Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: DivineSunshine on November 06, 2007, 01:36:47 AM
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Holy smokes!
I can't believe I lived with this twit! I knew he was messed up and narcisstic, but I am still being surprised! He has started a MYSpace page which I do not have the stomach to visit---YET----but I have been informed it is just pathetic! Even has a photo of himself whistfully wishing for HIS children to return to him! Or some silly thing.
Rumor has it---he is trying to get to the kids this way thinking he can mess with their emotions by his comments and hurt me by calling me a liar and that I stole his children from him "like a thief in the night." I have not read it as it is new tonight and he has been rattling my cage with his emails for three weeks and that has been all of him I could stand. I have not answered back and not allowed him to see the children because of the Protective Order. And his mind games and threats and crap he has tried to pull.
I continue to not block emails just because I know he won't shut up and will do and say stupid things--which he has. I just don't answer. he is beside himself and was quiet today and then I find out why. He has been working on his little webpage.
He is once again embracing a "religion" he had stopped believing in and is now blaming his leaving it on me----the witchy woman, no doubt. And now thinks I will corrupt his children for belonging to another religion or no religion at all right now. I have fought for years to keep the children out of this "religion" so they could not be controlled by it. I ended up with this guy in the first place because of the teachings of this same "religion". ---I know this is a touchy topic, so that is all I will say, but for those who are curious, I feel I must let you know I am referring to mormonism----
So, I will ask my attorney tomorrow about what I should do when I go over the details of filing for divorce, but I swear----what a pathetic narcissistic idiot!
Course he is probably too chicken livered to allow comments so everyone who knows better can defend me and the kids! Which seems to be most everyone who cares except his family. Even "his" friends are helping me right now and he is blasting them for it. I will have to check about that (comments) when I decide to read the ridiculous thing. Right now, I am just focusing on NOT letting him rattle me too much so I can be the best mom and advocate for my kids that I can. I don't feel I can do it very well if I am ticked off more by his crap. Going NC was the best thing I ever did so far. Besides leaving. Thanks to you all I have stayed NC for 10 days tomorrow!
Yay! Thanks for listening
Sunny
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Hey Sun:
If I was you, I'd have a friend or family member copy the MYspace page and not subject yourself to it right now.
It's evidence.
That's all.
And he's going to keep doing crazy/crazier things, so best get used to it...... the shock doesn't help you stay focused..... eye on the correct ball, ya know?
Let him put on the 'special undies' and wear Mormonism as a shield...... you have every right to practice or not practice, as you see fit. Just as he had the right to stop practicing years ago.
Keep copying those e mails he's sending and have your files in order when you speak with your attorney.
Your next hearing should be one that includes evidence.
Keep talking to the children and getting their input. Keep explaining that daddy does love them but he can't do any better than he is right now...... maybe he'll get some counseling and be able to do better soon.
I think the guy is dangerous and nutsey..... so do you. Do they? Seems like they do.
Tell them you have things under control and will handle them. Keep their schedule and lives as routine as possible and be the sane rock in their lives.
You're doing so well (((Sun))) You really are.
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Dear Sun,
You have shown so much courage.I am in awe of it. NC for 10 days is wonderful. I am so inspired by your story. May God's peace and love keep you safe. Love Ami
((((((((((((((((((Sun))))))))))))))))
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It is a painful situation. I am watching my children and grandchildren being used as possessions.
Getting stronger,gaining perspective, take care of you.
BR
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Hi Sunny,
How fitting that a grown Nman would choose a MySpace page to try to get more attention and...SUPPLY!
ILLA. That's my new acronym for I Love Lighter's Advice.
To add my 2 cents, I think it's brilliant that you coolly and calmly keep printing out each email, creating a tidy folder of evidence to hand your lawyer. Just in case he changes it or in case the MySpace thing also reveals his manipulativeness etc., it would be good to assign someone to capture it for you at regular intervals. Do you know someone who would?
Somehow I feel that the LONGER you stay disengaged and DON'T let him impress you, no matter what he does...the better off you and your children will be for the rest of your lives.
So no particular move or effort or maneuver or display on his part should make ONE bit of difference to you. Nothing. Does not register. Sunny is Not At Home. Etc.
It's the rest of your lives, and you've made a brilliant head start on it, for all of you. NOTHING your Exworm does is more important.
hugs
Hops
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Hello again,
It just occurred to me that I did not mention that my children have not yet caught wind of the MySpace page. Contrary to what he has been doing by forbidding his kids to use MYSpacein the past --- but they ignored him-----I have NOT shut down their free access to things and if they really really wanted to contact him, they would have easily by now because I allow them free roam, so to speak, on the internet. They know his email. I am not watching their every move. Like I know he would.
They had their phones he provided even, but one locked herself out by messing with her "sim" (sp?) card password, the other just won't charge hers cause she is sick of him trying to call her and the third just didn't answer anything he tried. Of course I told them not to and a logical reason why. But, I don't have cash or credit due to his antics to use anything else, we kinda have to keep a contact of some kind for safety and logistics. Is not a good situation but I am kinda stuck right now.
BUT---I have asked someone just now to print a copy of the MySpace page and think they will (he took our printers) and I am diligently forwarding emails from him to my attorney.
I like ILLA too---Hopalong! Very clever! I like ILHA too! :D Always, both of you!
Lighter---maybe this should be on a private post, but since you seem to be aware of the "special undies" you cracked me up. I scrapped those years and years ago. What a weird religion. I never really believed even as a kid, but was forced into it, my FOO is ultra LDS which is making things interesting to say the least, and we live in the heart of it so he is trying to align himself with the most powerful thing around. Can you say spiritual abuse? But it is ok. I will have to stand my ground there too. I have been for a while, anyway. I just don't want him F-ing (sorry about language) around with these kids minds he claims to care so much about. I have plenty of witnesses including them who will tell about how much he has said about how bad the religion is for children. And especially girls and women. Now he will subject them to it to spite me. Really sick. Not if I can continue to stop him. He is just saying I MADE him leave to get sympathy and power from them (the mormons) and his FOO and hopefully (he thinks) my FOO too---it is really disgusting.
I need to get on with applying for grants and stuff so i can care for these kids and make a living. If anyone knows of anything I can look into, let me know. I have heard there is a grant to pay me to go to school. I have a real estate license but don't think that is working out well right now as far as the market it going. I will use it if I have to, but have to find a new broker since my wonderful H was my broker before. I have been trying to take care of 6 kids and giant ridiculous house and make life perfect for him an d clean up all his messes in every way and not used my license much at all and all he did was complain about that too. And still is!!! I can't tell you how many people are telling me their jaw drops when he starts in on that one. They KNOW how busy I have been just keeping up with the crap he has put us through and raise these kids on my own basically.
WHOOPS, Ranting...Actually waiting for my power to be turned off today. He has told me he can't pay the bill so I will have to, but I have to call his bluff and let it go off and go from there. I can't pay the entire thing anyway, they have to turn it on for a lot less once they shut it off. If it goes off it just looks worse for him anyway. Our house phone is already off. These are all utilities in his name he told me he knew would be shut down and I would have to arrange something. I say nothing. He is not allowed with the Protective Order to "mess" with my utilities anyway. He is just proving to be the jerk he is. Running around whining and crying about how much he cares about his kids and they are his LIFE---but he will allow the power to be shut down and the phones where they are living???....hmmmm...still waiting to see if he will make a last minute call to the power co. I know how to get it back on since he has put me through this many times before while he lived here. Sigh.....
Over and out,
Sunny
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You're right... the Judge won't like it that he/H let the power get turned off.
It's not what he's supposed to do with the order of stay in place. Naughty naughty and won't work too well for him, I should think.
Now.... IS the Judge LDS?
And..... tell what the special undies look like, lol? Were they silky long johns labled really special and how much did they cost?
I GOTTA KNOW!!!!
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I had a sweet neighbor once who married at 17 (a very nice man) and at 19 they both converted to LDS.
I was morbidly fascinated, very impressed by the wheat in the basement, and they were great people.
However, I did have a teeny-weeny little desire to suggest a couple new thoughts...
When I gave it up was when I went over to their house one night, toting a newspaper clipping about Sonia Johnson (the infamous LDS woman who was excommunicated because she supported the ERA). I said, Hi Mindy, thought you might be interested in this article...and she took it from my hand, trotted across the LR to her sweet hubby and said, "Bill, do we agree with this?"
