Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: les on July 18, 2004, 01:22:14 PM
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Hi my board friends,
I wonder if you could shine a little light on a situation I'm in. As some of you may remember my Nmother is 91 and always "dying." She is actually in pretty good shape and nothing in particular is wrong. We live in the same city and I take her shopping/banking etc once a week and call usually every 2 to 3 days. (aghhhh)
I went away last week. Sometimes there is a bit of high drama when I go away (last time my husband had to rush her to the hospital...nothing wrong)
But this time the drama was waiting for me when I got back. I was full of generous impulses having been away for a week and was determined to let go of some of my more stubborn stances (like..well, she never really wants to know about me so I just won't tell her anything, harumph!! so there!)
I phoned her and right away of course I got a full report about her interspersed with, 'Oh I'm so tired of talking about myself', and then more about herself. I was fully prepared, even eager to tell her about my trip since I almost never do, but she never asked. She went on to tell me that a friend of hers had had a stroke and no one had found her for 2 days. Mother told me that her dear friend "Laura" (who calls her every day without fail, don't you know!!) is so distressed and worried about my mother because she (Laura) is going away for 2 weeks and is "begging" my mother to please call me (Les) every morning to let me know that she is still alive and well. This story went on and on and on. What pisses me off, I'm not even sure. Is it that the "good" friend Laura has to beg my mother to ask me (the 'bad' daughter) to please let her call me every day?
THis is a variation on the two decade old theme of - you'd better call because I might die/or already be dead. It caused enormous stress because she was always pissed off that didn't call enough and always managed to convey her distress and anger.
I feel like chewing my arm off! On the one hand she is old, could of course have a stroke or die. She is obviously frightened and needs some reassurance. It would be nice if this came from a family member. I imagine that in a "normal relationship" a daughter might naturally call her elderly mother once a day or vice versa. I am actually a reasonably kind generous person. Is my resistance because of our history I wonder. I thought I was willing to let all that go. Or is it because once again I feel manouvered into something with yet another story about how so many people love my mother and worry about her (in contrast to the bad daughter, who never does enough and so friends must intervene )
I'm always asking myself what is fair? She is very f***ing old! We should support our old folks. She does have other systems in place as well. Another friend in her building calls every day, someone else notes if the newspaper has been taken in.
I resist, resist, resist. I am really in touch with my miserly side. Don't quite understand why I can't be a little more generous with my time at this time in my mother's life. I didn't say she couldn't call but I did point out all the other support systems she had in place. The past is past.. I want to let my bitterness go but can't seem to let go of...I don't know. Any and all thoughts most welcome.
Les
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Hi Les,
The Ns of the world like to gaslight and manipulate and guilt. That is their currency and nice people fall for it. Sure, your Mom is an old lady (sic) and probably does have real fears. But she has had 91 years to come to terms with getting old. It seems her old, mean self isn't failing in lucidity of the mind.
Think about the facts you mentioned....a person calls her everyday, another checks to make sure her paper is picked up. And you call every 2-3 days. Sheesh. When do you get to live? And why are you the only one who is in charge of her? She's lucky to have you.
It's hard to realize that there is no relationship with an N. They have absolutely no interest in a reciprical relationship. My sister who has NPD could never remember when I told her repeatedly that I'd be out of town and she would send me email and call and leave all these messages. When I got home I had all of these messages and I would call her back. She never asked me where I'd been (although I told her and she wouldn't remember) and expressed NO interest in me at all. It is all a one way street.
I see that the problem lies with how YOU define things. Why are you using her definitions? Just my 2 cents.
BTW I did email my Mom back a short 3-4 sentence note. I didn't buy into her "it hurts when you don't send me long, newsy emails" bit. I just told her "sorry, I don't have a long, newsy email in me" - very matter of fact. If she wants to make me a bad guy I can live with that.
P.s. Nice to have you back!
MM
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Les,
I just remembered a story my friend in California told me. It was about an old lady who promised her nephew that when she died, he could have her house.
Well, she didn't really want to give the nephew the house and the mean, old thing lived to 117 years old!! She outlived her nephew.
I guess I'm just wondering how many years you are willing to put yourself aside for her? And just one more question. If she is really that afraid, maybe you could use this opportunity to talk with her about a nursing or elder care home again?
MM
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Hi MM.
