Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Overcomer on September 21, 2007, 07:27:41 AM
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HEY ALL! You know the ordeal I have been through with all of the surgery and buying a house and trying to get this house ready to sell. It took me A month more than originally planned to get it ready. So yesterday it was shown for the first time and no word back-then it struck me-if we do not sell it fast it will sit over the holidays. So I ask all my dear friends (if you are so inclined) to send a prayer for a quick sell. I know God is in control but I would just love to sell it!
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I will pray, Kelly. I heard that if you light a vanilla candle,it adds a homey touch that people respond to.
I bet that it will sell soon Love Ami
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Or bake cookies! thanks for the prayers
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Overcomer,
The smell of good coffee is also another one that makes people think of 'home' - hopefully, to think of your home as their home (once they've paid for it)!
Janet
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Remove alllll the clutter and make sure it's priced reasonably....
now gettoutadaway.... ::sending a prayer your way::
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Dear Kelly,
I am praying for the very best of what God has for you and your family, because... you can't top that! It's just a fact.
So many times I've wanted one thing and found another was even better... and yet I know that we need to ask in order to receive, so...
all that bein said... yes, ma'am, I am praying!!
Love,
Carolyn
P.S. fresh flowers on the table would sell me!
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Oh yeah! Fresh brewed coffee and hyu cinnamon atop in the even with fresh but flowers on the table!
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I mean HOT CINNAMON ROLLS AND FRESH CUT FLOWERS ON THE TABLE. WHAT ABOUT CANDLES LIT? I WENT AROUND AND PRAYED
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Dear Kelly,
I am praying ,also. Love Ami
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Moving can be so stressful. You sound incredibly good given everything you have been going through. My prayers are with you.
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Hey Kelly-
I hope your family and the family who will be buying your house will be enjoying Thanksgiving in your respective new homes!
cats paw
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Well, WE will but it will depend on who and when they buy if they can enjoy Thanksgiving here......
Today and over the last few days we have driven up our credit card......we plan to pay it off when we get the proceeds from the house. Riding Mower, fridge, range, area rug, armoire for tv, large screen tv....we are both stressed.
Today is Homecoming so my middle girl is getting her nails done and hair done and then I have to go take pictures and buy food and a flower for her date!! Yikes life is hectice right now!
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My thoughts and prayers are with you, Kelly. Ami
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So we go drive by the new house. There are three little kids riding their scooters through the neighborhood. H drives past them really fast and I tell him to slow down and he proceeds to scream out the window...."get off the street you stupid kids!" So I say, "oh, it's alright to kill a little kid - serves them right!!" Oh he made me so mad.
Then we went into Menard's and he charged out in front of me and tromped through the store. "I hate this place," He says.
Then we go to Lowe's and I say to him, "Please do not storm out in front of me." He can barely keep himself back with me.
Then we go and spend $2000 on a John Deere riding mower and suddenly he is in a good mood. I tell him, we can buy it now if you will go and look at area rugs with me. So we go to the area rug store and he just sits there - silent - while I look through them. He sees one he likes and says, "there, let's get that one...." I said, "we haven't looked through them all yet." So I continue to look and we finally find one we both agree on.
So then we decide to get some food at Arby's. He doesn't want to go through the drive through so we park, go in and order. The kid behind the counter was untrained and slow. The place was short staffed and it took forever!! (I was muttering under my breath....."we should have gone through the drive through....")
Then we get home and he brings in a ladder and I hear him cussing and saying NO, I WON'T DO IT......and then he comes upstairs and proceeds to tell me I am going to stand at the bottom of the ladder and hold it all the while he is doing his job........I can't believe I said it but I flipped him off and said F### You!! RAn upstairs, changed my clothes and was leaving and he said "Where are you going?" And I said, "Anywhere where YOU are not!!!!!"
The thread about hate? I hated him today!!!
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Married life-- It reminds me of the saying "" Marry in haste-- Repent in leisure.
I have had many a similar day.
I think that moving would tax the best of marriages. For the rest..........Watch out. Love Ami
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This man does not take pressure well AT ALL! However I told him that I am not the enemy so stop treating me like one!
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Easier said than done but.....
if you can learn to let him ride his waves alone....
and try to stay even keeled for your part.....
it would help.
I don't know if it's possible but....
from where I'm sitting, letting him go up and down alone would be better than your being dragged along on Mr. Toad's wild ride: /
I sure hope that house sells and you figure out how to be less affected by his distress.
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Lighter-I guess that would be called codependent behavior-thanks for making me see that! When I rushed off yesterday I forgot my phone and he tried to call it several times then this morning he have me coffee in bed. I think you are right-for me to leave him alone with all his complaining is a good idea but why stay married when I would really be away from him? Or maybe I just avoid him during this next couple of weeks. Only problem is he gets me cornered-stands in front of the tv!
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Lighter-I guess that would be called codependent behavior-thanks for making me see that! When I rushed off yesterday I forgot my phone and he tried to call it several times then this morning he have me coffee in bed. I think you are right-for me to leave him alone with all his complaining is a good idea but why stay married when I would really be away from him? Or maybe I just avoid him during this next couple of weeks. Only problem is he gets me cornered-stands in front of the tv!
Oh no! Corners you and stands in front of the TV?
That's not good if you're not ready to have that conversation or if you're trying not to let him drag you into his realm of upset.
Just bc you're married does not mean you have to be distressed WITH him.
It doesn't mean you have to let him corner you and talk at you whether you wish to have the conversation or not, either.
If you don't mind sharing..... what does he say when he gets in front of the TV?
Does he require you get upset and start sprining into action...... trying to do things that he says will make him feel better?
I don't understand but I was always warning SO's that I wasn't ready to have a chat.... but they'd push it and it would boil over every time.
I have to process things for a good long while before I discuss and that's just me.
I resent being forced into conversations, (read that as being followed into the bathroom while I'm in the tub) and forced to discuss!
It's wrong and I also wish I'd done less getting upset bc my SO was upset and wanted me upset too. I always felt better when I just went about my business and didn't come unglued too.
Sorry..... but I would like to hear what he's saying when he's front of that tv set, if you don't mind sharing.
SO is signifigant other: )
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OK, let me try to recreate the dynamic................first of all if you ask him to do ANY work, he start complaining about how my kids don't help out at all. And then if I ask him to do something specifically (like caulk an oversized window above the front door...............should have been the first thing done and still isn't done.....) When he finally gets around to doing it then I hear him downstairs complaining just loud enough so I can hear him........."there's no frickin' way......." "Impossible" "I cannot do this." Finally in most cases (not this one because I really do not know how........) I just say something like "fine, then, I will do it......" So not only am I stuck cleaning the entire house and organizing and packing, etc. but then I am stuck spraying off the deck or sweeping up poop or mowing the lawn.....
Then I say something like, "Jeff?" And he goes "WHAT!!!!!??????????????!!!!!" Very defensive. His voice is ALWAYS on the defensive. He also does this a lot. "Jeff? Whatya doing?" Then he goes........"SIGH..............................I'M BUSY!!!! I'M WORKING HERE!!!" And then I say something like, "Oh, what do you want for dinner?"
