Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: sunblue on January 16, 2008, 09:30:46 PM

Title: Compassion Gene?
Post by: sunblue on January 16, 2008, 09:30:46 PM
I wanted to write about an issue today that I find extremely frustrating---that is, a lack of compassion and empathy in people.  It leads me to wonder whether some people are truly not wired for being compassionate.  Could it be an inherited trait?  Is it learned?  Are females compassionate in ways that males simply are not capable of being?

As I've said before, I'm clinically depressed and have not been helped by therapy and meds.  At times, the depression has been so deep that I could not function---could not get out of bed, could not stop crying, could not engage in the world in any real manner.  At all times, I've felt a deep, deep sadness and hopelessness.  This depression has affected all areas of my life.  But, as much as I've tried to get my Nfamily members and others to understand, they simply do not.  They see things in black and white.  Do what the doctors say, take your meds, etc, and all will be fine.  When things aren't fine, when you don't agree with everything they say or want you to do, they throw up their hands and give up.  Their way or the highway.

Tonight I came across another example that truly, truly saddens me.  My brother, the "healthy" one in the family, came by to borrow some items.  During his visit, he discussed his mother-in-law who has gone through a horrible time lately.  Four months ago, she suffered a heart attack followed by a stroke.  She has serious diabetes and as a result of all her medical problems, lost sight in her eyes due to the diabetes.  She had to have laser surgery on both eyes.  Now the doctors tell her there's a problem with one of her valves and there's also a possibility her cancer has returned.  She is very weak and depressed.  She lost her husband less than two years ago.  The doctors tell her she has to change her lifestyle completely, eat several times a day which she is not used to, and take injections and lots of meds on a strict schedule every day.  All in all, it's a lot to deal with at once.  At the moment, she's not being a very good patient and is having difficulty following the regimen.

I was disgusted to hear my brother talk about this.  His sister-in-laws have no patience and are of the mind that either their mom go along or they just give up on her.  My brother agrees maintaining that the worst thing in the world would be if she got worse and had to be depedent on them.  He said, "I don't mean to be selfish, but that would just be horrendous.  She could live a long time and that's not living at all."  I just couldn't believe the total lack of compassion and empathy.  Instead of recognizing all that she has gone through and encouraging and supporting her to do what she has to do, they have adopted this, "Well, I tried.  She won't do as I say so forget it.  If she won't change, then nothing I can do."

My Nmother was present and of course agreed.  She thinks all you have to do is pop your pills and listen to whatever a doctor tells you and all is well.  That's the way they have always treated me.  Never a moment when they would just try to put themselves in my shoes.  My brother has been lucky in his life and has never had to deal with any real negative life experiences.  Maybe that's the reason.   But still, I find it incomprehensible that they should have no patience or no compassion for someone who is obviously suffering so much.

So, my question is...how is it that some people can be so empathetic and compassionate towards people and others literally are not capable of it?  Is it a learned behavior?  Are we compassionate because we have endured so much and can put ourselves in another's shoes?  Is it a male/female thing?

Ugghhh!  I find it so exasperating.  I've tried and tried to explain to my brother how it "feels" to go through these situations.  Of course, everyone knows you should do what the doctors say in order to get well.  But he refuses to deal with or acknowledge the emotional difficulties in making all the changes....Is there any way to make someone else "see" the need for compassion and empathy?

I can't really explain why, but this lack of compassion from my family, especially my brother, really, really hurts me.  Everything in their world is so black and white, so rosy.  But heartache and pain and disappointment and illness are not always black and white.  It hurts.  There's no timetable for making it better.

I would really appreciate any input on this issue.  I feel like screaming right now...and crying.  Where is the compassion in the world?
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Leah on January 16, 2008, 09:35:36 PM
I can't really explain why, but this lack of compassion from my family, especially my brother, really, really hurts me.  Everything in their world is so black and white, so rosy.  But heartache and pain and disappointment and illness are not always black and white.  It hurts.  There's no timetable for making it better.

I would really appreciate any input on this issue.  I feel like screaming right now...and crying.  Where is the compassion in the world?


Dear ((((( Sunblue )))))

Sincerely, you have expressed my sentiments and frequent thoughts, and ponderings.

Why ever, are so many so cold CONTINUALLY without a care or compassionate thought for another.  And so few, so warm.

....... that we may have the misfortune to come into contact with, during our everyday human contact(s).

It baffles me, it truly does.   Especially, when they verbally express that they do not give a damn about anyone else.