:shock:
Hops
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Lighter---
So FUNNY! No I do not think my commissioner or judge are LDS----whew! Ohhhh...the silly undies! I was wearing "normal" undies he didn't care for--tangas I think. So he said "let's get you some decent normal underwear!"------I really had to bite my tongue on that one! He has worn his for years and I hated them. Can you believe they actually make the people pay to get into the "temples"---10 percent of their income which explains everyones poverty around here---and then they charge for the special clothes and underwear (like 15 bucks for top and bottom together, I think) you have to wear! People buy it hook, line, and sinker! And there are special marks on them to signify how you will kill yourself if you tell the temple rituals. A lot was done just like masonry--I've heard. Don't even get me started on what they DO in there! If you want I can tell you some sites where they tell about all that stuff---pretty funny! And sick.
Sad part is, my mom keeps bugging me to ask my "bishop" for help. Counsel and money, etc. because she does not want to, I guess. But, I talked to him on my way to the shelter because it so happens he is the bank manager where I went with my kids that day to get some money to live on and he told me my H had already taken my name off my accounts so I had no access. So I told him of the abuse for a minute and asked if he knew ANYTHING about it for reference---and he says no...nothing! And this man is supposed to be counseling 100-150 families in his neighborhood on marriage and life in general. It is just some power thirsty guy who does not give a crap, and especially about women. They all are.
Hops, I remember Sonia...she was like satan himself around here! And speaking of the women have to consult the men.....we take no vows to each other when married except I vow to obey him and we both vow to obey God and the church, basically. It is soooo sad. And I had to go and pretend to smile and support a dear niece just this last weekend who got married in the funhouse (temple) at 19. This is the crap I am fighting for my 4 daughters to not "buy" into. And my sons to NOT become jerks! They all (the men) think they have special powers from God. It is ridiculous. Oh, and I am supposed to ask the men in charge now for a special church divorce which means in the doctrine that if I don't....well, I am stuck with this idiot forever! Forever! But HE can continue to marry, and marry and he will have ALL of us in the life after! Mormons /LDS DO believe in poligamy, just by keeping it to the afterlife. If it was allowed by law now they would be doing it--- guaranteed! It is all crap. I don't believe it anyway, so i won't be asking for said church divorce. Bunch of crap! Ohhhh...I better knock it off now, I really don't mean to offend anyone, but someone HAS to say something----sumpthin stinks in UTah!
Oh and my mom spent time and money on food storage which rotted since it has been 30 years now. Lots of wheat. And with 7 children, they were giving food money to the church while we went without and forced me to bring in a few dimes and nickels from the age of 3 on (more as I got older) to declare my tithing each year at Christmas time!!! I could go on and on, but won't for now.
Sunny
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Hey Sunny(http://www.slrkelowna.ca/rose2.gif)
Some story there, and it got me to thinking about my ex son-in-law being Mormon```something I had totally forgotten.
As soon as my mother heard that, her first question was if he could marry as many women as he wanted to. I gathered, because I didn't know about N-ism , that all his quirks were Mormonisms!
One thing though, a question for you. He had a 102 acre farm and planned on a large family and each would have a portion of the land, where they would build and live, and he would be the patriarch. Is that a Mormonism?
Hang in there. You're doing great!
love
Izzy
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I think I just need to remind you that there are a lot of people listening to you conversation...........
I am LDS. And I love being LDS. I have a very different view that you do. I am sorry, DS, that you have had bad experiences. There are bad experiences in every religion. But please understand that to me your comments, and Lighter as well, smack of prejudice about things you clearly do not understand and things that mean a great deal to me. It is not the first time someone has lashed out with your attitude and it won't be the last. I am sure all groups who have endured comments like yours would say the same. But in a place like this, I would appreciate a little more respect for the beliefs of all...
From someone who is in the process of being slandered.....I would have expected more sensitivity.
Poppyseed
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Dear Poppy,
Since I am on ,now,I will just send you my apologies that you were hurt. I am sure that no one meant,intentionally, to hurt you. I am sure that when they see this, they will be very sorry.
