Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: axa on November 21, 2007, 06:05:56 PM
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One of my fellow students seems to behaves, towards me, in a way I find passive aggressive. She is a nice person in many ways but seems to "make a joke" of me and then be really sweet. Sometimes she finishes my sentances........ nothing major but it began to annoy me enough to note it to myself. I looked at what buttons she was pressing in me and wondered if this was something to do with me. Yesterday I overheard her mentioning something about me to someone else, nothing bad but did not feel comfortable as I was within earshot. And I decided to act like an adult. I went over to her and looked her in the eye and in a non aggressive way said "I would prefer if you have something to say to me that you would say it to ME." This is so big for me. I did not slink off and get angry or feel bad just clearly made a request.
Afterwards she came and apologised as she did not mean to hurt me. We talked a while. I told her I thought she had been passive aggressive towards me, did not know if she meant it personally or even if she was aware of it but it was how I experienced communication with her. I said I would like to be friendly with her but felt this "thing" was between us and if I we were to have a relationship I would like it to be adult. She cried when I said this. I felt myself going into "rescurer mode" but did not. I was sorry she was upset but I did not go into my usual pattern of feeling like a victim and as soon as the other shows any emotion try and make it ok for them. I went for a walk with her and she was quite upset. I just reiterated what I had said about wanting to be an adult and communicate in that way. I think in the end things were ok.
What is important for me is that I was pleased that I asserted myself, that I did not carry the anger I felt and internalise it. I behaved like a grown up and was respectful. Also, and maybe this is the most important part for me I was not trying to manipulate any outcome. I just set a boundary.
I wanted to share this with my dear friends here.
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Axa
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What is important for me is that I was pleased that I asserted myself, that I did not carry the anger I felt and internalise it. I behaved like a grown up and was respectful. Also, and maybe this is the most important part for me I was not trying to manipulate any outcome. I just set a boundary.
Hi Axa,
This is good stuff- thank you for sharing this. As hard as it is to find or exercise the courage to speak up for myself, once I do, I feel so much better and self respecting. As well as my courage muscle gets exercised.
Lise
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Axa, what do you teach?
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Dear Axa,
So happy and encouraged to hear your story. Miss hearing from you. Love Ami
(((((((((((((Axa))))))))))))
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Axa,
You were amazing. You handled the situation divinely. However, I would be careful as I see a ton of red flags waving in the air around this woman. She may have acted remorseful, but I don't believe she was. I do believe you set up the proper boundaries and made her realize you are not to be trifled with. Keep that strong air about you and watch your back. I think a large part of our journey is learning to protect ourselves in general... not just deal with the specific situation that brought us here.
Love, Beth
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I'M ENDING MY POSTING EXPERIENCE ON YOUR VERY HIGH NOTE, AXA!
Happy thanksgiving....
this thread was a gift: )
I wanna be that adult too!
(((((Axa))))))
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Can I know what do you teach?
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Axa-
Cool!! For some reason, it seems that girls can learn to act in that catty way in middle school (or even younger!) and some never grow up!! Thank you for sharing a way to wipe this out, in fellow students or fellow whatevers! Hope you have a great holiday!!!!
Love,
Changing
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Thanks guys for the response
Lupita,
I am a mature.........very mature student, doing a masters degree.
Lighter,
What ya mean you are ending your posting experience. Have not been on line much these days so did I miss something and are you leaving or what?????
Beth,
Thanks a lot, appreciate your contribution and take on board it is about taking care of oneself and not just once off. I think I am very vigilant, maybe even hypersensitive about N stuff. I have made some nice connections but am wary of everyone. I am so tired of being messed around and do not want to be at the receiving end of anyone elses anger, passive or otherwise. Taking baby steps Beth,
Hugs,
Axa
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Axa... I went out of town.... I ended my posting experience THAT DAY, until I returned from Thanksgiving Holiday ONLY: )