Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Overcomer on March 03, 2008, 11:44:23 PM
-
At work I told a radio salesman that I was taking over the advertising. My mom was encouraged by the bookkeeper to let me have it. So I meet with a guy today and found out she had spent $20000 last year on their radio station! This was obviously way over our budget! I felt like I was punched in the stomach. She is just so stupid. She just does not get it and I am so angry and I just have this. I Am in jail. My H lost his job and I feeltrapped AGAIN AND ALWAYS! STUPID.
-
Kelly,
One thing comes to mind as I read this. Just hope she doesn't spend ALL her money foolishly and end up a pauper. Can you imagine yourself caregiving her then? It could happen!
tt
-
Oh TT, what an encouragement(LOL)!
Kelly,being with an N IS a continual punch in the stomach. They ARE so stuoid, vetu,very emotionally dense. I feel that way about my M ,too. Some of the things she says to her patients, and to me.
Kelly,my heat goes out to you. I wish I could help. I am here, if you need me. Love Ami
-
She does not touch some of her money-so that will not happen but she still has no boundaries. she likes the radio guy and that is why she spent so much money. She LIKES a lot of guys. It is like she is flirting with them.
-
The flirting thing makes sense ,Kelly. My M has done that sort of thing, too. She always tells me how she is attracted to certain patients. She had one guy(years and years) whom she was really attracted to. She has others, too---bleh. Love Ami
-
She probably gets a lot of attention/supply at that station (because of what she spends). There's no limit to what grand/foolish things an N will do. To get attention.
My boss, who's absolutely lousy on camera, insists on being in all our commercials himself, even though he has a trained Shakespearean actor on staff who'd do a brilliant and 1000 times better job on staff. Likewise, he sometimes sabotages my work because he can't stand to have someone do something better. All this even costs him money, utlimately. Fortunately, the business is doing well. But I think his ego may prevent some successes.
My mother gave away a very valuable map collection, my father's, shortly after he died, to a foreign country. Not a word to my brother or me. But she got her name in the paper locally and over there, and the local university came and sort of groveled over her at tea. That was worth tossing out a man's legacy. She preened about it for years.
Hops
-
Wow, Hops.
That is interesting about your M and your F's maps. It is a very elucidating example of N behavior.Sorry ,you had to experience it, first hand, though. Love to you, Ami
-
ooo Hops, I smell envy in that map disposal... and vengeance.
((((((((Hops)))))))
((((((Kelly))))))))))
-
It is strange with my mom. She really does FLIRT with men. The guys at work are her favorite. And this guy from the radio station is very cute. He looked so disappointed when I told him my mom had overspent and I was not going to spend that much. Yes, his paycheck will be affected BUT he should understand since we are behind in paying him for last year and he wants us to do the same thing this year.......I just think I need to change my tactics with my mom but my frustration level is so over the top that it is hard for me to not rail at her. I should say something like, "Oh, mom, you are the very best person in the whole world!! I owe everything to you. Please do not retire, we need you here................" Then maybe she will feel free to retire since I told her I didn't want her to leave. If I tell her to leave, she stays to spite me!
-
So the president of the new company I am with asked what he could do to help me and I said to call my mom. So today I had a very truthful conversation with her about her retiring and letting me take over-she was very sad/mad. Then later she talked with the pres and he was very flattering of her-I told her she deserves it because she is great at networking. She said YEAH RIGHT. Now I feel guilty. It is a vicious circle!
-
My mother too was a big spender (seems to have changed a little recently). In her case, I always felt like she saw herself as queen, who couldn't bear limits to her time, money etc and should be able to spend freely to please her servants everywhere, in order to show how great she is.
Do you feel like you were betrayed?
-
Kelly,
I don't think there is ANY way to win with an N mother. Your only way of winning(IMO) is to strengthen your own core. That is your power and your "soul" with which to navigate life, including your NM.
When I used to have my core more, my M did not bother me as much.I think that finding your inner power is your only answer.
Love Ami
(((((((((Kelly)))))))))))
-
See that is the way it is. I feel guilty but I am the one who has been betrayed by her so many times but she makes me feel that I owe her. she is 71 and has had a very successful life. She could walk away and never long back and it would not affect her in the least-but she offer to BE somebody. But while she is filling her needs she is robbing me of mine. So I told her that today. I told her I felt resentment that the only two choices she is considering is be in charge or close. No me.
-
Dear Kelly,
I think you are making the "mistake" of thinking that she "hears" you, with the heart. She is "dense" and cannot hear and understand emotional things(IMO)
I think you are talking to a brick wall and thinking it will hear. Compost, as needed(lol) Love Ami
-
No, so that is why I just sent out two resumes. I cannot sit back and wait for this woman to be altruistic and to step aside and allow me to run a successful store. She can only think of how it impacts HER. She has no worries about me.....
I was thinking about the boat scenario...................her rationalization of leaving me to drown is that she is so much more important to I and how could I even think for one minute that she may feel some empathy toward me? No, her higher purpose is to make herself look good so when she made it to shore she would not even mention me.......she would tell everyone what she did to get to the shore.....a valient effort on her part so she needs a medal or something.
-
The N's don't have empathy. That is part of the definition of an N. I understand how hard it is to accept this about your own M. I am in the same boat ,Kelly.
Love Ami
-
Kelly,
It's so difficult to spend time around an N for large amounts of time. I hear you Kelly. It's alright and your last nerve gets frazzled by them. The store is your livelyhood and at the moment you just can't walk out on your income till another comes along. Very difficult situation right now.
I know what you mean when you say (If you told her everything she wants to hear) praise her,tell her how wonderfull she is, blah, blah then maybe she will leave.
Thats hard to do, eh! When inside you want to say You made me miserable your a mean miserable person that sucks the life out of everyone around you and I'm sure you have.
But either way you do it (it gets you no where).
Your time will come.
Hang in there Kell
Love
Deb
-
But while she is filling her needs she is robbing me of mine.
That's one thing I read in the books that helped me understand how they choose to act. If there are many options to achieve the same result, they will always choose the one that hurts or causes damages to others (especially to the fragile ones, i.e., the ones who love them).
Hugs, Overcomer.
-
Hi Kelly,
My heart goes out to you. It's true, N's don't hear emotional appeals. They just don't/can't. The 'medium chill' has worked well for me in the past. It's a question of redirecting or rerouting the energy you normally give to your mom. A direction that doesn't frustrate and pull you down so thoroughly. The medium chill and NC are strategies you don't have to use with non-N's and both actions leave you feeling less than because it's a kind of toughness that isn't called for with regular folk. Practice, practice, practice.
So sorry for how you're feeling and I am especially sorry for that motherless feeling that never goes away. That motherless feeling in and of itself is a killer. Add to that the business entanglement and it is a near impossible scenario. I hope things level out for you. It's a tough situation to be in.
tt
-
Well 4 Resumes out. I have to keep my options open. Only thing is two of the jobs are in the restaurant industry and they want 55 Hours per week and that seems steep but if the pay goes up maybe then it would seem ok.
-
Thinking of you, Kelly!!!! I am sending you good thoughts and peace. Love Ami