Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: axa on June 12, 2007, 10:35:43 AM
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Hi Izzy,
Have not noticed you about .... you out there?
axa
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Hi axa,
Thank you for my special thread.
I am here and have replied in a few places where the topic hits home.
I took a step back from my daughter and the emails as I found the 'exercise in futility' draining, dizzying, spinning, crazymaking, a catch-22. Since doing that I have been very calm-- it's like the NC with an N. That makes me wonder since she was controlling the course of the emails.
I would like to send her an email and ask how SHE feels, as she did say that I was taking up all her temporal space and physical space.
I felt quite insulted with that.
I see the therapist today and as I write this I'm wondering what my complaints will be??? Is that fiunny or sad?
I believe I mentioned that I cannot relate to dealing with N parents, one or both, or divorcing an N/custody fights, or living with an N (as my experience is long over and just about forgotten, although likely one will never truly forget)..........I suspect I must have my own story on certain topics to have a comparable response.
Love to all
Izzy
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anybody there?
At Therpay today, I told her that when I was in the car accident I felt that I ought to have had some counselling, whatever, instead of laying there paralyzed and thinking my own thoughts, imagining scenarios that might or might not be in the future.
She was quite dismayed to hear that no one was there for me--a whole year!
One being that my daughter wouldn't love me anymore. If people think something for too long, it almost becomes a 'truth' to them, as this thought was to me. We can send out vibes, unknowingly, and the whole thing ends up being the truth.
i.e. Daughter does something wrong and I would take it the wrong way, that she didn't love me and not that she was just a 7-year old, 8-year old----whatever.
I am my own worst enemy!
love
Izzy
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((((((((((((((((Iz))))))))))))))))))))
We have all done this to ourselves at times. Please don't beat yourself up. I am doing it now by thinking my mother doesn't contact me on purpose, when, in fact, I don't think she thinks about me at all. And when she does, it's about her - she never seems to entertain the thought that I am alone a lot here, take care of two kids, am moving across the world in a couple of weeks... I want her to realize she has been oblivious to me, but, frankly, my dear, she wouldn't give a shit.
I am glad you ahve realized your daughter was being controlling.
Yes, you probably did read a lot into her behavior. Maybe you were scared she wouldn't love you in your new state and rejected her to "beat her to it." You can't change that past. It was scary for you and her. It was life-changing. And someone whould have been there to guide you through it emotionally as well as physically.
Love you Iz.
Beth
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Where did I post about the new owner of my Service Station who set my heart to a thumpity thumpity thump....??
I can be a bit slow now at spotting Ns but I was attracted to his ever so friendly eyes, -----then he was so friendly and helpful. I was outside the service bay, no appointmetn, and asked him, "My front headlamp is out. Do I buy a new bulb or a new engine?"
He laughed and said a bulb and set about to look after me and answer all my questions.
After this was all over I said "This car is 17 years old. I love it and I just have blinders on about it! It's in such good shape to look at but..........what about other things.?"
Upon checking my mileage he said I could run this another 10 years-- just replace a part now and then and sure cheaper than a new car.
(I tank up about 4 times a year...that'll tell you how much I drive.)
After the fact, I remembered that the N I left 5 years ago was my computer dealer with friendly eyse and twinkles like Peter Strauss--ever so friendly and doing what I needed---etc.
It all rang a bell--the "act" that maybe ALL of us put on at first meeting--like the hand shake-- plus the N looked like a"bad guy" that women love and so does this guy at the Service Station.
Sure am glad I am too old for all that crap now.
Love
Izzy
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Dear Izzy,
That devil is really cute. He has just the right expression, too . Hugs Ami
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I am glad you ahve realized your daughter was being controlling.
Yes, you probably did read a lot into her behavior. Maybe you were scared she wouldn't love you in your new state and rejected her to "beat her to it." You can't change that past. It was scary for you and her. It was life-changing. And someone whould have been there to guide you through it emotionally as well as physically.
Love you Iz.
Beth
someone whould I hope you meant someone Should!!
Thank you Beth
It is so difficult knowing how to react to things that happen in life. Even if it narrows down to my accident, and I couldn't accompany her into the water when she was little--well so be it. Maybe children aren't as resilient as I've heard. So I sat on the beach and never took my eyes off her. I was there and watching over her. and that applies to everything, BUT-- did I tell her? did she know? We cannot read one another's mind and I am accepting the blame for all that went wrong!