And yet, at the same time, those who are compassionate, tend to get trampled under foot.

Maybe, then, that is the reason for so many hard hearted ones.

These are my thoughts and ponderings.

Love to you, sincerely yours,

Leah


PS >>   However, I do tend to think a worldview, that we as human beings have sadly, become all about ME !!
Title: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Hermes on January 17, 2008, 07:08:24 AM
Dear Sunblue:

I truly feel for you, and I understand how hard it all is.  You say you feel depressed, and naturally this is also affecting you.  Life can be very very difficult, and unfair.

I do not think compassion is a gender issue.  There are good and compassionate men and women.

The vast number of people engaged in good works is staggering, the many quite silent volunteers in so many organisations at home and abroad.  I was amazed at the statistics on the number of persons engaged in voluntary good works (I must check again a statistic I have for the UK, but I think it was something like close the six million people engaged in .  People I would have least expected out there on cold nights to help the homeless, man the hospices, assisting usually not very grateful and often hostile individuals... you know I often wonder would I be able to do it. 
So, yes, there is huge compassion in the world, except we hear less about it than the sensationalist stuff about wars and celebrities.
Getting on to a more private scale, I am also continually edified by the number of good kind people looking after infirm, disabled, elderly people in their homes.  So it cannot just be a few compassionate people, with everyone else being cold and unfeeling.  It has not been my experience.

Best to all
Hermes






The Power of Compassion: An Exploration of the Psychology of Compassion in the 21st Century
Binding: Hardback Editor: Marion Kostanski
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Ami on January 17, 2008, 08:14:38 AM
Dear Sunblue,
  I am not sure about the compassion issue,but I wanted to say s/thing to you.I am coming out of  "emotional " illness(diagnosed by ME--lol). I can look back and see that *I* WAS  helpless to help myself. I look back and shudder how close I was to loising my mind.
 I was hanging on by fingernails(I think).
 I have an understanding of emotional problems  that I did not have before.
 People tell you ,"Get over it." I guess it is a logical thing to say when you don't know what else to say. However, a person can be SO "underwater" that they cannot get out. I was there. 
I had tried everything  and nothing helped.
Now, I am healing . I feel hope in my life.. I see that we can be powerless to help ourselves, sometimes.
 I just wanted to share that with you, Sun, b/c I know that you are told,'Get over it." too often,     Love   Ami


(((((((((Sun))))))))))
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: axa on January 17, 2008, 10:48:59 AM
Sunblue,

I am sorry you are struggling with this at the moment.  With most of my FOO there is little or no empathy.  I wasted time and energy trying to explain how hurtful I found this but they really do not have an idea what I am talking about.  One of my sisters in law once said to me that she thought most of my family suffer from a form of emotional autism.  I agree.  I worked through the disappointment and came to the conclusion it was never going to change.  I would like to add that two of my sisters are extremely empathic.  And so I wondered why.  Well, I have a couple of theories.  The ones who are empathic have suffered a lot of pain as adults and know what pain feels like.  They understand that pain is different for different people.  They are aware that we are all seperate individuals who process information and feelings differntly.  The others, non empathic ones, have shut down emotionally.  They also were exposed to abuse as kids but instead of taking it in and feeling it seem to have cut off completely from their emotions.  They are extremely "successful" in their work, have lots of material things and are always busy doing, doing, doing.  They will not allow any pain in.  They dismiss others pain and have a real "just get on with it" attitude.  I see them as extremely wounded, more so in some ways than myself and also know they just do not have the capacity to feel anothers pain.  It is how they are.  I accept it.  I expect nothing from them other than surface interactions and so they cannot hurt or disappoint me.  It took me years to figure this out. 

I did a course once on empathic listening.  The tutor made the point that everyone who attends the class has been wounded and knows pain otherwise they would not be there.........I found this interesting and in my observations of the world, true.  I realise that this does not make things easier for you but it may give you some explanation.  Just my interpretation of things.  I never look to them for emotional support.  To me, it would be like going to the desert in search of water......not a good idea.

xxx

axa
Title: Importance of Kindness
Post by: Leah on January 17, 2008, 12:02:33 PM



The Importance of Kindness – being genuinely nice!

In my experience the 'too nice' 'overly nice' person tends to be false, sometimes, seemingly, with a hidden agenda of some kind.  Shallow without any real depth or meaning.  Sometimes even seemingly cold hearted without conscience.

Genuine nice is wonderful, it is a free gift, that is, one wants nothing in return.

