Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Overcomer on December 30, 2007, 10:45:54 PM
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My daughter is 20. She and Lou have been friends for seven years-best friends!! They have NEVER kissed. They have never had sex. THey have never been more than BEST friends. I told her today......"tell Lou that he needs to poop or get off the pot....." I was frustrated and didn't want her to get hurt. She loved him for a very long time but they just were never more than friends. They went to college together. They went travelling all over the country together.......constantly together.....but NO sex and no kissing. No hand holding. NOTHING!!! She was frustrated.
So then we get home from eating and they announced. THEY ARE ENGAGED!!! I cried and just couldn't believe it. I had been hoping for something like this but just thought she would be a 40 year old women who had never had sex and would never have children..........an old maid because she put ALL her cards into Lou.....and now....they are engaged!! My H is stressed!! Where are they going to get the money?? They said they were going to have a very small wedding.....they even talked about eloping......I guess from no kissing and sex to married and consummating the relationship all in one feel swoop......................
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Kelly, how cool is that!
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I am so happy for you,Kelly.I think that this was the guy that you always thought was right for her. Am I right? Maybe he is just very shy. That is not unheard of. Love Ami
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Overcomer-
Congratulations to you and to the affianced couple! I know that you will be an ideal mother and mother-in-law.
Love,
Changing
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Wow, Kel, that's exciting!
I wish them every happiness.
And you too.
Lou's lucky you're batting for him to join the family.
Hops
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Congrats and......
if it doesn't work out..... she's just 20yo.
Plenty of time to meet new people.
Let us know how the wedding plans are coming.
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Overwelmed! I think my D is more surprised and shocked then the rest of us. It is what she has hoped for for many a year but we thought he would break her heart. She is at least an inch taller than he is and he seems a bit un comfortable withthat. But we Are happy as clams!
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So.....
sounds like your daughter's wearing flats at the wedding: )
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Absolutely! But we have never worn heels because they hurt too darn much!
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Dear Kelly,
Congratulations to you all as a family.
Your Daughter and Lou are best friends and that is a solid foundation to build a lifetime marriage upon.
May you all enjoy friendship and love.
Love, Leah
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Well, here is a mother who is happy to see a doughter marrying at 20 and I am a mother who does not want my son to marry at 22.
Good that your wishes came true, OC. I personally would prefer kids to get married until they are at least 28 or 30. But, the beauty of the world is that we are different. It would be very boring if we were all the same.
Congratulations OC. God bless you. You are a wonderful person.
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::raising hand:: I'm all about waiting till 30 or over to get married, myself.
My mother raised me that way and it never ever ever occurred to me to marry till I was over 30.
Not once.
I don't even think we're who we're going to be till we're around 30.
Now...
that said...
there are those that know who they are at 20 and they're very well suited to marriage and having a family.
My cousin was one of those people and I adore her and her husband..... they were truly meant to be together right out of college, so I understand both sides of this.
If Overcomer loves this young man and she thinks her daughter is ready.... she has better perspective than I do, regarding her daughter.
I will say this.... my cousin's mother?
She went to college to find a man.
She said it outright.
She raised daughters to do that, (and they did) though it turned out that the cousin, I speak of, has the career and her husband stays home with the children.
This same child was also cooking dinner for the family when she was 7yo :?
Not your typical child.... she was born wise.... a very old soul.
::Moving the rest of this post to another thread: )
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I got married at 28, and I remember actually thinking, well, I'm TWENTY-EIGHT, so I must know what I'm doing.
Not.
Got divorced at 36. Got remarried at 38, and I remember actually hoping, well, I'm THIRTY-EIGHT, so I hope I know what I'm doing.
Not.
I'm 57 and hoping to meet someone...
Oy.
Hops
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I felt the same way at 30 and 37, Hops, lol.
And I had all the information, was getting hit over the head with it.... to make better choices.
I have a very hard time sticking with my first instincts, which turned out to be right on the mark.
Gotta trust the instincts.
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Well now you are Hoppy and Lighter, and you do know what you are doing!!!!!
Love,
Changing
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I know.............I got married at 25 and divorced at 36. But these kids are different. They pretty much "grew up" together. She was 14 and he was 16. He was a pretty immature 16 year old and she a mature 14 year old. They "hung out" for so many years. Her junior year of high school was his freshmen year of college. She was so depressed that whole year. They have played raquetball together in college. They just hand out every day and night for almost seven years. So it seems like they have been together forever.......now he just graduated college and I guess he just thinks it is time for the next stage of life!!! I am all for it.
