Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Anonymous on August 07, 2004, 05:32:36 PM
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Let's continue to make this a great discussion place and continue to stand up for each other's right to have a voice and continue to believe each other's feelings as real. :)
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seconded! :D I'll vote for that anytime. P
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Portia--quit talkin' to yerself & take yer meds...
And by the way..... ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
You--penning that????!!!! I'm exasperated--something I haven't felt in years.
You my dear... YOU are The Last Comic Standing............
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The first two posts seemed healing. The third one seems angry and the 4th one is hard to understand.
As for the third one, where is the anger coming from? I'm curious.
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>>>>>edited<<<<<
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The Ramble thread will explain all sweetie.
You wanna see anger--boy oh boy oh boy oh boy--
Quite contradictory to this sweet & innocent pennin' over here, it's all comin' from Portia over there---
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One word: DUPLICITY
How BIG does the fire breathing dragon have to get for others to see? How could they not? Why would they not?
Loving? Positive? Helpful? Emphathetic?
H.U.G.&C.
I keep getting closer to the picture and am horrified at seeing the same as what you are suggesting... I have said no, can't be, but with you voicing the same, I am thinking it is so. Especially as time has passed and so much of the nature of the two is blending into one. I've had further reason to believe, as well. But it goes back some months. Even so , the hostility coming from that arena is - well, how could anyone not see it? Why do others jump on the bandwagon and join the circus, thinking this behaviour must be all right? Are they willingly blinded by a desperate need to not be targeted? To so dearly want to see this as a safe haven (which it is if you can dedicate yourself to kindness, and disengage from the hostile game playing.) This is real life , here: it doesn't stop for weary travelers. The only safe haven is inside yourself. What you can find here is others who can tell you how they are going about achieving that. Foremost, listen to yourself, even if that voice is still small. You know ultimately what you believe. The best protection is to look at things head on. Ask yourself. How do I want to treat others? How do I want to be treated? This reminds me of so many times in my life when faced with having to stand alone, say no , as others have followed the Pied Piper down the Primrose.
Appeasement: Saying, "Such a nice pretty, kitty" , before the Lion eats you.
Phoenix
Hi. Am I understanding what your saying. That Portia and CG are the same person. Is that what you're saying? If I sound dumb, that's because I'm trying to understand and am a BIT confused.
Guest6
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HUGC & Phoenix -
I read the ramble thread and didn't gain any new understanding from it. If you are going to make huge accusations like that, I think the least you could do for the participants on the board is to make your facts that you based your decision on as clear as possible so that none of us are left in the dark. This also allows us each the opportunity to re-evaluate the situation and make our OWN decisions. Otherwise, it just seems like a vicious attack on someone that we all trust and enjoy. I have no reasons to think differently of Portia OR CG. Right now I feel these are feeble attempts to put doubt in our minds regarding these 2 board members in particular and add mass drama and confusion to the board. If you really want to make an argument - go for it. Toss in some facts and solid examples so that we can see the real issues you are talking about instead of the fluff.
Not following along right now. :?:
Michelle
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Actually, I need to revise a statement up there. I said "that we ALL trust and enjoy" and I realized I shouldn't speak for anyone but myself. Would like to edit it to "that I trust and enjoy".
Also, I was thinking. Let's assume it's true and that CG and Portia are one person. I don't care. I think the majority of the posts by both of them are honest, useful and REAL. The Ramble thread is pretty much their own private conversation. I will admit to reading it quite often because I get lots of useful advice from their communications. If they are the same person and can still discuss things that well, good for "them". I will still read it and get alot from it. Also, since they are so supportive of each other I would think that would probably be great therapy - nurturing your inner child!
One more question for you two - what are your motives? Are you out for blood here or truly trying to heal?
Michelle
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I read the ramble thread and didn't gain any new understanding from it.
Shame child- cryin' shame-- How long ya been round these here parts- girlie?
Otherwise, it just seems like a vicious attack on someone that we all trust and enjoy.
Portia says-re. sjkravill-- I was trying to expose her for the shallow, attention-seeking no-intention of healing person that she turned out to be-
Uh...just whatca call that dearie--? I calls it projection, but to the target it was unprovoked. Random, inaccurate--attacking--unacceptable.
verbal & emotional violence.