I won't be too hard on myself, not as I have been for all these years! I will try to lighten up!
Good Luck to you, Beth, in your moves and in your Life
Love
Izzy
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Izz, I'm sooooooooo glad to hear you say this!
I am accepting the blame for all that went wrong!
I won't be too hard on myself, not as I have been for all these years! I will try to lighten up!
Don't you be mean to our pal Iz.
You are a good woman, a good human being, and you have been as good a mother as it was possible for you to be.
As your daughter matures (hey, I didn't get around to it until yesterday), she is going to understand that too.
love
Hops
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----- Original Message -----
From: Izzy
To: Daughter
Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2007 1:38 PM
Subject: HB-Matt
I know Matt's birthday is tomorrow. HB from me.
Please tell me how you feel when we are not corresponding.
Thanks
mom
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----- Original Message -----
From: Daughter
To:Izzy
Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2007 3:19 PM
Subject: Re: HB-Matt
I feel much better now, thanks. It's been very stressful re-hashing all that stuff, and I find that I'm neither hovering around the computer waiting for the next installment of mail, nor dreading such mail. I feel like things are getting back to normal. I'm also not as angry or frustrated on a day-to-day basis either.
Things with matt are up and down. I've had to threaten to send him to Gus' again, and this time, i hope he gets it. He's promised to go to summer school to make up his English credit. I'd like him to re-do his Geography by correspondence. I"m considering homeschooling him in the fall semester. He's being assessed by his psychologist for learning disabilities / attention disorders. This is to rule these out, not because any of us think that he actually has these problems, but I've suspected that Gus has ADD ever since his niece susie was diagnosed (she called him to tell him that she thought he had it too). If Matt has either of these, it could be behind his not getting to school. Anyway, he goes in the afternoons now, and there's just this week left.
Mags is passing with fllying colours. We went to Ottawa two weeks ago for a ball gown for her formal. I'll send you a pic when she's in the full get-up. She looks beautiful.
How's work?
a.
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Hi folks
Daughter replied, as you can see and even talked about 2 of the kids. I am surprised! Then there was a 'thanks' stuck in there, and I am surprised!, And she asked about my work which is also a surprise! And now I await the fulfillment of a promise of a picture of my granddaughter in a formal gown. Daughter is not too good at remembering promises.
Now what--nothing personal and all superrficial? As long as she is not angry or critical I think I can take it and one day we might meet for lunch---fly 2000 miles to meet me for lunch? Well Strange things happen!
Love Izzy
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I think that's awesome, Izz. She needs an emotional rest, that's all.
Even when we discover the deep primal work of emotional healing, that doesn't mean our family members are going to be eager for it too.
My D has a very tough time with emotional dialogue.
But then she'll respond to something neutral...
I think the subtext is, I care about you, and that's why I replied to you. Just please don't ask me to examine my guts for you right now. I'm drained.
That's what I think my D has said to me at times. Maybe your D has some similar feelings...
Let it be, just chat and also let there be times of quiet. I literally trained myself to just leave my D a friendly hello (no request for a call back) message every Sunday during a period when we were estranged. I left light and simple messages, and asked for nothing. I didn't ask her to respond. I just kept up calm, brief hi, just checking in, hope you're well, I've had a busy week, here's a funny thing the dog did, work's crazy, and I love you. Over time, as I showed her I could respect her new boundaries and stop pushing, she warmed again.
Hope that helps.
I'm happy for you that she answered. Your D reminds me a little bit of mine in that she was so literal when she answered your question.
And I'd say to let it rest a week...let it breathe.
Good GOING
Hops
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Thanks Hops
I agree with your post.
When we were communicating, it became pretty tough, but I was given answers for 3 problem areas that I can now understand better.
There was one area about her that she didn't want to answer, and I think her answer ought to be, "You were right, Mom!" That would be difficult, VERY difficult. for her after 23 years.... and she might have the thought -----wrong though... that I would say, "I told you so".. That hangs over us and I want to let it go!
My D has a very tough time with emotional dialogue.
But then she'll respond to something neutral..
Where or where do we learn to be able to have good emotional dialogue.....................???????
---and yet, see how she shared about Matt, who will be 15 tomorrow, June 13th? She has NOT said a thing about this to me but I was told, by a family member, that at age 2, he was still not talking!!!!!!
