Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: reallyME on August 19, 2007, 08:00:37 PM
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Recently one of you responded to my post with a good book recommendation which I didn't get the chance to write down.
It was a book about living with Narcissists and how to communicate effectively with them, without becoming abusive yourself. I REALLLY need the name of that book, from whomever wrote about it to me.
Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase. Thanks.
~Laura
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Hi Laura,
It wasn't me so I don't know the book but maybe this article might be of help?
http://www.psytalk.info/articles/narcissist.html (http://www.psytalk.info/articles/narcissist.html)
Sela
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Hi Laura,
I saw this from Dandylife - was this the book you were looking for?
Laura,
Narcissism and Intimacy : Love and Marriage in an Age of Confusion
by Marion Solomon
The above book was very very helpful for me once I accepted the fact that my partner has a condition (borderline personality disorder w/ N traits).
This book takes a very very different approach than the typical. It's written by a loving and kind therapist who looks at N as something everyone has to some degree and that it comes out and is exacerbated by stress and triggers for all of us. Once you are in a relationship, you dedicate yourself to nurturing the other person and taking care of them despite their "bad behaviors". Not that you allow the bad behaviors, but you learn how to get them through the hard times.
Yes, you have to be committed to nurture the person. If you don't do that, then might as well forget it. Might as well tune out (depersonalize) whenever you are around them and get on with life when they are not around.
But if you wish to really see how you can have a relationship with the person without freezing them out because of their traits, this is the book for you. I found it a lifesaver.
Intimacy is the most personal thing of all with your partner and you have every right to express how you feel about it and have your partner respect that. So just keep saying " I'm uncomfortable with that. Here's what I am willing to do...." No matter how many times it takes. You have a right to your comfort zone.
Love,
Dandylife
Peace
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ty for the book from Dandylife. I'm getting the book from a friend of mine soon. Can't wait to read it!
~Laura