Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Certain Hope on August 10, 2007, 04:30:29 PM
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Been pondering this recently... and wondering whether it's possible to develop an adrenaline addiction related to the great "aha" discoveries and insights we make as we pursue healing.
Just guessing that most folks participating here do grow weary on occasion, as I do, of the constant self-excavation, N-archaeology, fine-tooth-comb examination, etc., ad nauseum.
For myself, I know that I really do have enough to work on, just to put into application what I've learned so far... practicing new skills, developing consistency, deepening understanding of basic principles.
But what I notice is that after an "Aha" or two, I start craving more, and more... and this makes me wonder, is it possible to become physically addicted to the self-discovery process?
From an article here:
http://www.synergyunlimited.net/resources.htm (http://www.synergyunlimited.net/resources.htm)
The payoffs from Adrenalin Addiction are:
- It creates an urgency that gets you into action
A temporary burst of high energy – you get a “rush” or “high”
A temporary increase in your focus and feeling of accomplishment
It makes life feel more exciting
A temporary ability to avoid negative feelings
Well, there's a definite "rush" which comes with a new insight, that's for sure!
But there's also a definite need to allow time for absorption of new insights and the practical application which will allow each of us to "own" those concepts.
Just some thoughts from a reforming adrenaline junky...
I think it's wise to note the costs:
The costs of Adrenaline Addiction are:
- Tremendous stress on your body
Over time, it weakens the immune system and leads to illness
You lose your ability to focus
You sacrifice quality for immediate results
You get depressed because you don’t produce at your best
It adversely impacts your personal and professional relationships
You tend to live in the future and fail to enjoy or maximize opportunities in the present.
You constantly beat yourself up because you are never enough
Most unpleasant. Sometimes it's good to drop back and punt.
Love,
Hope
[Another free adrenaline-addiction test here: http://www.managingyoursuccess.com/page/page/1338991.htm]
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grow weary on occasion, as I do, of the constant self-excavation, N-archaeology, fine-tooth-comb examination, etc., ad nauseum.
yup, I wonder sometimes if I'm not in danger of crawling up my own *ss....sorry :oops: but I guess you know what I mean!
I suddenly want to 'do' instead of thinking and introspecting all the time, so I am going to. But- no dating. Yet. at least no looking for dates and seeking out relationships. I just want to oar along steadily too CH. And have some long overdo FUN!!!
I'm starting a course next week the last of a certificate series on gerontology, this one is about dying. May not seem like fun, though I have to say some of my patients are more fun than I'll ever be, even on their deathbeds they have solomn witty pronouncements to make or jokes to tell. Not all, but enough for me to know this is what I do best in my work, helping people in these times which can be too diifcult and painful, and need musical and personal input sometimes.
I think I found my vocation, in part. Because the other side to me is I am a writer, and I am writing again almost daily. After a hiatus for crying and other distractions.
I've found a couple of big works to sing in for the Fall/ Winter, a singles group, a divorce support group which starts next month. and then I'm going to be guided by Janet and try making clothes. Beginning with bras!
So lots going on, I looked at tickets for shows and concerts coming up, and I'll dust off my membership to some of my social groups and book plane fares to friends in Illinois and SF.
Let's get out this rut and start the next phase :)
PS Ch, the adrenalin rush is what wears people out with mania. I can tell if i've been experiencing it too much, my face is lined and stressed adn I grit my teeth a lot even when I'm asleep.
~W
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Dear Write,
Not sure I communicated this accurately.
The feeling I have is not one of being in a rut, but almost the opposite... a sense of leaping ahead too quickly, lusting after the next Aha!... the next "fix" of adrenaline.
What I've been pondering is whether frustration with the mundane routines and disciplines of practicing what's learned here...might propel the search for Aha!s into more of an obsessive mission than is healthy, thereby putting life out of balance.
The same thing can happen in any pursuit, I imagine... whether attempting to assemble a complicated new gizmo without taking time to read the instructions, or racing to the end of a story minus appreciation and enjoyment of the content in the middle. Somehow, all of this does seem to take on a life of its own and develop a sort of "fast-food" ambience...
substituting adrenaline for supersized fries.
This afternoon, I read an article about the problems with adrenaline addictions in the business world.
http://www.stickyminds.com/sitewide.asp?Function=edetail&ObjectType=COL&ObjectId=2999 (http://www.stickyminds.com/sitewide.asp?Function=edetail&ObjectType=COL&ObjectId=2999)
It begins:
"We've all been there. Whether it's the night before the big deadline or the night after the big crash, we have all soldiered on through crazy hours, working frantically to achieve the impossible. And, exhausted but triumphant, we have all achieved the impossible more times than seems possible.
