Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: tayana on November 23, 2007, 02:16:44 PM
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I thought I'd post this in a separate thread. I'm still fighting off my cold, so I have moments of feeling totally Blah. Here's how Thanksgiving worked.
I made three loaves of bread, all different kinds, and a pecan pie, which was very lush. We got everything loaded up. I even cleaned out the car a little. We were at my brother's house around noon.
My parents were there.
My father was cordial. My mother said not a single word to me the entire time she was there. She wouldn't taste of anything I'd brought. She didn't even acknowledge that I was there. She talked to M, mostly to comment on his grades and the fact that he was wearing a lighter weight coat and not a heavy coat. She'd brought a bunch of stuff for him. They left after desert. I don't know how long they'd been there before we arrived, but they only stayed about three hours.
The rest of the day was good. We played some games and ate some more, and generally had a good time.
Seeing my mother did make me feel a little anxious, but overall, I felt nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. I wasn't angry. I wasn't upset. I just felt nothing. M spent most of the time they were at my brother's in the basement watching TV and playing on the computer. My father asked me to come out, and I was thinking, "Not likely." My mom went on about her health problems and all of the people who wanted to drive her to have her biopsy this week. I just felt very apathetic about it all, like she was some sort of stranger, telling her story. I couldn't even feel sorry for her. I heard her at one point going on about how she would prepare various dishes and how she would do things and how she got everything ready. I just felt numb, for lack of a better word.
I enjoyed the day. I had a good time. I think M and the dog had a good time. And we're back home. I am considering going out to my parent's house on Sunday, not to visit, just to get some stuff. It's my stuff after all, and I would like to have it.
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Tayana-
I am so thrilled for you and your son. You have come so far, and emerged a triumphant free being without bitterness or fear! What a wonderful example for your son of living rightly in the moment! God Bless You Both!!!
Love,
Changing
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Dear Tay,
That is absolutely AMAZING. I am blown away.I think that it is funny how she wouldn't eat any of your food. What an N story.
My thought-----Don't push it by going over there on Sun.
I have a bad feeling about it ,for whatever it's worth.
I am really, really impressed with your behavior, Tay. Wow. Love Ami
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Yeah, maybe a month from Sunday...
Okay, Tay? She'll be more aggressive on her own turf. No holiday "manners" (such as they are).
Let this triumphant detachment settle in a bit.
That is just an awesome report.
No
drama
at
all
NO
DRAMA
Just
the
day
love it!
hugs
Hops
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oh, tay
Your N mother made me think of something.
One Thanksgivinghere (Canada) I made lemon squares. The N would not eat them, but everyone else was yumming all over the place.
Then one Christmas I made piles of shortbread and fudge. I took soome to the place to which we were invited and the N never ate any of these, either... and......with what was left at home, he never touched.
Ah well...all the more for me
Izzy---who said not a word about it.
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I was amazed. I really did have a bad feeling when I pulled into my brother's driveway and saw their car there. I really expected something totally different to happen, but it was just cool and detached. That's never happened before. I left without feeling guilty at all.
Ami, I truly didn't expect her to come at all since she knew I was going to be there. Maybe it was an attempt by my brother to put us together and see if we could make up. It didn't work, of course. I'm sure she still thinks I'm the terrible daughter who took her baby away.
Hops, I haven't decided about going out there yet. I'm considering it. M would like to go, but I don't like the thought of being out there alone with her. I know what will happen. My dad will go off and do his own thing, and then I'm stuck in the house with her.
Izzy, it's so very typical of them, isn't it? As if they're hurting our feelings by not accepting any of our generosity. MOre for me, I say.
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Tay
That is just proof to me that they KNOW what they are doing. If they eat everybody else's food and then pointedly not ours--they know. No doubt at all.
Izzy
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Dear Tayana,
Truly, comes as no surprise to me, that your mother declined your food offering. No surprise at all.
You did well in avoiding the bait.
Well done.
Love,
Leah
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Tay.... how perfect! Your attitude...... "More for me, I say...." is amazing growth. But then, I have to remember, this is tay we're talking about: ) ::beaming like a proud mama::
I love that you found the distance to just enjoy your moments..... without being disturbed by her punitive silence and refusal to partake of your food. There was a day when that would have bothered you..... a day when she wouldn't have stopped with just that.
I'm thinking someone had a talk with her about her behavior..... I'm thinking she knew your brother and father have stopped dismissing every complaint you've made about her..... and now she realizes she doesn't have free reign to say whatever pops into her head in order to manipulate you any longer.
At least she can't continue to DO that and have everyone avert their eyes and expect you to pretend it didn't happen any more, for comfort's sake.
As long as M was as unscathed as you...... you've managed to rise above. Brava, tay.
Can you take your brother WITH you when you go to pick up your things? I think that would be a wonderful idea: )
ps I really enjoyed reading about your bread baking and lush pie making.
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Awesome news!!!!
I am so glad you were able to stay detached and not let her affect your day! Not easy.
I like the idea of having someone go with you to your mother's house to get the remainder of your things. Do you have a friend you could take?
I don't know if this is the case with your mother, but mine was always on her best behavior when "outsiders" were present - had to keep up appearances that everything was perfect you know :roll:
Way to go Tay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace