Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on February 18, 2008, 05:53:52 PM
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I am trying to go inside and accept myself ,after being told for a life time that I was 'defective--bleh. So,I feel to embarrassed to talk about my own N spots,and probably are in denial about some,but would anyone be willing and talk about N spots(gulp). Ami
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I'm willing to try, Ami, if you want to. Where would you like to start?
Carolyn
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YOU are brave. I am too chicken to start(lol),Carolyn.
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lol... okay, Ami, well...
there are outlooks I fall into, at times, about people - like my husband, especially - and in those outlooks, I recognize my mother, so to me, those are N spots. That's what I started to mention earlier, in one of your other posts, because it's something I run into nearly every day. My mother is such a control freak, and I had all of that pounded into my head for so many years, that it's almost impossible for me to function without flashing back on it regularly. Most of it runs through my head and I never express it - and I don't even do it with my kids - but then they are more organized than my husband... lol.
Anyhow, I don't think this is probably what you wanted to talk about, but to me, my urge to control my husband is very N'ish, even though I usually fight it back and don't act it out. Because he is so very different from me personality-wise, I do tend to often think that I know better re: how something should be handled, etc. And I hope you're satisfied... LOL.
Yer turn :D (only kidding)
Carolyn
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Ami,
I work every day on removing my N spots. Like sunblue, a huge one I had since moving here was accepting a job I felt 'inferior.' I now feel part of the whole and grateful I have a job in a nice school.
I can often find myself feeling I am moreintelligent than others, and need to remind myself that people have different areas they are more proficient than me in.
If a person, man or woman, likes me, I often feel there is a defect in that person.
Ami, there are so many more.
Let me keep thinking.
Truly, this is something I work on constantly.
Love, Beth
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Carolyn and Beth,
You are great. I am still percolating(lol) . Ami
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Hi again, Ami... bubble away... however long it takes :)
I just posted something to the thread about "Non Sam V Info" which might help cue us in to some areas.
If you want to read that... it's helped me to identify some areas, for instance - my mother is an expert at playing the martyr, and I've had my moments, as well... but because she was always so controlling and dismissing of those around her, I more often threw myself into the role of "Rescuer", I think. It's interesting to see that there are many ways for N spots to manifest and they are not all so immediately obnoxious.
Just throwing some other thoughts out there as they come for me. Thank you for the invitation to discuss!
Carolyn
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I think I am so much smarter than my mom and so enlightened. I judge her as ridiculous and self centered. I try to control her but it does not world-but I try. I think I am destined for greatness-maybe that is why I get so frustrated when my greatness does not happen and I have to accept the status quo.
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Ami,
Tonight I was reminded that we are to love others as we love ourselves. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought of some of the ways I have or do 'love' :shock: others and thought, Is that the way you love yourself? Big reality check.
Love,
tt
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Thank you Carolyn, Kelly ,Beth and TT,
I am finding it very hard to look at myself and harder ,still, to admit it. I appreciate your honesty.Still percolating. Love Ami
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Okay, Ami...
This is only my opinion, but I think that your efforts to do this would be more comfortable, and safer for you, with less chance for misunderstanding, in dealing with this face to face with your counselor. And even in prayer... you know, there's the prayer of the psalmist - search my heart, o Lord, and reveal any unclean thing in me...
just know that when you pray that, look out - because it's sure to be answered.
Carolyn
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Dear Carolyn,
I appreciate your words. I can,barely ,"look" at myself, sometimes, let alone share(lol)
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Hi Ami,
If you'd like to share just one Nspot, then I will share one.
I think reciprocity is healthier, and it's a good way to know you're not alone.
Hops
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Well, I tried to ask this question before ,but I still feel unsettled about it. Maybe it IS an N spot or maybe s/thing else ,or maybe nothing.
