Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Anonymous on May 05, 2004, 06:34:28 AM
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Anybody else dread Mother's day? Hate yourself for not being on good terms with your mother? Just wish that this stupid holiday would be erased from the calendar?
I really get upset with myself this time of year because of the failings of our mother / son relationship. I feel like I should give in and reconcile and quit being so stubborn. Is she really an N? Am I over-reacting? Was the psychiatrist correct in advising me to "stay away from her" - to basically cut her off? Did I pull the wool over his eyes and he missed seeing something wrong in me? Don't I say "I" and "ME" a lot? Does that mean I'm narcissist and just don't know it?
Why do I feel bad? Is it because I'm in reality an evil person and am blind to it? - That I'm really the Narcissist in the family because I want a little sanity and peace? What went wrong? - I thought she used to be an ok mom - but I dealt with her. What changed? Why did it change? Will it ever get fixed? Do I want it to get fixed?
Why do I feel like scum when I know her other children will be making me out to be some selfish and self-possessed deviant and telling her she was a "good" mother and that something is wrong with me. Perpetuating the myth that everything is hunky-dorey with her and that I should be the one to come around - that Jesus needs to work me over and put me in my place. That this is all evil and it is coming from my side. Because the Bible says "honor your mother and father" and that I'm not following the Bible by honoring them and that I'm in the wrong. (Nevermind that it also states that a man should leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife) That I'm a Samson being led astray by some floozy Deliliah. (Even though me and this floozy have been inseparable for 19 years - they aren't getting it!) Oh the frustration. What words will they use to violate my character in my absence?
Will she cry because I'm not there? Will she wish for reconciliation?
Or will she cry because she's putting on her show to whip her family into raging frenzy. Will they attack the characters of my family, those close to me, and or myself again this year? How will they deliver their venom this year? By way of other people telling me I need to call them - because it's an emergency? By coming over to my house? Will they go over to my in-laws' homes and harrass them because they are pretending "they don't know where I live!!" (I moved and didn't tell them - but they've gotten mail from me with my new address.) What's in store this year? - I can hardly wait! Mother's day - oh How I love it!
Will I get threaten with physical violence because I was so mean to my mother? - Because "I deserve a good ass-whipping." Because "I'm rotten to the core and she should of had an abortion when she was expecting me?" or "that part of my brain ran down my father's leg when I was conceived which caused me to be defective in some way"? What vile or disturbing thing will they say this year?
If they do show up or cause a ruckus, will my wife, the mother of my children be furious at me for "my family" ruining her Mother's day? Will it be ruined anyway because I'll probably be on edge, moody, stressed out or depressed? Boy I can't wait for this day to get here!
If it is SILENT this year - what will that mean? That they've given up on waiting for me to change and have gone on without me? Does that mean I'm not worth the trouble? Does it mean that they finally got it - that I won't respond to violence and rage anymore??
Will they turn the rage inward and start destroying each other in the family? Can I expect that someone in my family be reaching out to me, a bloody pulp of their former self in the future?
Will this day just come and go already!! I can't wait til it's over. Maybe I'll leave town. Get drunk. Pop some uppers (I'm too responsible, and have rarely drank and have NEVER done drugs but....I am beginning to understand why people do! I can sure empathize with them - No judging from me!)
But wait. Next month is father's day. Geez! Enough with the guilt trip holidays. I hate them all.
July hurry up and get here soon!!!!!!
I'm still ranting. Will I ever get through, around, or over this pain, guilt, and frustration?? If I do, does that mean I'm a hardened heartless person -a psychopathic, sociopathic entity of sorts?
Do you guys have these kinds of thoughts run through your head? Or do I have a very overactive inner voice that needs to be squashed?
How annoying do you have to be, before you get kicked off of this board? I think I'm getting close. You guys are saints to continue to be able to respond kindly to all this dribble.
mrt
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Hiya Mr T, good to see you back, where have you been?! I haven't even read your post properly yet but wanted to say hiya, I bet CG replies before me anyway :D ... hey you're ok, you sound just like the rest of us, all that self-doubt and wondering if you're disordered? Exactly what we think when we're being normal everyday adult children of Ns... reading now...P
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Don't I say "I" and "ME" a lot? Does that mean I'm narcissist and just don't know it?
Nope. Saying “you do this” is an N. Saying “I” and “me” is what this board is for – having your voice honey!
Is it because I'm in reality an evil person and am blind to it?
Nope. Coz I think that too! Feel bad because you were made to believe you were bad as a kid? Yeah, probably. What’s bad about you? Nothing I’ve seen.
I want a little sanity and peace
And you think you might be the N? Ha ha, stop it! That’s plain daft. They’re the last 2 things any N ‘wants’ and will actually try to attain (it’s what they really need, deep down, but it ain’t gonna happen, not for the real personality disorder).
Do I want it to get fixed?
I guess you’d like to stop beating yourself up so much? You can do that. You can change how you feel about it all. You can find a peace, a better place, in yourself!
Will she cry because I'm not there?
Only if she’s got an audience. Sorry! Typing as I read…you say this…They’re nasty, vile things they said to you, your parents, they don’t deserve anything. Nothing. You got some more nasties in there you want to vent about? Carry on, get ‘em out. It helps. It’s not ‘bad’ to say them, look at the words, they’re awful, they’re nothing to do with you – get ‘em out and kick them away from you. What things to say to a child.
How annoying do you have to be, before you get kicked off of this board? I think I'm getting close.
No-one gets kicked off, well, I don’t think so, I’ve not seen it happen yet. Dr G deletes taunting posts sometimes. And if anyone could get kicked off, hey, you’re not even thisclose !
Mother’s Day, what a pain. Do you send a card? Send a card. Then go out on a picnic for the day, or shopping, whatever. Leave town, I like that one. Be a life on your own – hey I can say that, but doing it?....more of a problem….Have a Mr T day all to yourself and your 'floozie' - great word, I bet she's great too! :D P
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Portia,
Hey sassy lady
I've been here... observing....just talked out I guess...until tonight.
You should of responded to my posting: " Do you need some cheese with all that whine?" - I'm feeling embarrassed about whining all over the place on here.
Too late now though.
Thanks for being a sweetie.
mrt
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Mr T, have you seen what they say to you? It’s outrageous! When did they say this stuff? Recently, or ages ago? This:
Because "I'm rotten to the core and she should of had an abortion when she was expecting me?" or "that part of my brain ran down my father's leg when I was conceived which caused me to be defective in some way"?
- is not whining okay? That above is enough to drive some people over the edge. You’re okay Mr T, your parents are not.
Feeling embarrassed? Why? Don't you feel great about yourself that you’re able to get his sh*t out here? Let some weight off those shoulders! Many men would ‘stuff’ it away and beat up their women/children/dogs instead. Look how many men are on this board – not many. That doesn’t mean the others out there are all super-heroes, it means there’s a lot of men out there who are still scared little boys inside (got to be, statistically), needing to let go of the masculinity ‘don’t cry’ crap but they’re trapped by bonkers social conditioning . It's sad. Whoops, here I go again, another soap-box!
Why d’ya feel embarrassed anyway?
Hey, me a sweetie? Want to come and (crude expression deleted, I’m not that brave!!). :wink: P
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"that part of my brain ran down my father's leg when I was conceived which caused me to be defective in some way"?
This was actually stated after a mother's day a few years ago. The first one is implied from hearing them speak to me.
Yeah I know about the masculinity machismo bs. Fortunately for me my mother named me a gender neutral name and so through the years I learned through lots of teasing and fights, that I don't have to prove anything to anyone. I've got 'em between my legs and I'll say & do what I damn well feel like.
Sometimes I do want to beat up my dogs....but one's a terror - I mean a terrier and another one is a beagle - who is a major N! :wink:
What the crude expression deleted? Now my curiosity is killing me. :shock:
mrt
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Will she cry because I'm not there?
