Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: gratitude28 on March 10, 2008, 02:45:36 PM
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This is scary... I left the author's info at the bottom for credit and for those who wish to look more into her analysis...
Survey
Narcissism is a spectrum disorder with the most severe end of the spectrum considered a narcissistic personality disorder. A woman can have several narcissistic traits and not fit the personality disorder. Mothers with only a few traits listed can negatively affect their daughters in insidious ways which is explained in Dr. McBride's book.
(Check all those that apply to your relationship with your mother)
Please feel free to print this page
___1. When you discuss your life issues with your mother, does she or did she divert the discussion to talk about herself?
___2. When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she or did she try to top the feeling with her own?
___3. Does or did your mother act jealous of you?
___4. Does or did your mother lack empathy for your feelings?
___5. Does or did your mother only support those things you do that reflect on her as a "good mother"?
___6. Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?
___7. Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?
___8. Does or did your mother only do things for you when others can see?
___9. When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce), does or did your mother react with how it will affect her rather than how you feel?
___10. Is or was your mother overly conscious of what others think (neighbors, friends, family, co-workers)?
___11. Does or did your mother deny her own feelings?
___12. Does or did your mother blame things on you or others rather than own responsibility for her own feelings or actions?
___13. Is or was your mother hurt easily and then carries a grudge for a long time without resolving the problem?
___14. Did or do you feel you were a slave to your mother?
___15. Did or do you feel you were responsible for your mother's ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?
___16. Did you have to take care of your mother's physical needs as a child?
___17. Did or do you feel unaccepted by your mother?
___18. Did or do you feel your mother was critical of you?
___19. Did or do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?
___20. Were or are you shamed often by your mother?
___21. Did or do you feel your mother knows the real you?
___22. Did or does your mother act like the world should revolve around her?
___23. Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?
___24. Did or does your mother appear phony to you?
___25. Did or does your mother want to control your choices?
___26. Did or does your mother swing from egotistical to depressed mood?
___27. Did or do you feel you had to take care of your mother's emotional needs as a child?\
___28. Did or do you feel manipulated in the presence of your mother?
___29. Did or do you feel valued, by mother, for what you do rather than who you are?
___30. Was or is your mother controlling, acting like a victim or martyr?
___31. Does or did your mother make you act different from how you really feel?
___32. Does your mother compete with you?
___33. Does or did your mother always have to have things her way?
Note: All of these questions relate to narcissistic traits. The more questions you checked, the more likely your mother has narcissistic traits and this has caused some difficulty for you as a growing daughter and adult. If you have checked several questions above, we would like to invite you to join our discussion board where you can find support from other daughters raised by mothers with narcissistic traits. You will also find a link on this website where you can register to be notified when the release of Dr. McBride's book is announced.
Karyl McBride ©2007-2008. Will I Ever Be Good Enough?. Click here to sign the book release guest book.
Email Dr. Karyl McBride | Admin Menu Website designed by Kitzmiller Design
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My answers . . . . Just so everyone knows how little I share with my mother. I have not told her that I'm in a new relationship, bought a house, my son has had some issues with school, the treatment plan for my son's ADHD, problems with my neighbors, or anything else of substance.
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_x__1. When you discuss your life issues with your mother, does she or did she divert the discussion to talk about herself?
_x__2. When you discuss your feelings with your mother, does she or did she try to top the feeling with her own?
_x__3. Does or did your mother act jealous of you?
_x__4. Does or did your mother lack empathy for your feelings?
_x__5. Does or did your mother only support those things you do that reflect on her as a "good mother"?
_x__6. Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your mother?
_x__7. Have you consistently questioned whether or not your mother likes you or loves you?
___8. Does or did your mother only do things for you when others can see?
_x__9. When something happens in your life (accident, illness, divorce), does or did your mother react with how it will affect her rather than how you feel?
_x__10. Is or was your mother overly conscious of what others think (neighbors, friends, family, co-workers)?