Anyway, what troubles me is that sometimes I can be "taken" out of a situation that is happening ,right before my eyes ,and I go in to "observer" mode, with no emotions. I am almost in a place where everything is clinical(no emotions) and I observe what is happening ,as if I am an "alien" with no feeling of human emotion, just devoid of them . It is like I am looking at an animal ,in the zoo, with clinical eyes,but no feelings. I don't know what that is.
I was describing it to Ann. On the last day of Scott's life, he was sitting on my bed. We were talking about nothing things and then he started talking about his thinking(i.e. he would not be worth anything if he were not a doctor ,like his father, etc). I entered in to that mode and was just looking at him that way. I told Ann about it b/c I don't know what it was and it "bothered ' me. I wondered if there was s/thing "wrong" with me.
She said that I was having what the Bible calls a "Spirit of Discernment" when you
flip" in to a different level and can see things with a" different eye. "
So, maybe that is what it is. Maybe ,it is an N spot.I don't know, but it is my 'true confession" for today(lol)
Love Ami
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Hi Ami,
Perhaps your empathy turns off at times, or is on flicker instead of reliable. That would seem like a natural consequence of having a severly N-istic parent, I think. Even though many children of Ns have kind spirits most of the time, I think the connectedness, the flow that normally happens between people who love each other, keeps shorting out.
Perhaps yours turned off because you didn't feel like coping with his pain? Maybe his pain short-circuited you, since you have buried so much pain yourself, that if anybody gets near triggering it, your emotional system shuts down? Even if it is an Nspot, I assume that people develop them out of a perverted (not by the person out of "badness", but by what their experience in life has caused in them) instinct of self-preservation.
One of my Nspots is entitlement. I loathe it but there are times when I catch myself being "special"...surely those rules don't apply to me, or surely my wanting my mother's house is right (because I want it), etc. Surely I'm entitled to not be unhappy in a job because I'm so smart, etc. Uggh.
I have found, though, genuinely experienced, that the more I am in touch with compassion for myself, the less my Nspots act up. And that's a deep comfort. I am growing all the time. I actually like myself much much better than I used to. Not swelled-head liking; I just feel like my own friend at last.
Hope that makes sense, and I hope it's helped you to talk about these things.
(Another one of mine is being a voice hog. I'm doing way better with that one too. But it was a struggle for years. Now, more often than not, I really do only want my own turn...not everybody's!) :shock:
gently,
Hops
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That really helps ,Hops. Maybe,I can "rack" my brain and think of more(lol). It does help to get them out in to the open. Ami
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Dear Ami,
You had so much emotional stuff going on before. Add to that Scott's death. Everything has fallen in on you. It is, I know, almost more than any human could be expected to endure. Anything I can offer you seems so small in comparison to the affliction you are under. Today, the only thing I can say that might be a comfort or have any wisdom is, take one moment at a time. Don't feel compelled to figure things out immediately. Edit in: Be open to Him and allow God's wisdom to flow to you as He wills.
Much love,
tt
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OK,
I am lazy ,on a lot of things.My H does all the papers and I should do more. I was not lazy on taking care of the kids, though.(I have to toot my own horn ,a little-lol)
Often,I wait for my H to do things, like renew licenses etc b/c I am simply lazy.
The less I do, the less I want to do. I fall in to inertia very easily where I just leave things ,like closets overflowing(lol),papers that need to be thrown out, tasks that need to be done.
I think that it is an emotional block to owning my life.. It might be part of feeling like I cannot "move" forward for my own greater "good".
It might be not seizing my own power. I don't know all the reasons. Can anyone relate? Ami
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Dear Hops,
the more I am in touch with compassion for myself, the less my Nspots act up
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.
From God's mouth to our ears via Hops keyboard (or something like that)! 8)
Love,
tt
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Thank you TT,
I did not see your other post. I feel low energy...I guess it is the weight of "grief" on me. Last night,I had a "sense(from God, I think) that Scott is fine and I can go forward and it is not "disrespectful" to Scott's memory if I "live".
