Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: isittoolate on December 07, 2007, 06:09:23 PM
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You know, many of us are saying such awful things about our parents but I have a GOOD story about my Dad,
In 1946 I had a baby brother be born, Feb 22 and he died 6½ months later, Sept 7, acute leukemia.
This is not about how little I knew about death etc. and he was laid out in the farm house parlour.
Now he and my dad and mom lay in graves in Thermont Cemetery, perpetual care. The last was mom in 1996... when I overheard my brother say something about one plot left and he would be in touch with all of us about his being able to use it for himself, wife, maybe children and grandchildren if all were cremated..
I went back home and thought about it because I remembered that back in 1946, maybe 1947, when I was 7-8 my mother told me Dad had purchased EIGHT plots--2 parents and 6 children .
At the same time, 1996, one sister and her husband had prepaid their funerals and were now looking for a resting place.
I suggested that they use her spot in Thermont and surprised the hell out of her that I said that. She didn’t believe me,
Then I emailed my brother and told him to check with the Cemetery people and he would learn that there are 5 more plots, one for each of us to use and there ought to be no fights or money changing hands.
Sure enough, I was right!
So my resting place was paid for by my father when I was 7 yeas old--wonder what they cost these days????
Izzy
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Are you prepared for the Grim Reaper?
I am being prepared to met my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ
May God Bless you with His love and grace, Izzy
Much love,
Leah
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Leah
I understand that, but what about your earthly remains? Who will be treating your shell with dignity? I just didn't put this in the thread of people saving for College, to buy a house, to buy a car, etc.
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WHO WILL BE PAYING FOR YOUR FUNERAL EXPENSES?
Your Wife?
Your Children?
Your Husband?
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Leah
I understand that, but what about your earthly remains? Who will be treating your shell with dignity? I just didn't put this in the thread of people saving for College, to buy a house, to buy a car, etc.
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WHO WILL BE PAYING FOR YOUR FUNERAL EXPENSES?
Your Wife?
Your Children?
Your Husband?
Well, Izzy
I am divorced and live alone and the funeral expenses is all sorted.
I have made a will.
I will have a church service and burial.
With my will is a request for my 2 favourite hymns with a brief testimony as to why (though my son knows the why) and my son will choose some too. I would like my service to be a joyous occasion -- a celebration of life.
Especially, as I will be absent from my body and present with my Lord and Saviour (and my son is happy about that as he is a believer also)
Can't think of anything else - can you?
Yes, my personal life is in order I think.
Love, Leah
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Leah & Izzy,
I know this sounds a bit weird, but how about the coffin? They cost a fortune, when they don't have to. You can get cardboard ones, MDF ones, willow ones are nice but a bit more expensive...but not as much as an oak one with brass handles, that gets put straight in the ground just the same!
The Natural Death Handbook is a good book for info (sounds depressing, but it's very upbeat and practical).
Janet
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Leah & Izzy,
I know this sounds a bit weird, but how about the coffin? They cost a fortune, when they don't have to. You can get cardboard ones, MDF ones, willow ones are nice but a bit more expensive...but not as much as an oak one with brass handles, that gets put straight in the ground just the same!
The Natural Death Handbook is a good book for info (sounds depressing, but it's very upbeat and practical).
Janet
Dear Janet,
These things have to be considered.
Thanks for the information. I would prefer that no tree be slaughtered --- preference being recycled wood or cardboard. But I have not made that stipulation, perhaps that is something for consideration, along with the purchase of a plot.
Love, Leah
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I am prepared for the Jolly Reaper.
I will have Direct Cremation (cardboard box). It's cheap. I have no sentiments about the body, except I'd like to be donated--skins, corneas, anything useful, first. Except no medical school -- uggh, I attended an anatomy class once and got a heart tossed in my direction!
I got to push the button to light the gas for my Dad. It was good. My cousin and I left lipstick kisses on his forehead. The funeral home guys were sensitive and thoughtful, and I sat with him in a little room after they put him on the gurney. I remember the back of his neck (brain stem) was the last place to cool. I kept tucking my hand there as I stayed with him thinking my goodbye thoughts. Crying, but no hysterics. It was a dignified, quiet end for him. He was never much on style over substance, and it was just the way he wanted it to be. I want the same.
