Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Lupita on September 14, 2007, 05:17:23 PM

Title: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 14, 2007, 05:17:23 PM
This week, I failed to enforce my boundaries, repeatedly.  On Wednesday, a student used the F word, (freaking) which is prohibited in my school. I felt bad because I was being nice to them and this student got mad because I did not let him go to another class to do something else. Probably I was having an unimportant something, going on in my class and he felt I should let him go out. So I said no and he said the frisking word. Not the real F word. On Thursday my e mail at school did not work and the principal is constantly sending me memos that I should check my e mail twice a day. So, I told him that it did not work and he said to ask the computer teacher to help. I did, and she started yelling at me, saying that was not her job, and she projected to me and said that I came with an attitude asking for help when she was doing a favor. I told her that the principal told me to ask her and she said that she was going to tell him not to that that anymore. I said, be my guest.  Then she said I do not want to be mad, and I said I am not mad and gave her a hug because I am afraid of having problems. Today I was having quesadillas with all my classes. All classes behaved perfectly until the last period. Sixth period, one student got a little piece of tortilla and threw it at me. He said that he was playing. I know that he was playing. He was not being aggressive. Just playful. So, I got upset since we had not started the quesadillas I told them that we would have them next week and now we would watch a video. We watch a Spanish video for the whole period. I told them that they had to behave in my class and be respectful or I would kick them out of class and send them sit at the office because I was not paid to put up with them but to teach. Foreign language.  That was at the beginning of the period. On top of all, the only date I have had in years is and AH, and everybody tells me that why I go out with him. I go out with him because I am tired. It is a beginning, anyway. He does not call in between dates, and says several times that he does not know where he will be next year. I do not know where I will be next year but I do not tell him. I was so happy  last week. Suddenly everything is going bad,, or not really bad, there is no comparison with the problems I had in the past. This is nothing. That sixth period do not hate me, They are just being kids and I have to be assertive and  mark my boundaries very clearly. So I have to meditate what I am going to do next Monday. The thing is that I feel I am going backwards, but not as bad as I did in the past. At least I still feel pretty. On top of all I went with my fitness club to the beach yesterday and I fell playing dodge ball. I am getting old. Nobody laughed at me, they are nice people. Still, I felt ashamed. I feel that everybody knows that they can abuse me. I have a sign on my forehead. At least it took me a month to start having problems. Last year I had problems since the first week.
Your thoughts are very welcome. Whether I like them or not, I welcome your ideas and thoughts and appreciate the time that you put into writing me. God bless you.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 14, 2007, 05:55:12 PM
OOOOH ((Lupita))
 
I wish I could invite you to come and eat mommy food in my kitchen..... it's storming here and I have candles lit..... I'm going to cook something comforting and warm.

First.... I want to say that I think you did fine with the 6th period class with your boundaries.  That's how your life will improve in the classroom.  Well done.

Second.  If I had to feel bad about all the times I hit the mat.... hard.... in front of people I was training with.... I'd have missed all the wonderful things I gained. 

Don't sweat the falling down stuff.

When I learned to ski.... I fell and laughed and fell and laughed and the world loved me!  Falling and laughing!  It was my happy spirit, not the falling, that they liked me thinks.

Laugh and go get'em!

About the date..... pretty Lupita needs to broaden her horizons.

See other people. 

Don't tell anyone that you see this one or that one.

It's your business and you aren't married to any of these men.... you don't have to act married either.

Dance.... it makes you happy.

Nurture yourself.... it brings perspective.

Laugh at and with yourself for how droll the world would be where people don't have a sense of humor about themselves.

It's FRIDAY!

What'cha got planned?
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Ami on September 14, 2007, 08:01:55 PM
Dear Lupita,
  I really need to learn boundaries so, I  empathize with you.
   I used to really feel sorry for the teachers that my sons would tell me about. The kids will torture a teacher  who does not have "iron" boundaries. Forget it,if they ever had a substitute.
  I have to say ,honestly, that people can "read" an "I can be  abused" on someone's forehead.
  Authentic really  helped me with boundaries. Her thread is wonderful. Also,she stands up for herself in a way that I admire. I have learned about  boundaries in the last few days.
  I have already started to use it with my older son. If I tell him that I am busy, he will keep ignoring me until he wears me down and I do what he wants ---IOW- I have NO boundaries.
  I have been making a very big effort to make myself set and enforce boundaries. It feels SELFISH-- the biggest sin according to my M.
  It is a very "new" action to me. However,I think that it is worth just doing it over and over until we feel like we are WORTH IT. That is my take on it                                Ami
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 07:33:19 AM
Lighter.....

Can I come, too?

I had to pick just one post this morning to read.  (I am burning the candle at both ends)

....but wanted you to know that your post this morning gave me such a breath of fresh air. 

Much love,

CB



You're always welcome in my kitchen, CB.  ::offering a stool and hot tea or coffee::

Let's warm some Fresh Market crusty chewy bread and eat it with butter...mmmmm.

I was so happy to see your voice this morning..... it was the first post I read (((CB))

Come back, when you can, and let us know what's keeping you so busy.


Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 07:46:38 AM
OMG!!!!  You think I did well????????????  I feel like sh*t. My date told me, after almost three months of flirting and playing around, no sex, thank God, that he wanted to keep my friendship and that he thought that sex would ruin it. I know that I will find more, but, do I want more? I have to build self esteem. He told me that he wants to go dancing with me again, that I just say when. I do not want to see his stupid face. I hate him. He planned it. He sent me mixed messages, constantly. If he did not want a relationship with me, why did he ask me out so many times, and made out in such a sweet way and had so much fun? And he said he did not know where he would be next year, and I do not know where I will be next year. So it was OK with me. I do not want to take care of a sick husband and I do not want to support a hasband that lost his job, I do not want commitments, I only want to have fun and enjoy what life has to offer. That was not enough for him, he had to hurt me. I guess, I am glad he is away of my life now. I still have to see him in dance school, but since nothing happened, I do not have to be ashame. I do not know if I was rejected and he witheld someting I really wanted, or he was honest and he really does not want to eat where he sh*ts and not sh*t where he eats, and that is so true for everybody. maybe he saved me from having horrible moral hang over, maybe I should not feel rejected, but grateful. Still, he destructed the little self esteem that with so much hard work I had built. I saw the mirror today and saw wrinkles, an ugly nose, too much chicks, I need plastic surgery. I will get a loan and get a ritidectomy. Maybe he was mad because I wanted to go out with him on a Friday because I had a nice group of friends to go out on Saturday. Maybe he gets mad because half of the men at the dance school want to get in my pants. And I had to choose the most misogene man. I always do that. I always pick the most selfish, Nish, cold, distant, etc.
Dear CB, Dear Amy, Dear Lighter, please,please, give me some more encouragement. I feel awful. I need to listen to Louis Hay right now.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 07:58:00 AM
Why did he fool around with me if he thought it was a bad idea. he accused me of flirting with him. I promise, he started it. I was in class and I was his partner at that particular moment and he said he could not see what the teacher was showing because that girly body of mine was distracting him. I was not flirting. I did not have enough confidence to flirt. I could not. That was three months ago. Yesterday he told me that I did not dance at his level. I know I dance better than him. I have never told him. I ust told him that I need more firm leadership during dancing and he said I was wrong and got very mad. I just said that I neede a cue more obvious so i could understand the turns he wanted to lead. He told me that it was my fault, my arm is too flufy. I still dont understand what happened last night. He practically told me he did not want to have sex with me. He wanted it before and I was not ready. Once I am ready, he does not want it anymore. He wanted me to feel rejected.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 08:07:18 AM
I am mad at my self for falling in the same trap over and over again. I guess I need counseling. I cant afford it. I ahve a life trap. How come after 17 years alone I suffer the same sh*t. After so much meditating, losing weight, listeing to positive affirmations, still did the same sh*t. Maybe he was honestly saving our friendship. Because we really have fun together. I do not know what to think. I am very confused. He always wanted sex, in three months I did not want, i was not ready, because he was becoming sweeter and sweeter I finally milted in his amrs. Suddenly, he does not want it anymore, it is a bad idea. Since when it was a bad idea. What cables am I missing in my brain that i did not understand that.
I am going to apply for a loan for a ritidectomy.
Does anybody know about the modern processes for ritidectomy? I know there is laparoscopy ritidectomy. No big cuts.
I am decided. I want plastic surgery. I do I do I do. I am going to search the internet right now. To see if I can find a short procedure that does not take more than two weeks recovery. There must be one. I know there is a kew procedure ambulatory that you o to work the next day. I will find out.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 08:12:37 AM
Yes... Yes.... YES!