When it comes to P spew, I must be readin' the book and you must be seein' the movie or somethin', 'cause I can't get my head around the P your explanin'
I'm with ya all the way home phoenix- though my word is MULTIPLICITY. How is it that people ain't seein' the freakin' obvious???????? :!: Are folk really that--- do I have some kind of freakin' gift of enlightenment or somethin?????? Morely just blessed with the good old rare gift of common sense I reckon-- shucks---
No--it don't matter none if so & so is sick and takes on 20 demonic identities, but how they use 'em does-- 20 demons or 20 saints? All I've seen around the P that ain't sweet, is destruction---don't quite know what yer referring to as else... Maybe caught the main P character on a day where she were gettin' all attention & praise she craves' That'll bring on the gravey to yer plate quite thick...
World of shame ya can't see the light my sweet... gods pure truth-- i ain't the one to be wary of--
I hear the masses callin' "here kitty kitty..." and when P burps, were gonna be mourning another...
Portia 'aint no glam car--- she's a train---wreck
If y'all can't see that by now, please, please, please--step right up-- I got a heck of a business deal for ya.....
8) $$$$$$$$$
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HUG&C -
I can't understand why you think you have the "right" answer on this and I still haven't seen you present any hard, undisputable evidence. I think it is a personal viewpoint - not everyone is going to get along here. It's like the real world in the fact that we don't all HAVE to get along. If I enjoy Portia (and I do - very much btw) then that is my right. I don't have to see things your way. From my standpoint, YOU are projecting your feelings onto ME - and the general population of this board. I don't appreciate that. I also don't appreciate the condescending tone that you took with me in your response.
Shame child- cryin' shame-- How long ya been round these here parts- girlie?, Uh...just whatca call that dearie--?, World of shame ya can't see the light my sweet, If y'all can't see that by now, please, please, please--step right up-- I got a heck of a business deal for ya.....
From what I understand, you are new to the board - that is, unless you also are a multiple personality. I can respect our differences and feel that I have been respectful of your opinion. Please try to do the same for me.
Phoenix -
I can respect your response, although I am still confused about the details of the accusations. I appreciate you not being rude or condescending simply because we don't agree.
Michelle
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---I can't understand why you think you have the "right" answer on this
Hun, I nor Phoenix ain't the only ones who've expressed these feelin's before-- And P & her one in the same possey of characters by far ain't no newbie to instigated, vile, nasty chaos. No--I ain't gonna take my time drudgin' up months old transpirings & gettin' into a futile ping-pong match with ya. You wanna know, you gotta do the work, and make your peace with it.
This is gettin' painfully silly, and I can't engage on the low energy vib. level much more, presious. It 'aint my gig, and it vexes my chalkras...
Ya trys yer darndest but each must arrive into their own---
But that surely don't mean yer gonna get away with abuses P -- You and yer self possey's are gonna get called on it.
---although I am still confused about the details of the accusations.
Unbelievable love. May I gently say that maybe ya shouldn't be commenting with such fervor in that case, sweetie---maybe let the whole thing go now--
Ya truly seem like a prize gal & I know the stability\safety of the board feels important to ya. I really can't say much more to yer soul, babe. It ain't open---
Despite what yer feelin', it 'aint no condescension---
Wishin' ya god speed in life honey--- It's all I can do--- :(
Phoenix-- my hat and heart to ya for tryin'-- your wisdom and intelligence is beyond what can be takin' in by some just now---
Frustratin' ain't it--- but I 'aint got a seed of doubt within me that you'll use it elsewhere many times with great successes---
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i'm coming in a bit late on this but want to say that i agree with you phoenix and hugc. some peoples are seeing what you are very well. there is no excuse for portia's attack on sjkravill and some other stuffs too. i'm a member here but am posting anonymos because in spite of what everyone says, there really isn't free speech here for sure. you get marked if you say what you think.
i think hugc and phoenix, you are talking to the same person sometimes with many names here and maybe that is why it is so boggling to mind that there is defence for this portia person and her out of bounds behavior.
i don't know her well enough to know that she hasn't done some helpful and supportive messages so i can't say she hasn't. but what i can say for sure is that she has also put out some very unfair, agression, mean and attack things. some seem like they came from nowheres because her feelings were hurt about something.
you who doesn't see it now i suggest you to watch for it in the future. you will see the real thing.
