Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Poppy Seed on October 03, 2007, 10:57:30 AM
-
I have been thinking on and off this year about the power of words and how I use words when I express my pain or my problems. I used to dismiss the idea of re-framing because I thought that wouldn't be able illustrate the nature of my pain if I " glossed over it". And I think that perhaps there was a time when I just needed to get it out! Lance the wound and let the poison spill out. But now, I have processed most of it and am ready for other stuff. I notice when I use "power" words (I will call them that) to describe my situations, it helps me reclaim my power. It usually makes the difference between the days where I feel like a victim and the days where I feel that I am walking up and thru my problems. It even helps to wittle my problems to proper size and I see doorways out that I didn't see before.
This is what I mean.
I am invisible. vs. I am not invisible anymore.
I can't love myself. vs I can love myself. Watch me!
I am trapped in my pain. vs. My pain is teaching me valuable lessons.
I am in blinded darkness. vs. The light will come.
I never get my needs met. vs. I will get everything I need today.
I am feeling that when I use these words, I may not even believe them. I may argue with them. But the message is getting through to my psyche. I am feeling stronger and more capable of fighting my Goliath's.
POWER WORDS!
Poppy
-
Yes, yes, yes, Poppy!
Exactly: )
-
Dear Pops,
Super duperly and awesomely wonderful :D There is definitely alot to this business of positive confession!
I am not a failure.
I can learn to take better care of my health and wellbeing.
I will not wait until I'm overwhelmed to make a change in strategy.
Heck, I will formulate a strategy... a battle plan.
This is war!!!! .... good thing we know who wins :D
Love to you,
Carolyn
-
I heard a teaching on the "power" of words-- to hurt OR help you. you reminded me of how many times I use then to "sink" me. Oh Well--onward and upward .This is a great topic. Ami
-
Hi Pops,
Here's a little gift for you from one of Melody Beattie's gratitude cards.
Today, God, help me remember that during times of transition my faith and my self are being strengthened.
tt
-
Quotes of the day......
For me, words are a form of action, capable of influencing change.
Ingrid Bengis
"Careful with fire" is good advice we know.
"Careful with words" is ten times doubly so.
William Carleton
Words can be like baseball bats when used maliciously.
Sidney Madwed
Words are the physicians of the mind diseased.
Aeschylus, Prometheus Bound
Greek tragic dramatist (525 BC - 456 BC)
It is with words as with sunbeams. The more they are condenced, the deeper they burn.
Robert Southey
English poet (1774 - 1843)
Not till we are lost, in other words, not till we have lost the world, do we begin to find ourselves, and realize the infinite extent of our relations.
Henry David Thoreau
We cannot always control our thoughts, but we can control our words, and repetition impresses the subconscious, and we are then master of the situation.
Florence Scovel Shinn
A grandfather was walking through his yard when he heard his granddaughter repeating the alphabet in a tone of voice that sounded like a prayer. He asked her what she was doing. The little girl explained: "I'm praying, but I can't think of exactly the right words, so I'm just saying all the letters, and God will put them together for me, because He knows what I'm thinking."
Charles B. Vaughan
-
Hey thanks, TT.
I love Melody Beattie! I read her "Language of Letting Go" book everyday. It has literally saved me!!!
-Poppy
-
He Poppy,
I am taking care of myself and learning great lessons from my anger and my pain.
Thank you
axa
-
I just wanted to pipe up and say I love this thread and I appreciate the reminder:) I totally agree with the power of using positive re- framing of words, and it has helped me immensely.
X Bella
-
Wonderful stuff, Poppy. Thanks so much for the reminder.
All those doorways we see are choices.
Language is just another thing we have a choice about.
Imagine how international relations would be different if those with power used words other than "axis of evil" for example.
My hypnosis, which is all verbal, is for me an example of another choice about language and how to frame things. Intentionally planting in my mind those positive scripts and plans, which are aligned with my highest intentions for myself, is reframing at a deep level. I am so grateful for it.
thanks for this topic,
Hops
-
Dear CB,
My heart ached to read about that moment. It was so beautiful.
I know what it's like to love land. Literally. You do love it. I think it can be as intimate as a relationship with any person. You touch the land, you smell it, you eat from it and taste it. You watch it every day in its changes. You learn its unique shapes and shadows, it is always there for you.
