Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: reallyME on February 13, 2008, 09:25:46 AM
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this morning, I dropped a heavy iron pan on my toe, and NH said "you'll be all right" instead of asking "are you ok?"
This TICKED ME OFF! We ended up in a battle where I called him a Narcissist again, and I'm wondering if there is maybe a less confrontive term I can use when addressing him. Narcissists don't like being called narcissists and my H can't really help how his brain was trained by his drill-seargant, evil father, so anyone who can give me some other ideas of what term to use, feel free.
Grr today.
~Laura
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How about insensitive?
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I'm so sorry about your toe, Laura! That kind of pain makes me feel anger, somehow. I don't know--is there some kind of nerve connection????
In answer to your question: do you have to call your H anything at all right at that moment? Perhaps just choosing not to say anything? It's hard to manage personal pain and also deal with someone who is infuriating you at the same time. Maybe deal with the personal pain first, and then, when you feel better and can think through exactly what you need to say, come back and talk to him.
Love
CB
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are there other names for Narcissists?
I can think of four or five hundred off the top of my head.
mud
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How about egocentric self-centered child?
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I'm so sorry about your toe, Laura! That kind of pain makes me feel anger, somehow. I don't know--is there some kind of nerve connection????
In answer to your question: do you have to call your H anything at all right at that moment? Perhaps just choosing not to say anything? It's hard to manage personal pain and also deal with someone who is infuriating you at the same time. Maybe deal with the personal pain first, and then, when you feel better and can think through exactly what you need to say, come back and talk to him.
Love
CB
Dear Laura,
Sorry about hurting your toe, that does sound extremely painful. My exNH would have said exactly the same, if anything.
I go with CB's wise counsel, especially, in so much that you are both working through your marriage counselling.
Not easy to just stand and count to ten! :)
But, later on, sitting down and expressing "when that happened to me ..." your response, led to ......"I feel ........"
Love, Leah
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Dear RM ((((Laura's toe, gently)))
Do you think he might have been saying:
I can't take your pain and don't know what to do so I'll say this--which means, don't suffer since I can't stand it!
Maybe that's an overhopeful interpretation, probably is.
But men are often wired to want to fix things, and they (pardon, Mud)--some of them--also fear strong emotion, or yelling...
I'm just digging for the inner Roland, but maybe he matches the outer Roland...
xo
Hops
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I have talked to my ex at length about NPD using the terminology Laura but I wouldn't use the term as an insult or in a negatively-emotionally loaded way- that's going to have predictable results ( anger and defensiveness ) and I want us to manage things best as possible.
I see it like my mental illness really, so you're NPD, how's that going to work in practice for us....is there a way to manage it somehow? and there ARE positives about his attributes too which I have always played up.
It's easier for me I think, having a mental illness has given me so much- I can see beyond the first layer of discovering being impaired to acceptance and using even horrible things creatively.
Hard to manage in the moment as someone says, but it gets easier the more I practice self-control and positive ways to deal with things. My life is losing that chaos of emotions it's always been, yours too sounds like since you're in counselling together- you got further than I did just getting him there!
Hope your foot is okay now and your day gets better
~W
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Hey Write! words of wisdom and I receive them too!
My foot feels a little better now, thanks.
~Laura
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Pick up that iron pan and knock the crap out of him! Get some of his nerve endings worked up!
hey teartracks- if you and Hermes start a protection racket we'd best all watch out!!! New business opportunity Kelly- 'be kind or I'll beat the **** out of you....have a nice day now' kind of thing. We will :x have world peace!!!
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Dear Write,
I'm going to take what you said as humor since I qualified what I said as humor.
Sincerely,
tt
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RM,
How's the foot doing? Bring us up to date.
Hope all is well.
tt
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Thanks for askin tt, everyone who did...my toe is still somewhat black but I've been walking on it ok. It will mend with time.
~Laura