I hear you. Thanks for your tell it like it is wisdom. Hard earned, I know. Boy I fall for the poor frail me stuff because...well, it's a real possibility of course. Has the wolf finally arrived? (yes!) If she really is living in fear, then she should be in a nursing home as you point out. I think I just wasn't quite as guarded as I usually am since I'd been away. I was feeling like I could make this relationship work a bit.
It is a constant push pull between us. To put it bluntly, the person that would be most relieved to have her shuffle off is also the person she depends on for all the emotional stuff... I can't give her.
Before I left she wanted me to take her to the doctor because her blood pressure was too low, 150 over something, then she wanted me to take her to the doctor because it was too high, 170 over something - she takes it repeatedly throughout the day. It's so hard to untangle it all, is it real, is it another one of the thousands and thousands of bids for attention. Generally the doctor just sighs and tells her she's in fabulous shape for her age.(third doctor in the last 4 years, no one PAYS ATTENTION!! need new doctor!!) This being Canada it's easier perhaps to just get your attention needs met through going to the doctor all the time. My mother is either dying or as she said brightly last week - "The doctors should study me!" ( to find out why she is so incredibly healthy and smart etc) God, I'm tired and I've only been back a day!
I read your post about stealing. I really felt for that little girl who couldn't ask for what she needed. I keep replaying one of the questions you posted awhile back - Why would N's have 8 children? So does your sister still get to you or have you mostly dealt with it?
You are very level headed MM. So you took the short, matter of fact route in your e-mail. I think you are a realist. You know what is and you keep your eye on that. I need to learn this. I keep thinking maybe people change, want closure, see the error of their ways, need a second chance. What I'm just starting to get is that full- blown N is irreversible. I need to send Polyanna (me) packing. THis woman could live to be 100 or more. My brother and sister have already had cancer and my body does all kinds of odd things in response to all this.
Yes, - this woman needs to come to terms with aging and being old. She's mad as hell -hasn't done any interior work at all. (oh, Polyanna said, that's right, there isn't too much interior to work with)
So how are you doing down there? Sweltering?
Thanks and if I might :oops: ...send a hug your way.
Les
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Hi Les,
Yeah, we should be good to our old people, honor them, etc. But that's when they can be gracious and grateful themselves and spread some goodwill around. You are a good person to be so dutiful. I feel nicer and better about myself when I offer or give something to someone rather than when they grab it out of my hand (like an N does through manipulation...) They're such jerks and hard to love.
The friend that died was still dead two days later (harsh to say, huh?) but that doesn't mean no one cared about that friend, for crying out loud. Or that the friend knew any different. I know it sounds awful, but really? What is her point? I think that is what might be getting under your skin is that she doesn't ask directly for what she wants and doesn't thank you when she gets it.
Many of these stories are sounding pretty similar to mine and I just want to tell Ns to bug off! My Ndad is also rushing off to various doctors simply because he doesn't have anything else to do and chooses this as his hobby!! :roll: Maybe to help you with the guilt or the tendency towards guilt...write a list of all the things you do for your elderly N and why you do it. And stick to it. Don't listen to their noise.
I found a great new book called When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People. Great title! I had to get it for that reason alone. One couple had a MIL who gambled and then expected them to bail her out, pay her debts, fly to whereever she was and rescue her. So they told her they would make one trip a year only away from their jobs and kids to help her and spend only $600/year towards her debts. She told them to go to hell and then she went to jail/prison!! Then she realized she had to take responsibility for herself.
kind of extreme and off topic, except to say that anything that is done for them isn't ever enough. I told my husband that NSIL had written enough "checks" on her goodwill account, then on my brother's. Then the "checks" started to bounce, because there was no goodwill be deposited in our relationship. Every encounter with her was a chance to ask for something, borrow something, insult somebody, make accusations or insinuations. So I cut her off for "bad credit".
So how much goodwill is left in the account? Sounds like there is some but perhaps a low balance?
Anyway, I'm rambling. Hope this helps a little. :wink: Seeker
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Thanks Seeker... that's just it - GRABBING what they want. I get hung up on the SHE NEEDS IT part so try to ignore the grabbing but it always gets me in emotional hot water.
Exactly! about the woman being dead for two days!!! I've tried to understand the anxiety here. I suppose if you were lying on the floor in a semi-conscious state for 2 days that would be awful but I don't think that was the case. Maybe I'll get my mother a panic button or something only to be used when lying on the floor! Even now at 54 I think, hell I've had a life, if I collapsed and died I think I could handle it!
Had a good LOL moment reading the title of the book!