Has anyone seen Thelma and Louse with Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon? Geena Davis' husband is just like mine. I watched it last night and when I saw the way that a##hole treated Louise it made me so mad - I completely identified with her and was glad she got laid by Brad Pitt (even though he stole their money....) Thelma says, "Louise, you finally got laid properly!!!"
Other times, in front of the TV.....he will go on and on and on about the group Journey........he loves them and only listens to them over and over and over. He says they have TALENT!! If I hear the word TALENT again I will die. He also goes on and on about his Hawkeyes.................he badgered the Nebraska fan out of me. I am so sick of him I won't even go and watch a game with him.........he is soooooo boring to me. Redundant. So either he is defensive or boring. He is not a conversationalist. At all. The only time I have a good time with him is if we are with another couple and I can talk with the gal.,....
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Dear Kelly,
I am not saying the marriage is good. I am just saying not to make any major decisions while you are moving(IMO). Moving is so,so hard.
It just shakes you up to the core. If you have any FOO issues,it magnifies the pain of them. It ,simply, makes you become unglued.
I am sorry you are hurting.
That don't call marriage an institution for nothing . Love Ami
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Hey Ami>: I seriously am as bad as he is. LIsten to me whine. Yes, we are BOTH stressed and are taking it out on each other. I am much calmer than he is but I just had to run to the bathroom with some terrible stomach cramps. Don't know if it is from him but it didn't come on until he started his rant. Every night the same thing....blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..............very intense in his delivery...............it gives me a stomach ache...
So back to the original idea of this post!! PRAY!!
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I am praying for your house to sell but I am also praying that you and H can find a way to have each other's backs. There is nothing worse than living with someone who you feel is working against you. And once you start down that path it is REALLY hard to make a shift because SOMEONE has to give in and go back to caring for the other and giving the other a little grace EVEN when they are still acting like a jerk. SOMEONE has to dig deep and find caring and love somewhere within or else you will both be at each other's throat for the duration. Not easy but then ......
I'm praying but I especially pray that you each find peace and the love you once had so you can truly care and support one another rather than tear down and run from each other. That is not a pleasant way to live. I want peace and joy for you Overcomer, peace and joy in your new home. That is my true prayer for you AND your husband.
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Dear OC,
I'm hoping for a perfect match between a family and your house. And that on closing everyone has a big smile on their face. :)
GS,
The gentle tone of your message to OC is so soothing. I took comfort from it.
tt
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Thanks! I agree. We are both on edge and I took his abusive tone for quite some time but like I have done with my mom I have started mirroring his behavior. When he is sober he can take it when he has been drinking he will try to bully me. We will get through this too.
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dear Kelly,
I remember when we moved to our current house,I was sitting among all the boxes and thought,"I am
going to have a nervous breakdown". I was shocked at HOW stressful everything that has to do with moving is.
It is like an internal earthquake.. I am sorry for all the stress and pain.
Moving is a HUGE experience and people underrate the toll that it takes on you Love Ami
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I just came to the realization that our house is up against a whole lot of others. And ours is a bit "rough." Meaning we could paint and shine wood and more and more and more......our concern is that we will put so much money into the house and it still will not sell. WE just reroofed it $6600.....repainted....$1500....new driveway, shed, fence.............so much money has been put in and it still isn't up to par...................so I NEED your prayers!!! Please!!!
The stress will go when we are moved and this house sells!! I know there are many here that talk to God every single day and I am asking - begging - that you will send one up for us!!!!!!!
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Our other house did not sell until we did cosmetic things like paint brown trim white. and paint the brown kitchen cabinets white.
Woman (often) can not see beyond the" cosmetics" when they are house hunting. Men seem to be able to,but the woman often won't want a house that is not "fixed up"(IME) Ours did not sell until we did this .(Just a thought, but I am reluctant to add it b/c I don't want to cause you more stress).
We paid a handyman to make it look better and it sold shortly after. Ami
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I am praying for your house to sell but I am also praying that you and H can find a way to have each other's backs. There is nothing worse than living with someone who you feel is working against you. And once you start down that path it is REALLY hard to make a shift because SOMEONE has to give in and go back to caring for the other and giving the other a little grace EVEN when they are still acting like a jerk. SOMEONE has to dig deep and find caring and love somewhere within or else you will both be at each other's throat for the duration. Not easy but then ......
I'm praying but I especially pray that you each find peace and the love you once had so you can truly care and support one another rather than tear down and run from each other. That is not a pleasant way to live. I want peace and joy for you Overcomer, peace and joy in your new home. That is my true prayer for you AND your husband.
This is my prayer, too... because these things are what make a house a home.
Love to you and your family, Kelly
Carolyn
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Well believe me it will be better when it sells but I still consider him a drunk! I have been praying that smoking and drinking would make him physically ill!
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Oh my..... (((Overcomer)))
It sounds like you may have to change your expectations of this man.... so you aren't continually dissapointed :shock:
Much easier to just do everything yourself and skip all the fussing at him, like he's a child who has no discipline, skills, ability to motivate himself or feel compelled to pitch in, even to help himself....he doesn't
He doesn't care about helping his own family..... I can't even think what I'd say to him as I caulked, cleaned, swept poop..... but it would be pretty consistent, I'm guessing.
I would have to make him see that he's letting the collective US down.
That he was not a plus... and so was a negative in the family equation.
This would be the consequence of BEING THOSE THINGS... that I would relate that information to him and be very very busy and God bless you after your surgery and with his drinking and smoking.... you're a Saint.
Maybe.... if you just stop asking him to do things.... and he sees you DOING without complaint... well maybe a well timed stomach clutch on your part when he's looking.... he'll start to feel some appropriate shame and begin behaving like an adult? :roll:
I don't know...
::waffling here::
If he's acting like a manipulative child.... try acting like a parent to him and see how that works out. Parents do not barter, they give orders and discipline naughty boys :shock:
Bleck but there it is.... my thoughts on the matter.
::continuing to pray house sells::
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Well I have tried telling him what to do and I get those SIGHS and them retaliation-when we were first married he was verbally abusive-mostly insecure and jealous. It was when I told him THERE IS THE DOOR! That he straightened up. He does not consider us a family-it is me and my kids and him and me and his dog! He joke me once he loves the dog more than me. But his family is not warm and fuzzy so he has nothing to model loving behavior. I think things will be better when everything is over
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Maybe if you go back to pointing to the door.... he'll straighten up again? :shock:
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HE JUST DID IT AGAIN! JEFF WHAT ARE YOU DOING? SIGH LIKE HE CANNOT BE BOTHERED TO ANSWER MY Q. I am going through receipts for the new house! Boy all I want is a H who sighs before he will speak to me!
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A H who does NOT SIGH BEFORE HE SPEAKS TO ME!
