Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: changing on October 26, 2007, 12:59:29 AM
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It is a beautiful Hunter's Moon tonight- the moon looks its biggest and exerts a huge gravitational pull. I love it!!!
When my heart and thoughts were dominated by my N hell, I lost touch with the wonders and meaning of life. Now I am rediscovering the real world.
Hope everyone is in a place where they can enjoy the simple and universal things in life, and if not, that they get there soon!!!
Love,
Changing
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changing
That sounds real purty, mighty purty.
Hope everyone is in a place where they can enjoy the simple and universal things in life
Right here at my trusty computer working on a website that has changed it's name.
11:20 p.m. so am off to bed to read--I love to snuggle down and immerse myself in my mystery novels!
Love
Izzy
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Good night Dear Izzy and sweet dreams.
Love,
Changing
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Dear Changing,
You are a blessing to have here. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((Changing ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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On the night my daughter died there was a beautiful full moon. Every time I see one I stop and think of her and her beautiful life and feel blessed that I had such a gift in my life.
axa
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Oh Axa-
I am so sorry for the inconceivable loss of your sweet daughter. You are a brave and special person to keep her memory so close and dear. ((((Axa))))
Love From Your Friend,
Changing
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Thanks Changing,
I think about her so much these days, not sure why maybe it is because I have moved and am not in familiar surroundings......... miss my girl a lot these days.
thanks,
axa
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I am so incredibly sorry, Axa. I hope your recollection lean to the sweetness of her memory.
((((Axa)))))
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I want to cry! I would be off the deep end if anything happened to my girls!
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Dear Axa-
Please know that you are loved and very much valued, and that my heart is with you. Some events and feelings defy description and comprehension, and the loss of your child is one of them. It is so hard to be alone and in a strange place when one is feeling such profound loss. I only hope that you are strengthened and comforted. I will be praying for you and your daughter, Axa Dear.
Love and Comfort,
Changing
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Dear Axa,
My heart goes out to you.I am so sorry that you have had to experience the most profound loss that there is- a child.I have not experienced it,so I know that I cannot understand. Just know that you are very loved and very appreciated here. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((((((Axa))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Axa,
I will celebrate your sweet girl's life when I look up at the moon too.
And send you comfort and a hug. How you must miss her.
I will think of you and send you warm friendship, new faces to trust,
new voices to sing with, ASAP.
Get plugged in, woman! You need a close support group and
you will enrich them so! (I won't repeat my usual list...)
love and hugs and hopes you will find some light and warmth this weekend
Hops
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THank you all for your words of comfort. I struggle with being vulnerable and have a compulsion to be OK or should i say to seem ok. I believe I am grieving her now in a real way. It is four years later but XN took all my time and energy and there was no space for my sadness. STruggling a lot these days, not sleeping, feeling angry. I know the contact with XN brought up the anger again but the anger is IN ME and I really want to shift it. And it's not just the anger it is the obsessive anger which I hate. I can hold some anger and use it wisely but this feels like a big self sabotage thing that is going on. I had decided to take half a sleeping pill this evening and get some sleep and try and get into a routine again as it is completely shot at the moment.
So touched by all your kindness towards me. This is one of the few places I can allow myself to be undefended and that feels good. I have tried to be like this in the 3d world but my experience is that it makes people extremely uncomfortable which in turn sets me on my rescuing trail. They must not feel bad but its ok for me to feel bad/sad etc.
Axa
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Axa,
I just wanted to send love and admiration. Sometimes anger can hold sadness in abeyance, but only for so long. How timely that
changing posted about the hunter's moon. I still have little tremors of grief about my deceased H, and lately, they've rumbled a bit more.
The article you mentioned a while back about mending a broken heart was a good read.
I get a bit wordless sometimes when I try to write, but just know I will sit with you.
cats paw
(edited to add a word)
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Dear Axa-
It can be so difficult and draining to play a role for society. When one is alone and does not have a healthy or supportive FOO , it can be difficult to express that aspect of one's self that is vulnerable. I have found that as I share those parts of myself on this board that I was afraid or ashamed to previously, that the lovely and wise people here help me to make sense of things and I am better able to handle them and articulate them in my daily life as well!!! Things that I kept hidden have been "worked through" for the first time.
We are mourning your daughter with you, and hope that our love comes through as comfort and solidarity with you in your feelings.
Much Love and Hugs,
Changing
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Axa,
Don't know if this is the right thing, but would you like to tell us a little about your Daughter? Maybe some happy memory? I bet she was wonderful! (but if not, forget I said anything. Its so completely OK)
Love Pops
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Thanks to all,
Poppy,
My daughter died when she was 15. She was so smart and funny, even when she was dying she made me laugh. Before she did she and I talked about when I was a kid. She said she knew how difficult it was for me to have a Mom like I did but she was grateful to her because otherwise I could not have been her Mommy. Her passions were art and animals. Her plan after her transplant, which never came, was that she would be an artist or a vet. I never met anyone with such compassion as her. The more she suffered the more compassionate she became. I held her in her frustration and anger with her illness but she always thanked me for loving her so much, as if she was the lucky one.
She was gentle and sassy. Could not keep her mouth shut when she saw injustice. AFter she died I got such lovely letters from people she had touched in her life. Her empathy was beyond words. And she was also a normal teenager, could be a real drama queen at times. She had no difficulty in acting out her anger when she felt it. She fell in love, had a boyfriend for a short time, wrote love poems about him (which I found after her death) loved music and had so many friends.
I am sitting here now in tears, missing her but so grateful for having had her in my life.
Thank you for listening
axa
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Axa-So sad. Was she your only child? Thank you for telling us about her! She sounds just like my girls and it seems a rip off to have her life end before she had a chance to live it!
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Dearest Axa,
I am so touched by your description of your daughter and with all the love that you felt for each other. I am glad you can hold her so close to your heart even though it hurts. Your heart is still open even after the mauling it got with your exN and his tribe.
There is something so sacred about what you are describing and it is live giving to stand up for your daughter and feel the full brunt of her loss.
I am with you in my thoughts and I send you so much love for this journey of greiving and loss.
I know that you were a beautiful mom and very beloved by your precious daughter.
I wish I was there to hold your hand through this.
Sea Storm
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Thank you, Axa.
I love this real glimpse of this real girl.
Sassy, eh? No wonder, lookit you, brave one.
You obviously covered her in love.
A well loved child is a beautiful memory.
I know she's cheering you on.
love
Hops
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Axa,
She sounds delightful....and beautiful and like perhaps her shorter life had great purpose. Thank you for sharing a little. My eyes are wet. Wonder if she is on the other side remembering with you.
Love, Pops