I think they are going to start living in the basement of my parents house (a huge home....walk out basement....mini kitchen in basement......) Anyway, work and save money so they can buy a home in a couple of years.....
Until the bubble bursts I am ecstatic...
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Hi Kel,
I just saw Juno.
Makes me think of your D and her sweetie.
SO good that they are friends.
love
Hops
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Do not know what Juno is. Is it a movie? Should I see it?
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Hi...it is.
And it's about a pregnant young 16 y/o.
It is only the love between her and her bf that made me think of your D and Leon, not the plot.
But it is a very heartwarming as well as very funny movie.
Incredibly well acted.
hugs
Hops
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Thanks
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I love the idea of picturing them in a huge house with a tiny little kitchen and their own little nesting space.
Safe and warm..... prudently putting money away for a nest of their own.
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It is a good set up. They have adults around to "protect" them while they are getting used to this thing called adulthood. Both have been a bit pampered. The thought of there virginal kids having sex makes me nervous FOR them. I say they were starting their lists-trying to keep it small.
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OK.... wedding gift idea.
This might be icky but.....
there's an IUD called Meridian something like that.... it's progesterone release.... doesn't allow conception to take place, though they know not why.
Maybe that would be a good wedding gift?
No worrying... lasts about 3 or 4 years I think and it has better percentage of bc than getting tubes tied.
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Ok now I am wierding out. My D told me they want to get married this Saturday-then I started thinking about stuff. They went out to buy him a ring and I went to the store and saw them parked in the expectant parent spot. So then I thought back to conversations where she said she wants a baby right away. Then she told me she was almost through with her period but I saw NO tampons until today-but she said she was almost through. Then I thought-maybe they had up all fooled and they really have
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Been having sex all along and they are pregnant! I hope I am just letting my mind get away from me. But why would you want to get married one week after getting engaged? Why would you not try to lose a few pounds-plan a real nice wedding} Neither one has a job. I just am wondering.
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Wow,Kelly--so much to think about-!! Ami
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Overcomer-
However it goes, I know that you will be a fabulous mother and mother-in-law, and support them in their happiness and devotion, accept and love them for who they are. That is truly family and I know that you will show them this. Will all be perfect...most likely not, but there will be the love and the acceptance that makes life and struggle worth it all, and you will be a cherished part.
Love,
Changing
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I can't beleive they parked in the expectant parent spot while buying his wedding ring. :shock:
Oh well..... if she is pregnant.....
they're still best friends and moving together in a direction to care for each other and their child.
Kind of interesting if you daughter's been making up information about her cycle.... just to throw you off.
Are you at least releived that he's attracted to her.... if they have been intimate?
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Oh I think they are a bit sneaky-but I truly thought they had never even kissed. And they might have parked there because it is cold and there were no other spaces. So I will keep you posted! Hopefully I am jumping to conclusions-but if they are then ok-I will be a Mil And a grandma!
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You have a great attitude ,Kelly. Ami
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I don't know......just seeing their car in the expectant parent stall. I just started wondering. And when I mentioned to my daughter that I would like to drop a few pounds so the pictures would be cute and she had been talking about really trying to lose weight after the first of the year...............and then suddenly she was like, "I think I am going to start eating more healthy......." And could you get me a glass of milk??? And "I am soooo tired...." I remember being tired.
But maybe they just want to be married. No time like the present. He hates crowds and hates being the center of attention so maybe he just wants to get it over with.
ANd she has seemed so frustrated by his lack of getting closer than friends. And only about a month ago she was gonna start dating this other guy.......but then she told me her and Lou were in such a good place right now................better than ever. Does that mean, SEX!!>
And if they did have sex and are pregnant then I will be happy for them and it will not be much of a scandal.....I think if they are they are just a little pregnant and they may be trying to make it seem like a honeymoon baby....
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Kelly,
Congratulations!
Happy New Year may you be blessed with joy and new beginnings. (((seasons)))
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Dear OC, does it really matter if they did or they did not? I think, if they had a problem and the solved it with out harming anybofy and with out asking anyboy's help, they did wonderful. Of course, it is not my child, and I can say, if they did or not it is their business. If it was my child I would be stubburnly nosy.
God bless you and congratulations again.
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I am at the point that I do not think she is P. I think they are just like-we waited all this time to confess our love-now we have-why wait?
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It would be easier on them if they had time to build a marriage..... some funds..... before the baby came.
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Dear Kelly,
The fact that they are friends sounds like more of a basis than most of us have---Right? Have you figured out the wedding date? Ami