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Oh no oh no oh no.... just when we half signed a contract on my old house... to sell it to a builder for lot price.... along comes my brother and says...."YOU DID NOT SELL IT TO A BUILDER AND NOT OFFER IT TO ME FIRST!?!?"
Ummmm..... ::whispering:: sort'a... but not reaeealllly.
::sigh:: I'm in trouble... again.
Must think about short and longterm implications, as this house is almost next door to new house..... yikes.
Also... builder we'd be renegging on is about to do our one year warranty punch list :shock:
Oh oh oh oh....::running around breathing funny::
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Dear Kelly,
Sorry you are hurting so badly. I hope that things will settle down to normal (lol) after you move.
Love Ami ((((((Kelly))))))))))
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Well at least two people want to buy your house! And I am about to cry. I know I am P M S ing so if I can just make it until we move I know I will be better but right now I am just hyper sensitive!
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Aww, Kell.
You're under so much stress.
You can't control it all or do everything perfectly.
Do you think you need a good cry?
Nobody can function nonstop...and you're
so recently post-surgery too.
love and a cup of chamomile,
Hops
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I took my last hormone pill last night so that means I will start probably tomorrow. Sure wish I had those great pain pills from a month ago! I just need for the house to sell!
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I took my last hormone pill last night so that means I will start probably tomorrow. Sure wish I had those great pain pills from a month ago! I just need for the house to sell!
I know that feeling of desperation and I did not have it about my old house.
I can't tell if selling, to anyone right now, is cutting my throat or smart or stupid!!!
LOT price means the 200K addition and renovation will get tanked..... bulldozed..... pitched. :shock:
It means I lose to 200K that went into the addition and renovation.... it would have been equity had I had more vision and not knocked myself out doing all that work!
Oh well..... you'd be able to sell your house quickly too if you were giving it away.
::resisting urge to cry too::
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Wow Lighter! Can you elaborate on what is happening with your house? I am thinking the best way to move this house is to list it low! It is hard to swallow losing some money-but 200k?
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Dear Kelly,
When we sold our last house ,we had to decide to sell it low or fix it up cosmetically. We fixed it up and it sold shortly after.(Prior to fixing up,it had been on the market for a year.)
I am so sorry for your trials ,now. I think that your body is tired from the surgery. Everything seems so much worse when you don't feel well.
I think that it will sell, soon. I would consider my experience( above) and make your mind up either way.
I don't think that a person( can have both--(IOW-- needs fixing AND a top price) Love Ami
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But what is low? the house I am competing against was $279900 codify lowered it to $259900. That is the price range of ours so I dropped it to $249900. We are in Iowa and there is so much inventory out there that many developers are going out of business. I am watching Paula White right now and they are talking about focusing on the positives so I am going to stop fretting and start thinking positive thoughts about our house!
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Dear Kelly,
I don't know your market.I was making the point about cosmetics vs price. Ours sold shortly after we put several thousand dollars in to cosmetics. It sold shortly afterwards.
You are right. TRY to get in to a "positive" zone. That can only help.
I bet that you are looking good, That is really positive.
Your house may not look that great ,but YOU do (lol) Love Ami
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Wow Lighter! Can you elaborate on what is happening with your house? I am thinking the best way to move this house is to list it low! It is hard to swallow losing some money-but 200k?
Our neighborhood is O L D.
Lots of little 50 year old ranch style houses... built like institutions with metal door and window frames... a bitch to wrestle OUT during a renovation, for sure.
Anyway... I knew this was a great area... so I did an addition and renovated, the outside looks great but... let's face it..... still an odd duck ranch that will some day be buried in million dollar+ much taller homes and nobody wants to pay much more for it than LOT PRICE so.....
might as well take a hit and sell it to someone who will improve the neighborhood.
I could wait around for more but.... I didn't have any luck when I was trying very hard to sell so....
we just did it.
You may want to consider dropping your price lower than your competition, if there's lots of other houses in your price range, for a quicker sale.
You should also know that some buyers won't even consiider a home if it's been smoked in, and for good reasons.
Sometimes fixing odd things, that aren't inexpensive, can make all the difference in the world.
The best realtor I know has an open house with other realtors and they make a list of possible deal breaker problems and then he requires you FIX these things. Then he guarantees a sale within 3 months :shock:
Do you have an odd shaped bathroom that opens right off the dining room?
A tub in the floor that presents a danger?
No wall dividing bathroom from bedroom?
We HAD some of those problems... not the bathroom off the dining room but... you get my drift.
Take away all the reasons buyers say NO.
Price reasonably from the start bc you don't want people looking in a lower price range to skip you and the ones looking higher to dismiss you bc you priced incorrectly thinking you could always come down :shock:
::sending another prayer your way::
Clean clutter free space.... NO CLUTTER: )
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Great advice! Got the clutter out. Realtor says get out the wood polish and polish our woodwork. Touch up some paint and lower the price! In process of that and first open house THIS Sunday!
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Realtors may get more for their own properties than ours but.... they sure want to sell your house as much as you do, that's for sure.
What are the comps in your area?
How do you compare?
What does your realtor say needs to happen to the price? Drop it by how much?
Where does that put you?
If you're lower than the other guys, don't give buyers any reason to say NO.... then your house should sell.
It sounds like you need to do this right NOW and not wait.
BTW... I hope nobody is smoking in the house and you try to get that smell OUT.
That goes for cooking funky stuff before showing (which I did... MMMM Tai spicy soup!)
Make it easy for buyers to say yes and go get'em this Sunday.... ummmm.... I mean, don't go near the house on Sunday because buyers don't like to look at houses with the owners listening in and looking over their shoulders: )
Break a leg.
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Kelly,
While I was getting ready to go this AM, I heard some little piece on the CBS morning show about how people are using auctions
to sell their houses. I don't know if there is any info from it on the website for the show?
You have taken on a TON of stuff recently.
Let us know how the open house goes, and remember to take some time to just.....breathe......
cats paw
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My H smokes in the garage. I told him to stop now so I can air it out by Sunday!
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Ummmm.... how are you airing it out?
Fabreze?
Some hospital spray that covers bodily fluid smells?
I can't even imagine that you could cover it in that short time.... no matter what you try: /
What did you have in mind?
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Open the door! And I bought this smoke eliminator spray. I figure the garage smells like gas and smoke and grass clippings. I will also put one of those heavy duty air fresheners out there. The good news is the interior pictures hit the web today and I have seen at least two cars drive by REAL slow. The pics make it look real nice!
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Yay yay!
2 drive by's.... and all you need is ONE buyer: )
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Cat-do not know about an auction but I am sure if it got desperate I may go that route. I did contact a company I found on the web that buys property. If they didnt try to steal it too much I might in that way.
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Hi Kelly,
You are still in my prayers .How are you feeling? Ami
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Both my daughters are in tears tonight. The oldest was yelled at by her teacher at school and the middle girl was pressured at cheer and she cannot take pressure. Since I will start my period tomorrow so I am tired and weepx. But I am happy about the pics of the house on the web!
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Yes yes yes, Overcomer!
Gotta count those blessings and maximize the good stuff!