Lupita you want more!

And you're entitled to more.

You have your eyes open and you're paying attention to what you invite in.

Time to send out more invitations, dress up... feel good and get out of the house.

DANCE!  

Flirt..... eventually make out like a teenager and enjoy all the thrills and chills that go along with.

As far as I'm concerned..... that dance class boy was just practice and things went as well as they could have.

::nod::

OK... as far as WHY dickhead dance boy 'hurt you'....

I DO BELIEVE IT WAS BC YOU WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH HIM SATURDAY NIGHT, but only offered your Friday night.

 Heh... I bet his head spun and now.... in his head.... he's saying....

"bitch must pay"  Bleck... take a pass.

Personally..... that red flag is so toxic I'm not going to give you the advice I'd follow.... for there be monsters and I want you to have something new now.  

Something Better.. ::nodding::

So.... here's the plan.... dance with him all you want at dance class but..... time to get busy and say yes to more dates and dancing with other men... from class and outside class but dancing and laughter ONLY for a bit.  

Let's see how you feel about different kinds of men.

I think that part of finding and dating nice men is.... ::gulp::

Saying YES to men we'd normally say NO to.  

Sorry but..... they don't set off any alarms or whistles or bells.

They aren't setting us on fire with their fixed hot gaze.... taking us apart and planning what they'll do to us.

They aren't THE most charming eyes glowing like a werewolf sweep us off our feet men.

It's true.  

They're just real and nice and sweet and actually walk the walk.

The interesting thing about that is.... most of us haven't ever seen a man walk the walk, lol.

It's not familiar, it seems awkward and looks a bit....

well.....

boring.

The bad boys can really talk the talk... and that we're used to.  That we understand.  That's what we've come to recognize as love and attraction... but it's the wrong stimulation.

Here's the good new about that....

after you keep saying YES to these  good guys, not boys.... G U Y S....

then you realize that you sort'a miss'em when they're not around.

Then you sort'a kind'a find yourself wishing they were around.

You LIKE BEING TREATED WELL.

Your brain has been tricked and now....

YOU LIKE BEING CONSIDERED AND HAVING YOUR NEEDS, and desires, P R I O R I T I Z E D.

And ya know what....?

The lessons that come from here are HUGE.

Pretty Lupita has a job right now.  

Date.

Explore.

If you find some bad boys that 'move your floor' and you just can't say NO... remember....

MAKING OUT LIKE TEENAGERS IS MORE FUN THAN ANYTHING!

So what?  You made out like a teenager.....  :shock:

No shame to contend with and they can't rightfully FORCE you into marriage bc they CLAIM they were deflowered, lol.... which they'll do unashamedly.  

I'm so sorry and rambling but.... believe me.... you are gonna get every drop of your esteem back from going back to dance class, thowing your head back with laughter and having the time of your life with all the good dancers in that class.

Including dance boy.  

He's just waiting for you to come clawing to him, subserviant and bewildered.....

Ummmm..... just say.... no thanks with your thoughts, words and actions, my dear.

He'll be so dizzy with surprise.... I only hope he doesn't bowl you over with more charm and get you romantically involved just to punish you, for not crumpling, the way he intended.

Be strong.

Be confident.

There's a reason all those men want in pretty Lupita's pants, lol.  

You're a tender tasty morsel and they want to eat you!

Including that bad bad dance boy; )

On second thought.... just leave him be and have outrageous fun with other men in the class.... in front of him.  

Smile and laugh and DANCE!  

You have every right to enjoy and sample and taste this life, Lupita.

You just don't know how to do it without being swept up by damaged people......


yet; )

Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 08:15:25 AM

Ummmm.... LUPITA! 

He's accusing you of DOING exactly WHAT HE'S DOING!

He's charming you and distracting you and

C O N F U S I N G YOU!

Stop being confused!

He's not a nice man.

Don't think it's YOU>

It's HIM!

He's a bad bad boy and that's why you like him, lol. 

::SHAKING LUPITA BY THE SHOULDERS::

Snap out of it!

He W A N T S you!

He's trying to make you fee G U I L T Y.

Blech and I wouldn't give him the time of day, what an a hole please please please don't do anything more than smile and dance with him, if that, and let's sample some other flavors now, eh?





Why did he fool around with me if he thought it was a bad idea. he accused me of flirting with him. I promise, he started it. I was in class and I was his partner at that particular moment and he said he could not see what the teacher was showing because that girly body of mine was distracting him. I was not flirting. I did not have enough confidence to flirt. I could not. That was three months ago. Yesterday he told me that I did not dance at his level. I know I dance better than him. I have never told him. I ust told him that I need more firm leadership during dancing and he said I was wrong and got very mad. I just said that I neede a cue more obvious so i could understand the turns he wanted to lead. He told me that it was my fault, my arm is too flufy. I still dont understand what happened last night. He practically told me he did not want to have sex with me. He wanted it before and I was not ready. Once I am ready, he does not want it anymore. He wanted me to feel rejected.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 08:17:48 AM
We have fun together, but he always does someting that puts me down. But he was being so sweet. He was so sweet last time we were together. I brought his dog, we walked his dog together, we did meaningful things, we sat and had coffee, we did nice things other than dancing, we listened to music. Now I know that he is capable of hurting. He has problems against women. He does. I knew it. But I feel attracted to people who mistreat me. Probably because of the abuse I suffer as a child. I feel so aukward. So awful. I feel sick. Upset. I wish I could feel furious or mad. Instead I feel sad. I don't even want to go to the gym. Not for the rejection, but because I still fall in the same hole. I am mad at my self. So much meditating, and reading, and posting, for nothing. Still same sh*t, just a different date.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 08:20:23 AM
Ummm... what's ritidectomy?