For now I guess I'm stuck. I should have gathered the children and made a dash for the coast years ago like my sister did but I'm here holding this big baby. More resolved then ever to find a retirement home for queens and princesses and big babies.
Thanks for taking the time Seeker. I always appreciate reading your posts and replies.
In a huggy mood tonight so sending a hug your way.
Les
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les,
There are times when we have to bite the bullet and take care of an elderly N against our wishes. I've been there. BUT....is this one of those times....??? I'm not sure. Ignore meddling old bats who tell you what to do, and do what you think is right. If you aren't sure, ask a respected friend. That's what I do. A woman friend of mine tells me what the right thing is when I'm not sure.
bunny
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I guess it really is one of those times Bunny and rightly or wrongly it has been "the time" for years. It has been difficult to really know what's enough. I can't withdraw my services, my mother actually IS old now, but I do want to leave some breathing room for me.
I spoke to her today about getting a panic button (for her!) It triggered a tremendously honest discussion, where she admitted among other things that she has used her "pathetic, poor me" self (demonstrated with much pouting, giggling, posturing and batting of eyelashes) over the decades to get what she wants. It was quite shocking...of course still all about her! I didn't think she was capable of such honesty or insight.
She is seeing things a little differently lately and is almost taking a small bit of ownership for the terrible mess. She has learned that she can blame it all on being raised "the 100% perfect baby" so it's not her fault at all! She adores talking about herself and she initiated a discussion about why she is the way she is. She wondered why she "feeds" (her word) on other people and needs constant attention. She totally fascinates herself. I was able to say that "your baby Daughter") me, can't provide it all and perhaps she would find some of what she's looking for in a retirement home (nice segue I thought)
She admitted that the woman who had the stroke wasn't actually lying on the floor conscious for 2 days. ..funny there was a feeling of -Look at me NOW, I can do HONEST with such skill and CHARM..
Anyway thanks Bunny. I think I started to bite the bullet way too soon, 20, 30 years ago when she was "old" and sometimes my jaw gets sore. I don't think I can trust the - Look at me I'm HONEST MOTHER - but it WAS interesting. I need a drink actually.
Les
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Les,
I should've been clearer. I meant to refer ONLY to phoning her every day to see how she was. I am questioning whether this is one of those 'bite the bullet' issues. And I didn't think it sounded like one. Sure, some other old lady thought it was. But who cares what she thinks.
I think you've probably given far too much time to your mother. Her health doesn't require hours of listening to her bs.
bunny
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Hi Les,
you wrote:
I didn't think she was capable of such honesty or insight
Please don't make too much of this. My sister has admitted that she knows she is terribly selfish. She has some insight...but there is no action to follow it up. To me insight without action is useless.
And these people are NOT stupid people. They are cognitively impaired but definately not dumb. There is some weird disconnect. I bet your Mom is quite intelligent? My sister is extremely intelligent. And to answer your question of if she still gets to me? Nope. I have cut her off at all passes and ignore her like the stalker she is. It took a long time to get to this point. I don't say this glibly. We used to be close (sic). Of course that was before I knew that the only person in the relationship was really her.
Anyway, it's hot down here as you already imagined. But I'm hangin' in there. Thanks for asking.
MM
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Ah, I see Bunny. Actually we did a little negotiating around daily calls - and although desirable from her point of view, not actually necessary.
MM - right! After hearing about all this my husband's comment was, "yes but will anything change?" Remains to be seen. Interesting point - insight without any change. If whining and blaming "works" why change? So I need to be resolved that "clear respectful communication" without "attachments" and sub-texts is the only thing that works. (I more or less told her this yesterday.) so I need to keep changing...oh! :idea:
MM, Bunny, do you feel that you are in a post-N state of sorts? The N's are all there but you've got the formula down and can protect yourself fairly easily now without going through the old emotional gyrations?
Thanks again - every day I am well, amazed that such a source of sage advice is right at our fingertips.
Les
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MM - just about your sister.. I don't know ...yes, she went to Harvard and so forth but and don't take this too hard (as I think you said in your post to me) not sure what I'm driving at here so should quiet my fingers while I type but they just keep going...maybe suffice it to say that your sister has a very intelligent sister as well. But you must already know that. right!? or do you resist that notion. Hmmm...
Les
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Do you feel that you are in a post-N state of sorts? The N's are all there but you've got the formula down and can protect yourself fairly easily now without going through the old emotional gyrations?