And in our world today, is so desperately needed.

Genuine nice to me personally, equates to genuine compassion, yes, I think that's what true compassion in one’s heart, pouring forth, is all about.

To act with genuine kindness, is to act in sincerity with genuine;

Honesty, Warmth, Forgiveness, Contact, Sense of Belonging, Trust, Mindfulness, Empathy, Humility, Patience, Generosity, Respect, Flexibility, Loyalty, Gratitude, Service, and Joy.

What ever happened to genuine heartfelt Empathy? 

Putting on the other persons shoes.

That is not to say that one should overdose on empathy, no, better still, for both pairs of shoes, if healthy boundaries are actively in place.

These are just some gentle thoughts from my heart as I have actively engaged my time and resources in; soul searching,
and seeking answers, to so many thoughts and questions.

Leah xx



Back in Oct'07 I posted the above "The Importance of Kindness" onto the 'what helps' board

as that was my heart then, as it is now.

Compassion and Empathy, genuine, without agenda, makes a difference, the difference.

Love to all,

Leah
Title: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Hermes on January 17, 2008, 03:24:15 PM
Problem is: if we were all perfect wouldn't the world be a great place!  Perfection does not exist, except of course in the deluded mind of the NPD, who is unable to close the gap between the imperfect world and his/her mad dreams of perfection.

We can only do our best, nothing more.  Do as we wish to be done by.  A counsel of perfection, and not always easy.  How about empathy towards the NPDs?  Anyone?  Difficult to stand in their shoes, because we have no terms of reference to do so, given that we are non-disordered.  Now, there's a conundrum.  If someone is hungry, I can understand that, because I know what hunger feels like, and I can give them a plate of food, or some money to buy some food....

But being human there are days when we will be irritable, maybe even snap because of stress, that does not mean one is unkind or unempathetic. 

The NPDs get slammed as bad, "evil", aliens, you name it.  And yet there is a human being with a disorder, who was once a tiny baby.  The behaviour is hateful, for sure.  Who knows why they are here in this world?  I don't.  I also don't know why there is disease, war, murder, and all the host of ills which plague humans.   


"""Empathy is not evenly distributed among humans, nor is any individual constantly empathetic towards others. Some humans lack empathy and are selfish, impulsive and do harm to others with no remorse. The human tendency is to treat only a few other humans well, members of your immediate select group, and to be suspicious of and hostile towards everyone else. Empathy can turn on in one situation and turn off in another. Once a group establishes that outsiders are enemies, empathy is turned off and members of the group treat the outsiders cruelly as if they were non-human. ""

Just a few thoughts
All the best Hermes

Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Leah on January 17, 2008, 04:07:05 PM

Dear ((( Sunblue )))

Personally, resonate with you.

...... "Compassion is an understanding of the emotional state of another. Not to be confused with empathy, compassion is often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another or to show special kindness to those who suffer. However, compassion may lead an individual to feel empathy with another person."

After all, it is free!

Thoughts of you,

Love, Leah
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Hermes on January 17, 2008, 04:16:34 PM
Dear Sunblue:

It is sad for you, dealing with what the type of family you describe. 

I am sure you have heard the expression: "what goes around, comes around".  You can count on it.

I do not know what has caused this family to behave like this, and it is a sad state of affairs. 

Nonetheless, there is a world out there beyond this family, with many kind and compassionate people in it.  Believe me.  There are.

Take care of you.
All the best
Hermes
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: axa on January 17, 2008, 04:26:07 PM
Hermes,

I think showing XN empathy was the rock I perished on.  I tried to understand his difficult childhood, addicted parents etc. my heart bled for him.  And he lapped it up.  We often discussed how difficult HIS life was, it was never about me but anyway one of his major abuses was to collude with me about his "understanding" of his behaviour.  I would think Eureka he gets it and everything would be ok for a little while.  Then the drama would start AGAIN and he would twist the "insight" to abuse further.  He knew what he was doing.  It was cold, calculated evil.  He told me noone ever made him do anything he didn't want to do.  He would get pleasure out of my grief and anguish.  The more pain I was in the more icy pleasure he took from the punishment.  His body was human but IMO that was where it ended.  I have absolutly no empathy for him because he had done the same to his xwife. He did it to his children.  He knew what he was doing. it. His defense "I know I am a sociopath"  And I have no dout he is doing it as we speak.  