Not that I don't think you should have anything your heart desires but.....

Listen....

Great idea, whatever it is.

This is LUPITA time.

You've sacraficed your life and now it's time for you.

Whatever it is..... I'll ask my buddy, who's a plastic surgeon..... what you should consider about that whatever it is you want and you do your research... it'll be fine.

But..... you aren't walking into the same traps.... you're just walking with the wolves who extend  their hands and say "COME WALK WITH ME"

There are other men, my dear.

And you're gonna eat food with them.... then dance!
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 08:31:49 AM

NO NO NO LUPITA!

Not the same shit!

New shit.

L E A R N I N G Shit, lol.

You're about to learn some really great lessons and....

let's go over the basics, eh?

LESSONS ARE PAINFUL.

Sorry, but there it is.

Second..... stop looking at is as poor pitiful Lupita, can't do better, always falling into holes.....

Blech.

Start thinking of it as AN ADVENTURE!

You're going to start approaching things differently.

While you were going to med school and raising your son....

I was learning these lessons.

You don't need a therapist.....


 bc I've already been there, done that.

I was engaged to a wonderful man, who died of cancer.

The lessons I learned, but couldn't enforce well enough.... got me into a wonderful relationship of my dreams. 

Listen.... when I first met him I didn't even notice him.

When he wanted to go out with me..... instead of asking he followed me around the party like a puppy, asking to hold my beer when I said I had to go to the potty (just to get away from him) and there he was, still standing there, holding my beer when I came back 15 minutes later.

Did I appreciate that in him? 

Nope.

Did I understand WHY I wasn't attracted to him as I held court in the kitchen, sitting on the counter entertaining the bad boys?

Nope. 

That song..... ::snapping fingers:: what was it..... it was the perfect theme song for us.

He was strong and brave and fearless and hung in there... not all men would.

He won me over and I did grow to appreciate his softness... kindness.... intellect..... humor.....

NON PREDATORY attraction to me.

So so so different Lupita.

You haven't even had a date with a nice man yet... please please please don't get frustrated yet, lol!

hee.... it won't be so bad and now you know what to expect and how it will go. 

You can skip a lot of the silliness I went through and just begin exploring and I want you to embrace a sense of wonder and adventure, not be depressed and defeated.

You will see.

Happy Laughing Lupita will have the world gazing longingly at her and drawing close.

Upset unhappy fearful Lupita will have the wolves circling. 

Have courage my dear lady.... and make sure you borrow enough money to buy 3 new GREAT WOW WOW dresses; )




We have fun together, but he always does someting that puts me down. But he was being so sweet. He was so sweet last time we were together. I brought his dog, we walked his dog together, we did meaningful things, we sat and had coffee, we did nice things other than dancing, we listened to music. Now I know that he is capable of hurting. He has problems against women. He does. I knew it. But I feel attracted to people who mistreat me. Probably because of the abuse I suffer as a child. I feel so aukward. So awful. I feel sick. Upset. I wish I could feel furious or mad. Instead I feel sad. I don't even want to go to the gym. Not for the rejection, but because I still fall in the same hole. I am mad at my self. So much meditating, and reading, and posting, for nothing. Still same sh*t, just a different date.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 08:39:14 AM
Ah ha.. the song was that one that went...

You won me over er in spite of me....

OMG... I was such a brat, lol.

You also mentioned that you were confused as to why dance boy wanted sex then said he didn't....

that's because he over valued you and got you feeling good about being treated well....

the he de valued you and crushed you so you'd fall in line and do as he instructs, when he instructs.

Do you see it?

He's training you already.

Can you imagine what your life with him would turn into if you got more involved with him?

He'd be jerking you around with sex, like chic, bc he knows you desire him and you're a decent kind person who doesn't see what he's doing.

He'd get away with it and blech ppptttt.... gack.

He's manipulating and gaslighting..... he's offering the carrot then giving you the stick bc you're a wonder and a light and he wants to posess it.

Not honor it and enjoy it.

He'd snuff your light out, pronto, if you fell for him hard.

Just laugh at...errrr... I mean with him in dance class and dance with him. 

Don't give him another date, I don't trust him not to pout and pity party himself into your heart.

What a pathetic little prick..... you have so much better in store for you 8)
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 08:46:57 AM
Lighter, believe it or not, you just read my mind. I was thinking exactly the same thing.

that's because he over valued you and got you feeling good about being treated well....

the he de valued you and crushed you so you'd fall in line and do as he instructs, when he instructs.

Do you see it?

He's training you already.

Can you imagine what your life with him would turn into if you got more involved with him?
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 08:47:42 AM
Duoh!

As for his putting you down....

this is such a familiar tactic.

If he can make you feel inadequate, crush your self esteem, feel he's better and you're inferior.....

he'll do it.

Not sure that I care about explaining it.....

Ahhhh... no.

What I want you to get out of this is....


and this is BIG>

Trust....


your


insticts.


You know you're a better dance....

bc you ARE a better dancer.

He's telling you something opposite and you're confused?

Hell f'n NO you aren not confused you're trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense and that's what he wants you to do.

It's improbable that an attractive intelligent man would behave in such a ridiculous life wasting way...

but there it is.

You don't need to figure that one out.

JUST TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS, LUPITA!

BIG LESSON.

You have great instincts but you have to learn to trust them.

Pretend until you do.

Honor them even if you doubt them.  

What happens if you accept that you're a better dancer and he's LYING to you just to stomp your esteem into the dirt and make you his weak naughty sex monkey chewy toy?

How do you feel about that?