Pretty much. They can still get to me, but only for a few minutes. And I'm on meds and see a therapist -- I couldn't deal with Ns without them.
bunny
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Hi Les,
you asked:
maybe suffice it to say that your sister has a very intelligent sister as well. But you must already know that. right!? or do you resist that notion. Hmmm...
No, I don't resist it at all. I'm brilliant...lol. Just kidding. I think I am intelligent...not up there with the mensa types. But then there are all sorts of ways of being intelligent.
As for your questions about Ns (same as Bunnys above), I have it better than most people here. I am not so brave or wonderful in that both of my Ns are far away and I truly do not have to deal with them on a day to day basis. Nor is my Nmom so old (75) that I have to worry about her "kicking" anytime soon. And add to that fact I have 7 other siblings that buffer things.
But I have done a lot of inside work to get to where I am now and feel proud of that. Ns really don't make me crumple up in a ball (used to be contact would make my blood pressure go really high and I'd get a bad headache). Not any more. Whew!!!!!!!!!! It was all because of acceptance. I can't stress that enough.
MM
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I feel like I am screaming up the learning curve as they say. I think I get what you mean about "acceptance" but if you would care to elaborate that would be great.
BTW I think"Somebody" needed a wake up smack and you delivered it. I am trying to understand why people from such traumatic childhoods are so anethestized, so passive. It's such familiar territory. Some fight, some give up and call it something else. I think working on "forgiveness" could be just as much about stuffing it all away.
There is much more that I would like to say about all this but as I conveyed in my post it stirs us all at the deepest level of repulsion.
So MM -a piece of my new understanding about losing my voice - I couldn't see or speak the truth. It is coming out now.. some with my mother..the hideous stuff...alluded to sideways but still acknowledged. .I'm wiped out.
Les
What a thing to talk about with anyone...but there it is...
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Hi Les,
Whew, the fur is really flying over on that "somebody" thread today. The other posters there really gave it to her better than I did. I think she is actually the N. My Nmom and sister always like to say I'm angry as if that's a bad thing. I guess they think that gets to me. But their words have no power anymore because my light has finally turned on. And she (somebody) was blaming everyone else....even her kids - "they were jealous", "they have N tendancies", "they lie"...................dang!!!!
Well enough about the coddler. You asked about acceptance. I think you answered that in your last paragraph about admitting the truth about the horrendous things your Mom did to you. It is exhausting to do this work of excavating and learning to see your truth...not the truth that is perpetrated on you by the N's unreality.
Someone mentioned the book by Dr. Phil McGraw - "Self Matters". I haven't actually read the book but he did go over the book on his show and it really got me to do some excavating of my own. Admitting the whole truth about things and pinpointing pivotal moments in your life and pivotal people helped me a lot.
And I finally let go of the "we're close", "we have a happy family", "we're better than other people" syndrome that my NMom perpetuates. She is still doing it, but now I'm not buying it. Even in that last email she sent me she painted a rosy picture. Everybody is great......she is a reasonable Mom (meaning I'm not reasonable because I don't do what she wants). She also said "I'm not the enemy". Well, I never said that to her but she is using guilt there. But in fact she is the enemy. So enough said there.
I don't think there's a magic formula or anything. The truth and the by product of acceptance just finally sunk in. I don't know if that helps, but it seems like you are on the path of learning. And it doesn't matter whether you fix things with your Mom before she dies. You won't be able to fix things IMO or really make them much better. You'll still have the same issues when she's dead. So better to just keep slogging onward "until" as Dr. Phil says. He's an old Texas boy.
Oh, I think I've lost my train of thought here and might be babbling. So I guess I'd better go now. Good thoughts for you dear Canadian lady.
MM
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Damn - I have written 2 replies and each time I somehow delete them!
So, in short, - I learned something watching the Somebody saga unfold. Saw my own repressed anger. Saw the sickness it spawns - in the name of understanding and forgiveness. I'm beginning to hate those words.
I'm not sure what to do next with my Nmother. At 91 she's coming clean..a bit. The pay off for me is that I get to hear a tiny sliver of truth for the first time from her. But I am also father confessor, psychologist and an abused daughter all in one. Actually somehow I have had to be this all my life. In a way nothing has changed - she still can't see that her "truth" is anything else except "fascinating" and a spring cleaning for her.. Getting ready maybe for the next big step (oh please, oh please).
The thick conjestion is loosening but I think I'm going to break a lot of blood vessels as it gets coughed up.
I wonder if keeping the lid on is ever a better option?
I'm not sure at the moment what I am trying to say. But will post anyway.