The pics on the web are a good thing..... Sundays coming and you've been talking about what you can do, not about what your h isn't doing.
Stay positive and moving in that direction.
((Overcomer)) I sure hope the hormones are gentle on you this week.
::shaking head:: It's so unfair with 2 weepy teens in the house already: /
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And you just hurt for your kids. I know I hurt for mine. I REALLY DO NOT THINK MY MOM HURT FOR ME!
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When I read that you hurt for your kids, that same thought hit me. I don't think that my Mom hurt for me ,either. She could not have. When I and my 2 yr.old were being abused she said,"Don't think you're coming here." That was the end of it--
I love Smells BeGone. It is an odor eliminator that smells "clean" not sweet. It smells like mountain air-- crisp and without an odor. I hate sweet odor eliminators.
Kelly, you seem like a really good mom to me Love Ami
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I have my faults like not teaching them to do laundry etc. But I LOVE them. Last night my 5' 10" 20 Year old laid right on top of me on the couch while I rubbed her back. My other daughter was crying and came in and threw herself over my lap. That ended quickly when our make dog jumped on her and started to hump her! she jumped up and yelled and chased the dog out of the room! It really was funny-but I didnt laugh-stupid make dogs!
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I mean MALE DOGS!
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Dear Kelly.
I guess it was male AND make
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OC,
I bet your kids are so happy that you did the surgery so now you will be healthy and you'll be around in their lives for a looooooooooooooooooong time
What a nurturing thought, your kids knowing that your body is still a safe home place for them.
Good on you.
xo
Hops
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Well I nursed all the girls until they were two an my body was always a source of comfort for them. But it is funny having someone as tall as I laying on me. My H does not understand because his mom was not a nurturing person. In fact when he came home from college his mom made him go to the laundry mat instead of letting him use her washer and dryer!
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Today is the first Open House! The cinnamon rolls are ready for baking! We had someone go through yesterday but the realtor did not leave a card. Please ask God during the hours of 1 to 4 Central Standard Time.
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I have good feelings about your house selling,Kellly. I will be praying for you. How are you feeling? Love ami
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Great! The family that went through yesterday wants to see it again today!
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Dear Kelly,
I was praying for you,today.I think that it looks positive about that family. I will be waiting for the good news. Love Ami
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Great! The family that went through yesterday wants to see it again today!
Whatever you do.... don't let then come and go as they please and hang out forever and talk your ear off while you're helpful as can be and they get the gist of EVERYTHING that's wrong with your house and figure out how they can DO WHAT IS GREAT ABOUT YOUR HOUSE somewhere else..... with a little elbow grease, and not have to pay you for it"/
Not to mention... they'll be convinced they can do it better than you so.....
let them in to see it.
Let them make an offer.
Let them get their inspection.
Close the deal.
You aren't their best friend and you don't want them to get the feeling you're desperate.
Just some advice from someone who was trying to keep a house straight to show it with 2 little kids in the house and buyers who camped out for hours with measure tapes and then they just went and did a renovation, copying my ideas, at their crappy little house: /
Nice, eh?
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That sucks. Luckily we have a realtor that has been doing it for 30 years. We do not talk to the people-HE does. No offers but he said about 7 couples went through-so lets hope one of them loves it and makes us an offer!
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Thanks Am for your positive vibes and the prayers. The house looks good and I worked extra hard to make it shine! Even got up on a 20 Foot ladder and cleaned a light fixture that probably had never been cleaned!
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Revelation! Read a few posts back. Can you see the PMS? Negative, obsessing. Now? Hopeful! What do we do to recover when once a month a cloud hovers over our head and messes up our perspective?
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Dear Kelly,
If you are interested, I can help you with Nutrition . B vitamins help with PMS and any situation where your "nerves" are driving you crazy. Let me know. also, Rescue Remedy- a homeopathic--- helps Love Ami
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Hi Kell,
Just wanted to say that I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed and sending up prayers for you and your family re your house and all. It is stressful for you all right now and I hope it will pass quickly.
((((((Kelly and family))))))
Sela
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Thanks Sela and Am-I am all about nutrition to help alleviate those symptoms. Tell me what to take!
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thanks so much everyone! Good to hear from you all!
I want to just make a few points I omitted earlier...I am carefully "buying" my and my childrens safety with my good behavior ....and sex when necessary(vomit)......
I have taken all bullets out of the house without his knowledge since he ran around in the middle of the night with a rifle he took out of our safe threatening to kill himself because i didnt want sex that night (yeah he is a piece of work)
I know it is my obligation to keep my kids safe and i do and will.....i am just needing moral support to stand my ground AND be as pleasant as possible at the same time for safety and buying time. (just a little more) A very bizarre and trying situation indeed-eh?
I have been blogging or recording his antics daily all year very very carefully. Since I was limited on computer I had to resort to digital recordings lately, but I have unbelievable records of his nism and abuse! It has not been easy but I have known it was necessary. I have also let some key people know about what he has been up to regarding a couple of physical incidents this year as well as his suicide attempt/threats. I have called shelters and a national dv hotline and spoken to a couple of attorneys briefly. Trying to cover all bases you know.
Thanks so much you all for encouragement, support, advice, thoughts, ideas, and prayers!!!! And hugs!
Love you all!
Sunny
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ok me again! I feel silly! I am using my new iphone and "tapped" the wrong topic. Big thumbs I guess!
! Sorry about that--- this was supposed to be under my earlier post called hey beautiful people! I miss you!
My bad--- i will see if i can get it over there and get it off this thread asap!
Xoxo
Sunny
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Welcome to my thread and I hope everything comes out alright with you! What a pain to live with someone like that-I think I would try to get out of that one soon! Come back often and stay late!
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::sigh::
I'm unable to respond to sunshine's post.... or rather.... her husband's idiot suicide blather with the rifle, sans a trigger pull: /
If he had any decency in him at all......
((sunshine))
::holding tongue and sending you strength::
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Dear Sunshine,
I am so inspired by your strength and quiet wisdom.I am rooting for you to win everything back that he stole from you--most especially your dignity and ability to live in safety.I could kill him with my bare hands.
He will reap what he has sown.It will happen.You are doing the right thing and the best thing in your
unbearable circumstances love Ami
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Dear Kelly,
I have told so many people about Dr Schultz and ALL have been very happy. His number is 1 800 HERB DOC. We all, at my house ,are on it. Love Ami
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I am joining late here and haven't read the thread.....
I am just curious. Did the house sell??
Poppy
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No still need prayers and positive energy flowing my way!
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No problem. A brown paper package, wrapped up with string is on its way UPS!
Lots of love and hope and good energy coming your way!
Pops
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Thanks!! Another showing tonight.....boy, my house has never been so clean. Each showing I find another thing that needs cleaned. Like my daughter's fan. Boy - FULL of dust. And her windows. I got out the windex and cleaned those as well.
