Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Lupita on December 28, 2007, 07:30:18 PM
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Since I came to this board on January, I found an oasis of peace and comfort. Now, for the first time I feel here as if I was at work. I have to be careful, I am afraid, there are people who make me very disgusted, it is like being with GFM. Is it that it was like that before but I was unaware? Is it that I changed? Is it that the board has changed?
The worst, is when I say something like that, people ask me, is it me? But never the ones who bother me. It is like those who bother me do not even know they do. So, probably it is triggering for me and unintentional of their part.
I have been running away all my life, always because there are Ns and I do not know how to deal with them or I cannot endure the feelings they provoke.
I do not want to run away from here. I want to keep the few friends I have made here.
Am I the only one? Does anybody feel like that?
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Yes, I feel like that at times, Lupita. It goes in spurts... and I have found that it is always because I am facing another hurdle in growing up and I do NOT want to jump over it.
I am just coming through another phase of that and so I see it happens when I am sick and tired of struggling toward maturity that I start finding people to blame for how I feel... until I wake up and remember that if I stay stuck in that blaming then I'll never reach my goal.
You are not the only one.
Just keep your goal in sight, in the eyes of your heart.
Love,
Carolyn
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I have found myself hurting over what people here have said and have not said. I am certain that because we all come here because of experiences with N's and so have deep wounds that we can really punch each others buttons and really reacti and be reactive to others who have similar N wounds. Like CH suggests, it tells me something more about myself than about those who words or lack thereof. Only rarely am I strong enough to try to look at why it is wounding me. Usually I try to let it go and just wonder why it is that way.
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Lupita,
I know it's been a little rough lately here, but I kind of attribute it to the holidays and the tension of the season. Hopefully I'm right. I do know that sometimes I need to look at where I am at the moment. Things that offend my today, would just roll off my back another time. Don't know it this applies to you or not, but just a thought. Hang in there.
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Totally true. Months before I would have gone up high and fight and offend people when I had a disagreement. Not this time. I feel proud that I did not behave badly. And the people I had disagreement have shown deep demonstrations of maturity and friendship. So, what you just said make beg time sense. Thank you.