Only if she’s got an audience. Sorry!
:shock: Memories....all alone in the moooooonlight....
I don't want to take away from your thread, Mr T (glad to see you back, too :D :D And yes, you sound like such a normal ACON...hmmm...normal ACON...hmmm), but can I just dump...next to you?
Seriously. Once, when I was in highschool I confronted my dad because he was having a tantrum. I can't remember exactly what I said, but it was something along these lines "Some people don't want to hear your tantrums. Can you go somewhere else if you're upset?" (Okay, um, I was a teenager. Just keep that in mind :roll: :D). Get this. He actually came out and said (using a tone to indicate my moron-hood), "I only scream and yell when someone else is here. When I'm alone, I'm fine."
:shock: :shock: :shock: Yeah. You go Dad. Be a real j*ck*ss around your loved ones and then be an angel when you're alone. What???
{EDIT: Oh...and what was he upset about? He'd either dropped some pan in the kitchen (he does all the cooking and it's often some elaborate French dish) or his Cuisinart wasn't working or there wasn't enough of the right kind of butter. No, we weren't having a fight...just Dad making lots of noise and screaming and looking annoyed at us while my stepmom and I tried to read.}
Anyway...back to getting all these Mother's Day thoughts out. I think it's great what you're doing, Mr T. Gotta say these things sometimes in order to really understand them - to be able to step back and look at the crazy, nutty things your parents have told you and say back to them, Gosh. Those are some crazy, nutty things they said to me.
(((hugs)))
Wildflower
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mrt,
Your feelings are not uncommon at all. For people with N mothers, this "holiday" is nothing but torture. In your post, I see that you are in a state of incredible anxiety re: what may happen in various scenarios. For this reason, I implore you to get an appointment with a therapist ASAP -- before Mothers' Day if possible -- so he or she can help you through this critical period. It really helps. P.S. don't see someone who says you don't have a problem. You do have a problem, it's called anxiety.
bunny :wink:
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Bunny,
So that's what an anxiety attack feels like??
I had been on lexapro an antidepressant for a year now (for depression) I was feeling better and quit taking them. I guess I stopped too soon ; ) Took one this morning - feeling better already.
Anybody else doing the antidepressant bit? How do you get off of these things?
mrt
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Anybody else doing the antidepressant bit? How do you get off of these things?
Don't do what I once did. I quit taking an antidepressant cold turkey and had terrible withdrawal symptoms. I learned my lesson. It has to be done under a doctor's supervision.
bunny
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Yes, I did anti-depressants too. I was taking Paxil for anxiety and depression. It was a mixed blessing.
First, I am grateful, because I was having severe panic attacks at the thought of telling NH that I was leaving. And, they were so disabling, (really, what can you actually accomplish when you are feeling like you are dying ten or more times a day?)
I never would have been able to leave unless I had been on the medication. So, for that I really am grateful, because I have been gone for over a year now and am on the N recovery road.
Second, they do have a way of blunting your emotions. This also has its pluses and minuses. Plus, because if you are constantly in the throes of an emotional crisis, you can't get anything done (see above - panic attacks.) Also depression is disabling. When you are weak, confused and paralyzed, you can't get up the strength to leave either.
The minus is you are not feeling your feelings and working through them. Eventually this will catch up with you. You will HAVE to DO the emotional work sometime. This delay can throw you off balance if you aren't ready for it. Here I am all happy that I finally got OUT, life is looking good ..... and .... WHAM !! Forewarned is forearmed.
Third, I found that although doctors are very willing to prescribe these, they often really do not know much about them. I was not told about the withdrawal symptoms. Like Bunny, the withdrawal was severely unpleasant and went on for months. The withdrawal actually went on for longer than the time I was on the stuff !! And I did not quit cold turkey and I did it with supervision. The doctor really just didn't know enough.
I think that it is just that our bodies react uniquely. Some people have no withdrawal symptoms at all. I had terrible dizziness and electric shocks shooting through my brain. Even though the shocks don't really hurt, they are extremely disorienting. I used to wait until 5:30 to drive home so I wouldn't be in traffic AND I took the back roads ! Had I not investigated this on my own, I would have thought that I was having a stroke or had a brain tumor.