I know that" survivors' of close relatives deaths must know what I mean. I feel that God gave me the' impression" that I CAN heal and go on. However,my body is very "beat".
GS said that there is a physical part to grief and this is probably it.I ,also, have been fighting the flu, which I have 'beat" ,but it tries to get back in.
My M put fear of sickness in me, so I have THIS ,on top of everything else(lol).
I am a work in progress(lol).
Thanks for being so kind to me TT, from my first ,tentative posts ,on the board. Love Ami
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I want to go back to N spots and ask a question. It is,"So, once you SEE an N spot, what do you do with it?"IOW, now that
you see that you have a "defect", what do you do?
I know that this question may sound strange,but I am serious about it. Ami
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I want to go back to N spots and ask a question. It is,"So, once you SEE an N spot, what do you do with it?"IOW, now that
you see that you have a "defect", what do you do?
I know that this question may sound strange,but I am serious about it. Ami
Ami -- in AA we say that "self cannot overcome self." Recall we believe that God will restore us to sanity. God helps us heal but we will not heal unless we take action. Which for us A's means making amends or cleaning up our wrongs. Admitting to people exactly what we did and acknowledging their pain. Also, admitting our mistakes to a safe other.
Recall that the Catholic Church has Confession and then Penance which is really like the AA steps in our 5th step and then the 9th step for amends.
In between the 5th step and the 9th step we have the 6th and 7th steps which are about asking God to remove our shortcomings.
You do not have to be an alcoholic to practice the principals behind the 12 steps...they are universal spiritual principals such as courage, faith, honesty, selflessness etc.
Here:
The 12 Steps
1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable.
2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
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The 12 steps are written in a specific order and must be taken in order with absolute thoroughness (all steps) in oder for them to work and bring about drastic psychic change -- Or, God's restoring us to sanity.
I often say to my sponsees: "If you want to change a drastic problem then you have apply a drastic course of action. That is exactly what the 12 steps are -- drastic.
Why do you think that so many people avoid the steps or look for the easier softer way in life?
Matthew 7:13-21
enter by the narrow gate, since the road that leads to destruction is wide and spacious, and many take it; but it is a narrow gate and a hard road that leads to life, and only a few find it.'
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I thnik that I have to admit my "faults" to a safe other. I called Ann to see if I could have a phone appointment. What has happened with Scott's death is that I have ALL this stuff that I needed to heal ,anyway, and THEN Scott's death ,on top of it.
It feels like I MUST deal with the stuff under it, first,almost as if the stuff under needs to go ,as the foundation to the other. Anyway, I DO need a 3D counselor, for sure.
I see that,now.Probably, I need to go back to Al Anon, too. Thanks ,Lise for your help. I appreciate it.
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I thnik that I have to admit my "faults" to a safe other. I called Ann to see if I could have a phone appointment. What has happened with Scott's death is that I have ALL this stuff that I needed to heal ,anyway, and THEN Scott's death ,on top of it.
It feels like I MUST deal with the stuff under it, first,almost as if the stuff under needs to go ,as the foundation to the other. Anyway, I DO need a 3D counselor, for sure.
((((((( Ami ))))))) so glad to see, all of it, Gods wisdom flowing through you, for you, like living water. Love, Leah x
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Dear Ami,
I want to go back to N spots and ask a question. It is,"So, once you SEE an N spot, what do you do with it?"IOW, now that
you see that you have a "defect", what do you do?
I know that this question may sound strange,but I am serious about it.
Short answer - get back to the basics.
tt
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I wish I could "just" grieve,but it feels like I have so much UNDER the grief that is making the grief so much worse.
That seems to be the problem.
I was dealing with the stuff ,under the grief,before Scott died. Now, I have all the "underneath" stuff, which seems like it wants to come out, AND the grief.
I WILL dig my way out of it. I will use this pain ,as a way to heal the foundation and then, of course, the recent pain---bleh.