I'll tell you how it makes me feel.....

grrrrrr.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 08:50:51 AM
He was punishing me. He was mad because I told him that he was not leading me correctly. I hurt him first. He reacted. But I was being honest.  If I would have to be walking on egg shells all the time so he does not punish me, it would be a horrible life. How can such a little thing make him feel so bad?  I would have done almost anything for him. He did not see it. I mean, except to take care of a sick husband or support a husband with out a job. LOL
Lighter, why do you think I feel so sad?
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Ami on September 15, 2007, 09:00:33 AM
Dear lupita,
  I have made new discoveries that might help you. I am going to be starting some new threads. I am convinced(IMO) that it is the deep "sign" that we wear that "attracts' this type of behavior. I am "birthing" a whole new outlook on life. It involves JUST what you are talking about.
   I am seeing things with my heart right now. I had so much good information in my head. I have had 8 years of Al anon, 10 years of AA(I am not an alcoholic),  Masters degree in Psychology,and  thousands s of books,. What did I have- NOTHING b/c it was NOT in my heart.
  Now, from all my "work" on the board,I am seeing with my heart. My 'heart has eyes and ears. I have opened up a new dimension inside me. Normal people have it and don't LOSE it,I think.WE, abused  people,lose it. That might be the core difference between us and them. My mother stole my ability to perceieve from this dimesnsion. I am going to start a thread on it, today. I call it the "animal senses',instinct,inner cjild, or pre-verbal part of us. You could call it the "knower".
  We ALL have it,but when we are abused, we lose our TRUST in it. Maybe ,we don't even H EAR it anymore but it is still there--buried.
  THIS is the part that has to change in order for our life to change. On this very,very deep level is WHERE we have the sign"I can be abused". There has to be a very deep acknowlegment and undertanding of this deep level in order to REMOVE the sign
  I know for 100% sure that this is true(IMO). I feel it. I know it. I know that this is the
template"in me that MUST be changed for me to have a quality life. I will be starting some new threads on it,if you are interested                        Love  Amil
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 09:03:04 AM
The sadest thing is that we were supposed to be celbrating yesterday because I got my letter of aproval to become a citizen. I worked so hard on it. That was his celebration. I was working on that for ten years. I finally got. I am going to ahve my oath next week. He totally destroyed my joy. He punished me. He hates me. Like my mother. My mother always destroyed my joy.

Ritidectomy is plastic surgery to remove the wrincles and bags around eyes and chicks. "lifintg"

I want that!!!!!! yes  I do.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 09:08:19 AM
Ami, I agree, I thought about that. It is an attitud of begging for love. It is around friends around coworkers, around everybody, because we had to beg for love at home. That begger attitud is the one that is kiiling our lives. How to fix the attitud, that we do not need that love, because we can love our selves. Until we learn to do that.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Ami on September 15, 2007, 09:10:38 AM
Dear Lupita,
  If pure "beauty" made you happy, why aren't the beautiful actresses in Hollywood happy?I understand about how we look, I really do. However,if you still are wearing the 'I can be abused sign"--- you will still attract the same type of person no matter how beautiful you are.
  I think that you 'know" this down deep, you are just really,really hurting right now.
  As I "birth" this new layer of myself(trust in my deep feelings), my life is ALREADY changing. I have changed three relationships,significantly.
  I am all for outside beauty,but DEEP beauty HAS to be there ,too. Then,you will be the WHOLE package,Lupita                                 Love  Ami
 
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 09:13:43 AM
Dont kill me for what I am going to say. I feel that I provoked that man because I was not humble enough. The bible says you have to submit to your man. That is why he had to punish me.
I know, I know, it is stupid, my reason tells me, my brain tells me, but I sitll feel that way. I know I know. Dont yell at me please.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 09:17:56 AM
Eh... it's so sad bc you were wishing and hoping for those dizzy, tingly, happy, esteem inspiring feelings to go on and oan.  

This dance boy.... can't sustain them.

Sorry. ::shrug::

Get over and stop hoping in that direction.

Pick out the dress that makes you grin and go dancing tonight.... instead of being sad.

Go to a club that plays your music and do something out of character.

Ask a dance instructor, if you see one, to forcefully take you accross the floor, you feel the need to be driven competently to that particular song... then DANCE and enjoy.

Or not but listen..... this is just another wave, my dear.

With it comes understanding and the calm will follow, eventually.

You'll feel happy to be alive again, sooner than you think... so get used to believing in that.

You will get over this and you will feel better.... it will always come so stop fearing the pain and sadness.

Just sit with it for a bit then get moving.  

Pedicure, scruff... tan your face with a tanner and paint your nails red.

Put on your dress and makeup and swish your skirt around in the mirror.... do you feel better?

I bet you will; )



He was punishing me. He was mad because I told him that he was not leading me correctly. I hurt him first. He reacted. But I was being honest.  If I would have to be walking on egg shells all the time so he does not punish me, it would be a horrible life. How can such a little thing make him feel so bad?  I would have done almost anything for him. He did not see it. I mean, except to take care of a sick husband or support a husband with out a job. LOL
Lighter, why do you think I feel so sad?
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 09:21:21 AM

Ummmm... you do realize that those feelings, in your head, are wrong....

right?

Wouldnt' that little N boy enjoy it if you approached him, silent, eyes down....

and said these things to him?

::sigh::



Dont kill me for what I am going to say. I feel that I provoked that man because I was not humble enough. The bible says you have to submit to your man. That is why he had to punish me.
I know, I know, it is stupid, my reason tells me, my brain tells me, but I sitll feel that way. I know I know. Dont yell at me please.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 09:32:48 AM
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE CELBRATING THAT I WAS APROVED TO HAVE MY OATH NEXT WEEK FOR CITIZENSHIP. I WORKED ON IT FOR TEN YEARS. HE DESTROYED MY JOY, LIKE MY MOTHER ALWAYS DOES, HE BEHAVED EXACTLY LIKE MY MOTHER, THAT IS THE WAY MY MOTHER BEHAVES. THAT IS THE WAY MY MOTHER TREATS ME!!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 09:38:45 AM
TEN YEARS AGO, I GAVE A CONCERT IN MY TOWN. PEOPLE WERE STANDING IN OVATION. MY MOTHER TOLD ME ALL THE MISTAKES I DID RIGHT ABOUT COMING FROM THE STAGE. BECAUSE SHE IS A PIANIST SHE KNEW. BUT SHE DID NOT HAVE TO TELL ME WHEN PEOPLE WAS EXCYTED ABOUT ME. SHE SABOTIZED ONE OF MY SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
THIS MAN IS LIKE MY MOTHER. I AM NOT EMULATING MY FATHER, I AM EMULATING MY MOTHER.
in my family everybody was abused. Everybody. My father was grab by his feet and thrown to the wall by his father. My grand father was tied to a tree to be punished. Dignity did not exist in my family for generations, in both sides of my family.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 09:41:07 AM
And does it surprise you so much that you chose a relationship, like that with your mother, to work on....

to overcome....

to finally find the resolution you've been searching for since you were a toddler?

I'm not.

Time to give up that hope..... symbolically, literally and figuratively.

I'm up for a moonlit, candlighted ceremony if you are.

But don't let it defeat you, Lupita.

It's just familiar and you're so tired of that dance.

Time for a new dance.

Time to celebrate with worthy people.

It won't feel right at first....

saying yes to people who don't ring familiar bells when you meet them but....

it'll lead to support and healthier things.

It will lead to adult relationships that are based on the present moments in your life.

Not a script you've been following, up to this point.

It's not the surgery or the dresses that heal you.....

it's the fact that you're investing in Lupita's needs, wants and desires.

You're nurturing you bc that's your job.

Feeling good about yourself and trusting your instincts is RIGHT.

Feeling defeated and beating yourself up.....

remaining mired.....

is wrong.

Make some good decisions and stick with them.

Enforce boundaries.  That helps cut out a lot of the trouble, right there.