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Unbelievable love. May I gently say that maybe ya shouldn't be commenting with such fervor in that case, sweetie---maybe let the whole thing go now--
I would like to slow down my burners a bit. I am basing my opinions on my personal experiences with people here - just since I have been active here. I don't know all the details about what has gone on in months past (I have been joined here since April) so I can't comment on times before that. I definitely don't want to come across like I am speaking for everyone. I am just finding my own voice - don't want to take others voices away.
Anyone wanting to look back, go to Search and enter in "guest" or "Guest" . Or search for all posts in that time period. There was quite a flame war at time. It got real ugly. Look at posts around Febuary and March.
I think that is a good idea. Will do - feel like I need to become more aware of what exactly is going on here. Defeinitely feels like more than I know about or have seen myself firsthand.
I know the stability\safety of the board feels important to ya.
Very much so but I am waking up to the fact that it's not. I feel like I'm in a fun house at the crazy mirror?
Michelle
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This may be the best we can do. I'm not keeping silent in the face of abuse when I see it. There were people brutalized this past month who I would have loved to step in for, but couldn't due to problems with my Broadband connection. It has been fixed.Phoenix
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Michelle, can you help me with this one? On 22nd of July, Pheonix started her new thread and said she'd been up and running and lurking here for month. I just highlighted it. Can you explain to me what her above comment in supposed to have us believe. That she was ham-strung to go into battle. No, I don't believe that. For obvious reasons. She was here. Think I'll go and do some more reading before she does anymore editing of her posts which I noticed she's doing. The race is on.
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Gosh!! I thought this topic ended a loooong time ago!!
Well, I don't have the time to engage in any depth as I've got enough on my plate right now in starting a new job tomorrow & have enough stress going on with that (as per new job & voicelessness thread).
But I think I'd truly be remiss if I didn't at least chime in & stand by you and your courage Phoenix. I've stayed out of the whole thing the first time around (I had no idea it was continuing in different threads) but for the record, from what I've seen, my true feeling is 100% in agreement with you and others here that have expressed similar.
I have for a long while, felt at the same level you do, what has been going in regards to the topic at hand. I haven't had the same courage as you to call it out!
Again, I can't afford to be "in this" at a time I need to focus elsewhere, so this is a "one off" message for now, but I definitely wanted to support your courage. It's not easy to be the first to really stand up in these circumstances.
I do not want to take this into "who I am" in other areas on the board. I'd like it to stay right here in this thread. I'm truly here to support, share, encourage & care about others, and to receive support (as I so gratefully have). I have utmost respect for the members who see things differently, as well.
But I just had to go by what I think is right (for me personally only) here, too.
After all, this board is about expressing oneself, and if done without abuse, blatant disrespecting or brutalizing others (I am not referring to anyone specific right now) should ideally be welcome openly.
Take care all.
BT
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Phoenix Hun--
Yer my hero.
If ya don't want, ya don't hafta keep engagin', sweet. Sometimes evil can be pretty drainin'--- and ya 'ain't able to crack through it with any kinda logic --or even love--
Me & loads of silent others infinitely appreciate your bringin' the issue out so openly, and we got yer back real good in terms of callin' out any future abuses of P & P's self Possey--- If ya wanna leave it--feel free hon.
Ya already won by exposin' evil, and w'ere darn proud of ya--
Evil just gets crazier and more nonsensical-- Dialogue as much ya like hon, yer doin' great.... as long as ya 'ain't feelin' the demon spirit suck---
Ain't worth a single worry, hun. Though ya seem in finest form! Just want ya to know it's ok to shut it out cold turkey any time ya want---
Love n' Peace to ya, girl-- Ya rock!
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I am feeling pressured to choose sides and just realized that I am allowing myself feel that way. I don't need to ponder or analyze this situation anymore. I know how I feel and am satisfied with that. I am happy in my own skin. I get alot from the posts on this board and hope that occasionally I am able to contribute some piece of compassion and encouragement to someone else.
I'm not sure how or why I got into this huge ordeal, I just know that my intentions were true - I was standing up for someone that I feel is a friend and has contributed alot to me and my healing. I would do the same thing again. Everyone doesn't have to get along and I need to stop trying to "fix" things for everyone.
