Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: tayana on January 08, 2008, 03:44:38 PM
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I have been reading less and less on the board, and I've been wondering when do we outgrow the need for the board? I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think I'm getting to this point. I know the board will be here if I need it. In the past year I have:
* Moved out of my parents house
* Established a home of my own in the face of overwhelming opposition
* Went no contact with my mother and proved to her and myself I could live without her
* Established limited contact with my parents
* Learned to build up a wall between me and her, so even when she tells me something looks like Sh** in my home, it doesn't bother me.
* Made a plan for my financial future and started carrying it through.
* Tried my hand at a dating service. I might have met someone I like.
* Joined a support group for single parents.
* Established good rapport with my son's teacher so that his needs are being met.
I do have a big blow coming up because M's best friend is moving away. He's very upset about that.
Even with the challenges I know are going to come up, I think I'm successfully on my way to being able to handle them. I appreciate the support I've found here, and I may be around some to check on those I feel close to, but I won't be posting very often.
Thanks so much.
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hi tayana
I was missing you and wondering
Well you have accomplished a lot, and I can see your point. Good for you!!!!!
At this point it sounds like you have 'outgrown the board', but I'm sure, along with me, the others would like to hear from you time and again to post an Update----that all is well.
My very Best wishes for happiness and success for you and M.
Izzy
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Thanks Izzy. Like I said, I may pop in from time to time to post an update or ask some advice, but I won't be around regularly anymore.
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Well... I was wondering where you were.
Glad it's a good place.
Pleaes check in and let us know how you're doing.
ps, I think that was the first time you listed your accomplishments.
An amazing list, huh, lol?
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Sincerely, every happiness to you Tayana
You have worked hard and achieved so much through applied diligence and determination.
"Well Done" and "Congratulations"
Love and every good wish to you and M
Leah
PS > Thank you so much for your insightful postings and resource website links, which have been of immense value.
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Tayana,
Those are wondrous accomplishments- congratulations to you!! I think I can relate to your thoughts too.
I've been a member of different `recovery and self help' type forums since 1996, so with that kind of history I'm not sure I'll ever outgrow them. I have long breaks, sometimes spanning many months or more, and I sometimes feel better when I stop focusing on recovery for a while and just live my life. I always come back though, with new experiences and a slightly different focus with regards to my recovery.
I am actually a member of a lot of `specific interest' type of forums too, and while I do enjoy chatting to other members, they often inevitably lack the depth and kinder language that I find on recovery forums.
Have you ever tried joining in on a music discussion type forum? Its harsh!!! Every second avatar is a semi-naked girl or a sexual reference of some kind. And the language is rude, sarcastic, egotistical, and deliberately triggering. I've also tried joining in on a `relationship' type of forum, thinking that it might be good to associate with people who are upbeat and not necessarily recovering from abuse. But again, the members i really liked all turned out to be recovering from N-abuse. I found many of the other members shallow, obtuse, and very rude. The politics there were WAY more complex, badly handled, and mean than anything I've seen flare up here.
Honestly, this is nicest forum I've come across in many years. Its nice having the focus on `voicelessness' rather than N-abuse. Its not as `depressing' for lack of a better word. This community is a good one, and I personally feel like I'll be an active member on and off for a long time.
Not sure if any of that would help you to make your decision though. I do think that if you need a break, just to live life and chill out, I would understand for sure.
X bella
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Dear Tayana,
You've accomplished so very much... I just want to wish the very best and brightest future to you and your son, and my hopes that your lives will be filled with joy and peace.
With love,
Carolyn
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BRAVO, Tay!
I am so glad for you.
Please update now and then.
lots of love to you and M and whoever (?) :)
Enjoy, brave woman.
love,
Hops
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Tayana-
I am so very proud of you! Thank you for sharing your success and for your insight and courage. Love to you and M!
Best Wishes for Your Happy New Life!
Changing
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WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am quite new here Tayana, but I hope that I will be able to just as you make such a list of accomplishments. I wish you all the best on your New Year Of Change! That is what I have chosen to call this year for myself. It seems as though last year was yours. Thank You for sharing your list, it gives me such hope that I have found the right place to grow and achieve the things that I need too as well. CONGRATULATIONS! Do we give diploma's here? If so, sounds as though you deserve one!
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Hoppy-
I know that you have been busy, as well as preoccupied with meeting darling men/ future possible husbands! Hope all is well and you are having fun - you deserve it so much!!!!
Love,
Changing
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I will especially miss you. It was so helpful to have someone to talk to another mother who was raising a loveable and wildly difficult son on her own. I will truly miss having that contact with you.
