Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: NoMoreMindGames on July 31, 2007, 06:05:00 PM
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hi there,
could someone please tell me who moderates this board?
i had the most disturbing experience on a prominent NPD board this morning, and won't be going back. i'm really upset by this, because i'm trying to heal from my experience with Ns, and was completely ostracized by a seeming cult-like mentality this morning.
basically, i expressed discomfort at how much stock was being put into Sam Vaknin's writings and ideas on this board by the moderators and members. i asked for other's feelings and thoughts on that topic. i was concerned at his lack of credentials, and the fact that he is an N who moderates several boards for survivors of abuse by Ns....seems really inappropriate to me. long story short: i was accused of being "divisive", told i could "find another board", (unfortunately it seems most boards lead back to Sam Vaknin). someone even accused me of having a "secret agenda". it was really upsetting and horrible for me.
anyway, i certainly hope Mr. Vaknin's writings and ideas can be openly questioned on this board.......just trying to find a board that allows free and critical thinking. is this that board? thanks for reading.
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Dear Friend,
Some people like Vaknin here and some don't . So, welcome. We are trying to find our own unique voices. You can disagree, here Warmly Ami
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thank you so much, ami.
i'd even tried requesting to become a member of a different board, and unfortunately the moderator there was the same as the main moderator/manager of the other one, so my request was denied!
i'm trying to figure out if what i'd said or questioned really was wrong? to me, it seems a really important issue...that if much of your paradigm is based on this person's philosophy and writing, it would behoove you to find out of the person's ideas and writings are based on scientific data and research. i know that's my opinion, but i didn't realize it would threaten people so much.
anyway, i now realize this same moderator posts on here, too....she's everywhere. so i think i won't be posting here anymore, either. but thank you again, ami, for your warm welcome.
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No More
Feel free to post your opinions. I personally don't get threatened by any posting. I may get educated in somethings I didn't know and some things I disagree with but I never ever felt threatened by anyone on here. And I have never been shut down or shut out by anyone.
I have learned somethings from Vankin but I pretty much remember that he is an N and not a big fan of his.
Deb
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I think this is definately NOT a Sam V board.
Not that he can't be discussed here.
I read the big black book and got a lot of information pretty quickly.
Like everything else, you take what makes sense and dismiss the rest. ::Shrug::
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thank you so much....what a relief.
it looks like that moderator hasn't posted on here in 3 years, so maybe i'm safe here. i'll stick around!
it's weird how rejection makes me feel....just...icky. like the lowest slug slithering along. i feel guilty when there's probably no need to feel guilty. probably the result of being raised by Ns. i actually feel kind of traumatized by that whole experience this morning. blech. :(
you know what's weird to me is this: it's almost like Vaknin is this cult leader in a sense, and the survivors of N abuse are the cult members over on that board. they're all fulfilling their roles over and over again, replaying history. that's the clear impression i got this morning. it's sad because i don't think real healing will necessarily take place if people can't be open and honest about how they feel, even if they don't like Sam Vaknin (or whoever it may be).
i noticed, too, that the moderator had some harsh words for other members, such as "stop asking these questions and read the links over there to the left. an ignorant mom loses her kids." stuff like that.
okay, done venting for now....thank you so much for reading, and for your kind words.
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Dr. Richard Grossman moderates this board. He allows us to get into it and only occasionally locks topics that hit a hot button and there seems to be not agreeing to disagree. Doesn't happen too often. I have seen a few get into it but it usually is about some very sensitive issue. We are all very supportive here and for the most part you are free to tell us what you think. We try not to throw accusations around, etc.
Welcome!! I think many will agree with me, this board has been a lifesaver for me in my journey to emotional wholeness!!
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it's funny, because i would go for months without posting anything on that NPD board. but recently i'd been really triggered by a ex-boyfriend of mine who i realized could very well be an N, never thought he was before the incident that triggered me....and i'm pregnant so i'm a real roller-coaster ride of emotions and hormones right now.
anyway, my point is that i really feel like i need a supportive place i can interact with others who've gone through similar things i've been through right now, desperately....it's almost all-consuming. so i'm so glad i've found you. i was beginning to despair of ever finding a board again. thank you so much!
