Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: cats paw on December 27, 2007, 01:23:40 PM
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Hey All,
Just hiding presently, working on self-soothing, so I haven't been replying. Just reading a bit.
The dinner went really well, yet my M was critical of it- (I guess I need to say of me and my efforts), and my H is so angry that he
told me he doesn't want to talk to her for a couple of weeks.
Because she is terminally ill, it is so very hard and so very sad, not just for me, but most of all for her.
I know it's tough for anyone who is dying, and things can come out sideways in anyone, yet it's just awful to witness her doing
the very things almost guaranteed to have the opposite effect of what she seems to want.
I'll be OK, I just needed to say my heart is full of sorrow for myself, and also for my mother.
cats paw
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Dear Cat-
I know that you have been exhausted by what you have been doing, and your care and compassion and patience have been tested to their very limits. You are doing the right and loving thing,which is very hard.
I am glad that your husband cares so about you and is protective of you as well- he is a good and loving man.
My own father remained critical and uncaring in his last days- it was very tough for me. His wife removed him from their large fancy home and placed him in a disgusting facility, and visited him rarely. I came daily almost always though it was far away, tried to see if he could be released to my home, etc. I paid for food, diapers, clothes, etc, even though he was quite wealthy-the place didn't even provide basics, in my opinion, and his wife took away even his robe and glasses!
My father was unremmittingly critical of every aspect of me and my life, ordered me about constantly and unkindly, and repeatedly let me know that I was an unworthy fool, my efforts to care for him were clumsy and irritating, etc.
My brother never visited once or came to the funeral, and my father's wife was never there much, either, and she purposely gave the staff a wrong cell number. I did what I could, though I knew that he would have preferred the company and help of others. When he passed, I did not feel pangs of remorse due to my treating him unkindly in return, or ignoring him in his extremity, as I did all that I could to treat him well. There is a sad sort of peace in that.
Please take care of yourself, and get the rest that you can, in body,mind and soul. ((((((((((Cat)))))))))) I am sorry that it is so hard for you now.
Love From Your Friend,
Changing
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I'm so sorry, Cat.
It's like letting go of your last hope for her.
I can imagine the heartache.
You deserve love and comfort, all of it.
I know it hurts you to not be able to make a difference.
She doesn't know how to receive.
(((((Cat))))
Hops
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Thats so hard Cats Paw. I find it rather cruel of her, to use this time of `forced closeness' to be mean and abrasive to your family. Please just remember, she is responsible for her behaviour. As much as you want to be close, its her who is pushing you away not the other way around.
Christmas can be so hard for those of us with N families.
Hugs to you!
X Bella
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I somehow thought that staring death in the face would change that, but it didnt.
Their whole essence is formed by fear; especially fear of death. Fear strengthens that essence. They'll never deny themselves.
mud
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Wow - that's quite insightful Mud. Fear is a powerful emotion. The antidote is love. I find that I can tap into the love of God to help overcome fear. I will tri to remember your comments when dealing with my own N parents. I can muster compassion for fear while compassion for Nish behavior is near impossible.
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Dear Cat,
People's comments have been so profound. I simply want to say that I am so sorry for what seeems like almost unbearable pain. S/times when I cry,I thank God that he gave us this mechanism(tears) b/c life on this earth seems unbearable in situations such as yours.
My prayers are with you, Cat. You always have kind things to say to others.I wish that I could offer more than words to you.I send you my love.
Ami
((((((((((Cat)))))))))))))
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Dear ((((((((Kittyfoot))))))))))
The dinner went really well!
See... that's what really set her off.
eNvy.
Classic N, whether in 3D or virtually speaking... when things are going really well, the NPD fury level rises to fever pitch.
No one else is allowed to do as well, be as miserable, stand in the spotlight... doesn't matter, positive or negative...
the day didn't revolve around N = cause enough for a tantrum.
I'm so sorry... I think she got just exactly what she really wants - you upset.
I only hope that you're recovering well from the whole experience.
With love,
Carolyn
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I'll be OK, I just needed to say my heart is full of sorrow for myself, and also for my mother.
cats paw,
I am so deeply sorry. May I send hugs of support and love during this sad time for you. ((cats paw and mother))
seasons