Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on March 03, 2008, 02:13:11 PM
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It has been 6 weeks since my son died. I am just starting to feel the pain. I was in shock ,and now I feel a wall of pain ,as if a tidal wave is permanently attached to me.
I never felt this level of pain ,before. Maybe, you never do ,in a lifetime, unless s/thing this horrible happens.
I am just calling friends and asking,"Is this normal?" b/c it scares me so much to feel these sensations.
They say,"Of course it is."
I see how people could die form a broken heart or die after a loved one does(as spouses s/times do).
My friend, Olga, said she had been worried about me b/c I did not seem as if I had been feeling the pain ,before.I really was not b/c I was numb.
GS says that you feel as if you have been run over by a truck and I do, exactly. I feel like I have been in a wrestling ring .
GS says that it will take a year to feel "normal"i.e. functional ,again..
I feel like my son is literally sitting on my chest(heart) like a literal weight.My heart feels as if it,literally is breaking,not just figuratively.
I know that other people DID get through it and go on. I am not the first.
Just wanted to share and I do feel a little better. Thanks for listening , Ami
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I hear you, Ami. That heaviness could be unexpressed grief - huh? The kind you want to take to the top of a mountain and let out in the loudest possible screams and sobs.
(((((((Ami)))))))
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Thanks towrite
I just reached out to give to s/one else and I feel better.As GS said , I will feel as if I have been run over by a truck for awhile .Thanks for your kind post,towrite.
Love to you, towrite Ami
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Dear ((Ami)),
Yes, I remember the pain. It is hard to express into words how gut wrenching it is. I also believe the first year seems unbearable.
You can get through it with tons of love and support.
I am so sorry ((Ami)). I care and think of you daily with love and a hopeful heart for you, each minute of your day.
Always in my heart dear friend, seasons
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Ami,
I want to express how saddened I am to hear this news. I have not been on for a bit and I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours.
((((Ami))))
Love
Deb
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Thank you Deb, so much. Love Ami
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Keep sharing your heart with us ((((((((((((AMI)))))))))))
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Am-I am so sad for you. If this happened to me I would lie in bed for a year and eat Weight Watches One Point Giant Fudge Bars non stop! My heart cries with you every day and all day!
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Ami,
I see how people could die form a broken heart or die after a loved one does(as spouses s/times do).
Yes, this is normal. Grief can be very painful, so whatever you are feeling is normal. I'm not advocating pill popping, but Xanax may help you feel a bit better, might ease some of the pain. Also, not a bad idea to go for a physical because grief leaves its imprint on the body. Have you considered attending a support group for people who have experienced a loss like yours? It's very healing to be among people who know what you're going thru.
Love to you.
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Thank you,Kelly,Lise and Ann. Your supportive words help so much. This phase of grief feels like I have been run over by a truck. People say that time heals the acute pain ,so I guess time is the answer.
This is my "medicine--one Guinness Extra Stout beer, every night.As long as I only have one, I should be OK,I hope(lol)
Thanks again, for caring and sharing your hearts with me. Love Ami
((((((((Kelly,Lise, Ann)))))))
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(((((((((((Ami))))))))))) However long it takes, and in whatever phases it appears, I am certain that your grief will not swallow you up... you will survive and thrive.
Love,
Carolyn
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Thank you, Carolyn, for your very kind words. They mean alot to me. Love Ami
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Ami, I cannot imagine how much pain you have, it must be unbareble. Hope that you have somebody there with you. You must not be alone. You need somebody with you.
Think of Scott being an angel, with Jesus, in heaven, looking after you. He wants you to feel better.
I will pray for you.
God will help you.
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... joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
~ Kahlil Gibran
Dear (((((((( Ami ))))))))
The sorrow in dear Scott having to leave you for a season, sits with you, alongside the joy of knowing he his home with the Lord.
You are in my prayers, and heartfelt thoughts. The joy of the Lord is your strength, and courage, your comfort.
Love, Leah
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You guys are SO wonderful, so comforting!
Thank you Lupita,Leah, Carolyn,Ann, Kelly, Lise,Deb, Seasons, and towrite.
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Ditto, ToWrite...
and ditto, Ann's question to you, Ami.
It has to come out.
You will survive.
I am so sorry.
Hops
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You would not believe what just happened . There is a doctor ,whom my H knows. He was driving and hydroplaned. His D was in the passenger seat and died. He AND she ,had a near death experience where they went to Heaven. She went in to the gate,but he was told that he must come back and finish his life.