She has told me in her own way that Maggie is graduating High School, and there will be a prom. (I went thru' that with daughter--buying the dress, the pictures, etc. I am beginning to think of my granddaughter as my daughter was 23 years ago!)
Now isn't that nice??
This is where I watch for the other shoe to drop!
(Time out for a medium pizza, pepperoni, gr peppers, mushrrooms and onions.)
Time will tell!
I will hope for the beest--no shoe dropping!
Love
Izzy
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Hey Iz,
So glad to see you posting. I miss you and always think of that damn bag over your head and how I laughed, laughed, laughed. I sure did miss you.
Love
Deb
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Hiya DEb,
Was so happy to make you chuckle.
I don't know if my posts are reflecting this, but my therapist is about through with me.
I am what I yam what I am.
Almost 50 years of therapy and I will never go to another because I am so insane no one can fix me, OR I am so 'perfect' no one can do it better.
I want an unofficial letter from her.
love
Izzy
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dear Izzy,
I don't get it. Is she telling you that she cannot help you any more or is that your opinion ?
Hugs to you Ami
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Hi Ami
I was told that by a psychiatrist and now by her that they more or less follow this logic:
" It's easy to direct the tendencies of a child, but it's almost impossible to change the character of an adult once it's set.
I see this all over the Internet.
"Without treatment, a person with avoidant personality disorder may become resigned to a life of near isolation." AvPD diagnosed by a psychiatrist last year.
Well that's just a couple but I am who I am and have been for 68 years. What happened to me happened, and I cannot change those events. Since most events were negative, I cannot assume positive thoughts about them. i.e. the car crash that disabled me is something with my memories, my thoughts and the physical results, paralysis, cannot be reversed.
And G_d was no help!
Love
Izzy
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I dunno Iz, it sounds to me like your therapist is copping out.
I mean - if it's impossible for an adult to change - um.
Then.
How come nearly all of the people who go to see therapists are....
wait for it...
ADULTS?
I mean - shouldn't the therapist be showing ALL her adult patients the door, then, if she is honest? Why is she merrily cleaning out their wallets, knowing there is nothing she can do to help them?
I don't know that I'd give up on therapy, just yet, Iz. But you may be wise to give up on this particular therapist. Something here does not parse properly. It really sounds to me like she's copping out on you.
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hiya Stormchild
I think, really, that there is no one in the world who will ever understand me, and that this is me! Like it or not!
I have been in and out of therapy for 49 years and no one has found a way to get to the heart of the matter.
I have had traumas all my life and am now 68. I am like a lump of stone when it comes to feelings. I said that in my first post. I am not equipped to deal with me and I dare ANY therapist to take me on and find a chink in my armour.
I did this for my daughter and knew in advance there would be no change!
I told her Tuesday that I feel as though I am a bottomless pit of anger that has never been addressed. Anger? At whom---everyone I've ever met?????
There has never been an answer!!
xx
Izzy
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Izzy.
I know that you are frustrated beyond belief. You have had enough heart ache for 20 peoples lives.
You went through the depths of pain
However, I see a "simple' solution for you, although it will not be easy.I see your problem as a hard "nut" of pain. Inside is you. You have so many beautiful qualities. I can tell that by knowing you on the board.However, they are locked up in the nut with the hard shell.
How to open it? Pain. Is it worth it to you? I would think."Yes". I can tell you from what I am going through that the pain allows the hard shell to crack a little.
Yesterday, I "saw" the betrayal of my parents to me. I just kept crying while I was out in stores.However, it was a relief .Today, I feel more "real"I am really excited about it.
It makes me wonder how much s### is left in there. Alot, I think.
However, my point to you is that the T might have been doing you a big favor.
My advice would be to start sharing your heart more. On the threads, dig deep inside you and try to put it on paper.Try to trust the feelings and ideas inside you more.
IMO Therapy can put you too much in the 'head" It did with me.If you went all these years to T and are still the same, then it is not working. Therapy hurt me. I could say all the words ,but I had no connection to my gut,. This was my original problem. Therapy just exacerbated it.,
This is all just my opinion. Throw away what does not seem right to you. Love Ami
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Thank you Ami
I know what you are saying, but it doesn't work for me. Why? Because it is so ingrained? Because I didn't say something at the time of whatever pain?
Let's take my accident and one year in hospital, as an example--
--my brother came to see me once, not his wife though.