Now...AFTERWARD. [Please don't read if you're morbid or sentimental about dead bodies. I have a perverse sense of humor.]:
I want to leave all sorts of instructions for my FRIENDS! I don't know if I will actually do it (likely not) but I've truly had fun now and then plotting them. Very individual. I want my ashes to be divvied up in little baggies and mailed around. My cat-lady friend has to sprinkle me in the litter box (where her cat will carefully recycle me). My gardener buddies can use me around their tomatoes. My mountain loving friends can fling me into the breeze off a cliff. A baker can...well, gritty brownies, you know? Hmm, what else. A rider can dribble me down a trail. Anyone with chickens can volunteer me for digestive grit. A sailor can toss me to the dolphins.
And each one will get a rollicking happy love letter about the joy they've given me and how much I want them to LAUGH.
That's it! Makes me smile again.
love
Hops
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Gals,
I am planning my finality so that my daughter pays as little as possible for it, but it will be from my estate.
I was referring to earthly things, in this link, because there is another thread about saving money but then I am older and I am thinking of these things, beyond College Funds.
I suppose the Internet is full of expensive ideas for this topic, but it is one that has to be considered, just like a Will
When I left her father, I had my first Will made and it was mainly to name a Guardian for my daughter. I updated it every 5 years until she turned 18.
I made my last one out here so that the N would never be able to claim anything from a common-law relationship.
My daughter has a copy, plus she has a record of anything I have like Banks a/c # and address, and CCard # and Life Insurance etc. Everything!!!!!
Boy! I felt a load off when I sent her all that stuff.
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hiya Hops
Your distribution gives me an idea now that extends a bit over my plans. Thank you.
Cardboard box here too--but then a shippable container to go back East
I had thought med. science re my injury, but those med students are not a caring undertaker.
Nobody mentioned the surprise plots that Dad bought and only I knew about 50 years later.
xx
Izzy
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Iz,
Yes, I'm ready for death. I also have a plot set aside for me in an old cemetery where there are many relatives. The land for the church and the cemetery was given by my great, great grandfather.
Now, I'm wondering why one plot and one big sturdy box couldn't be used for multiple bodies. A variation of ossuaries.
tt
PS I bet there are cheap plots and caskets available online.
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Iz, speaking of being ready for the grim reaper...my Mom and I were chatting one day about living wills and such. This was years ago. I asked her if she were to die, would she want to be brought back to life. She said loudly and firmly NO! Then she said dryly, I might change my mind if it happens though! Hope this isn't too off topic for your thread.
tt
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Not at all, tt
That is amusing.
Poor Mom--you are going to be surprised--depending on what she is brought back from?
I want DNR but don't know how to let people know ---perhaps a tattoo on my chest--- but often they don't remove the clothing
--on my face?
This little episode of "crossing over" could bring some problems!
Maybe "bring me back and I'll sue?"
xx
Izzy
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I had a very close friend who was dying and I spent a great deal of time with her. She really taught me a great deal, was the church "prayer- lady" and she was fearless and saw sentimental trappings and last-ditch medical procedures with a jaundiced eye as simply attempts to squeeze the last bit of money out of her! She was ultimately cremated and her ashes spread at sea, and I think of her each and every time that I go to the ocean- a life well lived (she and her husband were a real love story), and a dignified and sacred ending.
Charles Lindberg was wealthy and famous,and yet when he was dying of cancer, he planned a "natural" buriial at a quiet little church cemetary in a remote part of Hawaii. His burial clothes were all plain undyed cotton, and I believe that he was wrapped in tapa cloth. The beautiful local Hawaiian singers provided traditional farewell music for a handful of close family and local friends. Lindbergh had become an ardent wildlife and nature champion, and wanted to leave nothing behind that would scar the earth.
I would love to somehow escape the garish and tacky modern funeral scene. Even though Waugh's "The Loved One " was written many years ago, the bitingly humorous portrayal of commercialized ,sanitized and packaged death still rings true today.
For my music, I would like Satie and Mozart. Leah, what are the two hymns that you mentioned? Janet , Teartracks, Izzy and Hoppy, what music do you each fancy for your final concert?
Love,
Changing
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Me?
Scott Joplin!
love
Hops
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Hoppy-
I love it- pure genius!
Love,
Changing
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Changing,
The music I'd like at my funeral is the same music I had at my wedding - Enya, Chris de Burgh, and Graham Kendrick's 'Shine Jesus shine'.
Nothing dreary!
And none of that 'don't send flowers' stuff - I want my funeral to be OVERFLOWING with flowers!!
Janet
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Changing,
The music I'd like at my funeral is the same music I had at my wedding - Enya, Chris de Burgh, and Graham Kendrick's 'Shine Jesus shine'.
Nothing dreary!
And none of that 'don't send flowers' stuff - I want my funeral to be OVERFLOWING with flowers!!