Love to you, TT Ami
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Hi Ami,
It feels like I MUST deal with the stuff under it, first,almost as if the stuff under needs to go ,as the foundation to the other.
This has been my experience as well Ami. I can only speak from my own experience, but it would have been impossible for me to deal with the weak foundational issues of my life (the legacy of a terribly wounded childhood) and grieve the death of my boys at the same time. The first set of emotional circumstances you faced were and are extremely complex. That coupled with Scotts death makes the mix feel far more complex. If you are feeling guilty about this, I encourage you not to. That you are able to speak so candidly about it is very courageous. I should tell you too that often you will feel like there are so many balls in the air that you can't juggle any longer and that it feels like your arms will fall off.
You were in a difficult process before Scott's death. That process continues, but now there is a huge black cloud of grief that hangs over it all. The process you are in, both the voicelessness and the grieving of Scott's death won't follow a straight line. You will regularly experience answers and surprises along the path. Just keep at it at whatever speed you can muster. Ami, no one on this board has stood in your shoes. I haven't. Ultimately the answers reside in you. They will surface in a variety of ways and not all at once. But they will come, some in still quiet moments with God. Some will come as if screaming in anguished moments and hours. Some will come with the aid of good counselors.
Take care.
Love,
tt
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Thank you,TT.
I wrote my past post before I read yours. For me, expressing myself ,in writing, and hopefully being read(lol) and responded to, is a very,big healer for me. It has been a big tool for healing for me,up until this point and will continue, I think.
Once I can share s/thing, and hopefully ,get feedback, I feel a sense of 'leaving some of it". Often,I can see an answer JUST by the expression.
On the N spots thread, I realized that I needed to share N spots with Ann. .Maybe, they are 'nothing", which I think is the case. Maybe they ARE something,but then I will express them and learn to deal with them
Thanks for all your care and love,TT. Ami
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Perhaps your empathy turns off at times, or is on flicker instead of reliable. That would seem like a natural consequence of having a severly N-istic parent, I think. Even though many children of Ns have kind spirits most of the time, I think the connectedness, the flow that normally happens between people who love each other, keeps shorting out.
Hops
Dear Hops,
Thank you for this. I believe it's true... almost a form of selective empathy. In my own reading on the topic, I came up with one simple statement out of which I think the rest of my own answers will come... "We have empathy for those whom we consider vulnerable."
So now I'm asking myself... if I don't feel genuine empathy for particular people, why is it that I don't see them as vulnerable? Is it because I'm too angry with them to relate at that level? Or too afraid? Or... is it simply because I don't view self-obsessed people who never show a bit of authentic concern for me as an individual - to be valid recipients of empathy? And if it's the latter, is that based on pride or my own self-preoccupied concerns? :shock: Maybe it's like being a friend. In order to have a friend you need to be a friend. In order to receive empathy, you should expect to have to give it... and not the gushy sort, either... the kind that's willing to get down into the trenches. (generic "you" there, not you, Hops).
Anyhow, thanks!
Love,
Carolyn
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I don't think you're alone in asking yourself those questions, dear Carolyn.
I just think you're unusually honest, and ask yourself the hardest questions.
love,
Hops
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Hi Carolyn,
I think you're pondering whether or not empathy can fluctuate, be selective or even absent at times in the same person, even in nearly identical circumstances. I think the answer would have to be yes. A fresh off the press groom suffering through one episode of near psychotic PMS from his beloved bride would testify in the affirmative, I believe.
This is not a real answer here...I'm just thinking out loud here.
tt
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Thanks for validating my ticket (((((Hops))))).
((((((tt))))))) thanks to you... I like your loud thinking. Good case in point, too.
Now if people would just stop tossing around alphabet soup and - as a wise woman around here said recently - get back to basics... ahh, blessed relief.
Love,
Carolyn
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Dang Carolyn,
Now if people would just stop tossing around alphabet soup
Did I miss a meal?
tt
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For me, the topic of N spots is very helpful. I DO find myself in the place where so much of the unhealed stuff(FOO) wants to come rushing up and out ,now. THEN,it seems the grief can be processed.