Another showing scheduled on Sunday. The good news is THEY do not need to sell their home - they are currently renting. So if they like it and qualify, well, that would be a good case scenario. WE are sick of cleaning and having to get two dogs and two cats out of the house......but we have to sell!! Keep praying. And thanks for that UPS package of positive vibes!!
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Dear Kelly,
I know how hard it is to keep a house clean and ready to show. I will be praying for you this week end
Love Ami
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please let it sell! There is a house nearby with the exact same floor plan. It has granite and stainless but they keep lowering the price which makes me lower it. I just wish they would sell so I do not have to worry about the competition.
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Don't worry about the competition. The "right" buyer will come. God/the universe is working out the best scenerio!!! Takes time.......but beautiful things come from time.....like babies and forests and canyons!!! It will all be worked out for YOUR good. Trust that!! And then relax as much as you can. I have sold three houses with four children running around with permanant ink markers on my newly painted walls! I happens the day after I put out the sign! I cleaned and cleaned......but they all sold inspite of it all! Concentrate on YOUR buyer and summon them to you with patience and faith!!
(Some people don't like granite and stainless! Wink!)
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That's what I want to hear. You know, I have gone into homes before that from all outward appearances seemed fine. Maybe the decor put me off. Maybe the vibes put me off. But I would NEVER even consider those homes. I have been praying that someone would drive up and immediately feel that they were HOME. Even before they went inside. Although, you can see the interior pictures online. So in all reality, most people HAVE seen the inside. So I am just praying for patience and that they right people come along!!!
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make sure that every kitchen and bathroom serface is pristine!
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I do. I just got finished with some Windex Outdoor so the outside of the windows are sparkling, too. Man, every time I look around there is something else!!
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Good luck _Kelly. I am thinking and praying for you Love Ami
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Ok, so we took possession of our new home yesterday. We got the keys and went over this morning. Took the dogs with us. We have this huge backyard with a pool. So the dogs run across (the closed) pool. Thank God the tarp held. But it did sink in and they got wet. We were screaming and hollering!! We were freaked. Took them right back to our old home. Tomorrow the movers come. I am sore from today!! What an ordeal moving is and I do not think I ever want to move again. The girls' rooms are much bigger but the house overall is about the same. But the materials used in the new home are so much nicer than the old. So when we get everything moved hopefully the house will SELL!! Keep praying!!
I'll keep you posted on all the stuff. My youngest autistic daughter already broke a honeycomb blind.......first day!!
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Moving is really,really ,really stressful.I am sorry, Kelly. Love Ami
(((((((((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Yep and my back is not feeling much better today. The movers are coming and it is RAINING! I am out of act food and the two cats are looking at me with this sad little look.
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Dear Kelly,
You remind me of when we moved. I truly was shocked at the huge change that moving brings to your insides.
It was like a rocket going off inside . I remember the feeling of being almost totally unglued.I kept saying,"I never knew that moving could be this stressful."
Somehow,it is a 'rocking" of your "world"
We sold our old house after we moved. I could not keep it looking good enough while we were in there. After we left, we had a handyman and painters do cosmetic touches and sold it shortly after.
You are in my prayers,Kelly.I pray also, that this is the last time you move. Love Ami
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(((Overcomer))) I want to tell you to feed the cats some human food..... but then you'd have your first messes on the floor, along with your first broken honeycombe blind, lol.
Ai yai yai..... what a day you've had.
The market's slow right now so..... don't panic on the house selling.
Has your biggest competition sold yet?
Take something for the aches and pains..... I would usually take 4 ibiprophen as an antiflamatory if it's really slowing me down.
Don't forget to buy cat food, the right cat food, and try to create a little sacred space for yourself or DO something that nurtures just you.
::sending another prayer house sells::
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I used to love to move. In fact I have had seven houses since 1984. I would get some equity and take it to move up to a nicer house. But I was young then. I was not over weight and 48! Oh by the way my birthday was on Oct 9 So I am officially in my late 40s. Our new house is decorated really cute but my daughter said there were monsters out there and drew all the shades-that is when one broke! She is rough on things. Good new is the next door neighbor boy has a bit of autism.
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I will buy Cat Chow. I do not know what to do with the pets since it is raining and the doors will be open. What about Aleve? My aching back! My mom told me to make the adds first thing so when we get tired tonight we can fall in! The good news is we do not have to note it all today. The bad news is if we dont we will have to do it later and that is its own pain! But if we just have them note the big stuff then I can in through the other stuff and not move stuff we never use!
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I am sorry. This stupid phone should know I mean move not note. And go not in. I just need to stop posting from my phone so my posts make sense!
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I'll bet the Aleve is just fine.
My mother uses one of those pain relievers for achey hands.... extended release over the counter something and it has nothing to thin the blood init?
Not sure what it is but you may recognize it if you see it.
I just use advil bc it's what's here and they give it to you as an antinflammatory after surgery... here they do anyway.
YOu just have to take it in larger qunatities.
Finish moving if you have the energy and bodily strength..... I like pulling bandaids off one big rip and not make it last. You can't always do that though.
Who's watching your pets and child?
How's your husband hanging in there with all this going on?
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Happy Belated Birthday,Kelly.
My S( older) is a "bull in a china shop" around the house. A few weeks ago,I heard a huge crash. I just PRAYED that no one was hurt. He had pulled the glass door to the shower too hard and the entire thing shattered.
He has broken stoves, dishwashers, 'dogs"( it is a long story), blinds, sinks. His head is "you know where" . What cracks me up is that he is a manager at a restaurant and his boss always gets mad at him for leaving messes". He is so good at what he does and so dedicated that they deal with it.
However, he is the type of person who "leaves a trail" wherever he goes. (He might need to find his way back)
Kelly, you are coping with extreme stress very,very ,very well,IMO. I am very inspired by your handling of many difficult life situations. Love Ami
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Oh you guys are so nice! First night with new sheets. First shower. Boxes still unpacked. The old house is filthy-I cannot believe what grows under beds. I have a ton of stuff to do!
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Dear Kelly,
I am so happy for you. You can sell it easier without people living in it.We did, anyway.
H ave a good nights sleep and sweet dreams. Love Ami
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Ok so the house with stainless sold. So I got to thinking that your house was outdated so we dropped the price $20000. Then the realtor brought over one of those design ladies who basically told up we should really do some updating to move it so I told him if we did put another three to four thousand into it then I want to raise the price $10000. What I really want to do is settle into my new beautiful house!
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We had to upgrade our house( a few thousand) before we could sell it. Then,it sold shortly after.
I miss hearing from you,Kelly. You must be very busy. Love to you . Ami
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Thanks! Yes I am so busy and my feet hurt! I think I am too old for retail AND For moving AND For having two houses.