Janet
Dear Janet,
Love Graham Kendrick's "Shine Jesus Shine"
Flowers are surely part of the celebration of a life - which is what I want my service to be, a celebration of life with music that's alive with joy.
Enya - have her CD's .... she really is most talented.
Love, Leah
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I always planned to donate my body to the closest research facility.
They can take what parts still work and research whatever it is that killed me afterwards.
Cremation to follow.
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For me, if I could have ONE spiritual wish,it would be NOT to be afraid of death. People who are not afraid of death live fully.
My former cop b/f was not afraid of death at all and he had a vitality for life. He had a NDE when he was young. He almost drowned.
I SHOULD not fear death,but I do. Ami
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::sitting quietly next to Ami::
Izzy.... I don't know what I heard when I read your OP.
You sounded kind of amazed that you had that news to give to your siblings?
Amazed that your father bestowed it upon you.
Not sure but..... it was a good story and all that work built a strong fine disciplined young woman.... it wasn't wasted.
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LOL( Do I dare?)
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Just got back home after grocery shopping in the teaming rain and after changing my soggy attire :) sat down with a hot drink and checked my personal emails on my computer .... to find that a dear friend had sent me this beautiful email ... and so I just thought that I would share. Love, Leah
Below is a wonderful poem Audrey Hepburn wrote when asked to share her "beauty tips"
It was read at her funeral years later ....
For attractive lips - speak words of kindness
For lovely eyes - seek out the good in people
For a slim figure - share your food with the hungry
For beautiful hair - let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day
For poise - walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself and the other for helping others
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Izzy.... I don't know what I heard when I read your OP.
You sounded kind of amazed that you had that news to give to your siblings?
Amazed that your father bestowed it upon you.
Hi lighter
I was beginning to think everyone had just read the title of the thread.
Yes, I was amazed that I knew something that the others didn't. That's a definite. All my life I thought they knew it all.
Not amazed at dad's buying all the plots at once as it might have been a habit off the time--but maybe one he could ill afford. Maybe because I knew it for 50 years before it needed to be said out loud (leads back to only I knew it)
It is possible that mom never told me, but that I overheard it. Why would she tell a 7-8 year old?
I just thought it was so darned interesting!
thanks
Izzy
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Hi Izzy-
Maybe you learned about the plots from all of that snooping and investigating! Good for you, Detective Izzy!
Lighter-
Thank you for teaching us that song- I will use it like a charm to ward off thoughts of Bagworm!!!!
Leah-
I love those sentiments-Audrey Hepburn knew of what she spoke, as she went hungry as a child in wartime Europe, and devoted herself to alleviating the suffering of little ones.
Ami-
Of all the creatures, we are supposed to have the most consciousness of the inevitability of death. We will all sit with you and Lighter and just BE together in the moment- life is too brief!
Love,
Changing
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Izzy,
Your visuals are magic.
xxoo
Hops
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Leah -
I love those sentiments - Audrey Hepburn knew of what she spoke, as she went hungry as a child in wartime Europe, and devoted herself to alleviating the suffering of little ones.
Dear Changing,
She has always struck me as a genuine woman possessing grace - an inner beauty
Knowing now that had she devoted herself in alleviating the suffering of little ones only serves to affirm the hidden beauty of genuine selflessness.
Sincerely, thank you for sharing.
Love, Leah
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Oh Izzy.... seeing your smiling little faces there in little cotton farm dresses is like having a hammer ping at my soul....
I just can't fathom hurting trusting little dependant children..... can't fathom making those little faces grimace in pain or scream in fear.
Is that you holding your little brother in the one picture?
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Ah lighter
Sweet little farm children, the eldest holding little Johnny in the summer of his year Feb-Sept, at the home of my teacher when there was a ladies meeeting.
That is me, the emptyhanded little one missing her teeth, age 7....who remembered that deal, and not every day of my life. I think I thought of it at least when dad was buried there in 1986...maybe times I drove past...very seldom.......
wondering how many people were dead in there, then realized they all were.
Love
Izzy
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(((Hopsey)))
He lived 8 months?
(((little Johnny)))
Changing.... what song? Remind me, lol.
::getting up quietly and walking on:::.
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May I extend a very warm welcome as is my custom :) to you Izzy * now * :)
Love, Leah
PS. You've been Izzy * now * for some time :)
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Heh... brain fart in any case... but glad you pointed the new name out to me.... though I would have figured it out sooner or later, I guess.
((Izzy *now*))
I like it: )
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YAY FOR OUR IZZY!!!!!!
Love,
Changing