Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Lupita on November 21, 2007, 09:15:03 PM
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http://www.conradbaars.com/affirmation-therapy.htm
All human beings have an intrinsic need for human love. With the exception of Divine intervention, it is essential to receive human love in order for an individual to feel good, worthwhile, and lovable—and have the capacity to love others. In essence, we must first be loved in order to love.
One's ability to love is set free when that person sees himself or herself as good, worthwhile, and lovable. According to Christian psychiatrists Dr. Conrad W. Baars and Dr. Anna A. Terruwe, this process is called “affirmation,” and it occurs when one person is the source of unconditional love and emotional strengthening for another person. From the perspective of Christian awareness, this capacity to love is essential in order to live out the commandment of Jesus to “love one another” (John 13:34, 15:12).1
According to Dr. Baars and Dr. Terruwe, a person is unaffirmed when he or she has been deprived of authentic affirmation. He or she may have been criticized, ignored, neglected, abused, or emotionally rejected by primary caregivers early in life, resulting in the individual's stunted emotional growth. Because affirmation of one's being is an essential developmental need, unaffirmed individuals are incapable of developing into emotionally mature adults without first receiving authentic affirmation from another person. Maturity is reached when there is a harmonious relationship between a person’s body, mind, emotions, and spiritual soul under the guidance of their reason and will.
Ami, what do you think of this?
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Emotional Deprivation Disorder was first discovered by Dutch psychiatrist Dr. Anna A. Terruwe in the 1950's and was called the Frustration Neurosis (De frustratie neurose in Dutch; Deprivation Neurosis when translated into the English language by her colleague, Dr. Conrad W. Baars).
Dr. Terruwe found that a person could exhibit symptoms of an anxiety disorder or repressive disorder when these symptoms, in fact, were not the result of repression, but rather the result of a lack of unconditional love in early life.
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Feel Unloved
They feel that no one could possibly love them
They feel devoid of all feelings of love
They feel incapable of loving
They feel they are not lovable in themselves
They are suspicious of any token of affection – continually doubt sincerity of others
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Just as sunlight restores the balance in SAD - emotional input and understanding can restore the balance in the person affected
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Just as sunlight restores the balance in SAD - emotional input and understanding can restore the balance in the person affected
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Besee, God bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Dear Lupita,
I was thinking about this thread since last night.
I think that a person can get "whole"(even if they had a bad FOO) with a spiritual connection. I think that a person can get so connected to God that God can wipe away the pain and fear.
God can send human beings to us who have a "mission" to help us ,also.(I think that Observer was sent to you)
Look at NDE's . People radically change after these(often).
I don't think that God would allow us to be sentenced to a "prison" of bondage just b/c we had a bad parent.
There is an experience called the "Baptism of Love". Several people have had it. Andrew Wommack, Lief Hetland and Jack Frost are some. They experienced God's love so deeply that they had a major "shift". Andrew could not talk in front of people. Now, he speaks at huge conferences (5000 people). He is on radio and TV and he doesn't even get nervous. He was in Vietnam. He thought that he was going to die and he was "joyous" b/c he was going to finally see God.He was so 'in love' with God .
Leif Hetland was very "ego" driven. He was the president of a big ministry. His worth was in this.When He received Gods love,he became like a little child--loving and open. Jack Frost felt very rejected by his father. After this experience,he felt loved and whole.
I believe that God can restore us to wholeness. He will use other people,also. Love Ami .
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Ami, this is why we are so weak. EDD. This is why you stay with your husband. This is why I get rejected everywhere.
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Dear Lupita,
I was thinking about this thread since last night.
I think that a person can get "whole"(even if they had a bad FOO) with a spiritual connection. I think that a person can get so connected to God that God can wipe away the pain and fear.
God can send human beings to us who have a "mission" to help us ,also.(I think that Observer was sent to you)
Look at NDE's . People radically change after these(often).
I don't think that God would allow us to be sentenced to a "prison" of bondage just b/c we had a bad parent.
There is an experience called the "Baptism of Love". Several people have had it. Andrew Wommack, Lief Hetland and Jack Frost are some. They experienced God's love so deeply that they had a major "shift". Andrew could not talk in front of people. Now, he speaks at huge conferences (5000 people). He is on radio and TV and he doesn't even get nervous. He was in Vietnam. He thought that he was going to die and he was "joyous" b/c he was going to finally see God.He was so 'in love' with God .
Leif Hetland was very "ego" driven. He was the president of a big ministry. His worth was in this.When He received Gods love,he became like a little child--loving and open. Jack Frost felt very rejected by his father. After this experience,he felt loved and whole.
I believe that God can restore us to wholeness. He will use other people,also. Love Ami .
That's how I got to 'be'
Got to be where I am now.
Because, way back then, I really had no-one at all, no-one knew about Nism and co, so they kept their distance, because they did not know 'what to say'. Understandable, I did not know either.
Received a beautiful e-mail yesterday, from a once dear friend, who sent her apologies, for not being there for me. Truly, wonderful surprise.
Sought God's face, did not lean on my own understanding, but trusted in Him, as He guided me, along the way. Believe that is how I came acroos this board, in addition to other resource sites. We are so blessed to have the Internet with it's liberating resources.
Love to you, ((( Ami ))) and ((( Lupita ))) too.
Wishing you peace, hope, love and joy, today, and always.
Leah
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God will help us. He has given me prove of his mercy. But we have to work too.
There is a joke about pastors.
How many pastors does it take to change a broken bulb?
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Go down
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None. Pastors will pray for somebody else to come to change it ofr them.
That is why I believe in just not to leave it up to God. I mean we have to leave up to god what we cannot do anything about. But if there is something we can do we have to do it.
