyone could join the Farm Bureau, even, to get good rates.
Hops
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Thanks Ami.
I felt liek a weight off my shoulders actually, like I am finally in control- whatever happens it's my decision and my responsibility, not someone pulling my strings all the time or dangling carrots and sticks....
Have you thought of joining a self-employed organization for the group insurance?
Way back, anyone could join the Farm Bureau, even, to get good rates.
Thanks Hops.
I'll check it out.
The COBRA is $400 a month :shock:
I'm not worried though, I can afford it for a few weeks whilst I get sorted.
The car insurance was easy- I don't know why ex thought it would be a problem, it's just the same price only in my name.
***
My friend gave me some plants yesterday, told me to start a garden, so I went to get herbs too last night. Rosemary and sage to start.
My son assembled a grill for me yesterday and I got chair pads and a watering can.
I feel like I can start things now, make some permanence, the balcony garden is a symbol because I haven't been able to get started before.
I have been dreading all these things for so long but in the end, it was just that fear holding me back.
I think I told you my ex said 'you'll be dead in a year'? Nope, I won't.
:D
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(((((((((((((((((WRITE))))))))))))))))
Blessings and peace be on you as you work your plan and as you transition in this new season of your life.
tt
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Write,
This is such a powerful statement and such a reflection of how I feel, too, when you said : "I have been dreading all these things for so long but in the end, it was just that fear holding me back". I love hearing about the beautiful-full-of-life things you are doing now. Congratulations on this new chapter in your life!
Green
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Ex was upset when we met this morning but hopefully he'll be okay.
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You;re so nice Write! I could give a frog's fat ass about my N right now. Him being upset might give me warm fuzzies. ((Write))) So glad your spirits are up.
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Write,
I'm so glad that things are settled. This is your new life and it sounds exciting with your garden, your car, I'm very happy for you. Enjoy with peace and happiness.
Love
Deb
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((((((((((((((((((write)))))))))))))))))
Your ex may have been right - the OLD you will be dead in a year. In her place is the new and strong YOU who came from that woman!!!!! You are so positive and such a great example to others here. I hope your garden flourishes - literally and figuratively.
Love, Beth
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Good for you, Write! It's official. Free at last! Interesting that in the end, after all the bullying, NH is the one who's upset about the outcome. Can't see further than his own nose, and when he pretends to all he has to say is more bullying and BS. Good riddance! Grow your herbs. Take your time. Enjoy your new life!
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I think I told you my ex said 'you'll be dead in a year'? Nope, I won't.
:D
That little mosnter.
My first ex said something equally awful about what I'd be doing to make my house payment when he was gone.
You sound wonderful though and I enjoyed your excitement vicariously. I want to be happy planting Rosemary again too. Thanks for carrying the light up ahead. It helps me find my way.
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I only have a moment, but I just howled with laughter at your song and I will certainly make 'kiss this' my theme song too!
Went for dinner with ex because he seemed so down, he was vile to waiters, took all the food, told me I am on my own now etc, cursed loudly then drove me home erratically at 60 mph in a 30 zone.
At one point he said I am moving to California, i just said well i am not so think it through, he said actually i am just being upset.
He thinks acting out is okay.
I was glad to leave and will avoid him for a few days, he'll calm down. Or not.
It just showed me how 'broken' he really is though, how immature and the violent side returns...
I did point out this is why we're not together and I said 'you don't have to act out'.
THANK YOU ALL for your lovely words and for encouraging me every step of the way.
My eyes are shining today and i can't wait for all the wonderful things which i know will happen on the next stages of this incredible journey.
Love love love to you all! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :P
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CONGRATULATIONS WRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Oh Write!
You will be so much better off without the daily draining depleting health -destroying life-sucking weight of him and his "acting" whatever (even if you might still be in contact for your son's sake-- you're not married to it-- you're separate).
I'm so glad you went all the way and made this final and complete. He may be upset and all but you are not the reason. He made his own divorce.
Now you can move on in your life without feeling responsible to or for him. And you've taught your son what not to put up with!!
Sela
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Thanks Storm!
you've taught your son what not to put up with!!
I just hope he doesn't adopt any of his father's unreasonable behaviours.
Ex seems better too though, more positive.
He cleaned his whole house and is taking a week off work next month.
I looked at my finances last night and they will be fine for this year!
This morning I started out on my balcony with hot tea and evaporated milk, I feel so well and happy. I am so lucky!
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congratulations Write :)
I'm thinking those happy feelings are gonna continue. You are free.
hugs,
bean
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Dear WRITE,
You may be 'dead" to abuse, taking unacceptable behavior,not valuing and honoring yourself, giving yourself away to another person. In these things-yes- you may be dead. I admire your strength.