_x__11. Does or did your mother deny her own feelings?
_x__12. Does or did your mother blame things on you or others rather than own responsibility for her own feelings or actions?
_x__13. Is or was your mother hurt easily and then carries a grudge for a long time without resolving the problem?
_x__14. Did or do you feel you were a slave to your mother?
_x__15. Did or do you feel you were responsible for your mother's ailments or sickness (headaches, stress, illness)?
___16. Did you have to take care of your mother's physical needs as a child?
_x__17. Did or do you feel unaccepted by your mother?
_x__18. Did or do you feel your mother was critical of you?
_x__19. Did or do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?
_x__20. Were or are you shamed often by your mother?
___21. Did or do you feel your mother knows the real you?
_x_22. Did or does your mother act like the world should revolve around her?
_x__23. Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?
_x__24. Did or does your mother appear phony to you?
_x__25. Did or does your mother want to control your choices?
_x__26. Did or does your mother swing from egotistical to depressed mood?
_x_27. Did or do you feel you had to take care of your mother's emotional needs as a child?\
_x__28. Did or do you feel manipulated in the presence of your mother?
_x__29. Did or do you feel valued, by mother, for what you do rather than who you are?
_x_30. Was or is your mother controlling, acting like a victim or martyr?
_x_31. Does or did your mother make you act different from how you really feel?
_x__32. Does your mother compete with you?
_x__33. Does or did your mother always have to have things her way?
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I hate to say," Bingo",but I must! Ami
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Tay,
There are three spaces you did not check off, so I assume we can call your mother normal.
Love, Beth
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Can we? Well, a couple of the ones I didn't check I wasn't real sure about.
So, does that mean my family is normal after all.
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lol Beth must be pulling your leg Tay!
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We should have a little "normal " key at the bottom of the list (lol) Ami
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I was TOTALLY joking, Tay!!! Your mom often makes my mom look cuddly and fuzzy - lol!!!!!
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Regarding the survey, I can also say "Bingo!" to everything!
Bones
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Hi Beth,
I'm wondering what I was doing last March that let this slip my notice. Then I remembered. My mom had taken that terrible fall.
Anyway, Bones, thanks for bringing it up today.
I'm wondering if any of you have opinions about whether the same survey could be used with a good degree of accuracy for N fathers?
tt
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Wondering where I was that I missed it as well.
My father has actually been diagnosed with Personality Disorder NOS 2 years ago. I told the psychiatrist that I thought it was NPD and he said it probably was. But my mother is a different case. 3 or 4 years ago she was diagnosed with N traits. But when i take this test it seems to suggest that she has more than N traits.
TT - you ask an interesting question about the application of this to fathers. I wonder too. But I know that little girls need nurturing from their mothers.
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Hi Beth,
I'm wondering what I was doing last March that let this slip my notice. Then I remembered. My mom had taken that terrible fall.
Anyway, Bones, thanks for bringing it up today.
I'm wondering if any of you have opinions about whether the same survey could be used with a good degree of accuracy for N fathers?
tt
You're very welcome, TT!
Bones
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I heard a fascinating discussion on NPR the other day about what solitary confinement does to people and their brains.
It was fascinating. Because I feel so isolated (though not to such an extreme) I often feel as though I am screaming silently to make contact in a futile hope.
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Wow, this was a long time ago and I can understand all of this survey even more now... My NM came to visit about a month ago and I was astounded at what I noticed in her now that I am detached... We went to a restaurant with the kids and there were coloring mats. I started designing on mine, and NM copied me and did the SAME EXACT thing. She copies people all the time in order to try to seem normal or because she doesn't think to do things herself. She called people "jealous" all week, named them with characteristics that are so clearly evident in her own self. And I realized that she makes SUCH a huge charade in front of Dad, that although he knows she is a pain, he does not know the extent of how cruel she is. She is cruel to him in tiny ways that "keep him in check." She is truly demented.