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Listen to your realtor...... sell that house! Then you can relax into your new nest: )
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Well, I am going to meet a contractor today so I can show him what needs to be done. The flooring guy already told me how much it will cost. Then I started pricing black knobs for the cabinets.......quite a bit when you start multiplying them buy dozens......my husband was cussing at the thought of these spoiled 20 and 30 somethings. We are from a generation where if you lower the price, someone will snag it and do their own touches. Apparently this younger generation wants it all. I look at my cousin and he is around 32......he wants it all. He and his wife want to move into a home that is all fixed up. That AND very affordable. Plus they have bad credit. So they are delusional enough to think they can have it all. The decorator says that is indicative of that generation. She said they will walk into your home and see the brass and walk out......totally discount the home because it doesn't look new. But it is 12 years old and priced much lower than new so they could go in and fix it up and get a much larger home than a new one AND have all they want.....but they are lazy and don't want to do any work. So I am a baby boomer and I work. I work my butt off and am not afraid to work. I resent these young people. I resent my cousin who has never returned one phone call to me. I call, they don't answer AND don't return calls. My cousin is in the ministry and I told my aunt that if you are in the ministry then you need to be available to people. So (of course) my aunt made every excuse for him. NO. Auntie. Stop making excuses for yourself AND your family. I call a spade a spade.
So can you tell I am PMSing?? Yes, I am. And sorry if any of you fall in the 20 to 30 something demographic......maybe I am over generalizing but that is how the designer categorized this age group.
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Nope.... it's true. People do want it all.
Especially home buyers.
I'm curiouse about what you're doing in the renovation.
The floors are going from vinyl.....? To what?
The knobs are going to black from brass... on what kind of cabinets?
Are you chaning appliances?
Countertops?
Sink?
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The cabinets are medium to dark oak. The sink is stainless-we replaced a scratched up white sink. We probably will go with laminate which is a fake hard wood floor. The appliances are black.
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We will go with a counter that looks like granite. The house is not high end enough to warrant real granite and real hard wood but now we have a banged up white counter and vinyl that has faded etc.
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So yesterday a couple with small children came through our house. I prayed the WHOLE time they were in there. I prayed and prayed and prayed. I told the realtor that he could not match the square footage of this house in the whole town at this price. Then nothing. Another couple went through today. Nothing. I have prayed and prayed. You know? Some people bury St. Jospeph statues in their yard. I just don't think it works. I would rather just pray to God and leave the Saint alone.....but I really want this to sell. And I am PMSing and have been laying in bed all day with cramps. I did buy a sofa for the new house....leather recliner....very nice....and I got them to take 20% off.......
Oh please!!! DEar Lord. I just need this house to sell. (Boy this is reminiscent of my pleading to God that I get that job for four months and then they gave it to someone else......I hope this doesn't drag out for that long!!)
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Oh Kelly,
You sound so desperate. I would forget the statues,too. I will keep you in my prayers. PMS will pass ,even when you don't think so at the time.
Sending love to you and a cup of tea(cyberspace style) Love Ami
((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))))))))
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One thing I know for sure is that for about three or four days a month I totally lose it! It is as if a black cloud just moves in and settles right over my head-follows me around and skews my perceptions. I am all doom and gloom. I know this will pass. But I still just want the house to sell. I am expecting my house to sell. I have faith that God will not let me down. Am you are always there just when I need you! Thanks!
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I'm still praying with you that the house sells, Overcomer.
Sorry you have those dark days.... they'll pass.
How's the renovation going?
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Dear Kelly,
I am glad that I can offer some solace to you. You have so much on your plate and seem to handleit very,very well. You seem like a great mother. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))))))))))))))
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Well luckily my youngest daughter is out of school today so I get to sleep in. Then I get to do some work around my NEW house! It is so nice that it helps me to stay possitive. I am definitely not a Suzy Homemaker but I am a friend of my kids. My H is not a parent to them so I get to do all the parenting. I am not a birchslgmarian (that is T9 for disciplinarian) The renovation is in my head so we will see what happens!
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Dear Kelly,
The most important thing (IMO) is to have a friendship( basic respect and consideration) with your kids. Also,it sounds like you have fun with them.I always did this and still do. Kids are so musch fun. People miss out when they don't have simple fun with kids.
My love and best to you ,Kelly Love Ami
(((((((((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))))))))))))))))
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We do have fun. When my 20 year old and I go into a store there is this aura of fun and vitality around us. We kid with the clerks - the life of the party. One of her male friends does painting for a living. He came over and I said some sarcastic thing and he said, "Now I know where Courtney gets it!"
My 16 year old is a bit moody. She sings and plays the piano and cheers and is an artist. She is the one who takes things really hard. She cries and gets frustrated. She is the one I have to hold. She calls me crying on a regular basis and I have to talk her down.
My youngest is autistic and I am really the only one who effectively deals with her. The others cannot take her obsessive grudge holding. They yell back and WWIII ensues. I just hug her and divert her attendtion to something else. That is easy to do and I have been doing it for years.
But on the other side of the coin. These kids do not lift a finger to help. I have successfully raised helpless people who need a maid!!
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I get a call from the realtor and he says he has a promising showing at my house-They are going back today for a second look. They need to sell theirs first but it is i starter with stainless so he thinks it will sell fast-more prayers needed!
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Dear Kelly,
This might be the one. I hope so. I have a god feeling about it.You are in my prayers . Love Ami
(((((((((((((((((Kelly))))))))))))))))))))
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Did you mean God or good or both?
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I sold my house in a week after burying a statue of Joseph upside in the front yard near the sign. I was amazed but had read of many people doing that.
towrite
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We sell those at my store but I just cannot put my faith in that.
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Dear Kelly,
I meant good. I guess that it was a slip b/c I can often feel things that are going to happen and I see it as coming from God. Love Ami
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So do you have the gift of discernment?
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Dear Kelly,
I don't know what it is. There is a Scripture that the Holy Spirit will show you things to come. Andrew Wommack talked about how he had a sense that he should not go on a trip and the plane crashed. It is that type of thing.
I,often, feel things that are going to happen. Ami
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Kelly, your situation sounds very trying. Hang in there gal.
From the Misery Loves Company Department, I feel your pain regarding your husband. Boy, can I relate. The endless whining about working on the house. Often seems to be one of the kids. Hardly the men we dreamed of. But reading your comments makes me feel better, just knowing that I'm not the only one. I guess we already know it, given the divorce rate. But still we think that the wonderful man played by Harrison Ford (fill in somebody more appealing, as needed) is out there, somewhere, if only. I've got a good one for you. The lines in that movie, where you love the man played by Mr. Handsome, they were written by a woman. Only a woman could write a man's lines that well.
As for the house, I am a realtor in an area with lots of inventory (northern VA). Here's the deal. You have to be the best one at that price, and if a better one is even close in price, then a buyer can still afford that one and it will go first. Remember, as a baby boomer you had the rest of us boomers to compete against for everything you wanted. The Gen X'ers are a smaller cohort, buying homes from a larger cohort. They can have what they want. It's just the demographics.
You are getting good advice to make you home more competitive. You need to get off the market. When inventory continues to build up, prices continue to go down. The people who can and/or must drop their prices and get sold ASAP do it. Just be happy you didn't buy so recently and at such a high price that you would be underwater (owe $$$ at closing). I have talked to people who own two homes and are underwater on both (and one over $100K). Around here, the prices that we saw in 2005 were way above what they should have been, driven up by speculator (a.k.a. "investor) volume. The real estate bubble burst exactly five years after the dot com bubble burst. I'm sure that many people made $$$ in both (the people who got in early), and even more people managed to get hurt in both (the people who came late to the party).