Do you want to do something, just for you?

Do it.

Celebrate your victory without dance boy.

You don't need him, I promise and the sadness will pass.

Fill that space with something else.  

I think if you just went dancing tonight you'd feel better.

Not a lot... you could manage that?

Count your blessings.

Remember the lessons when something doesn't turn out the way you'd hoped.

Don't assume you have nothing to offer.... I assure you.... you do.


WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE CELBRATING THAT I WAS APROVED TO HAVE MY OATH NEXT WEEK FOR CITIZENSHIP. I WORKED ON IT FOR TEN YEARS. HE DESTROYED MY JOY, LIKE MY MOTHER ALWAYS DOES, HE BEHAVED EXACTLY LIKE MY MOTHER, THAT IS THE WAY MY MOTHER BEHAVES. THAT IS THE WAY MY MOTHER TREATS ME!!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Ami on September 15, 2007, 09:46:52 AM
Dear Lupita,
  FIRST of all- you have to keep sharing ALL this stuff so that we can help you. Your reasoning is not "right". You need to bring it to the "light" of day so people can help you. KEEP SHARING ALL this pain.
You are doing exactly right.
  I want to say that I have used the Bible to whack myself over the head with thousands s and thousands of times. We are reading it WRONG- if it ever,ever leads to our abuse in ANY way at all.
 This submitting to the man thing is ONLY when you are married AND the man is TREATING you like 'Christ treated the church." IOW,it is ONLY  when you have a man who loves and cherishes you so much as Christ did for  the church.
 I think that if you have any Bible references that cause you ANY pain( from abuse), you should throw them out. You are reading  them wrong(IMO)
  I am going to re-read everything and respond again-if I think that I can help               Love  Ami


P.S. I think that you are "simply" repeating your pattern with your mother again. I have done it hundreds of times,too. Now, you can take what you are learning and try to face it. Grieve the pain. See that your M was distorted. What she told you about yourself( that you are worthless) is all lies.
 YOU may feel really horrible. I understand,BUT- you are at a really,really good place. You can start to heal NOW b/c you are facing the pattern. It is really good,Lupita . Keep writing and grieving. Many people will hep you
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 09:49:11 AM
Well that's really sad and improbable and I'm sure it's true and it's obviously left it's mark on you, Lupita.

But it's not going to change.  

You deserved better.... you didn't get it.

You'll never get it from her.... or dance boy.

Be sad about that... get into the shower (bring a scruffer) and cry and sink into that sadness.

Soooo unfair.

So sad that little child Lupita and her father were injured and damaged..... cry and just howl like an animal.

Feel all that sadness... talk to your mother and TELL her how it felt to hear her at that piano recital.

Tell her how it felt when you sabotaged your son't b-day.

Tell her how it felt to be unprotected and torn apart as a child..... tell her and cry and let yourself feel the sadness.

Then get your scruffer and diligently scruff it all away.

Wash your hair twice and scruff your face well.

pay attention to your ankles and toes and backs of your hands...scruff scruff scruff.

Deep condition your hair with that special condiitioner you never use in the drawer bc it takes too much time.

When you get out of the shower..... take a big breath and turn your attention to that pedicure and maybe sit in the sun with a nice cup of comfort and read a bit.  

Nurture yourself..... decide on how you'll celebrate that 10 year victory you've earned.  

It's yours and your mother can't take anything else away from you.... that you don't giver her.

((lupita))

It's gonna be OK.




TEN YEARS AGO, I GAVE A CONCERT IN MY TOWN. PEOPLE WERE STANDING IN OVATION. MY MOTHER TOLD ME ALL THE MISTAKES I DID RIGHT ABOUT COMING FROM THE STAGE. BECAUSE SHE IS A PIANIST SHE KNEW. BUT SHE DID NOT HAVE TO TELL ME WHEN PEOPLE WAS EXCYTED ABOUT ME. SHE SABOTIZED ONE OF MY SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
THIS MAN IS LIKE MY MOTHER. I AM NOT EMULATING MY FATHER, I AM EMULATING MY MOTHER.
in my family everybody was abused. Everybody. My father was grab by his feet and thrown to the wall by his father. My grand father was tied to a tree to be punished. Dignity did not exist in my family for generations, in both sides of my family.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 10:24:11 AM
OMG!!!!!!!!!! Lighter!!!!!!!!!!!  How did you know this????????????????????


"Deep condition your hair with that special condiitioner you never use in the drawer bc it takes too much time."


Did you spy me????????  LOL......it is so true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you read my mind?
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 10:27:02 AM
It is amazing, I have been posting and reading since 5:30 this morning and I feel a little better now. Thanks to this board and the people who takes time to write and talk to me, whether I like it or not. That is friendship. Hope that one day I can meet you all. I can have coffee with you. I can take you to my dance school. I can go to the beach with you. I need you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 10:30:13 AM
Thank you guys. I feel so, so, sad. I am going to the gym at 12:00 anyway, and going dancing tonight too. Still feel so sad.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 10:36:00 AM
Lupita.... it would be so nice to cook with you, walk on the beach with you and go dancing... feel powerful and happy out and about.

Very nice to picture.

As for that conditioner..... of course you have it, lol!

And of course you haven't made the time or thought yourself important enough to use it.

Get it out and put it in your shower for when you get back from the gym.

Do you have a foot scruffer pumice stone hidden in that drawer too?

Get it out as well and I'm so relieved to hear you're planning to go dancing tonight.

Go and celebrate.... you earned it.






It is amazing, I have been posting and reading since 5:30 this morning and I feel a little better now. Thanks to this board and the people who takes time to write and talk to me, whether I like it or not. That is friendship. Hope that one day I can meet you all. I can have coffee with you. I can take you to my dance school. I can go to the beach with you. I need you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!

Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 10:53:10 AM
About the rhitidectomy?

I like the idea of little nips and tucks along the way..... so you continue to look like you but....

if you want something that requires you go under..... and you're paying for a surgical suit and anesthesiaologist (sp?).....

get everything done that you want done in that one, very expensive shot.

It looked like you could go under a local and get some little nips and tucks done in a doctors office?

By all means.... less expense and maybe that would be all you'd need?

There are also cheaper alternatives.... out of the country but..... I know my doc buddy has women come from all over the world for him to do his thing.... and he's one of the most expensive docs doing what he does.  I'd be verwy verwy careful about surgery, esp on my face.... bc you have to live with that for a long long time. 

Choose a great doctor and see when he offers specials.  They do offer specials, btw.  Now is a very slow time for them, btw. 



Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 03:05:43 PM
Dear CB, if what you are saying is right, then why the heck did ge continue asking me out? trying to have sex with me? he kept trying and trying, and when I finally say yes, he tells me that it is a bad idea? why did he wait three months? why did he pursue me until I said yes just to say now i dont want? why did he tell me that I had a fluffy arm? If he did not have interest in me he did not have to ask me out. He asked me out. He started the flirting, he chased me. If he did not have interest, then why?
Just tell me why? why chase me? why ask me out? I do not flirt with men I am not interested on. I do not call men I am not interested in. I do not go out with men I am not interested in. He asked me out during three consecutive months. He monopolized me in the dance floor. Id he was not itnerested, why to do that? He said I am messing up my stpes because I am watching your girly body. I did not started it. If he was not interested why to start? I am not looking for a commitment either. But I do not like partnesr who multiple date. That is the only difference. I believe he hates women. I likes to hunt and when he gets the piece he wants, like cats play with a mouth, kill it eat a little piece of the mouth and leave it ina corner. Not all eaten but mutilated, sometimes still alive. Those are emotional predators, spinners, they make your head spin. I knew who he was from the beginning and i fell because my mother is like that. I feel attracted to that kind of man. Those make me excyted, to conquer, thinking that I will overcome the result and change the ending. So, although I disagree with you, CB, I adore you, because you are a sweet wonderful person and you always have been so sensitive to my feelings always trying to help me honestly and with humility, that anything that omes from you I recieve with love and gratefulness, whether i agree or disagree with your statement. I would enjoy your company so much.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 03:17:46 PM
He really wanted to humilliate me. He really hated me. he wanted to hurt me. Why? I do not know. he waited three months. He was begging for sex, for love, just minutes before to say he did not want it anymore. He went on a trip, i did not call him, I told him I had a group of friends for Saturday when he called. I told him I could only go out on Friday. Finally I let him come inside my apartment, we kiss, etc, and when I finally accept him, he suddenly, from the middle of nowhere, says "I do not want to ruin our friendship" "This is a bad idea" We had made out for three months, he always complaining that I sent him back home to take cold showers, etc. Why calling me so may times and asking me out so many times, why trying to get sex so many times, why as I said no he kept calling me for three months and suddenly when for the first time I show interest he dumps me. Why did he wait untill I was celebrating a once ina life opportunity? He asked me to celebrate with him. He planned it. He was mad at me for some reason.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 03:28:33 PM
He is the one who asked me. I saw him on Tuesday at dance class. I was indifferent, I did not even partnered with him, and he waited till the end of the class when the teacher puts music for us to do free practice, he took me away from the guy I was dancing with adn  asked me if I had recieved my letter. I told him the great news and he asked me to celebrate. He ruined my celebration. Once ina life opportunity. My mother alwasy did that to me. Always. She sabotized my parties, she sabotized my concerts, she saboptized my dates and she sabotized my marriage.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 03:33:40 PM
I have to forget about him. move on, try something different. I will go dancing tonight. He is an idiot. I am so sick of him.
How can I think of something else?
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 15, 2007, 03:41:19 PM
Did you enjoy that shower yet?

Deep condition your hair?

Sluff your face and body?

Pediciure?

Pick out the dress you're wearing tonight?

There's plenty to think about.... think about you!


Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Hopalong on September 15, 2007, 04:47:39 PM
Citizen Lupita,
We are so lucky to have you as our fellow American!

About your nose: well, you'll see that on Lighter's thread.

Quote
Just tell me why? why chase me? why ask me out? I do not flirt with men I am not interested on. I do not call men I am not interested in.

Because he operates on a different set of values than you do. He was about pursuit. You were about dancing and enjoying the present. It is good that he changed his mind. Look at it this way, when you tell yourself you do the same old sh*t:

You didn't sleep with him.
You didn't marry him.
You didn't crawl across the dance floor begging.
You didn't stalk him or harrass him.
You didn't lose your dignity.
You didn't stop dancing.

I think it's not the same old sh*t at all, you're just having a reaction. As CB says, female egos are fragile too.

What I liked is when you said you know this man has problems with women. And you knew it. Because my theory is that it's the healthier, getting-healthier-all-the-time part of you that held back! Maybe you didn't run away the first time you met the Sexy Bad Boy. You just danced. And kissed and stuff. Okay, another time you might not even risk that, if you know the consequences would be bad for you with this type of man.

But you didn't marry him!
You didn't sleep with him!
You didn't stop dancing!

So when the reaction is over, I hope you'll see yourself with respect. You have a great deal of pride, Lupita. That's especially sore when somebody rejects you.

But rejections and ins-and-outs and people disappointing you and you disappointing yourself are just being human, not being BAD.

You're a great person, Lupita.
With a great nose.

love
Hops
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 05:32:59 PM
Thank you Besee, thank you so much. I worked so hard on that. For ten years. God bless America.

Hops, why did he pursue me just to reject me? As long as I was saying no he was chasing me. As soon as I said yes he rejected me. If he did not like me, why to waste three months of his life? Money, time. He always paid during our dates.

And before he left he said, "call me if you want to go dancing"
In what kind of a mind enters a thought that I will call him after he hurt me so badly?

Why would he want me to call him if I have a flufy arm? If he is not itnerested? What the hell does he want?

I am not going to call him. I will not.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Certain Hope on September 15, 2007, 06:14:14 PM
BIG CONGRATS ON CITIZENSHIP! YEA LUPITA!

xxxbesee

Wow!  Yay!!  :D  Congratulations, Lupita!  I don't know anything about this dating stuff (except don't sleep with anybody till you're married), but good thing Besee highlited this piece of news, so I could chime in!

Thanks, Besee  :)

With love,
Carolyn
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 07:02:10 PM
Thank you so much CH.

I still dont understand why ask me to celebrate to destroy my joy.

If I pursue something, I would be happy when I get it. I would not punish the person who says yes.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: CB123 on September 15, 2007, 07:25:28 PM
Lupe,

It's okay that you don't agree with me.  I'm not sure I've got much to offer anyway--I think I am identifying with you too much to be impartial!  But it's okay--what I lack in true wisdom, I will make up for in true empathy!

If I pursue something, I would be happy when I get it. I would not punish the person who says yes.

Thank God for this guy's idiocy, Lupita.  You arent being punished (maybe by him--but not in the cosmic sense).  You are being SAVED!

Much love,
CB



Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 15, 2007, 08:00:00 PM
CB, but in some way you are much healthier than me. You are still friends with that guy. You are still going out with him. So, you handled it perfectly. I did not. I left my guard off. I fell. You, instead, are keeping your composture, and your dignity. You are great!!!!
So, you have much more wisdom than me.
Thank you for being my friend.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Certain Hope on September 15, 2007, 08:44:40 PM
Thank you so much CH.

I still dont understand why ask me to celebrate to destroy my joy.

If I pursue something, I would be happy when I get it. I would not punish the person who says yes.

Dear Lupita,

You know what?
I am thinking that when we have lived on this earth for 1/2 a century, it is not too much to ask for things like this to make sense!

When I hear what happened with this man, it makes no sense to me, and so I would not waste a minute of the next 50 years wondering why.

And I agree with CB... this was a blessing to you in disguise, maybe, but a blessing nonetheless.

You have so very much to celebrate! I hope that you find so many things/people/events which DO make sense that this one will slip into distant memory in no time at all!