He KNOWS that his D is fine and happy. He has no fear of death. He descrbed Heaven to me(at the gate) and walking toward it.
His whole life has changed b/c he has no fear of death.
I had a very,very hard day and I feel at peace,now.
Boy, today was the day that I really needed to talk to him and I "knew" before I called that he would be home and available and he was. God is good to provide for me when I am "at the end" emotionally.
I wanted to share that with you .You have been such dear, dear friends to me. Thank you so ,very much. Love Ami
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Ami, I am so sorry for your loss and for the pain you are going through now as you grieve.
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Dear Ami,
I see how people could die form a broken heart or die after a loved one does(as spouses s/times do).
And pets, Ami, who go to the grave of their master and just sit there.
I don't think the process can be manipulated or hurried. It can be denied though and sandbagged. That is where the danger of getting stuck lies. It is very important to recognize the manifestations of it as it unfolds. There were times when I would go to bed at one stage of grief (where I might have dwelt for months) and wake up in another. Recognizing these stages and acknowledging that I was making progress was IMO very important. I have to confess that sometimes I felt guilt at having made progress, how dare I move forward in the healing process!
Ami, there is life after tragedy. It won't be as you invisioned it, but it can be meaningful and rich in spite of the tragedy.
My love to you,
tt
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Ami,
Another shock! And the doctor was on your mind. So sorry to hear about his daughter. Was the father hurt?
Would you please share what the doctor said about the gate and heaven? What does the gate look like? Is St. Peter at the gate? Did he follow the light? I would love to hear what he said?
Sorry so many questions. I don't mean to pressure you. Anything you want to share, or not, is fine.
with love
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Dear Hops, TT, Flowerpower, and Ann,
Thank you so much for your posts. It really gives me so much comfort that you are there.I have 3D friends ,but it is hard to impose on them when they have their own lives and troubles.
Ann,it is not an imposition to ask for the details of the doctor's story. *I *would ask the same thing.
The car crashed. He went above his body and looked down and saw his body. He AND the D walked on a beautiful,green ,lush ,vibrant path toward heaven. They walked, did not fly etc.
I think there were beautiful sounds, too.He said that it was very "earthlike" not cloud like.
They walked to a gate. The D went in and it closed to him. He said ,"No, I don't want to go to the other place." He was afraid. A voice filled with the most incredible love said,"You must go back and finish your life."
The D was on the other side of the gate waving to him WITH 2 people he did not know,When he regained consciousness, he told his wife about the 2 people(described them), and she started crying. It was HER grandparents ,whom he never knew ,so did not recognize.
The doctor left his practice which he did not like and started a new practice.
His other D told him, 'Dad ,what would we have done without you,". He realized that he did have a "job" on the earth.
He is not afraid if death or life. He says that only one thing matters----belief in Jesus as the way to God.
WHAT a story,Ann.
I could hear the joy in the man's voice. He "knows"b/c he has been there.
I did not call him until that night, and that night he was home and could talk,just when I really needed it, so that was a wonderful gift for me.
He is so NOT a "nut", so credible. Love Ami
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I feel exactly like I did after I had a C section(with Scott). That was a "shock"(physical one), and I guess the emotional shock of his death is the same thing, to the body ,as the physical shock of surgery. Getting over the C section took time, quite a bit, and I must be patient with this, too. Ami
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(((((((((((Ami)))))))))))) I'm trusting and believing that God will continue to hold you in His loving arms today and meet all of your needs in Christ Jesus. In my own sufferings and losses, which are minor in comparison, the fact that this life is but a vapor is a great comfort. It will all be worth it in the end... it really will.
Love,
Carolyn
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((((((((((Carolyn))))))))))))
I just had another 'funny" thing happen to me, The doctor in my above post just called me ",by accident". He had my number in his cell phone. I was able to ask him if he had this exhaustion and depressionm too, even though he "knew" his D was OK. He said, "Yes. he did."He said it was physiological.
I felt better. Ami
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Ami,
Thank you so much for describing the doctor's experience. It's so funny because when people who have near death experiences tell their stories, we know that there is an after life, yet we still grieve. If only we, the survivors, could realize that we will see our loved ones soon enough on the other side. so why should we grieve and suffer simply because they are not physically with us for a "brief" period while we are "alive" on earth? yet we still grieve, I guess because grief is a normal response. But, we can also feel joy because we know that the soul survives.