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Tell us about what's going on with you, what happened with the ex that triggered you?
::stepping back a couple paces::
I know I had razorblades on wheels moments when I was pregnant, lol.
Just remember you have your truth, and everyone else has theirs.
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thanks lighter.....
okay, so what happened was this:
it's a really long story, and in hindsight, this person's "mirroring" me, D&Ding me, and compartmentalizing his life and me, his dishonesty and cheating, his inability to commit, all seem so obvious now. i used to kind of date him, played music with him...
to make a long story short: he found me on myspace, i didn't know it was him until he began flirting with me. later, i tell him i'm "preggers" (i'm very happily married to a non-N), and his response was: "do me a favor. tell people you're pregnant, not "preggers". that sounds really white trash to me".
suddenly the little light bulb flared in my head, and i realized what i was dealing with, so i blocked him. but it triggered me nonetheless, having an N father, and having a previous *horrible* relationship with an N man back in my early twenties.
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What an A hole,eh?
Glad to hear your married to non N and denied N your attention.
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Welcome No.....MMG
I know the Boards of which you speak, and still hold membership, haven't used in quite some time.
I no longer have an N in my life but there was a
Father
sister
son-in-law (now ex)
and left a live-in 5 years ago,!!!!!!
Now I would like a voice. I don't relate well to people who still live with the N and want to fix him!! Can't, so move on. If they will NOT leave him, or her, then there is no point in reading their posts.
I cannot relate to those with an Nmother, so have no experience on which to draw.
I relate better to people who talk about their feelings/emotions (even though I don't have connection with mine--that's why I am in therapy. We work on connecting me--not about Ns.
I don't want this to become another N survival Board. (It sureI S cliquish! and they love Dr. Sam)This is a darned good group and I am surprised that I have lasted as long as I have here.
Again
(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/welcome_2.gif)
Izzy
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Meeeeeeeet Izzy, lol; )
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are you introducing us, lighter? or tellling me to eat meet? or meat? or did your sinuses explode?
Izzy
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Iz,
I don't know if Lights exploded but I just think mine did from laughter. Where did my English Muffin go?
Deb
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::shaking finger!!::
WHOSE LAUGHING ON THIS BOARD!?!?!
NO Laughing!
hee
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Hey! I didn't order an English Muffin! :shock: What kinda restaurant is this??
:D
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hahaha,
I think I'm drunk on benadryl.
Deb
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an English Muffin!
I have to tell y'all I lived in England for over 35 years without seeing a muffin anywhere!
We do have these kind of cardboard-dough crumpet things which can only be eaten hot with half a pound of melted butter on each one...
Welcome NoMoreMindGames.
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I don git drun on Bendril.
I juuuus fine on th'stuff; )
I can han'l it.
::perking up!::
I love those cardboard english muffin things with half a pound of butter, lol!
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I love buttered cardboard crumpets! :D
Gots no benedryl here, but between the generic equate brand allergy meds and gettin up every 10 minutes to stretch this back,
I'm feelin a bit lightheaded over here myself :shock:
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ohhhhh half a lb of butter, ooh yum.
I need to udate.
Hope,
check that muffin you got because I found mine in my dogs mouth as he was running and laughing at me. My gosh, I hope he didn't throw it on your plate.. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT EAT THAT MUFFIN, It had dog lips on it.
Deb
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rofl... Deb - ummm, I'm embarassed to say, it wouldn't be the first time. Your dog and mine may be related, cuz my little tiny 80# Daisy has been known to nab a muffin or two. And she laughs at me, too! :shock: :lol:
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Do dogs have lips?
like chickens?
Izzy
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Actually, I think chickens have lips like fish? :P And I think my husband is done with his game and I may actually be able to go stretch out in bed now.... yay!!!!! :D Buh-have, Izzy :D
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Hope, believe me!! I don't know how to behave when I am feeling quite well now, after a bad night!
I feel so good I might go skiing! and I feel 60 again!
Izzy
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To NMMG
Do you see what you started??????
xx
Izzy
[attachment deleted by admin]
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I love you guys
:lol:
Hops
(welcome NMMG...)