Phoenix, I enjoy your posts and appreciate your honesty regarding your feelings and thoughts. I look forward to hearing from you in the future.
Healing Hugs all around,
Michelle
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Good onya' Michelle. :D I admire what you said, and how you thought it through. Once again, very well said. You are responsible for 'you' here, and your healing. You're not responsible for any-one else here. :D And your warmth and sincerity comes through once again.
CG
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>>>>>edited<<<<<
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I was a member under another username,but could never get or stay logged in under that name, so i'm not trying to hide my identity.
haven't posted for a long time, but visit and read. just visited tonight, as i'm in crisis right now and thought this board would be a good place to get opinions, support, advice - whatever - as it's been in the past.
after reading the flame wars, tho...not going to even bother to disclose anything or join in, as this is beginning to sound like the convos i have with my N...accusation after accusation, venom spewed upon venom...it makes my heart feel sick.
i know i won't be missed, but...i've got enough problems in my REAL life to ask for help from people who are hellbent on accusing, name-calling, having to be "right", etc. i'm not pointing fingers at ANYONE, just the general tone here, that seems to have deteriorated terribly since i joined.
all i really want to say is - this has been (in the past) and could be a place of support, empathy, learning, sharing, growth, etc., but IMHO, it is not, at this point, even a SAFE place to share or disclose.
there are people here i truly appreciate, and people who may benefit from some other kind of board. i'm not smart or egotistic enough to try to sort it out, but, to those of you who've contributed to the current tone of this board, thank you very much from an individual who is in extreme crisis....and now has lost one more resource.
thanks to everyone, and you'll be in my thoughts.
bobbie
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oh, for God's sake! i logged in as "allusedup" and ended up with my post attributed to "Guest" - at least i signed my name.
just one more frustration.
bobbie
PS: i thought this board was for vulnerable, abused, hurt, searching people to share and learn with others and possibly grow personally and as a community. sorry, but all i see right now is another chance to be hurt and/or abused.
if anyone feels the need to take issue with my feelings or opinions, feel free. i cannot be hurt any more than i've already been.
~~~~~
For Mom
"...Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends"~~1st Corinthians 13
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bobbi:
if you want to leave that is your choice. I say that kindly. I hope you don't leave because it really looks like you could use the support here and I'd like to see you get it.
There are plenty of other support and positive threads on this very board to become involved in. Support hasn't stopped at all bobbi.
Post whatever you need to regarding your crises and i know you will be helped as you always have been.
Just stay away from threads that make you feel bad. It will be like they don't even exist. Out of sight-out of mind.
Can I say that you are giving others too much control over the way you feel. why would you leave because of discussions that have nothing to do with you?
Just steer clear and stay with the postitive here. it will all blow over and you'll have left for nothing. besides there isn't a board i'm aware of that doesn't have conflict from time to time. you won't find one. it's just par for the course and sometimes things need to be ironed out.
hope you'll take your power back and stay :)
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bobbi:
Just stay away from threads that make you feel bad. It will be like they don't even exist. Out of sight-out of mind.
You're right. my worry is that if i post (and i've seen it happen to others) anyone could just jump in and create controversy, which i do not need.
Can I say that you are giving others too much control over the way you feel. why would you leave because of discussions that have nothing to do with you?
i'm open to any comment, and you're correct about me giving my power away (story of my life :x). this is something my therapist and i have been working on diligently - i know it's one of the roots of my problem (i'm very, very well trained, but in the process of untraining/retraining) and believe it or not, i'm better than i used to be (that's a scary thought!).
you're also correct that discussions already in progress have nothing to do with me directly. however, right or wrong, they color my feelings about the safety of the board in general. i know all boards have their arguments, but maybe i wasn't clear in my OP - some of the posts i've read lately seem to be echo the thought processes, language, need to be "right", denial of voice, etc., that are the "highlights" of my experiences with my N. sorry, but it just pushes my "hot" buttons. and yes, i realize this is my problem, not any other member's.