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Lupita-
So many children have actually perished in infancy from emotional deprivation. I think that after a certain age, one can experience love by givng love apprpriately to others ( emphasis on appropriately) - we no longer are dependent and infantile, but can function as agents of change. How cool is that?!?! I hope that you have a wonderful holiday and come back even stronger than ever.
Love,
Changing
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Lupita-
So many children have actually perished in infancy from emotional deprivation. I think that after a certain age, one can experience love by givng love apprpriately to others ( emphasis on appropriately) - we no longer are dependent and infantile, but can function as agents of change. How cool is that?!?! I hope that you have a wonderful holiday and come back even stronger than ever.
Love,
Changing
Dear Changing,
Absolutely, loving and nurturing, unconditionally.
In an ideal world, of course, everyone would do that, what a better way for the world to go round :)
Love, Leah
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Changing,
Are you saying that we will heal by giving? Is that what you mean?It is hard to cut and paste with this laptop.
I am talking about your post.
Please explain in more detail,if you could. Thanks so much Ami
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Leah and Ami-
Experiencing love is a basic need. But I think that we can experience love when we are mature enoug, when we give appropriate love to another. Not slavish sick Codepenency , but love and affection to a proper recipient. The love experience is there- when we grow up , we may not have to have to be an infantile recipient of the selfless love and care of others to be in the zone of the love experience- that is the best part of being an autonomous adult!
Love,
Changing
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Giving of yourself, unconditionally, you don't want anything back in return, in all honesty, it works, because one lives by outward expression, and if you are living that way --- yes, believe it is true, that healing can work in oneself.
Speaking from my very own personal life experience.
Never heard of EDD but it makes so much sense.
As an aside, it has been a revelation regarding my youngest sibling, who is entrapped in anxiety --- unfortunately, she tended to be quite selfish, though I have a genuine understanding as to why she may have chosen to live that way. Don't feel that it would be right to disclose her life choices and actions. However, she did not live her life by outward expression, and so, she has not gone through a healing process, instead, sadly, she is very much entrapped.
My heart genuinely breaks for her, wherever she may be.
The book review on amazon, by a lady, "now I understand my friend"
Healing the Unaffirmed : Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder
http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Unaffirmed-Recognizing-Emotional-Deprivation/dp/0818909188/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195678941&sr=8-1 (http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Unaffirmed-Recognizing-Emotional-Deprivation/dp/0818909188/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195678941&sr=8-1)
which is on the other thread.
Same author: Conrad W. Baars
Now, beginning to understand my youngest sibling.
Truly, astonishing.
Love, Leah
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Dear Changing,
THAT must be how you healed. You transformed your pain and lack of love in to giving-------Cheech and Chong moment.
Changing----I have been trying to "ask" you this question, but I could not put it in to words. You had a healing of your past by giving love. Then, you were in a "state" of love.So, you did not get proper FOO love,but you can live in a state of love by 'giving". Lord---that is BIG.
That is SO profound..
Maybe it is how it used to be for me. I was "innoculated" from my M's abuse as LONG as I could see that I was part of the human race . As long as I could see that I was experiencing the "human" pain that everyone was---I stayed "intact" inside. I could see other people's pain and I could offer warmth to them. I was enriched( felt loved inside) and I retained "myself"
Once,I became "numb", I felt "different". Then,I went down the tubes fast and never have gotten out yet.
The key for me staying whole was accepting ALL my feelings and thoughts as 'human" and not "bad" or "not human"
Also, I recieved love by 'giving love" by helping to relieve s/one else's pain.
Changing-----is this what you mean? Ami
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Dear Changing,
THAT must be how you healed. You transformed your pain and lack of love in to giving -------Cheech and Chong moment. Changing----I have been trying to "ask" you this question, but I could not put it in to words. You had a healing of your past by giving love. Then, you were in a "state" of love.So, you did not get proper FOO love,but you can live in a state of love by 'giving". Lord---that is BIG.
That is SO profound..
Maybe it is how it used to be for me. I was "innoculated" from my M's abuse as LONG as I could see that I was part of the human race . As long as I could see that I was experiencing the "human" pain that everyone was---I stayed "intact" inside. I could see other people's pain and I could offer warmth to them. I was enriched( felt loved inside) and I retained "myself"
Once,I became "numb", I felt "different". Then,I went down the tubes fast and never have gotten out yet.
The key for me staying whole was accepting ALL my feelings and thoughts as 'human" and not "bad" or "not human"
Also, I recieved love by 'giving love" by helping to relieve s/one else's pain.
Changing-----is this what you mean? Ami
Bless you (((( Ami ))))
Giving love, is all i have ever known, all i have ever been, all i have ever done, during, a life time of abuse.
Been ridiculed for being that way inclined, and abused for being the kind of person i am, with unkind bullying remarks, and beatings too.
But, that is who i was, and who i am - an outwardly loving person, who is kind, and sincere; who admittedly makes mistakes along the way.
And no-one will take that away from me, ever.
Of that i am heartfelt sure.
Love, Leah
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Dear Leah,
A HUGE lightbulb just went off. I feel changed,inside.
I still have this "block" to accepting my" N spots'. I think that when I get through this block,I will be free. That is why I keep bringing it up(b/c I am "stuck")
I have to free up all my insides if I am going to be able to give love.
I can't have this "drama" going on in me that I "freak out" and think I am horrible when an N idea or emotion passes by.
This is a real "bondage" to my being whole.
Usually ,once I can express s/thing,it is just a matter of time before it heals. I hope so ---b/c this is a deep one. I must have HAD to develop this stance in order not to emotionally crumble with my M---bleh. Love Ami
((((((((((Leah)))))))))))))