Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on June 27, 2007, 05:34:13 PM
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I had two great strides today. One was that I backed my H down about being "nasty" last night.
He was hanging on for dear life,but I will not let him abuse me anymore. Abusing me is OVER for him. Also, Someone came to visit. I was too tried to have company. I walked her to the front door and said,"I am so sorry but I am too tired to even stand up."
I felt so happy.
I ,also, sent my M an e mail . I said I will never be bullied by you again.
I could never have made these changes without you- here- at the board.Thank you for listening and responding
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Love Ami
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atta girl Ami! So proud of you!
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your voice is coming through loud and clear, dear Ami; )
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I was "strong" again.I sent my mother an e mail that was so "on target" about her that I knew it would "kill" her. Even an N knows truth( down deep) when it is "shot in to their heart". It is like Dracula.
She e mailed back right away to try to "bring me back in to the fold."
She tried a different tact. She works with a Born Again Christian( even though she is not). She had THIS lady write me back trying to throw guilt on me for using the word"evil'. She threw a big dose of guilt on me for not being"forgiving".My M never asked for forgiveness and never "repented" so this person should check her theology before she butts in to other peoples business. She must not know that she is simply being used by an N.
I wrote back,"I stand by my e mail 1000%." . It feels so good to take care of myself ---FOR ONCE.
I know that she is going crazy right now. Truth is a powerful weapon-- probably the most powerful.
An N knows the truth down deep when it hits them. The truth hurts worse than name calling ,etc.
If you can get your hands on the truth , you have a big gun Love Ami
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I guess when it is all said and done, all you have is your dignity .I wrestled it back from my mother today. She is holding on with claw marks. Little does she know that I got strong from all of you. She will find out that abusing me is off limits.
This is one lesson that she will not like to learn Love Ami
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Ami,
How does or did this woman counsel anyone? Hasn't anyone ever noticed that something is really not RIGHT! EVER? In her field?
I had a director that was like that but her game was up eventually, at least amongst staff.
Deb
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WOW, Ami.
Don't drown in adrenalin...take goooood physical care of yourself too.
And it will all come into balance.
This is just awesome.
One day, one NO, one ASSERTION at a time.
I am so impressed. Bravo to you.
hugs
Hops
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Dear Deb,
I think that some people know and others don't(how bad she is). Today, when she had the Christian lady e mail me, it was a low blow. The lady( I can tell that she is a "bud in ski" b/c I have talked to her on the phone before) really had the nerve to tell me that if I didn't forgive my mother than I was not going to heaven.I am glad that no one died and made her God.
My mother will stop at nothing BUT she doesn't know that I have all of you as a force behind me..
This time I got my anger back ,so I am not the same weakling that she can manipulate.
Thank you,Hops. Love Ami
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Girl this is exactly what happened to me-I just HAD HAD IT! Looks like you are there, however be prepared for a full on attack with some accusations like unstable and ungrateful and disrespectful and bad and naughty or whatever words your mom uses to get under your skin to keep her control over you. Stand FIRM with a resolve that cannot be moved. I started using the strategy that I have done research and I realize that I am Not the one with he problem (other than I am very angry!)
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My goodness, Ami!
no, wait a minute.
Make that... your goodness! Your goodness is coming through, loud and clear, for you. Without guilt and without fear.
Don't detract from your own self, now, don't give everyone here all of the credit. You found this place, you have come here, you have worked and worked and faced the pain and kept on going and read and thought and thought and read and cried and screamed and pushed and struggled and...
isn't it just like giving birth, in a way!
... and you are reborn.
Ami, this is wonderful. Stand tall.
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Whohoo Ami,
I don't think you ever lost your voice. I think the manipulating bullies just drowned you out but we heard you Ami, you are coming in loud and strong.
You keep talking. Your doing really good and really healing.
As far as the woman's email , yeah OK, shrug it off! This is another tactic she is using because she is losing grounds with you so she is using people to do her dirty work!!
That's what they do Ami. Same was done to me when they lost grounds doing it on their own they tried to hurt or manipulate me through others. Poor people had no clue what they were recruited for and that they were being used.
Good for you Ami you have come a long way!
Deb
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Thank you, Deb, for saying that. It is upsetting for her to recruit someone like that. Also, it is a low blow to strike me at my "core' like that.
Your post helped a lot. I.The lady managed to throw guilt on me ,which is the currency of the N mother, I guess. Guilt always worked ,in the past . She takes the kernel of truth in a situation and uses it as a club to beat you to death with . I am going to turn my mind off of this lady and the guilt. It is just a new N tactic Love Ami
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Ami,
This is wonderful to hear. I'm so proud of you.
T
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Great job Ami!!!! Your using your voice and the guilt she's trying to throw your way isn't working!! I'm happy for you. :D
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Ami,
Good for you! It's a bit of a rush, isnt it, sticking up for yourself?
I have seen the kind of "sic 'em" tactics used in iNstances in my life--where they recruit someone to do their dirty work. Feels yucky. Just ignore it.
I'm glad you're feeling so strong, Ami. I'm glad you're here. :D
Love
CB
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AMI!!!
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
So happy for you,
Lots of love,
Sally
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Ami,
I'm really proud of you! You are doing EXACTLY the right thing!
Your Mum's behaviour is very typical. She knows she's losing control, so she's sending the troops in. The other woman is *supposed* to be making you feel guilty (by HER rules), but as you say, you don't have to forgive your mum, especially as she is showing no remorse, no willingness to change, just desperation. Her desperation is the clue ...it means you're WINNING!
By the way, you might find, as I did when I started facing up to my NMum, that you now get all kinds of 'helpful' relatives and 'friends' who you haven't heard from in ages, ringing up to 'see how you are'... then slipping into the conversation whatever line they've been fed from your mother. Be aware of that for a while. It's N behaviour by proxy, and very upsetting to realise that other acquaintanes of your mother's might be willing to sacrifice your well-being for hers.
Janet