Just steer clear and stay with the postitive here. it will all blow over and you'll have left for nothing.
i don't intend to leave at this point. i'm sure things will calm down, for all members' sakes. there is always valuable information here, written by intelligent, searching, growing people. there are some, because of my perception of their behavior (sorry, i'm american :wink: ) i would not be comfortable receiving opinions and/or advice from if i posted my situation. that's not meant to be a "blaming" statement, it only has to do with my perceptions and my feelings.
thanks for responding, Guest. your post was calm and factual, and i'm glad you reminded me to quit giving control over my feelings to others - i really need that reminder as often as i can get it.
sorry i made my OP, i'm just operating on "crisis" mode and since i (again, not blaming others, just my own feeling) felt i couldn't post what i wanted to, i just got in on this thread to post my own feelings of helplessness and continued voicelessness.
all apologies....
bobbie
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Hi
I agree with Allused up,life makes no sense there is no reasons for the cruelties we endure. There are no satisfactory explanations.
There is not many havens in this world that exist that narcissists do not infiltrate. These kinds of places need moerarators and protectors who are acutely aware of the word games and tactics narcissists use to gain emotional control over an expressive social mileu.
Sometimes being positive does not change the problem. Because positivity alone and self choosing,does nothing to confront the problem person who causes the problems..
The problem is a person who cannot let others be is seeking to control a group and wants to set the tone of what can and cannot be said.
All used up seems to need to cry to say her pain and be heard.
Her first two thread responses were bullshit, thee way they were so oblivious to All used up's pain They could have been written by narcissists.
They were not listening to all used up, it was discounting and dehumanizing of what her voice was expressing about herself and her space in her heart...
When people say crap like the first two responses on this thread to people in pain speaking up,it's sick. When people say platitudes like it's up to you to choose not to feel the way you feel ect.. it's not help.It has nothing to do with listening to thier voice say anymore..It's about controlling by putting it all on the speaker that they alone are the source of all thier own suffering.THis is new age bullshit pull yourself up by your bootstraps crap.Sometimes that can sentiment can apply to a situation sometimes it does not. You have to be willing to LISTEN to someone before you tell them advice,and if they don't want it,get over yourself....A person wants someone else uses advice or insult to tell someone else to not use thier voice to express thier own pain they are a narcissist ,emotionally immature,self absorbed know it all,or emotionally overwhemed..
Suffering is unpleasent to hear. And alot of people do alot of crap that does not help to avoid hearing the suffering.
Allusedup:
Don't let anyone else here belittle your voice and expeerinces and tell you you are not supposed to feel as you do...They can't feel you if they think they are entitled to tell you how to feel, what you should say or what is or is not healthy for you.
A nacissist is what does that kind of thing to people ,a narcissist can't stand someone else being who they are,and feeling as they feel without getting defensive,competitive, threatened or trying to drown out what you say/feel with distractions,insults platitudes or some other nonsense.
They are NOT you and because they are not you they do not have authority or insight into you like you have,to tell you hoe to feel or use your vooice..~ever~.
Other people are not living your life as you experincing what you faced as you do,and because they are not you they have no business telling you what hurts you or what is worth expressing for you,and what sanity or emotional intensity is for you or telling you what is not 'appropriate'to say if you are not being a bully and trying to control how others express thier voices..
Allusedup,I hear you,I hear your hurt too. and I will listen to what you say, and I won't run away or discount your experinces,you know what you feel and I cannot tell you what you should be.I can't be that arrogant to you it sickens me..
If you just need to be heard,I'm here..That is the least I can do.
I won't try to fix anything , if advice isn't what you say you need from me.I can't change you..I can only comment on what I hear you say about yourself ,and sometimes I can hear what you say wrong..It 's up to you how you want to use this place.But I can listen and that is something sometimes people who claim to be good listeners refuse to do,even on a board about being voiceless and finding your voice again ..
Sometimes people's voices cry out for want of compassion,sometimes they want aknowlegement,sometimes they want emotional or intellectual verification of what they see,sometimes they want someone to share with them, sometimes it's just pain.All of these voices are legit expressions and worth being sounded and heard.It is the narcissist deafining us.And full blown narcissists interfere with healing as they go on jockeyinging for positions of popularity to get in of contol of groups of people..
It is the narciusist who tries everything mindgame he can to stifle the voices of others he does not like to hear to make them silent or be a voice that sings his tune only..