Make your house look great. Have your realtor show you everything else that might be a competitor. See everything that goes into an under contract status. Watch for the closed prices (don't get faked out by list prices) and net out the seller subsidies (a direct reduction of the contract price). Make sure that your home's hardcopy materials have a ton of great photos. When there's lots of inventory, by the end of the day, the homes can be a mishmash in buyers' minds. "Was that the one with the orange bedroom?" "No, that was the one with the musty basement." Your home's brochure has to be fabulous. I know. Mine are like a magazine, with page after page of photo collages, including outdoor details interspersed, and bullet-points of home features. When the other homes are forgotten, my listings are still beautiful and sunny and the plants look so alive... You just want to go live there. My last listing went under contract in 31 days.
Always keep in mind that you would go for the most home for the least money too. Be the most for the least, with great Internet presence to get the buyers there (buyers tell realtors what they want to see, and the Net is key), and great take-away materials to keep your home first in their minds, and you'll be sold.
Hope this helps.
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Well Am I hope your intuition is right! And Confounded-great advise. I think our house is priced to sell! He web looks good but he brochures are not the best. We have great curb appeal. I am worried because the people loved it but their realtor told me they just started looking. We are thinking of updating but we will raise the price a bit when we do.
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Dear Kelly,
Keep us posted on everything. I am praying and thinking of you. I know that it is a tremendous stress for you. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((((Kelly))))))))))))))))))))))
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It is ok for now because we have not had to pay two mortgage payments yet. If it sells soon we could alleviate this. That is the edge in my voice. I am getting concerned that is all. Am I claim that feeling you have as a sign-plus my neighbor prayed blessings over me and he is so in tune with God!
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Well, we have two interested parties - only thing is HOW interested. Both parties called my realtor and asked to see the house. He said they both sounded promising. The one couple had their realtor tell them not to jump on my house until they had looked at many more. I was like "shut up, lady, let them love my house!!" Another couple is looking for their son who lives in California and is moving back.......pray!!
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Dear Kelly,
I hear you. Keep me posted. Love Ami
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Good luck ::sending you selling vibes::
Don't forget to list all the great things about your house so the realtor can tick them off when showing it. Nearest markets and attractions, the local thing you enjoy doing and all the off beat things they wouldn't know about if you didn't tell them.
Do you enjoy the sunset from the back porch, is there something particular they could picture themselves doing that you would have to point out for them?
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Today we bought some cheap laminate and took it over to the house-the couple whose son lives in California put an offer on the house and we accepted! The closing date will be Dec 7! So now we have to take the laminate back! But praise God!
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Whew!
Congratulations, Kelly!
Hugs
Hops
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I know! I am so relieved! Now it just needs to pass an inspection and done! My H says we lost 20000 but I say it never would have sold at that price. It really was only on the market for six weeks!
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YAY! YAY!
::pushing self away from keyboard quickly... runnning away while the news is GOOD!::
Congrats Overcomer!
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WOW Kelly. Congrats!. I know that you are experiencing profound relief. It is hurtful to look at what you "lost" as your H is doing.It is really not the 'right"way to look at it b/c it is ALL the market--totally. The market is out of anyone's control.
Love to You , Ami
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Congratulations!! That's great!!
Our neighbor's house was priced too high to start with - and it was on the market for 2 years. Not only did they not get their asking price, but they got punished down to a lower price than any of the other houses that sold in the mean time because somehow their house just developed a bad reputation and sat on the market. They sold it for over 100,000 lower than they asked at first. Your H should be thanking his lucky stars that you have a good deal in the works!
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Well the deal almost fell through because they thought the new floor was part of the deal. We never countered their offer so today they asked for more. We almost could not get our $ back from the place we bought the flooring from and they did not want THAT flooring but wanted us to put in what they wanted and pay for it. We said no (but I would have budged if it would have broken the deal.) They said they at least wanted to cost of what we paid for the flooring. Our realtor took it out of
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his commission so the deal is done. Just got to get the inspection and then it is done. Plus the realtor got the listing and the people used him to buy it so he got a double commission! He can afford the money!
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Dear Kelly,
I am so glad that it got resolved. Ami
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It's nice when someone else budges to get the deal done, huh?
And all this was over.... how much?
You should have countered..... they always think they bid too high when they don't get a counter.
SOOOO glad that's out of the way.... let's hope it doesn't fall through; )
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Absolutely delighted for your answered prayers ((( Kelly )))
Love, Leah
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Yes I hope everything goes well and all goes through without a hitch. Now I am decorating the new house with a vengence! Anyone know where I can buy a beautiful horizontal picture to hang over my fireplace?
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You can use 2 or 3 smaller square ones or vertical ones as well.... so keep your eye open.
I like breaking things up and going outside the symetrical box, myself.
So glad house deal is still on..... ::running to get kids up on good note::
: )
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Bought a real bright Tuscany looking picture.....black candlesticks and pillars. Above the fireplace. It is pretty.
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What fun..... doing that kind of creative stuff.... and looking forward to it with zeal: )
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But now he pressure is on. We are having Thanksgiving at my house plus we have to be totally moved out by the 7th of December and I am thinking of having a garage sale! Finding more stuff we do not need!
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Ahhhh.. don't DO that to me.
I thought the sale fell through, lol!
The pressure is the pleasure of selling your house during the Holiday.
Lots of people are still desperately trying to sell their houses.
Be glad and have a BIG'OL GARAGE Sale...
sell sell sell!
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Dear Kelly,
How many people are you having? Do you do all the cooking? Ami
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Their is a SOLD sign in our yard! We will probably have around 30 and no I will not be doing all the cooking. My family always pitches in and everyone brings things. I will not even cook turkey. We often have the local grocery store do it-they even carve it. Then one person brings pies and one sweet potatoes etc. I have never entertained much but we have a pool table and a foosball table-big screen tv-everything anyone could want!
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Do you have fun, Kelly,or is it a drag? Ami
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Fun, I guess. I haven't entertained in so long that it is new to me. But my goal in the new house is to keep ahead of my kids and to hire a cleaning lady every other week so the house stays maintained. I had gone through a depression and was trying to raise three girls on my own - meanwhile, instead of taking care of her daughter who was sinking lower and lower, she was trying to fix my ex boyfriend so his life would be better. Betrayal was the name of that game - him over me. Then when I got married, my husband sits back and let's me take the lead. He is a terrible procrastinator and I always felt like I was on overdrive trying to keep up while he lay in bad and watched tv. So no.....it is my goal to stay on top of it so people could stop by any time...
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That is a hard goal---- that people could stop by any time( without 3 day advance notice) Ami
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Yeah, but I think so many other people have homes that are at least somewhat picked up!!
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Not me........................