Love Ami
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Hey, Write, do you think you could avoid riding in cars that he drives? I worry about his "acting out" while driving. Sometimes people get into "accidents" that aren't unforeseeable.
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I feel free AMi, CB,Bean. I feel free not because I am divorced but because I am thinking with my own model of the world, I don't see anything through ex's eyes any more, especially not my self image.
I can't believe I listened to him for all those years and thought he was superior.
He just sounds like a boor a lot of the time now...
do you think you could avoid riding in cars that he drives? I worry about his "acting out" while driving. Sometimes people get into "accidents" that aren't unforeseeable
yes I will avoid this OCnfounded, but frankly i think he was in control, just frightening me deliberately.
It's sinister really.
I can expect some of this from time to time.
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Last night he told me I had to take son for a few weeks.
I was delighted to but did not show it, so guess what, he wants him back tonight.
So long as son feels wanted by us and is well and happy I frankly don't care any more about power or being right or anything else.
Ex is always going to do these things to some extent, he always has.
I can live with it at a distance.
He's very like my father lately, I am surprised how so many men approaching middle age go this way: whining and bitter.
His negativity is draining so I will try not to spend too much time with him.
I am starting to tune him out more and more though, soon I will be able to increase my work so I can be totally financially independent if necessary.
I do not trust that he will follow the letter of our financial settlement.
***
Walked on the beach after a great lunch today with my friend who had brain surgery on May 1.
She is recovering well, we had a beautiful day.
I am so lucky to have so many good people in my life.
The guy at church and I are getting closer, i think he will ask me out soon and I will say yes.
I am much happier to date now, and it's strange someone said i would, but I am meeting really nice guys now I am not too bothered about being on my own forever if necessary!
I think when I am happy and relaxed people like beign with me more; I've always had relarionships but not so calm and relaxed as they seem to be now.
A lot of the drama and anxiety has gone out of my life this year.
Love to everyone, hope all are okay, I don't have time to check many threads
~W
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Congratulations WRITE and happy to know you are here posting and that the Canine Dept doesn't have to go looking!!
Love
Izzy
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thanks IS, I'll be fine.
I'm a survivor!
If you survive NPD you can survive anything, right?!
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Hi Write,
I'm so glad you have gotten to this point and are feeling so good about it. I remember being so afraid I would break down on the day we went to court for the finalizing of the divorce. It turned out to be quite the opposite, however. I was able to look at my ex that day and see him for the pathetic, empty man that he is and be so glad to finally be done with him. I left the court smiling and feeling free at last.
RE the medical insurance stuff, have you considered an MSA/HSA (medical savings account/health savings account)? Those are good options for self-employed individuals and it does provide for a decent savings interest rate. ClarkHoward.com has some good information about them, or you can talk to an insurance agent.
I wish you so well as you move forward with the next phase of your life. There really is the potential for a wonderful life after divorce.
Many blessings,
Brigid
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Thanks Brigid, I'll check out the MSA HSA thing too.
My friend in that industry says you're usually better to keep the COBRA for a policy like mine but it is expensive $400 monthly.
Gives me some peace of mind for mnow though, and chance to transition.
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It is so much better being divorced.
I've finally accepted my ex for who he is, and I'm standing on my own feet.
Whatever he does he will do- I know that in my heart of hearst, it's never been any different or been entirely influenced by emotions or values. The love and trust has always been undermined by the NPD, and until he commits to therapy for a long time it always will be.
Funny he was apparently complaining to his sister this week, she said 'go back to therapy'.
People are starting to see how broken he is as they all change over the years and he doesn't.
I wish him well, but oh my how much freer I am breathing to know I completed the dreaded last step! I was very afraid, but that fear can't rule my life any more.
:D
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I had such a feeling of calm come over me while reading your posts, Write.
I want to walk on the beach and feel serenity again.
I want to look forward to no drama in my life again.
I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.
Ummm.... you didn't read that in a whiney 4 yo's voice, did'ya, lol?
Really, a very nice post about your friend recovering from surgery and walking on the beach. Changing your worldview. ((Write))
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Write,
I wish you joy, peace and SAFE love,
axa
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I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again.
my body is changing.
I've had terrible shoulder pain for a few days, but my posture is different now and last night when we went out for family dinner and ex was acting out in the car I felt it all tense up after it just unknotted.
I listened to him and told myself it's just a couple of hours, and didn't react, surely enough it went away.
Also he stopped being ridiculous.
He is so like a puffed up little baby at times lately, it's laughable, how could I ever have listened to all the negativity he dumped on me?!
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Dear WRITE,
I am so happy for you. You sound really centered and courageous. I really, really am so glad that you made a good choice for yourself
Love and a Big Hug Ami