--my sister came to see me once, not her husband though
--my nurse sister was local to hospital so came in for the for couple of months, then stopped. Her husband came once, alone.
--my N sister and her 1st husband came every week
--my mother didn't come for 2 weeks
--my dad came.
There was no counselliing for me so I thought my own thoughts about the future, disabled.
There was absolutely no one who talked with me to comfort me, to ask how I was feeling to ask anything at appropriate times, like what were my plans when I left the hospital.
No one!
Do I, 38 years later ask my family, "why only once"? I 'imagine' no one wanted to get too close--we never were anyway-- in case I took it as a sign that they would take in my daughter and me, and look after us for eternity.
I've done it on my own and likely have buried any pain connected to it.
I can't cry. The tears are in that shell too.
I can only think-
--this is good
--this is bad
--this is happy
--this is sad
--this is funny
--so I'll smile
--this is cruel
--people can be vile
--and go on working and making sure I no longer "take to" bad people and that I stand up for my self now!
Love
Izzy
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What I am saying about the accident ,for example is to,start writing down all that you remember about the betrayals associated with the accident. You just start writing and you will probably keep writing
It is about the feelings associated with the betrayal. They are still there inside you. You could journal about them ,first. Then later share your "feelings' on the board.
. However, you might decide that you do not want to go inside and find them. If that is so, then that is your decision for today.
However, feelings will not kill you, even if it appears that they will. They will hurt like hell,but you can share that with us. People will understand. You can't be any different than any one else on here.
When El or Blackbird shared,it opened up many people to share their own stories Maybe, those people were shut down until El opened up.
We are all tempted to think that we are the only ones or the "worse" ones. I am tempted to think that way ,too. When other's share,it helps people to know that they are not alone. .
The Bible says that 'There is no temptation taken man which is not common to man(something l.like that). Anyway, it is saying that all men have the same feelings such as betrayal, insecurity etc.
I know that the Bible is not "your thing",but IOM,it tells me about life. If it says that we all have the same emotions, I believe that it is true.
My point is that you are not the only"alien" who is different. You may have had deeper and greater pain but we will all understand the emotion of pain.
I don;t know if I am making sense. I am just encouraging you to share your truth about what is inside your particular 'nut", so to speak Love Ami
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Thanks Ami
I have already shared my traumas. There are all in there.
No one seems to know what to do about them!! Seriously!!
Izzy
EDIT: I can think about them. I do NOT feel them. I told all my stories of beatings and betrayal and injury to the therapist and never cried once.
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I am so very sorry Izzy . Love Ami
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Iz,
Are you angry with the people in your past or have you just accepted that is the way they are and life goes on? Is it buried or is it acceptance to the things you cannot change,choose or control so you did what you had to do without anyone. Geeze Izzy, your pretty much a warrior. Your probably one of the most real people I have ever come across.
Deb
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Thanks Ami
and Deb
I expect that I am a bottomless pit of anger, but I never show it. I never yell, curse or reem anyone.
I don't like my FOO as this began when I was little and beaten. No one talked about such things. They were part of life. I just have instinctlively known what was bad, obviously knew what was physically painful and buried all these things deeply-- every bad thing I did, the knowledge of them my head but I don't know where that feeling place is!
I made up ways to survive, even at five. I put designs in my head to remember all my numbers, another for months of the year, another for days of the week. I must have known I would have to survive on my own!. There was no acceptance of the "bad" things --they went immediately to 'whereever' and I wouldn't have to deal with them. The pain from a beating would go there immediately. I have a very high threshold for pain.
Yes, at a very early age I felt like the odd man out, outside looking in, the black sheep, the scapegoat.
My anger is not at anyone outside my family--- I have no explanation for that--- it is my FOO. They were supposed to love me. protect me, and they didn't. So I am a loner
A warrior?
Real?
I feel like a phony!! an oddball, a robot, a walking "time bomb"---should that cement shell break and all the feelings came spilling out, I might just go insane!
Love
Izzy
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The fear of going insane is what is keeping them in. You won;t go insane ,you will just hurt and cry. If you have not gone insane up to now ,holding them in. You won;t go insane when you let them out (IMO) Love Ami
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HI Ami
I have no fear of going insane because I don't know where my feelings are. I used the term "I might...."
If I did know where, a therapist, many years ago, might have helped me, but maybe they are buried in a lock box buried in the bush on the back 40 of the farm where I grew up.