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Ami: I got the impression that you were perfect. Thin. Cute. Live in a very nice home. Me? Overweight and house in disarray. The house is coming along. I refuse to move stuff in until I go through the box and either donate or know where it is going. If it is an office supply - it goes with all the office supplies. WRapping paper? With all the wrapping paper. Bill? In the file. Artwork by kids? In THEIR box.
I will get it together in this house. I will I will I will
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You are funny. Roseanne Barr says,"I am sorry that the house is a mess,but we live here.."
I would wait to get the house good until the kids get to be 18--That's what I did.
Kelly,you are an awesome Mom. You work . You have an autistic child and a "hard " H.To me, having a clean house (without a cleaning lady ) is not really possible. That is just my opinion. . You sound like you need a big hug. Cyberspace one--coming along.
Love Ami
(((((((((((((Kelly))))))))))))))))))
Housework won't kill you ,but WHY take the chance?
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Thanks!! But it could be picked up. There is a difference between needing a good cleaning and just having stuff everywhere. My autistic daughter is a walking tornado....she is always messing things up.....I understand that perfection will never be obtained but people stopping by should not have the door slammed in their faces...
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Dear Kelly,
I know what you mean( a little) about the tornado. My S(older) used to leave a 'trail" of his activities. In the kitchen, you could follow his every move by the hand prints and food splats . I used to laugh b/c I could follow exactly how he made a sandwich, washed his hands and cleaned it up.(if you could call it that) Eventually, he became a manager in a restaurant. THEY said the same thing about him. He learned and now he just leaves a small(very small) trail.
I just let the house stay a mess(pretty much) b/c it was enough to try to "parent ' " them,emotionally and do all the things that you had to do with kids--driving,cooking, homework, etc,etc.
Now, I have a cleaning lady. Kelly, could you budget a good cleaning lady once a week? For me, that is the way to go b/c I get it to a 'minimal ' point and just "leave" it.
Having your autistic D must be so,so hard. I really can't imagine the stress that this must cause. You are a "saint" just to keep your patience,I suspect.
Just being the M of an autistic child would be a full time job,in itself. I think that you do not give yourself the credit that you deserve, Kelly,I really don't. You seem like a very loving and giving M. This is what is important. You are doing what is important----trying to be there ---emotionally.
Remember , that what you are doing with the kids(spending time and giving love) will endure long after the house is gone. That is how I see it---even though I know that a disordered house can drive you crazy. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((Kelly))))))))))))))))
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Am-We are compromising and having one come in every other week. I figure if he can spend so much money on cigs that I should be able to do this!
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Well--- I have a cleaning lady --twice a week-now..
My H wants to bring people over at any time. For me,I feel that if s/one is a friend, then they should not "care" if the house is messy. My H's "pride" and joy is his house more than it is my "pride and joy".
My greatest desire is to have my "insides" 'normal and at peace. I appreciate my house,but I know that it will not change my "insides' --no matter how good or bad it looks.
.My house looks good now,but it has not really helped with my 'insides".The board has done that and God.
However,I still think that when you have kids and especially a D with problems such as yours , the house can only be "so" good .
That is my opinion, anyway.I have made so many mistakes that i am reluctant to even "give "one, though.
Kelly,I think that you are doing very,very well with all your challenges. I think that you are putting very high standards on yourself that are close to impossible to meet. That is how I see it.I could be mistaken. Love to You Ami
((((((((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))))))))
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So my two daughter had a fight and the autistib daughter called 911 and the cops came!
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OH NO! What happened?
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Dear Kelly,
I am going to say s/thing,honestly. Compost what does not fit. I think that you are doing what most mother's do when they have kids. You are thinking that you CAN have order and "peace" in the house. Now, that my kids are grown,i have order in the house. If there is no peace,it is b/c my "head" is driving me crazy-lol.
I look back and see that it was impossible to have those 'high' standards for life with kids. Maybe, everyone has to see this for themselves.I put so much pressure on myself to be the "perfect" mother--another N lie. My kids grew up well b/c they had the basic elements in life. I certainly did not have to drive myself so crazy trying to be perfect. However,I was always "out running" my memories of my mother. I over compensated b/c I never wanted them to suffer like I did.
I strived too much.I put myself through too much stress. S##t happens when you have kids. It happens all the time. You are tired and stressed most of the time(IME)
Like everything else,if I could go back,I would not strive for an A plus,but B or a B minus.
Kelly,I can see you in my mind's eye. You are warm and loving.You are full of fun. You are sweet and a delight as a mother(most of the time,like all of us). Your kids know that you love them. That is much more than you or I got. That is enough for them to grow up well.
That is just my perspective.I,often, wish that you lived next door.It would be fun to have you over for a cup of coffee--huh?
Anyway,I hope that I did not overstep my bounds.Since ,I am in the next stage,I have a different perspective and just wanted to share it. Sorry about the police. They have come here several times when people dialed 911 in error. My M even dilaed 911 to ask which restaurants were good around here---bleh. So, they had to come over for that, too.
I guess that what I am saying is that all the "stress" with the kids will pass.The messy house,soon, will be neat.You are a beautiful person.,Kelly. That is what matters. Love Ami
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My 20 Year old poured water on her and she freaked and called 911 Them she tells the cops that her arm hurt! i should have made the older come out and face the cops!
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The older sib threw water, not hot I take it, on your younger autistic child and she called the police and made the part about her arm hurting?
Hmmmm..... what did the police end up saying to her? I assume she was questioned and I can't beleive they didn't want to hear from the 18yo.
What did you say to her about making the call?
I don't have so much trouble with that part.... as the part about her arm hurting.
I wonder if she thought she'd be in trouble for calling them and felt she had to make it more seriouse or what? She didn't want her sister to go to jail for something she didn't do.... did she?
I was just talking to someone about how we need to teach women to TAKE ACTION IMMEDIATELY before things escalate and I'd feel bad saying she should be criticized for phoning the police.
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No there was nothing that warranted the call. to my 12 year old everything is an emergency. Maybe sister pinched her in retaliation for her pinching her. It is stupid sibling stuff that the autistic daughter cannot unerrtand or deal with appropriataly-but big sister should be nicer so it doesnt get so escalated!
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Dear Kelly,
I know that we had this discussion before,but did you think that vaccinations were a factor in your' D's autism? Ami
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Yes! She was a perfect little baby. She did not have ANY symptoms until after two. It is a shame-she smiled so big and looked right into the camera at six months but would not at 2
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When do they have the vaccinations? I can't remember.
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Well I think one year and 18 Months and two years. I know a gal whose son got it after the one year shots but my daughter got it after the two year shots. Some kids just shut down after being exposed to the preservatives in the vaccines.
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Kelly,in your heart--do you think that it was the vaccines?
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Absolutely! Without a shadow of a doubt!
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Kelly, Are you part of a lawsuit,if you care to answer?
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Well I tried but the statute of limitations ran out and the drug companies are so powerful that they will never be held accountable! I guess I need someone like Erin Brockovich!