Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Kimberli63 on February 17, 2008, 01:32:48 AM
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Hi, everyone, it is early days yet. However, I feel like I have unblocked a blocked connection with my only child. Bearing in mind, there is a 37 year difference in age, I feel that I have been able to reach him, at last. He had a disabled father for the whole of his (father's) life. We didn't know but Laurie was diagnosed with Myotonic Dystrophy in November 1986 and Nick was born in January 1987. Nick seemed to identify with his father and, indeed, became his father's carer, because of funding difficulties for adult carers.
That aside, I wrote recently, on the board about my son and the problems I was having with him - ie trying to get him to start behaving like an adult instead of a irresponsible teenager. Several of you, gave me very sound advice, and I did take all comments on board and I spent a lot of time thinking about the best approach. I decide to write a letter telling him how much I loved him and I was concerned that his behaviour would get him into serious trouble.
Well, he has started to toe the line and talk to me. It wasn't that he ignored me but he did just say Hi Mum. how are you going?. But it was nothing meaningful. Today the cops turned up to serve with a subpoena for drink driving on a suspended licence. He accepted service of the document. The cynical me says maybe he is talking to you because you have the resources to plead a decent case - if you can call it that (I work with barristers and I have already organised solicitor pro-bono), but the intuitive me says there is a shift of respect.
Anyway, time will tell but I just thought I would fill you in with what is happening with regards to my son, and the terrible situation, I found myself in earlier.
Once again, thanks for all the comments.
Kim in Oz
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I am so sorry ,Kim, that you are suffering with your son. I really am. I am glad that the board gave you solace.Keep Writing, Kim. I love to hear from you. I have you and Nick in my thoughts, Kim. Love, Ami
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It feels good to when they turn the corner huh? Just remember also-most of us did stupid rebellious things when we were young and we are all doing ok-well we may be messes but we are getting there.
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Kim,
I may be off base but I think it's great news.
You wrote the letter, and VERY shortly afterward he is handed some real-world consequences for the behavior you were warning him about, and now he's being more civil?
I LIKE THAT.
Good job, you good Mum you.
hugs
Hops
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Dear Kim,
I feel very happy and relieved for you... and for Nick. Just praying that he will take this opportunity to pay his dues and make a fresh beginning. There is so much life before him, full of promise.
You mentioned Nick's caretaking responsibilities...
do you feel that he was given too much responsibility at too young an age? Or not enough real-life training?
Just wondering whether you were thinking along those lines, as possible contributing factors to his situation (if you'd like to discuss).
At any rate, I surely see divine Providence all over the timing of current events!
Hugs to you and very best wishes,
Carolyn
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Hi everyone, it is like having a new son, (except he is grown up) and boy has he grown up!. The letter I wrote him, told him I loved him and I feared that his behaviour would cause him pain, one way or another. Since then there is a connection, and I even found him reading a book in his room the night. His door was open but I didn't interfere. I just left him to enjoy reading. Reading was not something he liked doing as a child, because he basically thinks in diagrams rather than words. When he was three, I found sitting in the family room making making paper planes. I knew he couldn't read and the book was upside down, so I asked him how he was able to make the planes, which were remarkedly good and flew considering his age. He said " I look at pictures", and that is how he is. He is a person who can conceptualise. Sorry to go off at a tangent. I was surprised that my letter seemed to convey so much meaning to him and indicated how much I love him , despite him being someone, who isn't really connected to the written word. I wonder if this is something, we could all do more of ie communicate in writing, instead of expecting people to just "know" how much they mean to us by our actions. I think everyone likes to remindered how much we need them in our lives
I'll be interested to see how this progresses, and I will let you know.
Apologies if I have offended anyone. This was a revelation to me because we were a family that didn't bother with birthdays, or birthday cards, didn't really celebrate Christmas, or Easter or anything for that matter. Now I understand why those celebrations are important - they are affirmations of our love for one another and must be celebrated with true sincerity
Kim in Oz
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Thans for coming back, Kim, and I hope that all goes well for your son and he truy has seen there is a better way. I hope that he will continue to love and respect you. Please keep us updated and take care!!
Love, Beth