Love,
Carolyn
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: cats paw on September 16, 2007, 07:04:05 AM
Hello Lupita,

   I haven't had much to add to what others have said about the dating, but I did notice something that I could say, and that is I
   am celebrating and sending joy your way to congratulate you on your citizenship.

Best Wishes !

cats paw
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 16, 2007, 07:45:19 AM
CB, but in some way you are much healthier than me. You are still friends with that guy. You are still going out with him. So, you handled it perfectly. I did not. I left my guard off. I fell.


Oh phooey. 

All you have to do is dance with him

or dance without him,

h a p p i l y,

at the next dance class

and your diginity is restored.

Be friendly with him.

Let him know that you

are

still

friends.


Of course..... you're done with him and you'll be waaaaaaayyy too busy to dance with him outside of dance class.

BTW..... are there BETTER dancers, than him, in that dance class?

Time to spend more time with them..... dancing with better dancers improves your dancing: )
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 16, 2007, 04:03:17 PM
I asked two ladies from the gym if they wanted to dance at my dance school Saturday meetings and they said yes. one of them aked another lady. This last asked her ex husband to come and dance with the four of us. i asked  Two of my classmates to come unmder the promise that I would personally practie with them and help them, so at the end we had a very big group of wonderful epople whose only purpose was one: To have fun dancing.
We found other people to dance with, everybody got a nice practice with eachother and we all had fun, no personal interests, and everybody respectful, and I drove a long distance, and one of the ladies offered to drive next time.
What a wonderful time. The good lesson, is that, If I did not have bad people in the past, I would have taken for granted these wonderful people who went out with me. Now I can appreciate nice moments, nice pepople and nice treatment from people.
Thank you god for my bad experiences. Today I went to church in the morning knowing that I did not do anything that I had to rerert and feeling safe.
Thank you God for this day.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Hopalong on September 16, 2007, 04:23:10 PM
Lupita!

 :D :D :D

You define Atta Girl.

love
Hops
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Certain Hope on September 16, 2007, 04:52:50 PM
Lupita, that is wayyy kewl  8)    :D   

I believe that we can make that sort of day regularly, too! Because it's all about perspective.

Love,
Carolyn
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 16, 2007, 09:52:59 PM
That's the one thing about pain and the value of lessons..... eventually we see WHY we had to go through them but.....

it sure is hard to get to the other side in order to understand: /

You sound great today, Lupita.

Brava for your ability to right your boat and regain balance.

THIS IS A BIG DAY! 

Not only do you celebrate your citizenship.... you celebrate your growing ability to problem solve and handle conflict.

To make yourself feel better: ) 

Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: changing on September 17, 2007, 12:38:21 AM
Lupita-

Congratulations on your new  American citizenship- I am so proud that you are a permanent part of our country! I am also happy that you are spending time with nice people who are worthy to associate with you. As for the others- just dance past them!

Love,

Changing
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: CB123 on September 17, 2007, 06:54:03 AM
Yay, Lupita!  This is just the spark I see in you so many times.  I think it is what makes you so attractive to the people you go dancing with (even the crazy-boy).  I see you emote all over the place here--and then pick yourself up and go for it again. 

You are my hero, Lupe!

Love
CB
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 18, 2007, 06:15:53 AM
I had dance class on Sunday. He was dancing right beside me. I think he is sick. He kind of enjoyed seeing me there, I perceived a marvellous smile and look in his face. Fortunately, I had an advance student practicing with me so I was showing him off. Still, my heart was pounding. I have to see him in class today too. Of course I have to dance with him. The teacher switches us all the time. Hope that he does not notice my nervousness.

But, this morning, in general, I feel much better. Thank you friends.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 18, 2007, 06:37:04 AM
I'll be there in spirit.... beside you while you're dancing near dance boy, Lup...


Sticking my tongue out and shaking my fanny at him!

What a kitty who thinks he's going to eat the canary!

He has no idea you're going to dance right past him on this one, though.

He's still playing cat and mouse....

you're still dancing with the better dancers, laughing and having a wonderful time in dance class.

::nod::

You're gonna be just fine Lupita: )
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: changing on September 18, 2007, 11:19:31 AM
Lupe-

You outclass that clown in every way. Your notice of him was the only thing that gave him any credibility. You are such a refined lady, I can't see him holding your interest for long anyway. The One that would last would have to be intelligent and a real man, who values and cares properly for you (the kind of man you are raising your son to be). I love the way that you are handling him- he is making a big piaso out of himself! You are still a lovely and sincere lady, who can never be diminished by a clown!

Love ,

Changing

Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 20, 2007, 03:51:50 PM
Last Twesday, I was in dance class. Since the teacher swithces us around, I had to dance with sexy dancing bad boy. I could not sustain a look at his eyes. He was trying to make me look at his eyes. I could not. I felt so bad. On top of all, the ladies get together to go dancing on Saturday nights. We usually invite some students so we have somebody to practice with, and not to have to dance with strangers. Some how he penetrated that group and got one of the ladies to invite him. So, now I had to see him on Saturday night. I feel so upset.
Also he asked me on Tuesday when was my oath. He also pull him self in and gave me a good bye kiss when I was not eliciting nor wishing nor welcoming any physical contact with him.
Maybe Laighter is right. He is still playing cat and mouce. I start to get sick of him. But if I learn how to handle this, I will have advanced a huge step in my emotional development.
I appreciate your ideas.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 20, 2007, 05:38:32 PM
Oh... you're just making things interesting for him, Lupita, lol. 

Be prepared for him to give you 'the look' many many more times.

He's trying to pull you in..... get needs met.... things that have nothing to do with you but he'll use you, if you let him.

Just keep dancing and ignoring him. 

Just keep looking around you at all the other people and lights and pay attention to the music... and the way your dress swishes and makes your legs look 10 feet tall.

Keep giving attention to the worthy people in your group bc worrying about him is a waste of your time, my dear. 

Do that thing with the imaginary helmet.... pull back and observe from a distance..... enjoy figuring out what he's doing and the fact that he won't be manipulating you.

But remember that he's a small small fish... you have to stay on a positive track.

He's a very good lesson.

Thank goodness he's smirking at you pre sexual encounter.

::whew!!!::

close call, over now, time to move on and stop beating yourself up you're fine it'll be OK you're just so dear, Lupita.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Hopalong on September 20, 2007, 07:58:19 PM
What she said.
In spades.

xxoo,
Hops
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 20, 2007, 08:48:43 PM
Thank you so much Hop and Lighter for your prompt answer. It feels so nice that each time that I feel stressed i come here and get friends to talk to.
Well, today I had my ceremony of oath ofr citizenship. I loved it. one thousand people together from seventy different countries, we hug eachother, some cried, I cried, it was awesome. Sexy dance bad boy called me to ask me about it and congratulate me, he also told me he had a bad day because a client was rude. He should be a high school teacher to see rudeness around. Kids are rude.
I really need to put this guy behind. I really want to nurture my self, to be happy from the inside out, not viceverse. I want to detach and be more indifferent. I need to feel nothing.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 21, 2007, 06:34:03 AM
It's not so much that you need to feel nothing, Lup.