So the answer for me is that I do not have an ounce of empathy for him and I hope sometime in his life he receives exactly the same amount of pain he has inflicted on those who were unlucky enough to cross his path.

axa
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: lighter on January 17, 2008, 04:33:29 PM
Sun.... reading your OP makes me think, once again, how difficult it will be for you to crawl out of your depression, while surrounded by people with no empathy for you.

Everyone needs empathy, (((Sun.)))
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Leah on January 17, 2008, 04:34:14 PM
In context of ((((  Sunblue ))))  pouring her heart out, here, in writing her thread,

was the sole contextual reason for posting the importance of kindness with empathy and compassion.

Sunblue, and anyone suffering from Depression, will freely receive my compassion and empathy,

more so, after Sunblue has kindly shared how that truly feels for someone.

Leah
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Certain Hope on January 17, 2008, 05:43:11 PM
(((((((((((Sunblue))))))))))) thank you for this reminder of the deep human need for genuine compassion.

Sometimes I think that society as a whole has been exposed to so much violence - both real and virtual (in the form of movies and "games") that there's been a disconnect in the internal wiring.

One thing, though... although I know that some personality types may come across as less compassionate than others (not wearing hearts on sleeves) I have learned not to pre-judge folks simply because they don't react to a situation as I would.
I once thought someone was being really hard and cold about a family's loss...
and the next thing I knew, that person was giving funds and groceries to carry that family through a most difficult time.
(That family was my own.)
So... sometimes, I think, compassion just runs deeper in folks and perhaps wears a different outfit on the surface... doesn't mean it's not there.

Love to you,
Carolyn
Title: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Hermes on January 17, 2008, 08:02:52 PM
Axa:

I understand completely.  I have been there too.  I have dealt with a clone of the individual you are describing. I KNOW what it is like.  You cannot interract with someone like that, less so discuss their feelings (they do not have feelings by virtue of their disorder) so it is a futile exercise.  I did not even bother. 

I also understand your anger.  I used to be angry at the wasted time, mainly that, not to mention the manipulation, the sheer unkindness, the monstruosity of it all.   Axa, it nearly did me in.  I ended up in hospital with physical collapse.  There were fears I might not pull out of it, and believe me I am one tough woman !!  You can imagine how I felt.  Also, I was left with nothing, or very little.  It was like clawing up a cliff inch by inch, getting back to "now".  Now I own my own house, I have a car, a life, my health.

You say:
" I hope sometime in his life he receives exactly the same amount of pain he has inflicted on those who were unlucky enough to cross his path. "

Believe me, Axa, his constant pain is something you would never even want to contemplate.

I would beg you not to wish ill (simply here as your internet acquaintance and getting to know you a little), because it is psychologically bad for you to do that. 

I had great pain and suffering inflicted on me, but you know what, you get to a point of indifference, even though it takes time, in my case it took the best part of three or four years.

Take care
Hermes






Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Certain Hope on January 17, 2008, 10:36:01 PM
 I tried to understand his difficult childhood, addicted parents etc. my heart bled for him.  And he lapped it up.  
We often discussed how difficult HIS life was, it was never about me
but anyway one of his major abuses was to collude with me about his "understanding" of his behaviour.  
I would think Eureka he gets it and everything would be ok for a little while.  
Then the drama would start AGAIN and he would twist the "insight" to abuse further.  
He knew what he was doing.  It was cold, calculated evil.  
He told me noone ever made him do anything he didn't want to do.  
He would get pleasure out of my grief and anguish.  
The more pain I was in the more icy pleasure he took from the punishment.  

axa

Dear Axa,

I was married to that man.

Now I have pity for him. That is all.

Love,
Carolyn
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: sunblue on January 18, 2008, 01:17:01 PM
Leah, Hermes, Ami, Axa, Certain Hope, and Lighter:

Thank you so much for weighing in on my post about compassion.  I so appreciated your thoughts and kind wishes.  So much of what you said really hit home with me. 

I still wonder how it is that you can grow up in the same house with siblings and some of you come out with absolutely no compassion and one of you is the opposite.  Sometimes I truly wish I was more like them.  Not the NPD.  I would never, ever want to be N....but sometimes I do wish I wasn't the type who cared so much about others, who didn't "feel" so much.  I do realize that in my dysfunctional family, I am the only one who puts others first.  Even in the case of my "healthy" brother, he doesn't put others first.