So, do I regret going on them? No. I realize that if I had not, I would still be with NH and would be a basket case. The meds allowed me to get past the symptoms so that I could act.
But, you need to do your homework. These meds are powerful and they are working on your BRAIN for crying out loud !! There are many forums and articles on the web. Educate yourself and anticipate that you might be one of the ones who gets all of the side effects.
Don't go off them until you are feeling secure and you have the time, energy and the wherewithal to deal with real life and the rebound of your emotions. But, DO go off them !!
When/if you read all the stuff on the web, you may be as horrified as I was to find how many people have been taking this stuff for many many years. It's scary !! And doctors may tell you that the reason you are having withdrawal just shows you how much you NEED this medication and will pop you right back on. And increase the dose to boot !! From what I have read, it does not appear that they know anything about the long term effects of being on this stuff. Remember, it's only been on the market for 20 years.
So, that's my story. I don't regret it at all. I just wish I had been more informed and then would have been more prepared.
Gingerpeach
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Sorry mrt,
I wasn't completely paying attention to the question.... if you go to a search engine and put in "antidepressant withdrawal" or "lexapro withdrawal" you will find more information than you bargained for.
The main thing is to decrease the dosage in small increments and take a long time doing it. Some people even get a liquid version toward the end because they can't break the pills up evenly when you're getting down to the very small quantities you need to do it properly.
Take a good read and then pay attention to what your body tells you.
Gingerpeach
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I cannot tell you how good it feels to know I am not the only person that used to HATE Mother's Day. I hated it because of all of the horrible Mother's Days in my life from my N stepmother. And because I miss my mother who passed away when I was 6 years old.
What I have come to in my life is what others were saying here...figure out what YOU want to do and then do it. Forget the "tradition" that says you have to do a certain thing on ANY holiday. Do what feels right for you and your own family (if you have one.) Personally, I do the obligatory Mother's Day card and thats it. And I get the generic one that doesn't have a bunch of sentimental words that I don't mean anyway. I mail it off a few days ahead. Then I make my own plans and enjoy my day. It works like magic. I rarely dread Mother's Day anymore. I take it on my terms. I will do things that honor my biological mother and maybe other women in my life who have helped me along the way. I have turned it into a day that has meaning for me.
Oh, and another thing. As a mother myself, I don't make expectations of others in my family towards me. I will discuss plans with my husband and kids, but if they're not into it, so be it. I go ahead and follow through with whatever I decided to do. Or what my family and I agreed on together. That's it. An invitation. No expectations, no disappointments. Just a great day. :D
Ishana
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Gingerpeach,
I had tried to quit cold turkey and I was getting exactly what you described here. It freaks me out when I get those shocks. It sooo weird. The dizziness is weird too because it's not coming from your inner ear but from the back of your head.
I had terrible dizziness and electric shocks shooting through my brain. Even though the shocks don't really hurt, they are extremely disorienting.
I had wanted to get off of them, the doctor that prescibed them up and moved away. I've tried to break those pills but they just crumble or split unevenly.
I guess I'll take yours and Bunny's advice and go back to my new doctor and have him help me get off of them.
mrt
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Hi MrT. The Mother's Day dread you feel is entirely justified based on what you've written. That "floozy" sweetheart of a wife you have been with for 19 years is the Mother to celebrate, in my opinion. She sounds so supportive.
Talking about anti-depressants, a word of warning about those dratted things....don't ever, ever take them without a doctor's supervision. I know that you can order them off the net these days but let me share this: I went to SE Asia several years ago where you can buy prozac over the counter. I was depressed and travelling with someone. We were sharing a room. When he wanted to go to the strip shows on his last night there, I marched over to the drugstore and bought prozac. How stupid. Flame away!! I bought them and took two at the same time. Then, drank a beer and watched a movie. 6 hours later, my brain felt like it was expanding into some awful, awful place. I told my roommate that I wanted to kill my father among other things. I couldn't sleep. The next day, I rented another hotel room and stayed inside all day writing myself out of this bad, bad place. Journalling saved my life probably because, from what I have heard, taking them like that can kill you.