It's that you need to have your esteem up (high on the proper shelf), so that it's not swept around by bad boy winds of change, on a string.

When you understand enough about this situation.... you'll be stronger, tougher, confident and this entire experience will turn out to be a gift you look back on fondly... bc it lead you to a better place.

As for that warm happy celebration of yours..... I'm so glad you enjoyed and felt happy there.

Not surprising bad boy rang you up to 'congratulate' you.  What that really means is.... he's using that as an excuse to contact you, without SAYING he wants to see you again.

His withdrawing from you, when you finally returned his feelings, was supposed to 'teach you a lesson' and have you scurrying to do as you're told..... immediately.

His sharing his bad day.... bc a client was rude...... was supposed to get you feeling pity for him..... he wants you to try to make him feel better. 

Blech blech blech and :::blowing a you know what raspberry, lol::

Bleck

Ahem... instead.... and to his shock, I'm sure heh.... you feel more empathy for yourself with regard to your job and what you have to put up with, lol!

NOT WHAT HE EXPECTED but it shows that you're growing and are indeed on the path to nurturing and healing yourself.

I'm just tingles all over Lupita.

You're doing great and that bad boy is just gonna have to eat someone else's lunch. 

It won't be yours; )


Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Ami on September 21, 2007, 08:35:59 AM
Dear Lupita,
   I agree that  he is playing a game with you. If you watch the 'steps", you will see the "dance". Try to listen to your "inner voice" about him. What is it telling you(under the attraction to him). Does your gut tell you that he is toying with you. Do you feel like it is a cat and mouse game ? I find that my gut is very wise  about telling me the truth about any situation,but I have to listen and discern it.        Ami
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 21, 2007, 01:25:05 PM
Yes yes yes, CB.


Learning to identify feelings and know our selves... know how to identify others... is more important than learning how NOT to feel.

Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 22, 2007, 02:55:24 PM
OK, dear friends. Today Saturday, I walked five miles with a group of fitness enthusiasts, after which I went to my Zumba class at the gym. In none of the events there were men to flirt with. Just young people or only women. Still I had a good time. Hope that is an improvement. I do not need sexy dancing bad boy to feel wonderful about my self. Or that is what I am trying to convence my self. I do not need a man. I have been alone for seventeen years. Suddenly came alive with sexy dancing bad boy. Despite him being an A*s ***** I still miss the flirting. That is bad. I do not need that to feel well. I need to feel well on my own, just with my self. Grow up, Lupita, grow up!!!!. I wish. Still, I am going to dance tonight, hope that my classmates are there so I have somebody to dance with. I do not like to dance with strangers.
Thank you friends for all your encourage. I had worked so hard on my slef, and suddenly this man comes and destroy me so easily, it is not even funny. I aloow him to hurt me. I am mad at my self. I hope I do not have to see him tonight. Hope that nobody invited him for our meet together tonight.
Your ideas are always welcome. Thank you for your help.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Hopalong on September 22, 2007, 04:24:21 PM
Quote
I still miss the flirting. That is bad. I do not need that to feel well.

But, Lupita! You are a red-hot Mama!

I think he was the wrong person to flirt with, that's all. I don't think it's bad to miss flirting. Your sexuality has been under wraps for a long time and you've lost weight, gotten even more gorgeous, you're feeling life and blazing salsa music running through your veins, your body is healthy and vigorous from lots of exercise and fresh air, you have a beautiful nose, and flirting is OKAY! (You just saved yourself a bunch of suffering by your smart choice not to FUSE and SLEEP and THROW YOURSELF AWAY with this particular man.) Good, good.

I have had 2 surprising flirtations this week (one the crush who came to the shop, but I haven't heard a peep...that's okay, I'm amazed to realize after just brief disappointment that if he's not ready then it's a positive not to hear from him), and the other a handsome Irish (in Boston) CEO long-distance customer with whom I had a spark on the phone. I was just in a joyous mood and didn't take his big-shot pomp seriously and chatted away and he wound up calling me later just to talk-- about his struggle with workaholism, how it felt to grow up on a big estate where his father was the manager, his frustration over the social changes in Ireland, etc. It was fascintating and great fun.

I think you're doing the same with dance. Enjoying the rhythms and connections. And I have such faith there will be new ones that will make you look back and say to yourself, good grief, and to think I wasted a couple months feeling badly over that ridiculously inappropriate other person! (If you even bother to think about him at all.)

Cha cha
Hops
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 22, 2007, 04:32:30 PM
Have fun tonight and stop beating yourself up.

You're learning and growing and all the pain is part of that.

Just see what it has to teach you and make better choices... with a smile and anticipation of better things to come.

I promise you..... you're doing great, lol!
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Lupita on September 22, 2007, 04:32:46 PM
Thank you CB, Lighter, Hop, Ami, Thank you.

One, Two, Cha Cha Cha. One, Two, Cha, Cha, Cha.
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: changing on September 22, 2007, 05:52:02 PM
Lupita-

Now you have time to meet more darling men, who are also nice men!!! These are more rare, but infinitely more satisfying!!!!

Hoppy-You are cautiously letting your light shine. Pretty soon, you feet will be dancing about like Lupita's - those interested fellows are testing the waters, and when they know that you are ready for them to vie for your hand...Well soon afterward Izzy and I will have a lot to think about and do (nothing gaudy or cutesy, a natural setting would be nice- how do we charter that jumbo jet???).

Love,

Changing 
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: Hopalong on September 22, 2007, 06:00:40 PM
Dumbo jet! I love Dumbo!
I think a Dumbo jet is perfect!

For some reason one of the few memories I have of being a child of 5 when we went to California was a ride at Disney World in one of those gentle-for-the-little-kids rides that was a ... umm ... Dumbo flying car, I guess.

I remember that when I first saw it, and realized that I was actually going to get to sit on Dumbo, I felt weak in the knees with joy. I mean, I loved Dumbo with my whole little heart.

But I'm an adult now. So I will just dream of a wedding where everybody comes in a Dumbo jet.

 :lol:

(I think I'm ready.)

hugs
Hops
Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: changing on September 22, 2007, 06:09:25 PM
Hi Hoppy and Lupita-

Hoppy,it makes sense- you often employ those large silent animal metaphors. I was thinking of an outdoor wedding, but perhaps we could incorporate a circus tent (maybe to house the Dumbo jets!). Well, you have to be off now Hoppy and get ready to party this evening!!

Lupita,I hope you have loads of fun and meet a nice man who makes you tingle soon!!

Love You Guys,

Changing

Title: Re: 2 steps up, 2 steps down, 2 on the same place.
Post by: lighter on September 23, 2007, 09:34:29 AM
I'm looking forward to hearing stories about Hops, CB and Lupita all tingling over nice men.

Oh dear..... was that weird, lol?