I'm beginning to realize that being raised in an N family has affected him as well.  I really thought he was the one person in my life who would be there for me, who could listen and empathize.  But I was wrong.  Intellectually, I always knew I could never count on my Nmom and co-D dad, but I guess I always thought it would be different with my brother.  I thought if I got sick or needed help, he would be there for me.  But judging by his behavior regarding his sick mother-in-law, I know that's not true.  He's not like the Ns in my family by any means.  He is a good person.  But still he only helps with the things he wants to help with.  The bottom line is that it all leaves me alone.  I can't help feeling really sad, hopeless and resentful about that.

I especially identified with what Axa said.  I think she was right.  Those who suffer more pain tend to be more empathic.  I certainly have suffered the most in my life.  Never a drop of empathy about any of it from my family.  They have never gone through anything like I have.  Maybe that results in their not being capable of understanding or being empathic.  My Nsister, who is a vicious N by the way, is extremely successful and has all the material things.  She's always had help along the way from my parents.  My "healthy" brother is the type Axa referred to as having to "do, do do" all the time.  Even his wife begs him to slow down and rest and relax.  But he'd rather mow a neighbor's lawn, run errands, clean out the gutter than spending time with me or just relaxing.  Moreover, he has an air of superiority about it.  He thinks others who don't do all the time are less than, unproductive or not doing what they should.  I think he has shut down emotionally and definitely has that "just get on with it" attitude.  He doesn't like to deal with my "feelings", just actions.  Oddly, he seems in tune with his daughter's feelings, he's cognizant of those.  But he is so uncompassionate in other ways.  It really breaks my heart.  No one in my family expresses any compassion or empathy at all.  Everything is so black and white.  It adds to my feelings of failure.  I don't understand how people can be so selfish, so unaffected by the feelings of others.

I've always been a really good listener.  I would spend hours listening to a co-worker who made very bad choices in her personal life.  I would offer her advice.  But when she didn't take it, I didn't throw up my hands and turn my back on her.  I didn't because I cared about her and understood.  But I never got that back in return from anyone.  My family, including my brother, is of the mindset, "I tell you what you should do.  When you don't do it, I have to accept it.  If you don't want to change, then forget it."  Their attitude is always one of, just do it.  They have no capacity to understand that not everyone has the capability of getting there.  Just like not all depressives get better by taking meds.  But they refuse to understand that.  Just like my brother's mother-in-law.  She hasnt been taking her PRozac like she should.  So, naturally, my brother assumes that is her problem.  If she just took her prozac, then she wouldn't be depressed.  He fails to take into consideration all the emotional things that has caused her depression like all her medical problems and losing her husband.  It makes me crazy.

I so wish there was something I can do, but I know I can't.  I can't force others to care about me when they don't.  Like I said, in some ways, I wish I was more like them, then I wouldn't always be hurt and disappointed.  I wonder if you can learn to be like that?  I wonder if it would be better?  It just seems like those people in this world end up getting, getting, getting and face no consequences.

I know someone here said "what goes around, comes around," but that hasn't been my experience.  I wish it were so.

I am trying to get out of my situation.  I went on yet another job interview yesterday......but no luck so far.  I've never gotten any good luck.  But I do keep persevering, keep on trying.  In the end, I have to come to terms to being alone, really alone.  There is no one I can count on.  I think this discovery, especially with my brother whom I truly believed was the one person who cared about me, really shocked and hurt me.

Thank you again for posting and sharing.  I'm so sorry for this rant again.  It's been a tough week.  A very sobering week.  A sad week.  So thank you for posting.
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Hermes on January 18, 2008, 01:36:06 PM
Dear Sunblue:

I truly feel for you, I can see you are hurting, and feeling very much under the weather about this whole family situation.  Your "healthy" brother is no doubt a good man, and perhaps he simply finds it hard (as many men do) to express open emotion. 

One thing is sure, you definitely do not want to become like the rest of the family  :?

You are a good, kind person.  You deserve the best, and it is no harm at all to become "selfish" for a while.  To love yourself, do things for you, spoil yourself. 

I found this article:  you might like it.

All the best
Hermes

http://psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-2485.html&fromMod=popular_depression
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Hopalong on January 18, 2008, 02:10:37 PM
SunBlue...

I think while you're reacting with pain and shock to yet more evidence in your family, you're not paying much fundamental attention to yourself. You've got them under the microscope looking for evidence that you're loveable. But I wonder if you've asked yourself to prove it to yourself. Even while depressed.

I know it must be a daunting challenge, but I believe that is how you can find love. From you, to you.