Question: are they good for curing inerita?
MrT, Don't fall into the trap of self-loathing. You have support in your recovery. Anyway, from what you have described, your mother is going to do what she does regardless of anything you do. You are not responsible for her feelings, actions or words.
~D.
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Dear mrt,
By all means, DO see a doctor!! Many of the antidepressants have different strengths. Also ask if there is a liquid version for when you get to the really little doses at the end.
Again, I have to emphasize educating yourself and paying attention to what your body is telling you. Only YOU know how you are feeling, the doctor is not inside YOUR body.
My doctor did withdraw me gradually, but it wasn't gradual enough. If you go on the web and read other people's stories, you will find that the most important thing is to take a LOT of time and decrease the dose VERY gradually. This gives your own brain chemistry time to adjust and maybe start making the chemicals that the drug provided again.
Some people take a year to withdraw, some much less. That's why I say it's really important to pay attention. If you start feeling rotten after you decrease a dose, then maybe you decreased it too much. Or try the decreased dose every other day for a couple of weeks. There really is no one correct way to do it. It all depends on how YOU feel and how YOUR body reacts.
From what I have read and from personal experience it's not the beginning part of decreasing the dose that causes the withdrawal. It's at the end when you STOP entirely. My aunt is withdrawing from Paxil now and she is down to taking the minutest grain of a pill, like one-sixteenth of the smallest dose. But since she has taken a year to do it, so far she hasn't suffered.
Since you are on the "voiceless" site here, I am assuming that you probably have issues with believing in yourself and being heard. This is one area where you really will want to take charge. What YOUR body tells you ie REAL and you have the right to do this properly and NOT SUFFER. So, please make sure you find a doctor that will listen to you and take your concerns to heart. Okay? The doctor is NOT god and probably has NO PERSONAL experience being on antidepressants.
Also, I read that a lot of people had success with switching to Prozac and withdrawing from that instead. Apparently Prozac has the least amount of withdrawal. It has something to do with how long the drug takes to break down in your body and how long those breakdown chemicals remain in your body. Paxil is the worst, Prozac the best and the rest are somewhere in between.
Really, I can't encourage you enough to read up on it, there's a lot of info out there. And keep me posted. I really don't want you to go through what I did.
Gingerpeach
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Dear Dawning,
You asked if these drugs are good for inertia. If by inertia you mean that you just can't do anything, sit on the couch and veg, etc. then I ask if you might actually be depressed? And calling it inertia?
I was in denial about my own depression for a year and a half. If I hadn't stared getting panic attacks, I probably wouldn't have done anything about it. I mean it's kind of like the chicken and the egg, isn't it. I don't feel like doing anything, so why would I bother doing anything about my depression ? It's kind of funny if it weren't so paralyzing. And believe me, I was paralyzed.
See, I could function with my depression though, I always went to work. I didn't do much else though. When the panic started, that interfered with everything and I never knew when it would hit. No control at all is very scary.
The drug that I was prescribed (Paxil) treats both anxiety and depression. And like I said in yesterday's post, it did help me. It allowed the symptoms to go away so that I could look for apartments, pack, call a mover, stand up to my NH without dissolving into sobs and mush. So yes, it helped my inertia. I never would have gotten out from under the N without it.
But.....like I said previously, it can also deaden your emotions. When I was on it, I almost never cried, even when I wanted to. This made me feel somewhat like a robot. I don't like not being able to feel what I'm feeling. Before, I was feeling too much and couldn't get past that. So, it enabled me to break the cycle. And for that I am grateful. Maybe you might want to talk to a professional about it.
Gingerpeach
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Good morning Ginger Peach!
Thanks for sharing this information. I will look into it because, while I am fine working, vacationing, sleeping and using my computer for various reasons ....I have found it difficult to do other important things like go shopping for food and clothes. I am paying my bills, filing taxes, stuff like that. Only been like this since the end of March so been thinking it is a necessary phase and one I'm getting over as we now speak. But I have felt in a rut for a bit longer (as in can't decide how to go about getting what I want, questioning what I want so what I want changes all the time.........blech.)
Will also search for information about getting off Paxil because I wouldn't intend to take it for a long time.
Thanks again.
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Dear Dawning,
It was so strange to see you say "Good Morning!" I guess that is one of the "miracles" of the internet. I forgot you were on the other side of the planet !!
I wanted to say that if depression is the only thing that is inhibiting you, that is - if you don't have severe anxiety or panic attacks, you might want to try one of the other antidepressants as Paxil has the worst withdrawal. I didn't remember you saying anything about panic or anxiety.
I go to a women's support group and pretty much all of us have taken antidepressants at one time or another. Among us, we have probably covered the entire pharmacological spectrum! All of us have been helped by them, but I definitely had the most severe withdrawal and I was the only one taking Paxil.
I am glad to hear that you are feeling hopeful about making changes. I still struggle with the "rut" and resist doing things that are productive and "good for me." I try to remember though that I don't have to be perfect and just because I'm not, it doesn't mean I have to be perfectly awful either!! And always remember to give yourself credit for paying attention and for seeking for answers.
As a child I always asked a lot of questions and as I got older would ask my mother about the meaning of "life." And she would always say, "Life is a process, and the meaning is in the process."
I don't think that I really understood what she meant when I first heard her say it, but I do think about it when I am frustrated or down and try to remind myself that it's all a part of life. It's the process of living it and learning it and accepting it and finding ways to make it better and ourselves better at it.
My Mom is one of the wonderful parts of my life, so I don't dread Mother's Day at all. For you and all of the others that have had difficult and impossible mothers, I can only say how sorry I am and hope that there was someone in your life that loved you and heard you.
Gingerpeach
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Will also search for information about getting off Paxil because I wouldn't intend to take it for a long time.
Caveat about paxil. I took it for a long time, it was great. But I gained a LOT OF WEIGHT. This is a known side effect of Paxil!!! I had to get off of it, because I got a secondary depression from weight gain!! I didn't have any problem getting off of paxil, though.
bunny
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Well mother's day came and went without any drama from my N family. :D
I honored my wife as the kids and I showered her with gifts. We spent time with her two grandmothers and her mother and it was a good day although I kind of ruined the end of the day by getting ill and getting a horrible tooth ache.
My wife's brother was there with his fiance. Tonight I learned that she (his fiance) committed suicide and is in a coma - not expected to live!!!
Oh my God! She seemed fine on Mother's day except I did notice that she said her two daughters were with their fathers. Strange for mother's day. I did notice that she was a little vocal when the subject of my brother-in-law's ex-wife came up. How rude she was to her and how she would call and hang up on her. Other than that she seemed fine. I wish I could of encouraged her in some way. She was a sweet person who deserved so much more.
Here I am whining about my problems and here was a person in pain and I was oblivious. I thought I had a N family until I learned that none of her family would even go to the hospital to see her! I wish I knew why she did this!
Why are people sometimes so evil and hurt other people so bad and never ever see their evilness? I've come to the conclusion that N's are much more dangerous than people can imagine - they inflict much more pain and do much more damage than people realize. My N family used to make me feel like doing something to myself until I realized that I don't have to put up with their abuse. That they are not worth it. Nobody is worth that.
People hear me now, If someone is driving you into doing something drastic to yourself - then there is a problem! Recognize it. Realize you do not have to live with this toxic situation. Get help. Get out before it's too late for you. Don't play around with N's and toxic people. Deal with them the way they need to be dealt with. Protect yourself and those you love.
mrt :cry:
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(((((((((Mr T)))))))))
Can't really say much can I? You've said it all. I'm sorry for you, sorry for her too.
