Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on December 04, 2007, 03:17:49 PM
-
Do I dare step in this issue(lol)?
Triggers----This is just how I see it. I have been projected on since I was a little child(N M). Then I married an NH.
I did everything to have a "little voice",but it was never little enough.. It always brought scorn.
I have tried to conform my whole life---always seeking to live "in the middle zone--to be O.K.--not to rock the boat.
Mainly,I was "nice".Nice was the "word".
So, my voice got smaller and smaller as it does when you don't exercise it.
Voices need challenges, like muscles do. I can ride 25 miles on the bike,but I didn't do it in one day. I did it little by little .Now,it is effortless.
My voice-- it has been little for a long time. It is not going to get beautiful and strong right out of the gate.
It will probably be ugly right out of the gate. HOW long IS right out of the gate? As long as it takes.
Unless Dr G kicks people off for being annoying,I have a safe spot (lol)
The way that I see it is that ALL experiences are learning experiences --on the board.They are ALL good b/c they hone your voice and that is what we are here for.
The way I see people "projecting " is an opportunity for me to develop the next stage in my voice--strength.
Strength is the next step. I want to graduate from "nice". Nice has taken me as far as it is going to take me.It is a burden now.,I want to develop the other parts---- whatever they are. .
I will learn as I go. Ami
-
Unless Dr G kicks people off for being annoying,I have a safe spot (lol)
Dear ((( Ami )))
Are you in fear of Dr G kicking you off the board?? Because you mentioned that yesterday in your post.
Honestly, I cannot perceive why he would do that.
Love, Leah
-
No, Leah--unless you know something I don't (lol) Ami
-
"I did everything to have a "little voice",but it was never little enough.. It always brought scorn."
This must hurt.
Did you ever read the book "A Boy Called It?"
My sister and I were talking the other day about different types of children. My sister has a 4 year old who she does not connect with very well. That is because my sister is about tough love, she rarely cries in public, she is not the feelly type who gets all mushy if that makes sense? She connects beautifully with her other children and her husband connects with her emotional 4 year old which she is grateful for because she worries that he will take her lack of connection over the way he reacts to life as a form of rejection.
Whenever my 4 year old nephew is hurt or crying he always says to my sister "I want Daddy."
My sister pointed out to me that I was a lot like her 4 year old when I was little. I connect beautifully with my little nephew. My sister also pointed out that my aunt, who took care of us when we were abandoned by my mother, had a hard time relating to me because I was so emotional and she, my aunt, was more like my sister. My sister and my aunt got along well.
Then my sister and spoke about the boy in the book - "A Child Called It", she said that she figured that is why he got selected out from his other siblings to be his mothers bad boy, because he was just too emotional for her. His mother was pure N evil.
Strong emotions can really set people off. Just think about how little children and babies crying can enrage parents to hit them or even kill them.
Sad.
Lise
-
I was talking about 'me" triggering people in this thread.However,I see how situations trigger me. Last night, I talked to a friend. She helped me to see current pain as past pain. That is what happens when I "freak out" at the dentist.
I never really saw" emotional "triggers before. They bring you back to the emotions you had as a child. They are powerful--very powerful. I am touching a layer of myself that has always been hidden. I never really "knew" before HOW people "lost" it and did insane things. Now, I do. I FEEL that energy inside me-- that insane energy.
However,my friend told me that it was just FOO things. I started writing . I saw that the pain I am having now IS past pain.
-
I was talking about 'me" triggering people in this thread.
However,I see how situations trigger me. Last night I talked to a friend. She helped me to see current pain as past ,deep pain. That is what happens when I "freak out" at the dentist.
I never really saw" emotional "triggers before. They bring you back to the emotions you had as a child. They are powerful--very powerful. I am touching a layer of myself that has always been hidden. I never really "knew" before HOW people "lost" it and did insane things. Now, I do. I FEEL that energy inside me-- that insane energy.
However,my friend told me that it was just FOO things. I started writing . I saw that the pain I am having now IS past pain.
Dear Ami,
Please rest assured that nothing in any of your threads has to date been a trigger to me personally.
Your threads have only brought thoughts of genuine concern and care, for you as a person.
May God bless and guide you, always.
Love to you,
Leah
-
Thank you, Leah. I am very happy to hear that. I guess that we(on the board) are all wounded(maybe,ALL people) and we can get "sensitive" to other people's pain.
I am getting a Phd in wounding, triggers and my own issues(lol)
I would NEVER, EVER want to hurt you ,Leah.It would cause me a great deal of pain, if I did. Love Ami
-
Ami,
I remember the first time I stood up for myself with strength. It was an incident with my stepmother (long story that I won't go into)< but at the end she said "I never would have thought YOU could be like that". It was o.k. that she always was though. It was hard, but she never did it again.