Love Ami
((((((((((((((Poppy)))))))))))))))))
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Izzy,
I have no idea if that is a mormonism or nism, sounds like a little of both!
BUT, in light of Poppyseeds comments, I will humbly bow out of this type of "slander" as far as this religion or any religion goes. And tell her I am sorry, and I got carried away in my frustration and it does not justify risking offending anyone. My apologies. Sincerely. I was wrong.
I will, however, answer any questions or keep folks up-to-speed in regards to this aspect of my situation privately if anyone is interested by PM. This is not a subject I take lightly. This is a very huge determining factor in my Voicelessness for my lifetime. And determining my and my childrens future. Therefore, as relevant as it seems to me for my story, I recognize I went too far in my comments for an open board. Again, Poppyseed, I apologize...I respect your conviction. Hope we can put this behind us all. I don't wish for it to become a huge deal so I will just drop this post by NOT making any more entries and begin another when I want to say something about anything else and let this one ride out...so to speak.
Whoopsy! :shock: :oops:
Sunny
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It is all ok, DS. I am not hurt. And I appreciate the apology. It won't become a big thing from my end. I just felt I had to say something. Perhaps we all need a reminder now and again that the world is a big place and their is room for all of us no matter our differences and our varied beliefs and viewpoints.
Please know, DS, that I have compassion for voicelessness in whatever circumstance it is found ....especially for you and your situatuation and experience and perceptions of that experience. It is OK. I get frustrated too and sometimes say things I wish I hadn't. I want you to get the support you need right now. And just because I posted...the way that I posted.....doesn't mean I withdraw my support of you and your situation and your pain. It is there...... as it always has been.
Peace to you,
Poppy
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Hi Poppy,
I apologize too...me who always talks about how much she loves religious diversity!
I should have known better than to poke fun, gentle or not, at anyone's religion.
Ashamed of myself. What a lapse. I'm sorry I was so careless, Poppy.
That said, I do think some religious messages are very oppressive and I have a suggestion, but I'd like to know what you and others think...do you feel it would be okay if someone did feel a need to discuss that particular kind of voicelessness, if they just started a fresh thread and labeled it so anyone who didn't want to read any anger about their own type of faith, could just not read it? Or should it always be restricted "behind the curtain"? I dunno.
For example (using UUism, turnabout's fair), here's a hypothetical that did affect a member here once--something like:
Bad Experience From Seducers in a UU Church
Know what I'm getting at? I think if anger at our Nrelationships is allowed, then perhaps anger about institutions or belief systems that anybody feels has hurt or oppressed them should ideally be allowed too? But presented with care and labeled so nobody feels forced to read negative feelings or criticisms about something that's precious to them, as LDS is to you...
Then again, I could be waaaaay off base, or unrealistic in what a cyberboard, with so many different kinds of people, can handle without hurting somebody. I DON'T WANT THAT! Hmmm. Maybe it's a bad idea.
I was raised to believe nobody should ever discuss religion or politics, that it'd always lead to a fight. Oh sigh. If anywhere could prove otherwise though, I bet it's here...
Then again, I have been a naive cockeyed optimist and fallen flat on my face in puddles more often than I can count. And would you believe at this very moment I am actually watching Pollyanna on TV? :oops: :oops: (Loving it too.)
I'll just speak for myself and not tell anybody else what to do. I, personally, would like very much to read separate threads about that particular type of voicelessness. Especially for women. Of any faith or denomination. It's been a Very Big Deal in my own life. And if someone's been hurt by their own experience, I promise I will NOT take that as a reason to doubt that anybody elsecould find happiness, meaning, belonging or love and joy in that same faith.
It's a wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide world.
Sorry for the long ramble (and the huge hijack, Sunny!).
xo
Hops
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Dear Sunny-
I am quite moved by your story and how you have handled yourself. You are a very special person, and possess a very impressive strength. I think Lighter and Hoppy have such wonderful advice on getting free from Ns, both physically and mentally/emotionally as well. They certainly gave me sincere and brilliant advice and love and support, which I see that they are extending to you as well. ILLA and ILHA !