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Handshakes (unless you prefer a bow). Welcome NMMG,
tt
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You can say preggers all you want. You will find people here from England, Canada, Virginia and even in Iowa-me! And a whole lots more. No judgement from us!
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are you introducing us, lighter? Izzy
Hey Izzy.....How many are'rin there with you, lol?
And.....
You did a fine job introducing yourself, lol.
It reminded me of my first date with N, lol....... really, lol.
My side of the dialogue, anyway :shock:
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Well NMMG – as you can see pretty much anything goes.
Between detailed descriptions of lighter shoving a Netti pot up her nose, Izzy attaining such a state of Nirvana she wets her pants, dogs running away with hard as rock crumpets saturated in butter all the while smiling, constipated Ns, exploding sinuses, and izzy’s bloody eyeballs :lol: (Iz – I think those eyeballs need some Benadryl – or would a Netti pot work on that too?) – it is a really great place, with a diverse group of very wise and wonderful people.
Glad you are here!
(Thanks for the laughs everyone!!)
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hehe...i like how the thread was hijacked....comedic relief is always welcome!
what's funny is the term "preggers" comes from England, according to what i've researched. also, i'm simply not "white trash" at all. my xN used to call me "white trash" too, so it really makes me mad when someone calls me that...it makes no sense, and it's just plain mean.
i think, after thinking about all of this, what it comes down to is that this guy was like the straw that broke the camel's back, recently. i think what really triggered me was the fact that my sister was recently in the hospital, could have possibly died, and my N father made it all about him. (typical). i hadn't seen or spoke with my father in over 7 years, but felt he should know his daughter was in the hospital in very serious condition. his behavior was really quite appalling, although at the time i didn't really react to it, since i was more concerned for me sister. then to have this schmuck from my past be so rude about my use of the word "preggers" just really sent me over the edge.
anyway, as for snot and english muffins: i have some serious post nasal drip issues that have gotten worse since becoming pregnant. also, one of the only foods i find i can eat lately are english muffins with peanut butter and bananas. and lemonade and pickles.
thanks for listening guys! :D
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anyway, as for snot and english muffins: i have some serious post nasal drip issues that have gotten worse since becoming pregnant. also, one of the only foods i find i can eat lately are english muffins with peanut butter and bananas. and lemonade and pickles.
thanks for listening guys! :D
::pushing little purple neti pot to NMMG and waiting for stories::
hee
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wait, wait...what's a "neti pot"? i'm gonna have to go back and read through this thread, eh?
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rofl... Deb - ummm, I'm embarassed to say, it wouldn't be the first time. Your dog and mine may be related, cuz my little tiny 80# Daisy has been known to nab a muffin or two. And she laughs at me, too! :shock: :lol:
i don't have a dog (serious bummer), but i have two cats. one of them acts like a dog. he likes to steal japanese gyoza (potstickers) from my plate when i'm not looking.
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OOOOOOOOOOOOO.... love the gyoza dumplings! They give me dragon breath for a couple days but i just can't say not, lol!
My girls love them too.... little baby dragon breath, lol!
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i still have no clue what a Neti pot is....could someone enlighten me? is it just some random thing, like when my friend and i say "butttterrrrrrrrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzz" randomly on each other's profiles? makes no sense?
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You can find the explanation on Thread OMG, I'M SNOTTY AGAIN!
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I never heard of one either - had to google it. It is a little device (looks kinda like a tea pot) that you fill with water and salt that somehow cleanses the sinuses whilst standing upright. From other's posts I've learned that you shouldn't use iodized salt and that I don't think I ever want to try one of these things :D.
That is about all I know - anyone else have any additional info?
Peace
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I never heard of one either - had to goggle it. It is a little device (looks kinda like a tea pot) that you fill with water and salt that somehow cleanses the sinuses whilst standing upright. From other's posts I've learned that you shouldn't use iodized salt and that I don't think I ever want to try one of these things :D.
That is about all I know - anyone else have any additional info?
Peace
nope, Peace... that about sums up what I gathered about this device. Especially the "don't think I ever want to try one" part :D
Tis a quaint name for a nasal douche, tho :oops:
:D
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ohhh, i see. i used something similar to that...you take this squeeze bottle and stick it up your nose and squirt to clear out the sinuses. you used distilled water and these little packets of special baking soda and sea salt.