So, I want to talk about empathy. Maybe, my "zoning out" is from trauma ,from my M.
When I heard that Scott died, automatic numbness kicked in. When we have too much trauma ,as kids, a numbness(not feeling) sets in ,also. I think that is what I mean by feeling 'gray.
The scary thing about it is that no matter what you do or where you go, it goes ,too.It has to be dug out by the root(IMO)
I know that Scott did so many things, volunteered at so many organizations,and still the "gray" followed him .Maybe, that is why I have such a passion to find it and root it out.
Anyway, my "zoning out" must either be a "normal" thing or something leftover from having to zone out with an N mother. Either way, I have to just put it in the box of "bad" traits,I guess.If it was an adaptive mechanism ,like shock, after Scott's death, then I simply had to have it ,in order to survive.. So, it is NOT good or bad. It is just an adaptation that developed.Now, I have to just see it and not judge myself as "bad" for having it.
I am still in "shock" after Scott's death. He still "seems" alive to me. I still am in denial, down deep.
This zoning out must be the same type of "denial" mechanism ,which is automatic, not voluntary, as shock is automatic,not voluntary.
Maybe, the N spots, AND being an N, is automatic, too. WHO would want to be an N or have N spots?
I became numb in my teens. I guess other things came with it that were not my fault. They "set" in ,like shock has "set" in, now.
So, I guess I need to accept them as adaptive defense mechanisms and NOT good or bad.
I know that what took Scott down was thinking he had "bad" thoughts. He thought that he was "bad" b/c he hated my H. He left a note ,which I can't find,now, that he hated and could not forgive his F.
I told him that anger at his F ,or anyone ,was ok,but he could not see that
I think that "normal" people let all this junk just go by and emotionally 'ill" people use it to judge themselves.
Anyway,I would love to hear people's responses. Ami
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Dang Carolyn,
Now if people would just stop tossing around alphabet soup
Did I miss a meal?
tt
Dear tt,
lol.. no. I'm sorry... that was just a bit of my own residual frustration at all the labeling-by-aphabetical-letter-assignation.
(is that a word? assignation? lol... only 1/2 cup of coffee today)
Anyhow, what really struck me hard last night is... so many letters, so many labels, so many defects and disorders...
what ever happened to plain old fashioned "sin"? And why is that "label" so distasteful?
Love,
Carolyn
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I am SO glad that you defined the alphabet soup. I didn't understand what you meant and I was embarrssed to ask(lol) Ami
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Ami,
I am going to swing this around to the original post again as the subject has been tossing about in my head since you brought it up.
I believe I have actually gone from a person with N tendencies... to being on the other end of the coin. It may be due to age and experience, too, but I feel I have lost all of my edge (my beliefs I am good, smart, attractive, etc), and, although I know I generally fit into the categories, I feel that I am lesser than I have ever felt. Lately, I feel there are so many more intelligent, more special people than me... I almost feel I am an underdog. It is very strange to be on this end. I am not sure why I have gone this far in this direction. Also, I have a bad habit in that if I get praised for one thing,, I assume that means the person is really trying to tell me there is something else I do that he/she does NOT like.
I really think it is good to have some inflation of self (to know or believe you are really good at something). I am not sure I do any more.
Love, Beth
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Dear Beth,
You make a really good point that we need "enough"N traits(tooting our own horn). The flip side of N is little voice(LV) which is not good, either.
I am so glad that people are responding to this thread . I am going to think of some more N spots, today. Love Ami
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Do you think that our N spots are developed after trying to counteract the N in our life?? I mean, I find myself on the counter attack. I know I have gaslighted my mom..............pick up on her weaknesses and try to overexpose them. I am in a war and the only way to not get annilated is to fight back.
