Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on January 03, 2008, 09:59:57 AM
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I know that many people don't like the term "normal", so I added emotionally healthy.
Yesterday,I saw the movie "Juno." I know that many people have not seen it, so it is not helpful to talk about specifics in such a way that you would have to have seen it to understand.
I will just talk about general traits she had which I would call "emotionally healthy"
She could stay s/what solid(in her core) in the face of outside change. I see this in my Aunt and in my friend, Melanie.
Outside things do not 'break" them. They are ,relatively,solid in their cores.
She could have her own feelings based on HER insides, not changing to suit the outside. She could keep her values in the face of other people losing theirs.
She could go after what was important to her. She could be stable inside(emotionally) ,even when the outside was threatening .
Those are just a few thoughts . I would love to hear your opinions. Ami
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Your post led me to start one of my own, called Fish Oil.
I can relate to your friend for sure. I can make decisions, feel feelings, based on my insides, vs feeling I need to change to suit others. I do not ponder and second guess myself very much over things.
I also do not feel this need to somehow KNOW what the future is going to be. I like suprises and I prefer to deal with most things as they come across my path, virtually unprepared.
On the other hand, when it comes to my children or my life being at stake, I can be very PARANOID. I don't want to go to a park for a picnic where there is deep water around. I'd spend the entire time, watching my girls like a hawk (when they were toddlers) and being berated by my husband for it.
I do not like my 8 yr old going to the park alone, right behind our house. I do not feel safe about that.
It depends on the situation, but normally, if people are being balanced and emotionally healthy around me, I'm "good" (meaning, content)
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Dear Laura,
HOW did you get there--emotionally stable inside--in the face of outside change? Is this "new" for you? Ami
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Ami,
I did see the movie Juno and enjoyed it very much. It reminds me that youth and elders can use their age to get away with just saying what's on their mind. This in the guise of being open, they either haven't perfected or have gotten past the point of caring what others think. Not a bad trait to have it you could use some finnesse with it.
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it was all God and Him getting me to really OPEN my eyes to what right and wrong was all about, Ami
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Yes Laura---He did an emotional 'surgery" on you to make you "healthy". He does a good job, doesn't He ?
Ami
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Dear Alone,
What I meant in the movie ,Juno, was how she handled the various situations in a way that was true to herself and her values. She seemed to be driven by her own "core". Do you agree or disagree, Alone? Ami
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Oh yes, I do agree. What I meant though, was she needed some seasoning so that she could have said it without being so blunt. Bluntness has a purpose, but sometimes too much makes you not listen to what the person is saying. I thought she was hilarious though. Maybe if I had been more like that at her age I wouldn't be where I am now.
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Yes, Alone, if we could have kept our "cores", we would not have made the mistakes we did, I don't think--bleh(pain and suffering)
Love Ami
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Amy, did you cry in the movie? I did and I was with my daughter. She thinks I'm a sap anyway.
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Dear Ami,
Thats a good question!
Psychological health professionals would probably measure emotional health in terms of our ability to function, as well as interact with society in an effective manner (whatever that is, lol)
X bella
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Dear Alone.
I cried at one point.I can't remember the point, though. I saw it with my son(20). It was sweet to share it with him.
Ami
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Dear Bella,
I have heard that your emotional health is based on how well you can handle change. If this is the case,I am not in good shape(lol) Love Ami
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Dear Ami, Hmm....That is an interesting point of view, and perhaps with some merit. But I do tend to think that its perhaps a bit unfair as a barometer for emotional health .
Most people who handle change well are either experienced with change, or inexperienced but extremely self confident (often due to being in an advantaged position such as fitting in eaisily or being beautiful, young & resilient, or wealthy), or they prefer change because it means escaping accountability or becoming tied down.
Also, I think we ladies are geared up to prefer stability.
X bella
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Dear Ami, Hmm....That is an interesting point of view, and perhaps with some merit. But I do tend to think that its perhaps a bit unfair as a barometer for emotional health .
Most people who handle change well are either experienced with change, or inexperienced but extremely self confident (often due to being in an advantaged position such as fitting in eaisily or being beautiful, young & resilient, or wealthy), or they prefer change because it means escaping accountability or becoming tied down.
Also, I think we ladies are geared up to prefer stability.
X bella
Dear Bella,
I like the term 'Stability' and so, I looked it up ..........
Advanced Trait Descriptions : Stability
calm, patient, easy-going, never gets too emotional, remains cool when others panic, not quick tempered, less prone to depression, trusting, optimistic, self confident, not swayed by emotions, not prone to envy, rarely worries, well adjusted, less prone to physical and mental sickness, more likely to exercise, able to bounce back from hardships.
Love, Leah
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As I face myself, I can see what good mental health is and can see where I need to go.I see how people with good mental health live by their cores. It is the compass. When you are abused, your compass needle goes "wacky". Living with an N is,of course, a wacky existence. Up is down, good is bad, black is white. Then, the next day,if the N is in another mood, it is all opposite. How can you develop a solid core with all that?
So, I went out in to life with the compass being "screwy" and I got a '"screwy" life complete with domestic abuse(24 years--oy)
Now, it is time to get the compass back to it's original purpose--guiding me.
My compass was always OK. I just did not trust it. I could not trust my perceptions. I could not think or feell b/c I was frozen. I left my M's house, but I was a frozen person, just as she left me.
Now, it is about 'thinking" with my OWN mind. This is all new ,for me. I did not think . I acted on my "internal program". I was still trying to keep my M safe and not have her get mad at me. I replayed it over and over.
Now,I am on a rehabilitation program. Ami
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Dear Bella,
I like the term 'Stability' and so, I looked it up ..........
Advanced Trait Descriptions : Stability
calm, patient, easy-going, never gets too emotional, remains cool when others panic, not quick tempered, less prone to depression, trusting, optimistic, self confident, not swayed by emotions, not prone to envy, rarely worries, well adjusted, less prone to physical and mental sickness, more likely to exercise, able to bounce back from hardships.
Love, Leah
I like it, Leah:)
X bella
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Well, after my ordeal with my wife when I became "unglued" myself for a while, I would say emotional stability is our ability to keep our "locus of control" within ourselves
and and deal with all life's issues from a point of strength and compassion.
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Wow
Well said, Whistler ! Ami
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It's hard to know what is reality after a while with an N. I must admit I didn't know for a long time that I was the one being abused. And then I thought I was an N because I began asking for some basic things in the relationship. Determining the reality of a relationship situation is tough, especially for outsiders. People don't want to believe that there are really devious, manipulative people. (And I tried to control another person from trying to control me) Big mistake!!!!
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It's hard to know what is reality after a while with an N.
Try having an N mother---bleh.
I think that emotional health is all about seeing the truth--about ourselves and our environment(other people, the world). I think that if we can keep throwing out the lies and find the essentials truths , we will be well. It takes so long, though.
Best to You, Whistler , Ami