Take care of yourself. Go to the dentist. Look after your teeth.
Get and give lots of hugs, 9 a day minimum.
(((((((((Mr T and his loved ones)))))))))
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Hi Mrt,
Poor woman. How tragic that no one has visited her in the hospital. If she is still in the coma, I would go and visit her if I lived nearby. Maybe she felt isolated and was good at pretending that everything was fine. Sounds like it. Lots of people like this, I reckon. I wonder who could shed some light on helping you understand why she did this.
I am super-glad to hear that you did something good with your wife and kids and that those parents of yours didn't get in the way. Woopee!
And thanks for reminding us all that you care.
You know, I think any whining done on this board is evidence that we are NOT leading miserable lives. I think about people living life in quiet and silent desperation. Never reaching out for some reason. Reaching out to the wrong people repeatedly and, over time, becoming withdrawn and suicidal maybe because they never found an expression for their feelings.
Reaching out, reaching in and sharing, and ever always moving to a place of self-acceptance and acceptance of others - means a h*ll of a lot to me. So when are we going to have the voiceFUL retreat? I suggestion we all meet in the Cook Islands and rent a villa. :lol:
Mrt, I love your "N toxic ducks" phrase and I love the way it sounds when I say it. Those dam* N-toxic ducks as in *Oh, no.... here comes another one. waddle waddle* Great imagery. Thanks! :D ~Dawning.
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I went to the hospital last night fighting flooding, hail, threats of tornados - leaving my family - to go check on my brother-in-law. He had quit answering his phone. We were thinking the worst for him. I went to check on her and to look for him because she was in still listed as being in the Intensive Care Unit. When I got there he was gone. (he was told to go home because his fiance was dead) But she was out of her coma and was asking where he was. I told her I didn't know. She started crying. I told her he was okay and not to worry about him but to concentrate on getting better. (I still didn't know if she was going to live - how do you handle a situation like that??)
Her family did come to visit her because they had to make a decision regarding putting her on a respirator - to artificially keep her alive - but she pulled through and didn't need it. So they left. Her sister was the only one there. She stated they didn't want him (my brother-in-law) to know anything about her condition. and after awhile, I was escorted out.
I found out today that she is probably going to survive. I'm thrilled and relieved that she's okay.
I later found out that HE was okay and THEN later today, he called his sister (MY WIFE), the legal secretary, and was concerned about his money he spent on a vehicle she owned that her family came and removed from his property! :roll: OMG!!!
I understand her family's position. He is a classic N. this part that I wrote was about him. Why are people sometimes so evil and hurt other people so bad and never ever see their evilness? I've come to the conclusion that N's are much more dangerous than people can imagine - they inflict much more pain and do much more damage than people realize.... Nobody is worth that.
This whole situation has made me examine some of the people still in my life. I still have some N's that are taking me on a roller coaster ride!
Can I get off now? Stop the damn ride. This ain't fun. I'm getting ill. I want a different amusement park to play in. One full of nice normal people who are thoughtful, empathetic, and who don't take take take. Is there such a place or am I living in a fantasy world?
No More Drama - Please My heart can't take this.
mrt.
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This whole situation has made me examine some of the people still in my life. I still have some N's that are taking me on a roller coaster ride!
Can I get off now? Stop the damn ride. This ain't fun. I'm getting ill. I want a different amusement park to play in. One full of nice normal people who are thoughtful, empathetic, and who don't take take take. Is there such a place or am I living in a fantasy world?
Well, first thing is that you WANT to get off and that is GOOD! Give up asking for permission to anyone but yourself. So on this rollercoaster that sounds never-ending, you are going to have to come up with a way to get off that doesn't cause major injury. You may end up with some scratches and bruises though but I'll bet your wife and kids will be there to help with that. And this board too. The important thing is that you can get up and walk away so be careful. Once off, don't let them take you on that ride again. Walk away, take a breather and start your new journey to a world of less takers. Are you are reader? I've got to recommend it again: Healing The Child Within by Charles L. Whitfield. He writes "there is a way out" more than once in the book. It is always helpful for me to remember that and never forget the light at the end of the tunnel when I start going into hyper-sensitive overdrive. Take some time to yourself in the mornings, the late-afternoons - have a walk. Join a gym.