I am so glad you are doing well and have made such tremendous progress in such a short time. Way to go Girl!!!
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((((((((((Changing))))))))))))
I love you for your eternal welcome and kindness.
I am slogging a little bit, so far this week. Some $ worry.
Also battening down the internal hatches as brother's coming.
But I'll weather it.
My D is doing well, much excitement w/each new day.
My mother sags in her chair, placable. Her care costs are mounting.
No time for men, darn it. But I do hope that changes.
And I hope you and Sammy and Newcat are snuggled and
feeling peace tonight.
love
Hops
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Tay,
Something about your announcement reminds me of attending your first child's graduation. I'm happy for you. 8)
tt
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Tay- I first joined this board in 2004. I have ebbed and flowed in and out. When I hit a wall I come back. When I am doing great and am busy I do not come. Have a good hiatus! Come back some time.
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Tayana,
I think once you move into a *real* life, you are right, you outgrow the need to be here constantly. For me, I try to come back to help anyone I can when I get some free time. Also, although you can feel better for long periods, there will be times when even the strongest of us needs a shoulder from a fellow sufferer.
Don't feel bad about enjoying your life. You need to focus on what is good for you and M now. But it would be great to hear from you now and then and know you are growing even more.
Love, Beth
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Actually, tay.....
the coolest next step to healing, is encountering someone at the beginning of a struggle you've been moving through and resolving.
You can identify with it, and as you help another see mroe clearly..... you're internalizing and assimilating that information on a deeper level for yourself.
Teaching is the next step in being a student.
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Way to go Tayana!
You've truly come a long way and accomplished so much!
It's wonderful to think of you having your own voice and feeling well on your way to the life you want!!
That's what it sounds like to me, anyhow.
Keep going! Best wishes for a future that continues along the path you want for yourself and your son.
:D Sela
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I'm not leaving the board permanently. I'll pop in from time to time, but I won't be around as much. Tonight my son had his very first friend over to the house for pizza. They had a good time. Contrary to what my mother said, he was a very good host. There was no fighting, tears or anything like that. They played some games, watched TV, played on the computer, etc. I was really proud of him. I have loads of pizza left over.
GS, you can PM me anytime you want to chat. I'll answer. I loved talking to someone who's had similar experiences. Anytime.
Bella, I belonged to a guitar forum once, and it was very harsh. The debates quickly degenerated into flames. I also belong to several other forums, and I take spells of activity on them. I'll be gone for a while then go back. I do have to say, this is one of the better ones.
Whyme, I don't know your story, but just put down your goals and work toward them one step at a time. I discovered the hardest step is the first one. After that one, the others aren't nearly as hard. Find a good T too, that's a real help, or if you can't afford a T look for a real life support group or possibly low cost program for counseling. They do exist.
Beth, what I'm finding right now is that I feel really good. I mean really, really good. I spent over a week interacting with my N mom and although I did feel some anxiety, it wasn't terrible, not like before. She just didn't get to me as bad. What I'm finding right now is that some of the stories here are very triggering for me, so I'm doing really well at offering advice. I think that will change soon, and I might be around more.
Amber, I definitely will come around now and again.
Now, I just have to muster up the courage for a date. I'm getting there slowly.
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I found for me the internet is a big pain-duller, so it can become somewhat addictive.
I didn't like the amount of time I spent on it and on what felt like time-wasting introspection which was simply distracting me from what I felt I needed to physically get on and do.
That said- I found there are many more emotional reasons for doing or not doing stuff than always seems apparent- if I need to do paperwork but have a strong emotional need being met by not doing it ( avoidance of discomfort, beliefs about myself, beliefs about the paperwork etc ) simply freeing the time and avoiding distractions isn't enough to actually get it done!
Dropping in and out is nice but I am not up to speed where many of you are at now too, which makes me reluctant to comment too much except generally.
It is nice to have a forum to write things out- a journal still feels a little voiceless if you know what I mean.
I have booked a therapy appointment though to process the latest little growth thing and also keep myself in that therapeutic relationship. Ongoing support is part of my bipolar careplan and a big part of managing my life with ex.
When I would define having outgrown something is
*if the experience is no longer satisfying in a healthy way
*if it contributes to my being 'stuck'- though I am aware there are times we have to stand still just to let the whirlwind around us die down.
It's important for a cupport group I think to have people go through this most difficult experience and see them come out the other side and rebuild a good life- that's what kept me going when I felt I would never make sense of mine again, the people who were coping even moving on.
~W