So at our work I realized (not always but in the last five or six years..) that I understood the business BETTER than she did. All my life she has been thinner and more successful and more well thought of, etc. When the realization came to me that she wasn't so smart and that she did a wonderful job of convincing people of how good she was without really being so good, THAT is when I got my N spots............I started to see myself in a different light. I was authentic. I was smart. I understood this business. Then I start thinking......................it is MY turn to have the light of fate shine on me.
CB said my N spot is being abrupt and outspoken..................my....."I'm mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore attitude!!" I understand this now and I am going to try to humble myself and just do a good job and stop thinking I........I...........I
And I will also try to bring the sarcasm levels down. The abrupt levels down. And the outspoken levels down. But I will be honest.....but not with a club.....
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Do you think that our N spots are developed after trying to counteract the N in our life?? I mean, I find myself on the counter attack. I know I have gaslighted my mom..............pick up on her weaknesses and try to overexpose them. I am in a war and the only way to not get annilated is to fight back.
So at our work I realized (not always but in the last five or six years..) that I understood the business BETTER than she did. All my life she has been thinner and more successful and more well thought of, etc. When the realization came to me that she wasn't so smart and that she did a wonderful job of convincing people of how good she was without really being so good, THAT is when I got my N spots............I started to see myself in a different light. I was authentic. I was smart. I understood this business. Then I start thinking......................it is MY turn to have the light of fate shine on me.
Dear Kelly,
This makes sense to me, yes. If you have the perception that someone is always trying to "one-up" you (which often IS true, when dealing with NPD) then it's easy to get entangled in that same game, which stirs up feelings of anger and vengeance.
When N is going around trying to UN-do your words and actions, or heap them over with volumes of her own, this feels like it's threatening to minimize your person-hood... almost like someone coming behind you with a giant eraser for the sake of the glory of the Big N.
And that, I think, is where we can choose whether to respond in kind and develop N'ish tendancies of our own to play her ridiculous game - or simply stay on our own track and refuse to give her control by reacting.
What you wrote really helped me this morning, Kelly... and I'm taking it to work with me with resolve to remain on an even keel :) Thanks!
Love,
Carolyn
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Ami,
Tonight I was reminded that we are to love others as we love ourselves. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought of some of the ways I have or do 'love' :shock: others and thought, Is that the way you love yourself? Big reality check.
Love,
tt
tt -- this has been hitting me like a ton of bricks too. I have been also thinking about do unto others has you would have them do to you.
Then there is also love your enemies with you whole heart.
I say to God: "are these my only options???"
God yes: "YES."
I say to God: - "but I do not have love in my heart for them and they have hurt me.
God says: "Fake it until you make it."
End of conversation.
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Yes, I have N spots.
Mother Theresa says "it was never about you and them it was always or only about you and God."
My nspots:
attention seeking
self-rightous anger and contempt
sarcasim
fear of what others think and attachments to opinions of others, however, I do not manipulate to get N supply.
magical thinking
There are more but that is what I can see about myself today.
Peace!
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So now I'm asking myself... if I don't feel genuine empathy for particular people, why is it that I don't see them as vulnerable? Is it because I'm too angry with them to relate at that level? Or too afraid? Or... is it simply because I don't view self-obsessed people who never show a bit of authentic concern for me as an individual - to be valid recipients of empathy? And if it's the latter, is that based on pride or my own self-preoccupied concerns? :shock: maybe it's like being a friend. In order to have a friend you need to be a friend. In order to receive empathy, you should expect to have to give it... and not the gushy sort, either... the kind that's willing to get down into the trenches.
Wow --- yes Carolyn. I hear you. This board was the helper of me asking the question to myself how can I fully love myself if I do not also have empathy and concern o love for ALL others, even those I have felt hatred for.
That has been my lesson this year and for my life............I'm a slow learner :wink:
But the wonderful news is that I can see that N saint is the only person I have ever felt hate for excpet my mom. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for her. I have blessed and blessed and blessed her.