Maybe these encounters with the doctor are a message to you that your son is doing fine and he is ok. FRom what I've read and heard, this is also an irony because our loved ones on the other side are doing fine, they are with God, but it is us who are not doing fine, because we miss them, we have regrets and we must adjust to life without our loved ones physically being with us.
Ami, this life is a journey of learning, learning lessons and I think some questions we need to ask ourselves are: What are the lessons I'm learning in my life?
I hope the doctor has brought you some peace and comfort and thank you for telling me about the afterlife.
annie
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The doctor left his practice which he did not like and started a new practice.
His other D told him, 'Dad ,what would we have done without you,". He realized that he did have a "job" on the earth.
He is not afraid if death or life. He says that only one thing matters----belief in Jesus as the way to God.
I could hear the joy in the man's voice. He "knows"b/c he has been there.
Ami,
I think these are the lessons that the doctor learned after his experience. He changed his life, he saw he had a "job" on earth, his belief in God was re-affirmed and he found joy.
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Hi Ami,
There is a little book available at Amazon or Christian book stores called, Within Heavens' Gate. A dear friend gave it to me. Though we have no way of knowing if the book is a true account, I found great comfort in it. It describes a woman's account of going to heaven while in a coma. The coma lasted a couple of weeks. Her time in heaven lasted a year or so. So according to her, heavenly time is not like earth time. God is completely other.
One of the things she describes in it is picking two kinds of fruit from the same tree. She said it was the most delectable thing she had ever tasted. The juice from the fruit ran down her chin and upper arms as she ate it. But when she finished it there was no sign of the juice on her chin and arms. She says that in heaven there is no waste of any kind. She describes quite a few stories in it...some I'd never thought of. You'll see!
tt
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Thanks TT. I am going to get it, today. the doctor mentioned that he read a book about heaven ,which described it perfectly. I wonder if that was it. When ,I talk to him, again, I will ask. Love you, TT, Ami
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Ami, hi, xxxx
Papillon here,
I just realized that this is you and these posts are your posts too. Oh Ami, I'm so so incredibly sad with you about the loss of your child. I know I have absolutely no idea of what you've gone through, mainly because I haven't been there myself. I only know that my most exreme levels of pain don't and can't in any way possibly compare to your loss. I really wish you peace and as many happy memories of your beloved as possible. My heart is truly with you.
Papillon
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Papillion, What beautiful words. I think that you have an understanding of the human condition. Are you a writer? Thank you so much,friend! Love Ami
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Hi ((( Ami )))
Did you find out the name of that book?
Genuinely interested, thanks.
Love, Leah
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No Leah, I feel funny calling him again, so I will have to wait for a little while and then I will. Thanks for all your kindness to me, Leah.
Love Ami
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Dear ((( Ami )))
Oh, that's okay, whenever you have the title and author, just post it up.
Thank you, for your kindness and thoughtfulness, sincerely.
Love, Leah
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(((((((((((Ami))))))))))
Now that I can sit for a second, I wanted to say I am both happy and sad that you are in this new stage of grief. Before you seemed so robotic (the shock) and now we can hear your true agony. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are taking care of yourself and managing to work through the waves of pain.
Love, Beth
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Dear Beth,
One of my 3D friends said the same thing about my being "robotic" or s'/thing like that and she was "glad" to see me feeliing pain.She was worried about me that I did not seem "right" I just talked to Ann,my counselor, and she said s/thing really "dumb", I just realized.
She said I had "excessive grief". I realized that that is "plain dumb."(lol) I JUST came out of shock after 5 weeks, really and truly. I feel like I have been run over by a truck and I have a literal weight , my heart, like my heart is breaking.
I feel a wall of pain is attached to me.
Ann can be "dumb" at times, but as long as I can talk about it with her, it is OK. She doesn't have to be perfect , as long as we can be honest with each other and she respects me, and apologizes when she "violates' me, like she kind of just did(lol)
I should put this on the thread where Besee talks about therapists abusing you.
This is the second time that Ann did not have good sense, but it is OK, as long as I trust myself and talk about it with her.
Beth, I really can't describe a pain that is so deep that you CAN'T cry,very much. I never had it before.
I was always very close to Scott as a person. We had the same sense of humor, read the same books, enjoyed going places together, could talk about anything. It is a loss on SO many levels and I don't know when I will ever be "normal", really.
GS,my "human" angel, tells me that it will take a year to feel "normal".
Thanks so much,Beth, for your post. The board is such a wonderful place for me b/c we all understand N's and the impact of N's on us .This impact effects all of life and all of our being.