Only than can he create the appearance and illusion of security that soothes the savage egotist,that domination illusion/ manipulation,blame the person for thier own shortcomings and pain game that he uses to tell himself he is in control of the painful thoughts and feelings inside himself.He does this thought control by controlling the emotions, thoughts and feelings,and expressions of that others have inside them from being heard ,he supresses what he denies is in him by silencing it in others around around him. A bully cannot stand anyone else expressing weakness and pain around him because he is weak,in pain and so afraid of himself he won't dare aknowlege it is in his own heart too. So he lies to himself ,and bullies to keep up the appearance of self control and power.So to keep his lie intact he won't let anyone else aknowlege your weakness pain or emotional voice.
He won't let others be who they are,unless they are like him...or willing to tailor who they are and what they express about themselves to fit his demands so that the power he uses may not be seen as hollow and the truth that he is miserable small,and has no control leaks out..and his popularity evaporates as the group consiousness changes to the point he has no cuulture for company and either must leave the group and go find another that tolerates him or change himself.
He'd rather live his lie and trip his own ego more often than not.
And I do detect a few narcissistic tendancies inpeople here. Just ignore them if you see them and seek out compatible compassionate people who'll listen to ya..
Take Care Ok?
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Hi :)
all apologies....
Isn't this the title of a Nirvana song too?
Kurt Cobain....there *was* one highly sensitive person.
Keep talking Bobbie.
<<Hugs>>
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Welcome Bobbie!
I do hope you stay.
I've found some really nice people here who are consistently positive and helpful. I really have found support here when I needed it the most.
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Good onya' Michelle. I admire what you said, and how you thought it through. Once again, very well said. You are responsible for 'you' here, and your healing. You're not responsible for any-one else here. And your warmth and sincerity comes through once again.
CG
I appreciate that very much CG. Thank you.
Michelle
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thanks to everyone who replied to me regarding my hesitancy in posting my current situation. Every one of you had some good points.
Feline, thanks so much for the support, but I didn't feel discounted or dehumanized - just felt I was being answered by an objective person who was not forcing opinions on me, just putting them out for me to consider, and actually said things I know to be true about myself.
Feline - your reply touched me. I feel we may share some of the same feelings (as do many here), no matter what brought those feelings on. I believe you when you say "I hear you", because you speak (write) with empathy.
Dawning - that "all apologies" is a "thing" of mine...when I feel I have to apologize for anything and everything that's ever happened, whether it has to do with me or not - but also, I use it as a sincere effort to apologize when I feel I may have hurt someone unintendedly.
flower - thanks for the welcome! Actually been here since Oct., 2003, but didn't post much, and as I mentioned had to change names since my log-in wasn't working (tho it does with the new name). In the interest of honesty, old username was I_am_mine, and altho it's still in the system, I will not be using it again.
Will be totaly tied up with legal issues involving N-Alzheimer's dad, who my sis and I have finally, after years of illusion, decided is a f*cking waste of skin! Also have a vacation planned, but after our meeting with attorney tomorrow, may not be able to make it. Have to speak to doctors, lawyers, caregiving agencies, and a partridge in a pear tree, plus try to get some clothing washed for vacation...don't know if i'm up to it. depression/anxiety kicking in badly...not going to ramble.
you all have tried to make me feel more comfortable in sharing, and i think it's working - after all, if I don't take some risks (of my own choosing), i'll stay stuck and never discover who i really am.
thank you so much. when i get some time and energy, i'll just start my own topic, instead of appending on to this one.
will be thinking of your support tomorrow at lawyer's office, as sis and I try to both protect dad from elder abuse (as if he deserves it), and gain guardianship over him (woo-hoo! can't wait!).
thanks for being here.
bobbie
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Hi allusedup , bobbie
Will be totaly tied up with legal issues involving N-Alzheimer's dad, who my sis and I have finally, after years of illusion, decided is a f*cking waste of skin!
He must have been/is a real stinker of a dad.
as sis and I try to both protect dad from elder abuse (as if he deserves it), and gain guardianship over him (woo-hoo! can't wait!).
Boy do I feel for you, bobbie.
Hope to see you on another thread/ post in the future.