I understand exactly how hard it can be to say farewell to a piece of earth you have loved. I admire you for owning the sorrow and also seeing the gift of your freedom. But many hugs on the loss of the farm. A necessary choice, but a painful one. The land and the children are the good things from that chapter.
(I still feel twinges when I drive past a little house I once owned and see the heirloom irises in bloom. Once I couldn't help it, I stopped and asked the owner for one. And my D went by once and met them, and found out that a little girl with her same name was occupying what used to be her room! That was very healing for her.)
I hope a big chunk of that fat check will be invested for your retirement. After the kids are all on their way, do you plan to stay in your state?
love and admiration for your wisdom,
Hops
-
Poppy,
I used to resist this idea, too--it felt like putting a thin coat of "positive paint" over a building that was about to fall down. And for as long as I saw my life as a doomed building, that was probably a true assessment.
Eventually, I started seeing my life as a bigger picture. The bad stuff that has happened to me--that I didnt deserve or that I walked into on purpose--is actually part of my story. Instead of looking at the bad stuff as proof that my building was condemned, I began seeing it as one of those interesting twists and turns in a really good mystery novel. How will she get out of this one alive???? heehee
I hope I don't sound too flip...I don't mean to. The pain was (and is) real. But there is a part of me that is able to stand outside of it and know that there is a bigger picture and that this pain does not define who I am. My childhood, with my mom whacking me up the side of the head with a shoe, is not who I am. My marriage to a crazy N is not who I am. It is part of my story--and it is part of the ins and outs of where I am going.
So, now the positive affirmations don't feel like cheap paint. I really believe it when I think: my pain is teaching me valuable lessons. Last night I was so tired and I knew I was way too tired to think anything clearly. But I did anyway :shock:, and I had this overwhelming sadness wash over me. My farm closed yesterday and, in spite of the fat check in my purse, I walked away feeling as though it was the end of the world. The buyers went home and had a glass of wine to celebrate. I wanted to call M. and cry on his shoulder--but that's not what we are doing right now and that made me feel even bluer. I ached (and still am aching, a bit).
My pain is teaching me valuable lessons. It's true. More valuable than that check in my purse. Those ten years on the farm when I hoped and tried to keep our family intact were not wasted years. Walking out of that closing alone (without my husband for the first time in a closing), was simply the next step on the journey. The positive affirmation was there in the midst of the ache, and it really did make a difference. I wanted to tell you that story, Poppy, because it does get to the point that you truly believe those affirmations and it changes the way you live your life.
Much love,
CB
CB... everything you wrote here... beared repeating.
I try to eplain these things succinctly but fall short, or very long, rather, lol.
You did it so well: )
-
CB,
What I feel from your post is difficult for me to put into words. I kinda feel like I need to let it wash over me.
Your love for that place.....that time......the events that happened there.......the tears you cried.......the land......how it looked.....how it felt to live there.....and how it felt to leave.
It is a beautiful picture to see you holding your pain, your aloneness, and your strength as you embrace the hope of tomorrow -- all at the same time! It is growing up. It is maturity. It is wisdom. It is powerful. And I thank you deeply for sharing it with me.
Poppy
PS. I fought with the "paint" for a long time.....and I still do. Whenever I feel that the truth is being covered or that the "paint" is the only important thing.....
-
This thread made me think of a post I made some time ago and it seems to be working, although I have used the paint.
For my daughter, which situation will never be settled. When I think of her I think, "She and I can exchange positive emails" then there is no more, as it is out of sight.
For my family, in general, I think, "They are good people (no murderers etc) and have made their mistakes, and I will just stop at thinking they are only human."
For myself, I think, "I am a good person, make my mistakes and immediately own up to them , and have a number of talents. I'll survive!"
Just those 3 statements have allowed me to have very few negative thoughts, as I substitute the saying for the thought.
An email from my sister, who was here with my brother, told me how much they enjoyed the visit, that I was a good hostess and a good tour guide.
That might not sound like much, but I cannot remember the last time, if there was one, that a family member complimented me.
I can put those two back on my okay list!
Izzy
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
Izzy-
Your many talents include a sincere way of thinking that brings strength and refreshment in a world of "spin". I have missed you, and the things that you have taught me by example have helped me get through some nasty times lately. You are so much more than a good person and OK. Hope all is well.