Les
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Les,
Howdy from Texas.
That "somebody" person was so disgusting in protecting evil. I think evil perpetrated on a child is the worst. I was very glad to see people on the board standing up for the kids. I swear I was going to quit the board if I saw anybody giving her the kind of support we usually give on this board. The people here are so insightful, I was gladdened to see them call her on all of her rants and specious arguments. Man, she was a hard case. And I'm glad my faith in this board has been preserved. When she first posted that night, I saw her post and waited until the morning to see what kind of response she would get. I admit I was a bit afraid that she would get sympathy. I mulled it over in my head and was disturbed. I knew I wanted to rip her head off in a manner of speaking. Monstrous.
I'm glad that thread opened up something for you. Did it validate your feelings at all? I'm wondering if someday you are going to "blow" and what that will be like. Are your daughters both on their own now? I know it's probably too hard to let loose when you have offspring in the home.
I too sometimes write stuff and it goes poof. Very frustrating especially if you're in the middle of a long post. Then your resolves goes bye bye to try and recreate the thing. Good thoughts to you dear lady.
MM
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Yes I just blew! I really needed to get out some of the gory details and I found a "covertincest" board tonight. My god there is a board for everything. It's just too much in many ways to post here. So I told more of that story over there although I have let some of it out here. Now what to do about the old bag. I can feel a show down coming. It might be controlled or I might blow my stack and she'll finally have the heart attack she fears.
I feared that I might sound too reasonable with Somebody and attract the rage of everyone as well. Glad you'll still "talk" to me MM. You vented the rage that I couldn't. I thought it might be possible to reason it through with her, bring her round. The whole thing shone new light on my bottled feelings.
Well good night dear mighty mouse. I am really done in from all my posting but I'm feeling so much clearer. We will meet again I know. Maybe the subject of ANGER[/b]!!!!!! would be good to explore a little more.
Les
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Hiya Les, MM, reading posts from the bottom up so don't know if this is said elsewhere but anyway, Les said:
I might blow my stack and she'll finally have the heart attack she fears.
Well, a little while back Bunny said something great:
“People don't die even if someone is enraged with them”
I think this is true! :!: P
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Oh well, there goes that idea! Back to plan A - hold my ground, be strong and not take any more crap. I just realized how much energy it takes to "hold" the distortion she lives in- like being in a time warp on Star Trek or something. Code red! systems failing...can't hold the co-ordinates much longer captain!! This huge protective bubble of lies and fanasy that surrounds her - it's exhausting. Thanks for the comment Portia.
Les
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Hi Les,
Would it be busting your boundries if I went over to the other board and looked at your post? I don't want to go over there if it's not okay with you. I know which board you're talking about. I won't take it personally, I promise (if you say nay).
Did you really "blow"? I use that statement because my H is so nice and calm and centered that my older sister once said" Yeah, he's gonna blow one of these days". She was just kidding of course. He's 6'5" and we call him the gentle giant. Quite a contrast him and I - like Mutt and Jeff. Oops, dating myself there.
Of course I'm going to still talk to you. You are being you and it's great to have different perspectives on things. I do tend to be more like a guy with my damn the torpedoes responses. That's the INTJ in me coming out. People don't expect this from a female and I don't always get such a favorble response. I've tried to temper my language a bit in recent years so as to be more palitable to people with a more sensitive nature. But that somebody was working my last nerve with all that prattle of hers.
I loved your Star Trek analogies, btw. Code red indeed!!!!!!!!
MM
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Wouldn't mind at all MM - I am under a different name over there but I think you will spot the post without much trouble and as I wrote it I realized that I'd actually told quite a bit of my story here. Just feeling a little guarded about saying any more than that to the world at large. It's interesting -it's a quiet board. It takes quite an effort to discuss this kind of thing.
For me - expressing myself is almost like blowing because what comes out is not very pretty - I have blown at my mother before - actually for about 2 years straight. I had daily fantasies about killing her. At least I'm getting beyond that but there are days I think I may just rip her head off and be done with it all.
So what's the news down in Texas? Your husband sounds like a home grown Texan at 6'5'' and you just a wee little thing!
Any new developments on the home design/decorating front?
I told my husband that I was so glad to have the summer off to be able to devote time to all this -a summer of repair - interior renovation - lots of stuff getting chucked and burned!
Thanks for your interest in me MM! - I really trust and appreciate you.