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When people say crap like the first two responses on this thread to people in pain speaking up,it's sick. When people say platitudes like it's up to you to choose not to feel the way you feel ect.. it's not help.It has nothing to do with listening to thier voice say anymore..It's about controlling by putting it all on the speaker that they alone are the source of all thier own suffering.THis is new age bullshit pull yourself up by your bootstraps crap.Sometimes that can sentiment can apply to a situation sometimes it does not. You have to be willing to LISTEN to someone before you tell them advice,and if they don't want it,get over yourself....A person wants someone else uses advice or insult to tell someone else to not use thier voice to express thier own pain they are a narcissist ,emotionally immature,self absorbed know it all,or emotionally overwhemed..
I completely agree with you Feline. I commend your good sense. HUGC and Pheonixs responses were total crap.
Julie
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Here Here, Julie and Feline.
B
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One word: DUPLICITY
How BIG does the fire breathing dragon have to get for others to see? How could they not? Why would they not?
Loving? Positive? Helpful? Emphathetic?
H.U.G.&C.
I keep getting closer to the picture and am horrified at seeing the same as what you are suggesting... I have said no, can't be, but with you voicing the same, I am thinking it is so. Especially as time has passed and so much of the nature of the two is blending into one. I've had further reason to believe, as well. But it goes back some months. Even so , the hostility coming from that arena is - well, how could anyone not see it? Why do others jump on the bandwagon and join the circus, thinking this behaviour must be all right? Are they willingly blinded by a desperate need to not be targeted? To so dearly want to see this as a safe haven (which it is if you can dedicate yourself to kindness, and disengage from the hostile game playing.) This is real life , here: it doesn't stop for weary travelers. The only safe haven is inside yourself. What you can find here is others who can tell you how they are going about achieving that. Foremost, listen to yourself, even if that voice is still small. You know ultimately what you believe. The best protection is to look at things head on. Ask yourself. How do I want to treat others? How do I want to be treated? This reminds me of so many times in my life when faced with having to stand alone, say no , as others have followed the Pied Piper down the Primrose.
Appeasement: Saying, "Such a nice pretty, kitty" , before the Lion eats you.
Phoenix
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I read the ramble thread and didn't gain any new understanding from it.
Shame child- cryin' shame-- How long ya been round these here parts- girlie?
Otherwise, it just seems like a vicious attack on someone that we all trust and enjoy.
Portia says-re. sjkravill-- I was trying to expose her for the shallow, attention-seeking no-intention of healing person that she turned out to be-
Uh...just whatca call that dearie--? I calls it projection, but to the target it was unprovoked. Random, inaccurate--attacking--unacceptable.
verbal & emotional violence.
When it comes to P spew, I must be readin' the book and you must be seein' the movie or somethin', 'cause I can't get my head around the P your explanin'
I'm with ya all the way home phoenix- though my word is MULTIPLICITY. How is it that people ain't seein' the freakin' obvious???????? :!: Are folk really that--- do I have some kind of freakin' gift of enlightenment or somethin?????? Morely just blessed with the good old rare gift of common sense I reckon-- shucks---
No--it don't matter none if so & so is sick and takes on 20 demonic identities, but how they use 'em does-- 20 demons or 20 saints? All I've seen around the P that ain't sweet, is destruction---don't quite know what yer referring to as else... Maybe caught the main P character on a day where she were gettin' all attention & praise she craves' That'll bring on the gravey to yer plate quite thick...
World of shame ya can't see the light my sweet... gods pure truth-- i ain't the one to be wary of--
I hear the masses callin' "here kitty kitty..." and when P burps, were gonna be mourning another...
Portia 'aint no glam car--- she's a train---wreck
If y'all can't see that by now, please, please, please--step right up-- I got a heck of a business deal for ya.....
8) $$$$$$$$$
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Portia--quit talkin' to yerself & take yer meds...
And by the way..... ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
You--penning that????!!!! I'm exasperated--something I haven't felt in years.
You my dear... YOU are The Last Comic Standing............
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The Ramble thread will explain all sweetie.