Changing
-
That was so nice to read about your sister's e mail complimenting your hospitality.
You worried about it a bit then did your very best.... nice to hear positive feedback.
You surely deserve it.
-
Thank you changing and lighter
It was very nice. My sister took this picture--can you see me in my car?----when I sent them up the last of the mountainside to reach the pavillion at the very top where they took more pictures of the city.
lighter, the part I worried about is that they would be shown a wheelchair person's way of life.... but it still worked out okay.
I am so happy, changing, that some of my escapades are of value to you. There will always be escapades. I cannot help the mischief in me! (Having the childhood I never had)
My new leg cast has a bigger bend at the knee for getting into the car, but haven't done that yet. I won't tell anyone when I begin to use the car and Linda can still bring my work to me. I will have to remain seated to put the chair and take it out and it is time consuming and not nearly as graceful as when I stand. So for now, since Linda is at work, and just 3 blocks away, she can drop off.
Love to both
Izzy
Click to enlarge!
[attachment deleted by admin]
-
Talking about the power of words( and thoughts),I am finding that as I heal, certain phrases that I used to say to myself are coming back in to my head. I gradually got sicker and sicker over time . I lost my mental health slowly. So, now as I gain it back,I am reclaiming the parts of me that used to be healthy .
I always had a phrases in my mind about my M. It was ''Something is wrong with her. She is an idiot( a fool),but she loves me". I started thinking this at a very young age. I would go to the mall with her( maybe 8-9). I would remember thinking this.
The other thought that I had ,which kept my sanity was,"I am nothing like her. I am smart.I can feel and tell about life. She is a fool
I, as alittle kid, tried to keep myself intact( and did to some degree ) with these phrases.Now, I am starting to get them kicking back in.They are true. They were always true.
Love Ami'
-
The other thing that I am starting to see ( from my inner child books) is that we have to change false beliefs( and words) in order to thrive. I realized that i had a false belief about "happiness" in this life. I thought that if you had a good mother ( and other advantages ) you would be happy. Now,I am seeing that people I know who had a good mother and other advantages still have painful false beliefs. My Book says that everyone 's inner child is damaged by parents whose own inner child was damaged.It is just the way that the world operates. The world has operated this way since man chose "disobedience( as I see it).
So ,anyone you meet will have a wounded inner child--NOT JUST ME( what a revelation). ,I am immature b/c I stopped maturing at 14. THAT is what happened.
So, I am seeing that I am part of the general humanity who battles "bad thoughts" about ourselves. We tend toward shame and guilt.Do you agree?
I used to know this . I used to look around and see that other people were insecure and had shame and guilt.I thought that my sense of self better be inside me OR I was screwed.So, I put my sense of self within me-not in the outside ( codependent)
I am getting back that wisdom again-- very slowly.
I had isolated myself,emotionally.. I had convinced myself that I had it so bad that I could not really relate to other people. i did fall in to a deep hole,but as I face the truth about life and myself, I can climb out( and am climbing out).
Yes,I am immature ,emotionally,but at least I have a place to heal ( the board) little by little where people will not laugh(only WITH me-hopefully) Love Ami
-
Izz,
I'm really glad you got appreciation and kindness from your SIL. Maybe new encounters with them won't be anxious ones. You did great, and you are not a "wheelchair person". You're Izz, with a certain way of moving through the world. We all have some kind of chair, yours is just more visible, tangible. I hope you never feel apologetic again.
LIFE is inconvenient. We ALL are inconvenient...
And you're a treasure.
love
Hops
-
Thanks Hops,
We do take on the ideas of our parents. My mother in a wheelchair told me not to offer my home for family gatherings as it was a lot of work and no one would help. I was in my first-ever house, after a string of apartments. I had a double lot, so plenty of lawn, for the family re-union.
I never offered in case I upset Mom
Since I never offered I felt selfish.
Some people ought to just be quiet!!!!!!
I was just new to disability and then I began to doubt myself, as Mom held reunions, with Dad's help.
I have no worries about the sis and my bro who were out here, as, you see, that was actually MY FIRST time being a hostess for family!!!
WOW!! ain't that sumpin'? All these years gone by and a revelation like that shoots out this morning, from your post!
God Bless ya
Love Izzy