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ohhh, i see. i used something similar to that...you take this squeeze bottle and stick it up your nose and squirt to clear out the sinuses. you used distilled water and these little packets of special baking soda and sea salt.
Ummmm... not exactly a squeeze bottle, lol.
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not sure about the Netiquette of writing about Neti-pots ( ! ) but I have horrible sinus pain lately....
btw NMMG 'preggers' in England would be used by a upper-clarss lady; it's a bit of 'jolly hockeysticks' terminology!
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not sure about the Netiquette of writing about Neti-pots ( ! ) but I have horrible sinus pain lately....
btw NMMG 'preggers' in England would be used by a upper-clarss lady; it's a bit of 'jolly hockeysticks' terminology!
yes, exactly....so not sure how that's "white trash" in american english? who knows? i think what it comes down to is he wasn't happy that i was pregnant for whatever reason (maybe afraid attention wouldn't be paid to him?), and he thought he'd cut me down a bit to make himself feel better. hmph!
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NMMG,
Ughhh,
Typical N or Nish.
Take it with a grain of salt and remember where the comment is coming from. You can't tell them off but you can cut them off.
Good for you.
Deb
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you know, i don't even really care about the comment anymore. good riddance, is what i think now...the guy was a real weird-o anyway. very N-ish. i didn't need anyone like that in my life. so it's a blessing in disguise that he said what he did, in the end. i'd considered terminating my "friendship" with him many times prior to his comment.
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wow, OMG! check this out quick before it gets deleted entirely:
http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/general.msnw?action=get_message&mview=0&ID_Message=409076&LastModified=4675633659577716890
this is exactly the kind of thing i was talking about over there. "matilda" is one of the managers/moderators of the site who accused me of being "divisive" by questioning Vaknin's motives and credentials. here she is gay-bashing in this thread! what IS going on over there???
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oh geez.
i still have "white trash" dude programmed in my phone. he called last night for the first time in like 7 years. i didn't answer it, and waited until this morning to check his voicemail. i was thinking it would be something like "hey, can we talk? i'm sorry if my comment upset you"....you know, what most people would say. and trust me, he knows his comment upset me, considering i blocked all of his various personal and band profiles on myspace, and retorted to his comment with a very sarcastic and upset message.
anyway, no, his voicemail wasn't what a "normal" person would say. all he wanted to do was let me know his band was playing last night (he called at 8:30 pm), a week night, 120 miles away from where i live.
i think this must be another example of "Let's Play Pretend It Didn't Happen"...(and "you can go right back to being my mirror, my NS, just like nothing's changed").
what's funny is i wouldn't be receptive to such an invite, anyway...as i said, i live in a totally different city, it was a week night, there was no warning...AND, the last time he invited me to go watch his band play, his guitarist insisted i leave the room and pay to get in. now, not sure who here is familiar with the "local band" scene....but, where i come from, if you've played music with someone and dated someone before, known them since high school, and they specifically invite you to see their band, AND you've made multiple efforts to get their band a venue to play at in your town, you DO NOT make that person pay to get in to see your show. that's just horribly obtuse and bad manners.
so. why would i go see this dude's band play after all of the above, at the last minute? complete arrogance, i tell you. hmph!
you know, in a way, i'm kind of glad he didn't try to apologize or anything. that would have made it more difficult for me to continue ignoring him and keep him out of my life.
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Oh I sincerely hope you can continue to ignore him completely and give him no satisfaction. Not the smallest.
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no, i won't. i will ignore, ignore, ignore.
it still is nice to have a place i can vent, though, where people understand. at least i was never in love with this guy, and he was never a very good friend...makes it easier.
besides, there's more important things to worry about right now....like baby!
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Hey NMMGs,
You know I didn't even ask you how many months you are? How many? Is this your first? Exciting isn't it.
I remember towards the end I was just nesting away. I even cleaned walls with a sponge.
And oh boy do I miss that smell of new baby with all the lotions.
That will make you forget at least temp about all those nasty people out there.
Thanks for making me remember it.
Deb