Les
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Okay Les,
So you do some interior work and I'll do some interior decorating. You've inspired me. I don't have time (or money) to get an interior design license but with the help of a client of mine, I've been thinking I should put a small portfolio together of her house (I helped her redo a few rooms) and my house. It's not much but a start. I'm still in the thinking stage as you can tell.
I went to the other board and had a small peek. You are correct in saying that you have told most of your story here already. And I'm glad you don't have the daily fantasies of offing your Mom anymore (better for you, right?) BTW I found that board the first time you or another poster mentioned that phrase or maybe it was a book? Anyway, I can see why you had those thoughts. That other venue is quite staid compared to this free for all over here.
I forgot you are on a break from school. Our schools start again the 2nd week in August. This is very different from where I grew up. We didn't have to go back until September. Is that when you go back?
Thanks for appreciating and trusting me. It is mutual. And oh, my H is a homegrown Chicago boy. We are two peas in a pod. Imagine mighty mouse from PA and gentle giant from Chicago meeting? lol.
MM
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Alright miss mouse! Just one step at a time, it's all you need do. And if there is a critic sitting on your shoulder nattering at you just tell them to get lost and let you play with your idea. I think we shoot ourselves down before we even get to the runway sometimes - I don't know if that metaphor worked but...it worked for me! So glad you are taking a few steps, starting with what you have. Good place to begin, right there, with your client's house and yours.
I may have mentioned that a friend of mine began that way too she happily putters away at it when time and energy permit.
I have a couple of business ideas too. Maybe I'll dust them off and take them out for a little show and tell. Speaking of show and tell school doesn't begin again up here until Sept. 7 and we may be on strike shortly thereafter so a little business on the side wouldn't hurt. I think i overwhelm myself with the to do list and' the what if' possibilities and
I coudn't possibly scenarios.
Hooray! for taking a chance, taking a step!
"my story." It fits into 5 or 6 paragraphs. What doesn't fit and what I would have told Somebody if I'd been able to is that no matter what the perp. did, the effect on her child started from that day and will be long lasting. It's not a one time event as she characterized it- the trust was broken, security - broken, peace of mind - shattered... fear in first place. And her child had to worry for years about the next child in line. I don't think Somebody got that - everything changed after the event, whatever it was, for the dark, miserable, repressed worse. I only just REALLY got it and I've lived with it all these years not really truly knowing what the hell was going on with me.
Reading some of the posts on "covert incest" taught me that the on -going sexually charged, boundary crashing atmosphere can do so much damage. A woman who had been raped and also "covertly' abused by her parents was relieved to finally understand this additional terrible emotional burden. Anyway it looks like Somebody is gone and I certainly don't want to stir the swamp and see her bubble up to the surface again. If perchance you read this Somebody just learn and be quiet.
Shopping tomorrow with NM. I am getting a little big in the britches here and who knows what will come out. I'm so tired of it all but not sure confrontation is the way to go at this point. Red alert as they on Star Trek - got mixed up with my Code Red and Red Alert.
So keep me posted!
Les
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Hi Les,
I read you over on the other thread and am very glad that your last visit with your Mom was better for you. So I guess this board really is doing something positive for you.
Don't think somebody is gonna get it. She doesn't want to. It's too bad that people don't realize all the harm that this sort of thing does. My friend in CA is still going to therapy, dealing with an N Mom that looked the other way and won't take any responsibility, and still to this day torments her. Very sad and sick stuff. It's beyond me how a mother could do that to a child.
I wish I could agree that the nurse wasn't still around, but I am seeing her handiwork. She would deny that too of course. She's still here. I can feel the evil.
But on to more positive things. I will be gone for a month starting in August for a vacation. We've been waiting all year for this. Since Texas is hot in August we usually reserve this month to go somewhere cool (er). Last year we went to Vancouver and then over to the San Juan Islands. This year off to San Miguel de Allende to brush up on our Spanish. We have a house rented and I'm very excited. I've wanted to go there for 25 years.
So I am busy packing for the long trip and hope to see you when I get back. I wish you well with your progress. I can tell you have a very good, kind, warm heart. I hope the taint will be off the board when I get back. I guess we'll see.
MM
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Hope you have a fabulous time MM - it sounds like such an interesting community - I have a friend who goes there in the winter.
Will miss you and look forward to seeing a red-caped mouse on the board in September. Thanks for all your help - BTW as I went through my mother's apt. door I felt a surge of panic so called on MM to be with me. You swooped down to save the day...whatever gets you through, as they say!
Les