Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Elaine1966 on February 18, 2008, 08:06:42 PM
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To my On-line support group!
I have been gone to a conference so I hope everyone is well. I am working on leaving my N-fiance, we all know that. It came up at the conference from my assistant that I need to leave over spring break and go to Costa Rica to get away and find my Inner self. I went there last year and FELL IN LOVE with CR. I have family friends that live in Montezuma. I am being told that I need to get away by myself where he has NO CONTACT with me. Where I can read, relax, meet new people, now remember I would be doing this alone! I watched the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" which if you have seen it, it was great and really inspired me to get away and be alone. My family does not want me going so far away, but I LOVE COSTA RICA. The other thing I am struggling with, my N-fiance is being NICE. He is acting like a different person the last two weeks since I tried to leave him the first time. So now I am starting to feel guilty like as if he is trying to change, then my daughter needs a car in two months. I could be spending that money on her. My assistant keeps saying, "you need to focus on yourself first!" Anyways, now I AM SO CONFUSED and don't know if I should book this trip or not. I NEED ADVICE quickly as I must pay for the airfare tomorrow. I am 41 years old and attractive (not trying to be conceited, just I would be traveling in another country alone and that is what scares my family.
Hugs to you all,
Elaine
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Elaine,
I think it is a smart (and fabulous) idea to go away by yourself. You can be away from the games and truly review your entire situation in a comfortable atmosphere. It will give your mind some time to see reality and not have the possible phone callor visit hanging over your head.
Please do go... please enjoy yourself immensely... and please evaluate if this relationship is really something that fits into the ideal life you have imagined for yourself.
Love, Beth
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Elaine, my humble opinion is..........GO!
Use your smart head to plan for your safety. Read up on State Dept. sites, Costa Rica expat forums.
Take all the measures they mention.
And have a wonderful time reclaiming yourself!!!!!!
(The N being nice now that you'll pulling away? Not very original. Don't let it confuse you, Elaine. N's can be verrrrrrrrry nice. But they cannot help soon reverting to their N-ness. It's a chronic, rarely treatable disorder. Don't wait and hope he'll be the exception. Go claim your fabulous life!)
8) Makes me happy just thinking of you doing it.
hugs
Hops
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well... I dunno... do you promise not to fall in love?? :lol:
And don't let N find out where you went!!
Enjoy, Elaine 8)
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Dittos Elaine...
Use your smart head to plan for your safety. Read up on State Dept. sites, Costa Rica expat forums.
Take all the measures they mention.
tt
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Thanks guys. If anyone else has anything to add, please let me know. My sister of course, is thinking I should not go as that is too far and she is worried about my safety. She thinks I should go to the hill country and hide out at a B&B. But part of me is thinking that taking such a bold and exciting leap out into another country is part of reclaiming my "self." I think, if I tell myself that it is too far, too dangerous, etc., that I am again held down by my N's-thumb, making me feel I can't do anything. By going so far away and taking such a huge huge huge step, I will come back thinking...."I can do ANYTHING!"
You all are helping me so much.
God bless you all,
Elaine
PS. Get married....ha ha ha...right! :lol:
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I envy you........GO! Oh what a wonderful oppurtunity. If you've been there before, you know where you'll be safe by yourself. Have a ball.
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Hi Elaine,
As you have been to Costa Rica before, and have family friends that live in Montezuma, you have both a feel for the place and of course a support network there in the family friends. Not sure if you are going to be staying nearby to where the family friends live.
At your hotel they will know that you are staying alone and I feel sure that they will be support with appropriate guidance for you in order for you to keep safe.
Before you go, you can obtain information from the internet on how to keep safe in Costa Rica.
I would just simply view as any other business trip -- the exception being there is no reception for you upon arrival.
However, you have your family friends as a support network.
So enjoy! Keep safe!
Find your authentic inner self with peace and calm ........ and BAR / BLOCK his incoming telephone number on your mobile phone!!
Love, Leah
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Thank you Leah! I value your opinion as I do everyone else on this board! You all have been my life-line since I joined. Now, my counselor is asking, "what do they tell you on the message board?" She can tell you guys are all wonderful and helping me during such a difficult time.
Love and hugs,
Elaine