It is starting to work. Lately I have been feeling compassion and pity for her. But then I stop and think, is that what I would want others to feel for me. NO. I want respect and dignity. So now my goal is to cultivate respect and dignity for her, not for her behavior, but for her.
I only call her N saint because that is how people know who I am talking about but I am going to post a new post with the new fake name of Rachel in order to treat her with dignity.
"And if it's the latter, is that based on pride or my own self-preoccupied concerns?"
Recognizing that all insults and injury's are really a matter of pride and ego. I am an adult now (well sorta :wink:) I can discern what is right from wrong, if some does wrong to me well then, they must just need a blessing or a hug. If they do really wrong and it will help them to hear my truth then I will work to find a loving place to use my voice and speak up, after I have stepped back for a while---------------we will see.
Peace
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Gabben,
Why is it that the simpler the truth, the harder to practice? Frustrating, ain't it :roll: I'm determined to master the art though. How about you?
tt
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Hi (((((tt)))))
ditto!
Peace
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Hi Carolyn,
lol.. no. I'm sorry... that was just a bit of my own residual frustration at all the labeling-by-aphabetical-letter-assignation. (is that a word? assignation? lol... only 1/2 cup of coffee today)
Anyhow, what really struck me hard last night is... so many letters, so many labels, so many defects and disorders...what ever happened to plain old fashioned "sin"? And why is that "label" so distasteful?
Love,
Carolyn
And why is that "label" so distasteful?
OK, now I see what you mean.
Well, I don't know the answer to that...can't figure out why the label is so distasteful, for I've tasted SIN a bunch of times and it tasted quite good! :? Waaaayyy better than GAD! Next to SIN, GAD is my disorder of choice! :(
tt
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Hi Carolyn,
OK, now I see what you mean.
Well, I don't know the answer to that...can't figure out why the label is so distasteful, for I've tasted SIN a bunch of times and it tasted quite good! :? Waaaayyy better than GAD! Next to SIN, GAD is my disorder of choice! :(
tt
Hi, tt,
I don't understand.
I'm guessing that GAD is an anxiety disorder?
If so, that brings another question to mind... is worry sinful?
If whatsoever is not of faith is sin... then I guess so?
Carolyn
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Hi Carolyn,
I don't understand.
I'm guessing that GAD is an anxiety disorder?
If so, that brings another question to mind... is worry sinful?
If whatsoever is not of faith is sin... then I guess so?
Carolyn
Yes, GAD stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
On the SIN thing I was trying to create a little humor...
Seriously though, Carolyn, my healing so far has come entirely from wrestling with an omnipotent God. Not comparing myself to Jacob, but can say that I have wrestled with God.
tt
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Seriously though, Carolyn, my healing so far has come entirely from wrestling with an omnipotent God. Not comparing myself to Jacob, but can say that I have wrestled with God.
Me too, TT
He was there, always, with one footprint in the sand, along the stony path. People trample down and dump. -- He alway lifts up.
Leah x
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Hi Carolyn,
I don't understand.
I'm guessing that GAD is an anxiety disorder?
If so, that brings another question to mind... is worry sinful?
If whatsoever is not of faith is sin... then I guess so?
Carolyn
Yes, GAD stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
On the SIN thing I was trying to create a little humor...
Seriously though, Carolyn, my healing so far has come entirely from wrestling with an omnipotent God. Not comparing myself to Jacob, but can say that I have wrestled with God.
tt
Oh... okay, tt... it is beginning to sink in now :)
And I can definitely relate to healing coming out of wrestling with almighty God... along with the limp which may follow.
Wrestling with God over my pride, my fear, my unforgiveness, and most recently - my closed-ness to physically participating with a fellowship of believers... well, I am about wrestled out. I give.
Carolyn
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Hi Carolyn,
is worry sinful?
If whatsoever is not of faith is sin... then I guess so?
I'm going to say yes for believers.
Edit in: Second thought, that was a dumb answer. A better answer would have been a simple, yes.
tt