I have been opened up surgically and they were not there.
Are you understanding me? I know but I don't feel. I don't cry. I don't yell.
I don't get close to people who will notice this. I am business-like and/or amusing!
xxoo
Izzy
EDIT: We don't know what we look like unless we look in a mirror or see a photo of ourselves, but what if the mirror and the camera are wrong? I thought this when I was about 18. I asked my girlfriend to look straight at me and then look at me in the mirror---Did I look the same? I feel as though I look like a human being, but all these weird thing are helping to make my personality and character, that don't match my appearance.
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I believe you, Izz.
Human beings are very mysterious.
You might be Aspergerish. You might be a math genius.
You might be Groucho Marx reincarnated.
All I know is, you're Izzy and I like you.
You can't "pry" emotion out of yourself that feels inauthentic. I understand.
You could try some meditative or spiritual practice and see what happens over time.
Or you could be just happy and acepting of yourself as you sound now, and let your spirit rest.
All life's a mystery. And you belong in life.
Hops
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Oh Thank you Hops,
I am glad you believe me.
I love your ideas!!
BUT GET THIS EVERYONE!!!!!
I read an essay written by someone, after my last post, and in it she said, & I am paraphrasing, most people are in the state of having a 'motive' or a reason for thinkng, doing, feeling.
The flip side of that is EMOTIVE and she states that in the emotive state a person can have no feelings at all.
In other words you are all rational and I am irrational. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Have you ever heard of "Rational emotive behavior therapy[/b]"
Quotes
"In other words, human beings on the basis of their belief system actively, though not always consciously, disturb themselves, and even disturb themselves about their disturbances."
" Irrational beliefs prevent goal attainment, lead to inner conflict, lead to more conflict with others and poor mental health. Rational beliefs lead to goal attainment and more inner harmony. In other words rational beliefs reduce conflicts with others and improved mental health.
"REBT claims that irrational and self-defeating thinking, emoting and behaving are correlated with emotional difficulties such as self-blame, jealousy, guilt, Low Frustration Tolerance, depression, and anxiety. This is a view shared with some other well-known therapies, such as Re-evaluation Counselling and Person-centred counselling - as these both arose in the mid-50s, Ellis is thought to have had an influence on them. REBT is an educational and active-directive process in which the therapist teaches the client how to identify irrational and self-defeating tendencies which in nature are unrealistic, illogical and absolutist, and then to forcefully and emotionally dispute them, and replace them with more rational and self-helping ones.
OMG! I learned something---- I must study up on it more!! Those were just a few quotes from ther wikipedia definition.
"I found the essay"... and this is where my search began.
I am not sure of what its other uses might be. They are just logic tables.
They really don't have too much to do with feelings (emotions), all
feelings are created by motives, needs and fears, algedonic signals. It is
possible to have no feelings at all in the emotive sense. However very
difficult if I throw myself off a bridge with a bungy attached to my feet,..."
more from Ellis:
Key to REBT thought is that the evaluation of the event, not the activating event itself, causes the emotional consequence; that by attaining a more rational evaluation of ourselves, others and the world, we are more likely to behave and emote in a more life-serving and adaptive way.
Originator Albert Ellis points out, "People are born and reared with the ability to look at the data of their lives, particularly the negative things that happen to them against their goals and interests, and to make inaccurate inferences and attributions about these data."
Whence do our self-sabotaging irrational beliefs originate? REBT teaches that we learn some of them during our childhood, some from environmental factors, but largely that human beings have strong inborne biological tendencies(Ellis, 2003). REBT differs from psychoanalysis in that it places little emphasis on exploring the past, but instead focuses on changing the current evaluations and philosophical thinking about our lives, others and ourselves.
Love Izzy
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Hey Iz,
I understand too. Your ok with me in my book. I like ya anyoway!! So there!!
Deb
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Thank you too, Deb
I have a "name for it" Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And now will watch a DVD to celebrate!!!!!!!
Izzy
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Izzy,
There is so much in this thread.
First, I think the email from your daughter shows that you two do have a nice, adult relationship. She sounds very honest with you and not as if she is avoiding anything (if that makes sense). Her email is open and friendly.
I am disappointed in your therapist. It seems she may have hit a wall with you and is either pushing you to want to go further, or doesn't want to figure out the key to make you open up. I am guessing you have given her signals that you are stubborn (wink, wink) and maybe she doesn't feel that she ca/wants to push you.