Whatever happens,such as this tragedy,I still am "living " it out OVER my original wounding by an N, so my grief is that of an already wounded D of an N,so it is unique from a person who was not wounded by an NM, from the beginning.
Thanks so much,Beth. You have been so kind to me! Love Ami
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Ami,
I am still reading your posts, thinking, trying to assimilate.
All I can say right now is that I am listening to you and I'll keep doing that.
Hope I can send you at least a small portion of all the love you have been giving us all the time here.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Oh Hardtotrust,
Your post was such "food" for my heart. It really was such a comfort ,when I really,really needed it.Thank you so much.
Love Ami
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ami,
The grief you feel is really normal. I know the feeling of a truck sitting on top of your heart. I also know what it's like to have grief and the original N wound. So much pain and we try to process all the thoughts, grief and pain. I get the feeling your not in favor of counseling, but grief counseling can help. What's good about Grief counselers is that they don't judge you on your grief, they just listen and help you learn how to sooth yourself. IMO, not all counselers are nut jobs, some are and some aren't. The trick is to find the one that's right for you. I know Ann is helping you, but please don't try to process your grief all alone. I always try to get expert help wherevr I can. Sometimes they're good and sometimes not. Life is a winding path. To get from point A to point B, we sometimes has to cover the entire alphabet. I hope you feel better.
with love.
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Maybe I should get grief counseling.I think I will, Ann. I do need s/one who understands this specific process.! Thanks Ann for your help and wisdom,
Love Ami
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Am-today I ran into a woman whose H cheated on her-left her for another woman and just drug her through the mill. Then just as they were trying to reconcile a brick fell off the house on his head and he died. I told her I was sorry for the things that had happened to her and she told me some days it is hard to get out of bed. She says she cannot believe what the last three years has been and if someone would have told her she would have never believed it. Same with you-that surreal place.
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You are living a bad dream. Probably a dream you wish you could wake up from. My heart holds you and my friend up. It makes me embarrassed to complain about my life. It is really ok compared to what happens to people on a daily basis.
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Dear Kelly,
I just spoke to a lady at the local group for parents who have lost children. She said that what I am experiencing is totally "normal" and I am relieved. My M and H keep telling me that I should go to a doctor b/c maybe I have s'thing wrong with me and it is scaring me more--bleh.
This lady told me that it is normal to be exhausted and also to feel a if you have a huge weight on your chest. She said that a Mother losing a child is different than a F ,or another person. The fact that you gave birth to that child puts you in a unique category . I feel that b/c no one else is grieving the way that I am.
I wish I could cry. I feel better when I do.
She told me that I could be numb(in shock, disbelief) for a year. She told me it gets worse before it gets better. However, ALL of it was a relief b/c she understood.
I have to remember to breathe b/c I am holding my breath,all the time.
I feel better and am going to go to the meetings and ,also, call some other people.
Thanks for caring,Kelly,thank you so much.
Tonight ,I feel a tremendous relief that at least I am not losing my mind or my body, and that helps. Love Ami
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You are welcome, Ami.
I haven't read all the posts, but I haven't been thinking... You were helping me, giving me courage, inspiration and love about my situation, with a baby involved... and all the while you were dealing with your loss... I can only imagine...
OMG, I feel somewhat guilty (selfish) and incredibly impressed by how big your heart is and how strong you are, facing your emotions in this moment.
I have a lot to learn with you all here.
I am just new here, but I'll take the liberty of saying: we need you. Take all the time you need, I'm listening.
(((((((((((((((((((Ami)))))))))))))))))))
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Oh Hardtotrust,
When you find the right woman, I think you will have all the emotions so you can really connect with her.(IMO). I can hear that in you.
You have nothing at all to feel 'badly(selfish) about,IMO, hardtotrust.
When you have a tragedy like I did, God provides numbness and so I am going through the various stages,but it is MY pleasure and joy to give. I feel so happy to be able to comfort s/one else.In fact today, I was able to help my best friend and it was such a gift to ME.
Your situation is a very, very hard dilemma for you .The gravity of yours is not minimized b/c mine is "worse. They BOTH are very, very hard.Our past with N parents was very ,very hard, so present situations( all of them) are SO much worse b/c we are still dealing with FOO stuff.
Love, Ami
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She said that what I am experiencing is totally "normal" and I am relieved.
Wonderful to hear. The group sounds like a place where others share your feelings. So glad you found them.
with love
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And you have given me a lot of comfort, Ami.
Going to sleep now, but not before saying a prayer for you.