When you find compassion for yourself, without shame, and bathe your own heart in it on a regular basis...your strength to move out and move on will grow.

And love attracts love. Neediness (maddenly) repels it.
Just one of the mean laws of nature.

I have faith in you,

Hops
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Certain Hope on January 18, 2008, 04:06:03 PM
((((((((((((Sunblue)))))))))))) Your pain is palpable and I am so sorry... just hoping and praying that you will receive the touch of love on your spirit and heart which will give you comfort.

Love,
Carolyn
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: axa on January 18, 2008, 06:04:55 PM
Axa:

I understand completely.  I have been there too.  I have dealt with a clone of the individual you are describing. I KNOW what it is like.  You cannot interract with someone like that, less so discuss their feelings (they do not have feelings by virtue of their disorder) so it is a futile exercise.  I did not even bother. 

I also understand your anger.  I used to be angry at the wasted time, mainly that, not to mention the manipulation, the sheer unkindness, the monstruosity of it all.   Axa, it nearly did me in.  I ended up in hospital with physical collapse.  There were fears I might not pull out of it, and believe me I am one tough woman !!  You can imagine how I felt.  Also, I was left with nothing, or very little.  It was like clawing up a cliff inch by inch, getting back to "now".  Now I own my own house, I have a car, a life, my health.

You say:
" I hope sometime in his life he receives exactly the same amount of pain he has inflicted on those who were unlucky enough to cross his path. "

Believe me, Axa, his constant pain is something you would never even want to contemplate.

I would beg you not to wish ill (simply here as your internet acquaintance and getting to know you a little), because it is psychologically bad for you to do that. 

I had great pain and suffering inflicted on me, but you know what, you get to a point of indifference, even though it takes time, in my case it took the best part of three or four years.

Take care
Hermes
Dear Hermes,

I am not at the point of pity or indifference as yet........... yes, I do know that a time will come when I will not care one way or the other but I still rile at the injustice of it all.  I still feel angry and accept that right now that is how it is.  I use this energy to ensure that I do not allow him to stop me living my life, its as if it propels me towards making the best life for me. 

By the Hermes when I see your name I think of head scarves with horses and horse shoes!!!!!!!!!! Hope its okay to say this

xxxxxxxx

axa






Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Lupita on January 19, 2008, 09:22:29 AM
I do believe it can be learned. It is modeled. When a child see his her mother showing compassion he willd othe same. When a child see the mother minimizing the pain of others, the child will od it too.
I know some one who was punished fir feeling sorry for others. Her mother told her that the only one that she sould love was her, because she was the only one who was going to give her a kidney if needed.
So, my point, It can be learned.
Title: Re: Compassion Gene? Axa
Post by: Hermes on January 19, 2008, 09:40:13 AM
Dear Axa:

Thank you for making me laugh, re the scarves LOL.   :lol:No my online name is not taken from the famous fashion house, but is the name "Hermes" (the mythological  messenger of the gods, the young guy depicted with a winged helmet and wings on his feet, also the protector of travellers and the roads and so on and so forth).  I thought it would be whimsical to have that nickname LOL.

I understand how you feel Axa.  It just feels so unfair, I remember being so annoyed by the wasted time, by losing what I had built up, by being left bereft, with no home.  I think I can safely say I was far more annoyed about that than about "losing" (oh joy!) the N.

Take care and you can ask me anything you like.  I am also wondering about your name LOL.  It is the name of a very big insurance company over here.   
Hermes
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Leah on January 19, 2008, 09:49:12 AM
Hello Hermes,

Recall reading, at school, of your namesake in Homer's " Iliad " and " Odyssey "

On wikipedia:

Hermes (Greek, Ἑρμῆς, IPA: /ˈhɝmiːz/), in Greek mythology, is the Olympian god of boundaries and of the travelers who cross them, of shepherds and cowherds, of orators and wit, of literature and poets, of athletics, of weights and measures, of invention, of commerce in general, and of the cunning of thieves and liars.  [1] The analogous Roman deity is Mercury. The Homeric hymn to Hermes invokes him as the one

"of many shifts (polytropos), blandly cunning, a robber, a cattle driver, a bringer of dreams, a watcher by night, a thief at the gates, one who was soon to show forth wonderful deeds among the deathless gods."[2]
Title: Re: Compassion Gene?
Post by: Hermes on January 19, 2008, 09:56:04 AM
Gosh, Leah, I have a lot to live up to!  I'd better start working on that second paragraph you quote LMAO.

Hermes