But is this a good thing?"
Apparently not, as this article goes on to say:
"Other symptoms include, of course, constant overtime leading to employee burnout and turnover, employee burnout causing overall deterioration of morale, deterioration of morale resulting in declining productivity and falling profits, etc."
And then, to me, the real clincher:
"Adrenaline in small doses readies us for fight or flight;
a steady diet dulls our senses."
That's what I sense within myself when I get onto this track of "more, more MORE... Aha's".
I understand what you've said about the rush of mania, but I think that this is far less generalized... focused on specifically the gathering of new ahas... lol... like there's gonna be some magic formula to wellness... and in the meanwhile, the body and mind are both starved for some normal, good old fashioned simple stuff.
Anyhow, your interests and plans sound lovely, Write, and I'm happy for you. You have a busy schedule and many inviting opportunities ahead!
For myself, I look forward to similar joys... and I also want to be sure not to miss the moments that are happening today, all around me, on some holy-grail-quest for the next Aha.
With Love,
Hope
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Hope, this is profound to me.
You have articulated something really important, I think.
Thank you.
It's sobering. I know I go through cycles where I'm in an absolute lather to get to the
board.
For me, it's not all seeking growth...some of it is just a starvation for intimacy and connection.
And thos I can't fulfill well during the week. Weekends loom lonely except for that hour or two on Sunday.
It's all just so HURRIED (I even hurry to rest), and you are pointing at something that feels true to me.
Don't get me wrong, I love the board and am attached like a barnacle!
But sometimes it does feel as though I'm devouring more wisdom at one sitting than
I can possibly digest.
I am stilll so very grateful for the chance to try.
love
Hops
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Dear Hope,
Aha's are the payoff for thinkaholics.
tt
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Hey, I resemble that remark!
And I can't honestly say I regret it one bit.
Maybe that should be my bumper sticker.
"I'd rather be thinking - consider the alternative!"
::shrug:: , as lighter says.
;-)
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I think I am getting to the place of 'start living again' instead of thinking and talking about it is what I meant.
I'll still order books people recommend and see my therapist.
But there's been too much introspection for me lately and it's making me disconnected and fearful.
For the Board- I only read as much as I can, and I don't feel like I have to be on every thread or explore everything any more.
I've collected a lot of tools from here though.
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Couldn't agree with you more, Write.
I've been off 'being real' in realspace, and discovered that it was exactly time for me to do exactly that.
For me, though, it will always involve the head as much as the heart. It was 'tuning out' the things my head was seeing that got me into such messes in the first place.
Hugs to you...
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Hey Hope,
Totally hear you on this one. I am afflicted with the same hunger for more!!! Trying so hard learn and read and share and practice on my endless road to healing! Trying so hard to gain insights and to grow. I suffer from much exhaustion as a result and often feel the overload of information and the quest of application. For me, it might be another perfectionism trap.
I told God the other day that I was going to take a break from trying so hard to improve myself. I was reminded not to run faster than I have strength. Line upon line, precept upon precept. I think that you and lighter and others have really have taught me about this. I am now trying to let the insights come to me and trust that they will when I am ready. I am learning to allow the process of healing to pass through me rather than chasing the prize at the end of the process. Thanks for teaching me this patience and temperance. And for helping me be happy with the blessings of today. It is comforting for me to know that I don't have to have all the insight and all the mastery before I can decide to be happy. Just gratitude for knowing today is good enough.
xo
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I'm really blown away with this thread. I hadn't considered that there might be an adrenalin payoff for learning, and its very interesting to consider!
I have had a natural craving for knowledge since I was very young. In a way, i suppose I am bright, but I think my drive to know things is far greater than my natural intelligence, if that makes sense. I was a very high-performer in school. I was the top of my class in every subject, for my whole school career. But I never considered myself smart...just driven to find answers, whereas most kids were interested in other things. Knowledge is such a joy to me. Its adds so much depth to life and is so empowering. For example, when I travel abroad, I get so much more out of it when I know about the history, language, culture, and architecture. The experience takes on a depth, and the details are more interesting, if I have that extra knowledge.
I truly can't think of a time when I've felt that adrenalin rush you described, so it is very interesting to me to hear it described. But this thread has got me wondering if my `drive' for knowledge is somehow linked to my N-mother or a bio-chemical payoff?
Thanks for getting me thinking about this. It is so interesting!
X bella
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wondering if my `drive' for knowledge is somehow linked to my N-mother or a bio-chemical payoff?