As far as financial aid, you might try the FAFSA website- I don't know what the deadlines, etc for applications are, but your school's financial aid office may have exceptions , etc., if the deadlines have passed for the term. Speak to them. There are also paying jobs available at most schools as well. I have worked at many of them, switchboard, student job office, etc- that way you are there and your work hours can be structured around your classes. There are often jobs with outside entities that are contracted through schools which provide an income and count for college credit units . In addition, if your school has a day care or university lab school, that might help things logistically with your young children.
Your husband should be required to provide support for you and the children. Speak to your lawyer about this- that money H spent for phones and such should have gone straight to you for the needs of the family. H should be on a support schedule, so that you can go to school and prepare for your exciting future!
You are realy doing well- keep up the good work!!!Give your kids a hug for me!
Love,
Changing
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Hops,
I appreciate your words. I don't want to be misunderstood. If anyone has been oppressed by an individual in a family or in an institution who abuses authority and seeks to dominate and control and harm those in his or her care, I think it is wrong. If any individual has anger or any feeling that they feel needs support of healing, I would hope they could share those feelings even if they are about my personal faith or someone elses. I just feel that the conversation turned away from those issues. Ideas and opinions were shared and made fun of. Had the conversation not taken that turn, I wouldn't have had a problem. And I think it is always a good idea to be careful about faith and religious assumption in a forum like this. And that was the ONLY point I was making. I want DS or anyone else, including myself, to be able to vent or share feelings and to feel the support of any who would give it. I just think that we can all express these feelings within respectful bounds. That is my only point. I want this to be a safe place for sharing of emotion. I don't mean to communicate that I don't. I hope you all know what I am trying to say. I don't have any wish of placing my own comfort above that of anyone elses. I too am hurt and feel compassion for the situation DS finds herself in. It is an awful situation. And perhaps I didn't communicate my compassion clearly or effectively enough. But I do feel it. And I wish the best for this family.
Poppy
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I think it's OK for Sun to have a nutsey experience with any religion and share it, esp under these circumstances.
I think it's OK for Poppy to have a wonderful experience with any religioun and share it.... just like she did.
It's not slander to share experiences..... just too bad that LDS has it's troubles, like the rest of the world.
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Couldn't agree more Poppy...care and sensitivity is just right, and I think we'll do fine with it. We're treaded those waters gingerly (and sometimes not so gingerly but never attacking individuals for their faith or lack thereof) before and done really well. In fact, this board offers me hope for the world, in microcosm, because of the respect we normally have shown.
Couldn't agree more with you too Lighter...freedom to vent/discuss voicelessness from any source, individual or institutional, would be appropriate here too.
(Not on this thread, necessarily...but when anybody needs to start one.)
Thanks, guys! (((((Poppy, Lighter))))
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Now back to you Ms. DIVINE SUNSHINE...I sure see a lot of light flooding into your life! :D :D :D
I guess N's "MYSpace" includes a new space for him to think about, that's just a little smaller than The Entire Universe, and has bars and a door that locks.
love,
Hops
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((( Sunny )))
Well done for making a good stand of what is right and reasonable in any universal court of law.
If I were you then I would personally save a copy of that website onto PC ........ which is actually what I did do.
Have sent you a PM with details of how to Save that website as it may not be wise for your wellbeing if I post it on this thread.
Love to you.
Leah
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Sunny-
I was just reading that many employers, even insurers and lenders are looking at MySpace and evaluating prospective employees, etc negatively when they have wacky pages there! Please hang in there- you are going step by step through the process- someday it will all be a fuzzy memory. ((((Sunny))))
Love,
Changing
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I hear you, Joy.
I know that was part of it.
Yes.
I sure wouldn't want anybody mocking my sacred symbols.
Well, I don't have any personally that are similar, but I do her you.
And I do know what they represent in the faith. It's a very
intimae, holy symbol.
Thanks again for the reminder.
Hopalong
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To all who have added their ideas to this converstation, I say Thank you. And to SJoy, you who had the wherewithall to re-register and express to others the lack of being understood and heard that I felt myself and to comment with such courage and kindness, I thank you especially.
Hops, I think you get me.
CB, I appreciate you elaborative perspective.