Hugs!
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((((((((((((((Ann, Hardtotrust))))))))))))))
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((((((((( Ami ))))))))))
Warm thoughts of you, and my prayers also.
Love, Leah
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Maybe M & H should go to a doctor and find out what's wrong with THEM...
Exactly! If they were wiser they would realize how foolish they are and ST*U.
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Thank you so much, Amber and Iphi,
I feel so much better today after talking to that lady. She understood, at the heart level, exactly what I am experiencing. I knew,intellectually, that parents lost children,of course ,but never actually talked to one heart to heart. I am in another community now,bereaved parents, and I need this community
This lady, Joanne,lost 2 children(her only ones) in two separate accidents.
There is another lady,whom I will call tonight, who lost her child to suicide.
I feel like I can go on, if I have other people who understand . That is always important to me.On the board, we understand about N's and the understanding in itself,is very healing.
People in the outside world do not understand N's, if they have not lived it.
I have been in other support groups,but never really fit. I went to Al Anon and never really fit. I went to AA(but am not an alcoholic).
Both of these groups addressed underlying issues in life such as fear,gulit, etc,but I never really fit.
So, now I will fit in to this new group, Bereaved Parents, and know that I am not alone.
Thanks so much for all your love, Amber and Iphi! Ami
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I'm happy for the good news, too.
Remembering you in my prayers, in a few minutes.
((((((((((((((((Ami))))))))))))))
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Thank you Amber and Hardtotrust! Prayers, and comforting words are food for the heart. Much Love, Ami
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Thinking of you now, Ami!
Hugs!
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(((((((((( Ami ))))))))))
in my thoughts, and prayers.
Love, Leah
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Ami, how are you tonight? Are you OK?
Hugs.
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Thanks for asking, Hardtotrust.
I am going forward and I see God's hand strengthening me, every step of the way. He loves us SO much. We need to believe THAT basic point,as a foundation for everything else. We are worth it, hardtotrust! Love Ami
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Dear Ami,
((((((((((Ami))))))))
God bless you and keep you and comfort your dear heart.
“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.”
Love, Violet
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Dear Violet,
That Scripture has been true for me. I have been so comforted through this whole thing. God,himself , touches me with comfort,and also sends me people,on the board and in 3 D.
I hope you are feeling,better, Violet. Love Ami
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I just have to write this and then I am going to exercise. The pain of coming out of shock is so deep that it feels cellular. Ann, you have helped me ,with your descriptions of grief.
You feel like a sleep walker, tired, run down, half sick all the time(or most of it)
Ann,you ,also, helped me with your comments on enjoying beauty.I could not remember which thread they were on.
I am coming alive to my senses, as I heal,and you reminded me to draw beauty in.
Today, I have enjoyed many things, my Yorkies warm body as she makes a "nest"in my lap , looking at artwork and really "seeing" it,the warmth of the sun,talking to a friend on the phone, and exercising,which I love.
Thank you, Ann, for that wisdom. Love Ami
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Hi Ami!
May I ask you how is the weight on your chest? Please, answer only if it helps.
Praying for you... in two minutes.
(((((((((((((Ami))))))))))
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Thank you for asking, Hardtotrust,
I really think that my heart is breaking,at some level(energetic level?)and that is what the weight on my chest is. Yesterday,I had pain rolling over me like a tidal wave and my chest felt crushed.
I laid in bad and just felt it and "allowed" it in, rather than run from it. After a while, it stopped, and I felt an acceptance and a peace with God. I think that I will try to handle the grief like this, in the future. I think I learned an important lesson about feelings. I had a meditation tape which said that you should 'feel" and embrace your feelings and then they would change their nature.
I found this to be true. I am not as afraid of my feelings,now. I feel like whatever feeling comes 'at " me----- pain, rejection, shame ,guilt, worthlessness, fear etc, I can just "embrace" it and eventually,it will 'change it's nature.
I learned s/thing very profound. I was running away from shame ,all the time. Shame was a big bogeyman,who had me
dancing on it's chain.
I don't feel quite so afraid of my feelings,anymore.