Bella,
Would hate to see you turn a very abundant positive iabout yourself nto a negative!
love,
Hops Vincent Peale
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I've been off 'being real' in realspace, and discovered that it was exactly time for me to do exactly that.
well I have been spending so much time in cyberworld, that quickly crept up again, and of course writing and composign are solitary pursuits....I just need some more 3-D I think.
Last night I sat out watching Shakespeare in town and though I couldn't concentrate I just enjoyed being out there, amongst friends, in a crowd, the bustle of the park and looking up at the expanse of the wider universe.
My world had shrunk for a while, and that's the place a lot of this 'tuning out' the things my head was seeing begins for me, loss of perspective, thinking there aren't many options, not choosing....
*
I was at work today and it's a place where there's been problems for a while and even though the atmosphere was horrible I was able to work well and not let it bother me. I really know what I'm doing now, my confidence in that lets me go with the flow.
Then I came here and ex was a bit bad-tempered. Again, didn't take it personally, when I asked is anything wrong before I came upstairs he smiled and said his depression is back that's all.
I have always taken everything so personally before, I am realising, and extrapolated all sorts of cr*p which is absolutely nothing to do with me!
I can just 'be' now even amidst discomfort, and let others be.
if my `drive' for knowledge is somehow linked to my N-mother or a bio-chemical payoff?
if you're at the beginning of the healing process I think I remember beign almost obsessed with collecting ideas, in fact at first I would totally embrace each new model as 'the' model...life is more eclectic and balanced now thank goodness, though some of you may remember my Eric Berne obsession and others :)
It's part of a process I think.
*
almost the end of the summer holidays, my most difficult time of the year and it's so hot this week too.
Looking forward to helping son settle into school then getting on with some work and then I'll go back to being more solitary and quiet again; first I'll enjoy the socialising and be outgoing. I have both sides to my personality- but the extrovert is always short-lived!
love to everyone,
~W
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Dear Hops,
Thank you... for contributing your thoughts here!
Often I drop a thought before ever even expressing it, fearful of not knowing where it may lead. Part of the releasing of creativity, for me, I think, is in taking the risk of putting out an incomplete thought and allowing it to bloom in the air. You have helped it this one to blossom :)
To quote: "It's sobering."
Yes! As well it should be, I think. Being a reformed drunkard, your remark registers with me, helping me to recognize the rest of the picture behind my initial thought.. that is - I need to not become intoxicated by the Aha's.
So I see that it's not just the dependence on the Aha-adrenaline-rush, it's also the state of drunken-like exuberance attained as a result of one of those light-bulb-moments. There's sure to be a crash afterward, if not approached with awareness. It's those crashes which I'd like to prevent... to walk steadily and not stagger... to move forward in balance.
It's not all seeking growth for me either, Hops... I appreciate and value the sharing and connection here on the board... the potential for intimacy in a world set to fast-forward. I've just begun learning to "rest" throughout my day, and here you are talking about how you even hurry to rest... another "aha"... lol... I can't even "rest" right ;) I do the same thing!
But I really do smile when I say that, because I know that awareness makes this just another phase in the process. So thank you for that insight!
And finally... devouring info and insights is an old habit of mine, too.
A glutton for the facts... I can apply the "third-degree" (usually to myself) till I'm exhausted, if not cautious to temper that with compassion and patience.
Maybe this outlook will help...
It's all a smorgasboard, really... I don't have to sample a bit of every dish in order to feel satisfied. I can stand back and admire the many varieties available and appreciate the different textures and appearances without trying to take it all in at once. For me, it's still a matter of internal boundaries, I see. I don't want to have to swear off visiting the buffet for fear that I'll get overstuffed... and just because the quadruple black forest torte lifts me into ecstasy doesn't mean it's necessary at every meal... ahhh.... Aha! :D
Thanks (((((((Hops))))))) :)
Love,
Hope
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the quadruple black forest torte lifts me into ecstasy
Oof. Me too. All 152 pounds of me.
:)
One bite at a time.
hugs
Hops
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I think I am getting to the place of 'start living again' instead of thinking and talking about it is what I meant.
I'll still order books people recommend and see my therapist.
But there's been too much introspection for me lately and it's making me disconnected and fearful.
For the Board- I only read as much as I can, and I don't feel like I have to be on every thread or explore everything any more.
I've collected a lot of tools from here though.
Dear Write,
Thank you for explaining. I understand... as much as I'm able to understand, from the perspective of a person who has no reference point.