I'm rootin for ya. :D
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My wife took me to the dentist this week because I had taken some pain pills to try to relieve the pain of my toothache and was in no condition to drive.
After she dropped me off at home - she returned to work. She's manages a law firm and is a legal secretary - basically a lawyer without the degree. Well she had to stay late to help this guy with a divorce. No big deal in her line of work.
I was at work telling a co-worker about my brother-in-laws fiance attempting suicide when another co-worker told me that her husband had to cover for someone because this person's relative had shot himself in the head and that he died.
Come to find out it was the guy that my wife helped with his divorce!
I woke up yesterday Thursday mad as a hornet. My wife was upset with me because I was mad at her. I didn't know why I was even mad at her - I should have been there for her as she was hurting but I just brushed her off and wanted to be left alone. I guess I was mad because of the drama that I get dragged into with her brother and her occupation.
At my job, I assist people with computer/network problems. I basically help people. But with her job - they can do some major damage to people's lives . I told her that I help people and that they kill people.
I know that was bad of me to say - but that's what I felt at the time. Now she's really pissed at me for saying that.
I'm at a loss for how to feel or what to say. I know I should be supportive, I know I shouldn't have been upset with her but I was. We have just gotten through all the junk with my N family and was beginning to have some so - called peace. Now she's says I'm behaving just like my N family does. (She knows that torques me to no end - pushing those buttons like women do so well! :wink: ). That I bail emotionally whenever things get tough. I don't feel like I'm bailing but I would like a little less chaos in my life. No more suicides - please.
Ladies out there. Am I being a jerk? What should I do/say? Be brave - you won't hurt my feelings any. Tell me like it is - set me straight. I need some insight.
mrt
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....we all meet in the Cook Islands and rent a villa.
Dear Dawning,
Where do I sign up? Although I'm really petrified to doing anything this week - This week has been so much fun I can hardly stand it. :wink:
Are you are reader? I've got to recommend it again: Healing The Child Within by Charles L. Whitfield.
Okay Dawning, I'm taking your advice and am watching 3 copies on Ebay as we speak. (I'm an Ebay junkie :roll: )
Thanks for all your input.
mrt
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Dear Dawning,
I went ahead and bought a copy of Healing The Child Within via "Buy It Now" off of Ebay.
Looking forward to reading it.
mrt
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Hi mrt,
Yuck. What a horrible couple of weeks you've been having!!! :cry: :cry:
Dealing with your mother, a suicide attempt in the family on an already very stressful day for you, and now, another suicide close to home? Of course you're stressed! And I can see how you'd want to shove all this stuff away - even if it means taking it out on your wife's profession. But it isn't about that, is it? Your wife's profession? It's about all this drama that doesn't seem to let up - and a really bad bit of it right now.
You're not a jerk for saying what you did. You're having a rough time. But I bet you'd feel better if things were okay between you and your wife - instead of it being yet another drama. Have you talked to her about how stressed you are? Can you guys take a weekend together? Get away from all the noise in some bed-and-breakfast somewhere?
(((hugs)))
Wildflower
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Dear Wildflower,
Thanks for your kind words,
Can you guys take a weekend together? Get away from all the noise in some bed-and-breakfast somewhere?
Oh that sounds like such a good idea. That has been going through our minds too. To get away. But we are too petrified to move - afraid of what's going to happen next! A cloud hanging over us of doom and gloom. :shock:
Next week's our 16th anniversary. I'm gonna try. :)
mrt
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Well, something else bad happened. While on the way to see her brother-in-law's fiance in the hospital my wife got a call stating that her grandfather - one whom we both adore had had a heart attack and was in the hospital. I haven't seen her all day and she's going to stay with her grandmother tonight. I'm taking care of the kids.
Is this week over yet???
mrt