Lighter, Sweetie, I agree with you. But your comments were not sensitive. Can you understand that on the other side of your statements sit the faces of real people....and in this case, the person on the otherside of your conversation was me....me....little poppyseed who is and will be, your friend.
We, who have been hurt on and in so many levels of who we are and what we are......we who have been lonely and friendless and besmirched and in some cases slandered.....have a choice. Our pain, if we allow it, can make us many things. But I hope in the end after the anger and fear passes, that we choose to become more loving, to ourselves and others and in the very processes that help us heal.
And in this case, where the subject was religion, I hope we all go away from it with a greater appreciation of faith and all of its forms and expressions.....whether we express it on the inside or out, in our clothing, our jewelry, our headdresses or adorn it on the front of our doorways. In the end, my friends, it is easy to find fault. Anybody can do it. I am sure that any of you could find my weakness......it wouldn't take much effort. But, my friends wouldn't make fun of me. Ever. In any circumstance.
So, the next time comments are made, think about it first. Because you may be talking about someone who is your friend........or someone who could be someday.
Much love to all.
Poppy
PS. For the sake of clarification......I go to the temple frequently. I never pay to get in. The cost of certain item is there to cover the cost of manufacturing and in some cases laundry fees. It is no different than making a purchase for a crucifix or any other such item.
PSS. You wouldn't be scoffing at the wheat in my basement, if you sitting my living room eating a hot, buttered slice of my homemade bread!! (wink! xxoo)
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Hi again-
OK---I said I would not post here again, and this is it. However, I did want to just say that I am still and will always be embarrassed by my little "rant" on this thread. And I still apologize to those who were uncomfortable and offended.
With that said, I think CB has a good point about my words being used against me in other forums, and I have considered "pulling" this thread, but I think I have opted against it for the reason that I think the conversations that have taken place as a result have been very healthy and that is good to see on a board of any kind. Or in the world---period. I don't really think I have the right to "pull" the brilliance of all who have posted and shared feelings and different viewpoints and a willingness to listen to others and share as adults. So as far as I am concerned this stuff stays as long as it stays " healthy." And who am I to judge what is healthy or not anyway, I suppose. Hopefully it finds its way to page 10 soon, but ...... :oops:
I will risk the damage on this thread for this cause only. I may not be thinking right, but I think it is for the greater good here. I just know to have some taste next time, if there is a next time, if I vent in regards to the hand my religion has played in my voicelessness and abuse. My comments were crass and rude, and I prefer a more dignified approach in my life. That is my "note to self", here------so I will carry on a wiser cyber-poster and wish EVERYONE peace and happiness! Thanks for the support through ALL of this, ALL OF YOU!!!
Love,
Sunny
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If this thread, in anyway, puts Sunny in any jepardy, I support pulling it. I intended to mention it before. But forgot because I was in a hurry. Or perhaps some of the earlier posts could be removed. I would appreciate that at least.
Poppy
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Sorry. Just one more comment. Sunny has apologized graciously. And I have accepted that apology. And give any apology in return for any missteps I have made. I have no desire to embarrass her further. If the conversation needs to continue.....to discuss the way we talk about certain aspects our varied culture and how we can weave that into our healing discussions, then by all means, lets start another general thread. But, from my perspective and needs, the matter can be closed if that would make Sunny or anyone else more confortable.
Poppy
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I dunno..... I think this thread was about ranting and feeling better for you, Sun.
If you were oppressed by a group of people..... I'm not happy about that.... even if I belong to it.
No...
especially IF I belong to it.
Poppy..... I finally wrapped my mind around what was bugging me about the turn this thread took.
I feel like the cold finger of the LDS reached out and put Sun in her place...... and I don't think you had any intention of doing that, dona't get me wrong.
Our Poppy wouldn't do that, I know.
If Sun's had a negative experience with a religious group, she should be able to voice it here, gentle mocking included, and that's just my opinion. I didn't see any hate crimes committed on this thread. You'll let me know if I missed it.
I'm especially disturbed by the inferences that Sun,ll be punished, in court, for this thread.
Mainly bc it's possible.....
LDS Judges harming women and children over something like this.... runs a bit deeper than 'wrong.'
Let's face it..... harming women and children anywhere should be frowned on...... though people do it and make excuses for it all the time.