In other words, I'm coming to see that, for me, it's not about starting to live again.. it's about learning to live - period - for the first time, instead of just going through the motions, always on the outside of life and constantly struggling against unseen barriers.
I'm at a loss.
There is no "once upon a time" when I was whole and happy and content. No place to which to return. All that was only an illusion ... shattered when it came to light that my domestic bliss, found in keeping my home and tending my family, was corrupted and undone by the perversions of my childrens' dad.
My financial successes in the business-world contributed to another illusion, I've realized, because my thriving there was based on the drives of perfectionism and ocd-tendancies which I've since renounced.
If it weren't for the strong doses of reality I've received to the contrary, I might be trying to live through my children now... but those hard-earned lessons made full impact.
And there's absolutely no way I'm going to devote my life to controlling, managing, or manipulating my husband. The best gift which my very N'ish mother has ever given me is her ideal example of how not to relate to your spouse. And so I stand on my very adamant refusal to do anything but enjoy the mate God has given me.
So basically, everything I've learned so far is all about.. knowing exactly how not to live.... and all I have is a stark awareness of the fact that the only ground which the devil can't take from me is that upon which I'm standing.
Which is why I need to know that ground is solid... and not a sinking sand of "aha"s leading to a dead end.
Guess I'm beginning to see why "You Can't Go Home Again" was one of my favorite books, 100 years ago...
Hope
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wondering if my `drive' for knowledge is somehow linked to my N-mother or a bio-chemical payoff?
Bella,
Would hate to see you turn a very abundant positive iabout yourself nto a negative!
love,
Hops Vincent Peale
Lol! I just noticed your sig, Hops. That made me laugh so much:) Although it totally fits btw!
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Oh my, Bella... I hadn't seen this before, but no, I surely don't think there's anything wrong with a drive to attain knowledge!
To me, that's a gift... to have an innate curiousity about the world and the people who inhabit it. That's not an addiction, it's a wonderful blessing, I think.
I love to learn, too... just about anything, in general... especially now that my eyes and brain are awake again and seem to be connected in ways that they weren't before. When I was a kid, asking questions was not allowed. And then there was just such a disconnect, for a long while there... a shut-down, after the period of years when every bit of new learning seemed to revolve around various pathologies, to the point where I didn't want exposure to a single new bit of info.
You see, I went from discovering the perversions of my kids' dad in 1992, through 7 years of sorting through all that, learning, feeling adequately informed, only to discover that nothing had changed.... to divorce and then remarriage to NPD-ex... more pathology, more learning... ack, ack, ack. When you're in survival mode for that long, Aha's become the bread of life... and that's what I'm resisting now, I think.
Anyway, I definitely agree with Ms VP ( lol Hops :) )... my goodness, if we weren't always learning, we'd moulder away, I think!
Love,
Hope
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Thanks for saying that Hope:)
I am very grateful to you for posting this thread, because it has reminded me of the emotional connection I have to learning and understanding. I really had forgotten that there was a link.
X Bella
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Certain Hope - I love this thread. I have plunged the depths of my disfunction and actually reached the bottom. I don't know if I experienced the same adrenaline rushes as you describe but I do know the great devastation of adrenaline depletion. A year ago I discovered a book about Adrenal Fatigue by Dr. James Wilson and have been taking supplements he created to support the adrenal gland. I now concentrate on taking care of my over spent supplier of adrenaline.
But I have reached the point where it is time for me to move forward and start living. I have everything I need to do that. I am ready - but here I am still lazing in bed, just not wanting to face what lies ahead - sort of afraid of moving out of thee investagative state into the action phase. I am surprise. I had not anticipated that I would rather just sit around stuck in the contemplative phase.
What am I afraid of NOW? I'm not sure but this time the answer is to get going and stop figuring.
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Hope.... I read you OP twice.... and felt the same exact way each time, lol.
I want to say.... it resonates with me.... on several levels.
I think I'd go nuts if I kept chasing my tail and never made a move past.....
well....
chasing my tail, lol.
You know what I mean; )
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You know Authentic, you have a point. By the way you phrased it I realized that I have often heard people tell me and others something along the lines of "You need to get off the pot or _____." There's is some truth to that but the point is that
The trick is figuring out when is the right time for you.
I am so thankful that the time have FINALLY arrived for me. And though I recognize today that I have some real resistance to it, I suspect that this will actually be a fairly easy hurdle to get over. I think my "do nothing" status that resulted from paralyzing depression and anxiety has become a habit and now that the depression and anxiety are gone I am resting in a bad, bad habit that I must get off my tail bone and shake.
Love this topic. - GS