Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: write on January 12, 2008, 11:43:36 PM
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I sang at a memorial service today with a lot of other people, the woman by me hissed 'swap places, this seat is draughty and cold!'
It was over the a/c vent...no idea why she thought I was less entitled to be comfortable, but I simply smiled and swapped quietly, as her flapping was a bit inappropriate in a funeral setting...
Some people are here as a test of faith to others I think!
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Dear write, Was she older than you? I would have happily swapped if it was an elderly person, and felt good about that. But if she was the same age or younger, I would perhaps swapped but felt angry about it, lol.
I think it was nice of you to do that:)
X bella
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I agree, Bella.
If she was elderly and her old bones were creaking bc of the draft..... I'd switch, no problem.
If she was my age or closer... and it was obviouse she felt entitled to comfort at my expense..... I probably would have swapped then come here and vented about it, just like you did Write.
The entitled make it hard to enforce boundaries. They know we care about the comfort of others. It's a double bind.
Maybe, when we care as much for our own comfort.... and feel entitled to it as much as we desire the comfort of others..... it gets easier?
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I have a stiff shoulder today, no she's a little older than me that's all. Just a little lacking in empathy. Some people are affected by death, I'll give her the benefit...
A little self-sacrifice doesn't hurt me, so long as I feel I have enough choices about it in general, I guess!
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Difficult situation, given the circumstances of the event.
My view in life is now, that selflessness is okay providing there is a healthy balance, as you rightly say, Write, with freedom of choice.
Previously, however:
Three of us, friends, out for a birthday meal, one friend, of whom I can now understand her then odd behaviour (no empathy plus lots more) ..... she complained that she was cold in the restaurant, bearing in mind it was summertime!!
To placate her, my other friend (whose birthday it was) and I rushed our meal, so that we could leave.
Recently, have thought about this friend (with regards to several aspects) as I now realize that she was not cold at all, which was very much a puzzle at the time, instead, she was envious of another's birthday!!
So much that I understand now, today, after years and years worth of living, previously, with what was always a puzzling puzzle to me.
Love to all,
Leah
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i]To placate her, my other friend (whose birthday it was) and I rushed our meal, so that we could leave. [/i]
yeah, I have a friend I avoid eating with just for this kind of thing- she's too high maintenance and it can spoil your day!
I make time for coffee with her and see her when I am feeling robust.
Goodness my shoulder was hurting last night, ex found me something called deflacan and I slept on a heating pad, it's a lot better today.
Guess there's a cost to self-sacrifice....
the funny thing is- I didn't want to sit by the woman, but she grabbed me and said 'sit here'. I moved when she left the room, tactfully, since I was in the wrong section anyway, but she followed me and sat with me anyway & I realised she was a little intimidated by all the divas and the emotional situation. I think she's very competetive and like a lot of people- has a ratehr elevated opinion of her abilities, which are fine, she's an excellent pianist, but she's not an opera singer!
I don't mind being kind really- what's it matter in the grand scheme of things. So long as I am still taking care of myself- that's the important thing for me to remember:
'love others as yourself'!
~W