I am glad that you have found out that you are OK (we all knew that anyways :))
Lots of love,
Beth
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I feel like a phony!! an oddball, a robot, a walking "time bomb"---should that cement shell break and all the feelings came spilling out, I might just go insane!
Love
Izzy
Perhaps, if those feelings ever did come spilling out..... you would go insane. Then you'd feel better? Just a thought.
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lighter
Was that post necessary?
Sarcasm at its best, I see.
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lighter
Was that post necessary?
Sarcasm at its best, I see.
No sarcasm. You may feel better if you can break through the shell and feel the feelings. They're traumatic and you've developed defense mechanisms to keep you from feeling them. You may lose your mind for a bit or just feel like you are but........ I think that goes for everyone in this situation. Not just you.
I would like you to feel better than "a phony, oddball, robot, a walking time bomb." Breaking that shell and feeling those feelings, with a compassionate capable T, would be the safest way to get through it, IMO.
I do wish you recovery....... or what I refer to as....... a respite from the haunting. Those feelings are haunting you.
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I forgot to apologize to you, Izz.
Sorry you thought I was being sarcastic.
I'm dealing with my own struggles right now and have been less mindful, as of late.
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Hi Lighter,
For the record, this was just a misunderstanding in my being assertive. I must stand up for myself, but be sure I do it for the right reason.
I understand and also ought to realize that some people post when in dire pain--I cannot do that. I have to wait until I am ready i.e. calm and cool and then it sounds like nothing is wrong
How crazy can it get?
Take care
Love
Izzy
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Hi Lighter,
For the record, this was just a misunderstanding in my being assertive. I must stand up for myself, but be sure I do it for the right reason.
I understand and also ought to realize that some people post when in dire pain--I cannot do that. I have to wait until I am ready i.e. calm and cool and then it sounds like nothing is wrong
How crazy can it get?
Take care
Love
Izzy
You got an A in asserting yourself, lol.
In the future, I think asking for clarification helps us figure out when and how to react appropriately.
Nothing like asking someone "what are you trying to say?" or "what did you mean by that?" (in front of other people) to put them on the spot to explain or back down from what they said.
It also gives you another minute, and more information, to think about how you're going to respond.
If I can think for a minute, I can come up with a more creative or witty response that says what I want to say. If I just react, without a moment to clear my head, I'm rarely pleased with how things go.
I also don't want mean people to know they've upset me. I don't want them to have that satisfaction.
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Dear Izzy,
have not heard from you. How about popping in and saying "hi"? Love Ami
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I z: Maybe it comes with age and maturity or maybe we learn from our mistakes but I am with you on that one. To stay calm and think before you over react is a saving grace. I have learned this with my oldest daughter who is exhibiting N tendencies. I just know that if I say a snappy comeback It will turn into a fight and I just cannot in down that road.
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Izzy and Lighter,
You are both my heroes of the week!!!! You defudsed a possible unpleasant situation and dealt with it so nicely!!!!!!!! Cheers!!!!!!!! I love seeing how we all get along here and the progress we make.
Hugs,
Beth
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Thank you Ami
OC and
Beth
I am here, and yes, lighter and I settled that very quickly. A misinterpretation of words used.
I am working on my Belief System, and I see the Therapist today. I need her to help tell me what I believe--<grin>
Just like boundaries, which I hadn't HEARD of until a few years back re the N, I need a belief system in place. I have started a list but don't want to mix "my attitude toward ? is ...." in with beliefs.
I did a test on values, from the internet and had chosen 10 then went through the elimination process. I found I was choosing, when it came to the last one left & it didn't feel right, with "someone else's approval" in mind. I'm takiing that sheet with me today too.
I think she will be happy for me to say that I want very hard to not talk about those people, who I feel are toxic on some level. I've put her through hell with all the crap from my life and I'm sure she gets the picture and now it's time to repair ME, with her knowing what happened.
Cheers and all the best
Izzy
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Iz,
I feel like a phony!! an oddball, a robot, a walking "time bomb"---should that cement shell break and all the feelings came spilling out, I might just go insane!
Nope, you wouldn't. You would of just found where you put them. Insane? No I don't think so. Deal with it. I believe so!
Your the Iz inator!!!
Love
Deb
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AHHHHHH I've written this post 3 times and it won't go through!