Thanks for being so kind , Hardtotrust. Love to you, Ami
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Hi Ami......I had just joined this board around the time I read the news about your son. I felt so much sadness for you. I went thru a similar experince 10 years ago and in retrospect i see that profound grief/pain can only be digested in pieces....just a little bit at a time. It might not seem like it now but you will feel better one day. A little over a year ago a couple that i'm friends with lost their only child in a motorcycle accident. He had just finished his medical internship. His mother told me that shortly after they recieved the news she got sick at her stomach. She still talks about what happened next and swears it was real. What happened was that she could hear her son's voice talking to her just like he was there. He told her that he didn't have long to talk but to listen and repeat outloud what he was saying so his dad could hear everything He asked them to lay down on the bed together and to have his dad put his hand on her stomach and by way of this act of love he could heal her nausea. They did exactly what he said and the nausea left. He also told her that he was just fine and to know that the only thing that truly matters is love. I wish you could here her sincerity and conviction when she talks about this. Surround yourself with as much love as possible. It really is what makes the difference while you heal. James
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Thank you James for sharing that. I really, really appreciate it, friend!! Ami
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I laid in bad and just felt it and "allowed" it in, rather than run from it. After a while, it stopped, and I felt an acceptance and a peace with God. I think that I will try to handle the grief like this, in the future. I think I learned an important lesson about feelings. I had a meditation tape which said that you should 'feel" and embrace your feelings and then they would change their nature.
I found this to be true. I am not as afraid of my feelings,now. I feel like whatever feeling comes 'at " me----- pain, rejection, shame ,guilt, worthlessness, fear etc, I can just "embrace" it and eventually,it will 'change it's nature.
I learned s/thing very profound. I was running away from shame ,all the time. Shame was a big bogeyman,who had me
dancing on it's chain.
You're welcome, Ami!
I also learned to surrender to my deepest pain last year, a similar experience. I noticed this pain (or pains) was something I couldn't handle and to avoid it I ate, I watched TV, I listened to music, I thought fast, I talked fast etc. Everything to run away from it.
I think that the most we avoid some feeling, the more important it is to our cure.
But it still is very difficult for me to stop and feel these things. I only managed to do it a few times. It looks like going crazy. But I'm sure this repressed energy slowly wanes. Your post motivated me to try this experience of "feeling the feelings" more.
Thank you,
Ney
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Dear Htt,
It is amazing how freeing it is to "feel " the feelings, the scarier the more healing. I am not as afraid of feelings in general,now. I was really afraid of shame ,before, and not so much,now. Love Ami
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Thinking of you, Ami!
((((((((Ami))))))))
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I'm thinking of you too Ami. Each and every day. Always hoping the pain is lessened. Always hoping that you are able to grieve and then to live and then back to grieving and so on. You must do all you can to take care of yourself. That can really make a difference in "surviving" the grief. It takes a terrible, terrible toll on your physical body. If you can - exercise. Don't forget to each nourishing food. Don't forget to take vitamens and supplements to help build up your strength. Don't forget to get enough sleep. The more you can take care of yourself physically the easier you will be able to handle the pain (which is inevitable.)
With love - GS
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(((((((((Amber)))))))))))) It is worth a try for sure, Amber!. Thanks for caring . Warmly , Ami
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Morning Ami...........i'm sorry you're having to deal with shame too. It really hurts. i've been crushed under a mountain of it......James
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Oh James,
Shame is probably the biggest killer. I asked my counselor if *I* had the "worse" mother she had ever seen. She said that everyone thinks that their pain is the worst and THAT prevents us from sharing it with other hurting people. Shame is the feeling that WE are bad.
As I do share ,I find that I question that belief more. I question how God could have made "junk" with me,only.
The way out of shame is to bring it to the light, as we do ,on the board ,and as you are, James.
If you want, I will go to the Members side and start a "James Story "and you can write under it,so you know where to go. Let me know, James. In our 'tradition"(lol)-----a hug back to you!!! Ami
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Ami...........the offer you just made is one of the nicest things a person has ever offered me. I'm so touched. Todays not the best of days. I'm sort of a split person. My intellect works fine but when it comes to the emotional side its a struggle. I hope you don't mind me writing under your thread. "coming out of shock" is exactly where I am. I had a lot of abuse but the worst part of it is the sexual stuff. I feel like the only one. Intellectually i know what your therapist said is true but some part of me just doest beileve it. I've got a lot of my memories back recently but sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach. The shame i feel is horrible. Thats what keeps me from writing my story. thanks for the hug James
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Dear James,
Please use this thread ,as a place to talk. When they get long, they get a little "hidden", so only people who really care come on(lol).
I will write more later, when I come home. Love and Peace, Ami
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Thinking of you, Ami!
Hugs!
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Thank you, Htt. I am doing better, today!!! Love, Ami
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Yesssssssssssssssssss!!!
I am happy for you!!!!
:D