You wanna see anger--boy oh boy oh boy oh boy--
Quite contradictory to this sweet & innocent pennin' over here, it's all comin' from Portia over there---
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What I posted above is enough. If you are satisfied with them, if their behaviour is not offensive to you, then there is your answer. My post is to invite others who already feel bewildered, in the manner HUGC and I are, to question! question! question! Phoenix
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---I can't understand why you think you have the "right" answer on this
Hun, I nor Phoenix ain't the only ones who've expressed these feelin's before-- And P & her one in the same possey of characters by far ain't no newbie to instigated, vile, nasty chaos. No--I ain't gonna take my time drudgin' up months old transpirings & gettin' into a futile ping-pong match with ya. You wanna know, you gotta do the work, and make your peace with it.
This is gettin' painfully silly, and I can't engage on the low energy vib. level much more, presious. It 'aint my gig, and it vexes my chalkras...
Ya trys yer darndest but each must arrive into their own---
But that surely don't mean yer gonna get away with abuses P -- You and yer self possey's are gonna get called on it.
---although I am still confused about the details of the accusations.
Unbelievable love. May I gently say that maybe ya shouldn't be commenting with such fervor in that case, sweetie---maybe let the whole thing go now--
Ya truly seem like a prize gal & I know the stability\safety of the board feels important to ya. I really can't say much more to yer soul, babe. It ain't open---
Despite what yer feelin', it 'aint no condescension---
Wishin' ya god speed in life honey--- It's all I can do--- :(
Phoenix-- my hat and heart to ya for tryin'-- your wisdom and intelligence is beyond what can be takin' in by some just now---
Frustratin' ain't it--- but I 'aint got a seed of doubt within me that you'll use it elsewhere many times with great successes---
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HUG&C:
Phoenix-- my hat and heart to ya for tryin'-- your wisdom and intelligence is beyond what can be takin' in by some just now---
Frustratin' ain't it--- but I 'aint got a seed of doubt within me that you'll use it elsewhere many times with great successes---
Ditto to you HUG&C. But I planted a seed. That is what is important. And I am willing to put my name on the line, so others can find their voice and bravery, and come forward in the matter.
HUG&C:
No--I ain't gonna take my time drudgin' up months old transpirings & gettin' into a futile ping-pong match with ya. You wanna know, you gotta do the work, and make your peace with it.
Anyone wanting to look back, go to Search and enter in "guest" or "Guest" . Or search for all posts in that time period. There was quite a flame war at time. It got real ugly. Look at posts around Febuary and March. You can get a real flavor for the gal.
Thanks Anonymous guest, for coming forth, as well.
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i think hugc and phoenix, you are talking to the same person sometimes with many names here and maybe that is why it is so boggling to mind that there is defence for this portia person and her out of bounds behavior.
I believe that you just said what HUG&C and I already are alert to. Which is why it is like walking through a landmine in a house of mirrors.
"But that surely don't mean yer gonna get away with abuses P -- You and yer self possey's are gonna get called on it. "
This may be the best we can do. I'm not keeping silent in the face of abuse when I see it. There were people brutalized this past month who I would have loved to step in for, but couldn't due to problems with my Broadband connection. It has been fixed.Phoenix
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you who doesn't see it now i suggest you to watch for it in the future. you will see the real thing.
It's already starting.
See what is developing here Michelle (and silent others?) Yep ,you can expect that everything I ever posted will be dragged up and used against me. That's why people who have been here before have kept silent. Busy little stinging bee.
And be alert for the diversionary tactics- new posters with quite dramatic stories. Now how will you know? You won't. But consider it possible. I have my own guidelines and I have been pretty correct in using them, watching personalities blow in , blow out. Sorry, I can't share what my guidelines are, because I dont want to aid the creative writer in smoothing out their technique.
And if you are not sure, but suspect? I suggest just go ahead and treat everyone as real, it is the curteous thing to do, answer as you would normally. It is at the very least practice at putting your thoughts to paper, and someone else may be aided.
Phoenix
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God Bless You , BT.
And it is perfectly alright with me that no one else waste their energy in this. I'll let the tanks roll over me awhile, then when the ammunition has been spent, we can talk of more important things.
Take care, good luck at your new job. I suspect you are drawn there for reasons other than money. Lessons in life. Hugs Phoenix
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This may be the best we can do. I'm not keeping silent in the face of abuse when I see it. There were people brutalized this past month who I would have loved to step in for, but couldn't due to problems with my Broadband connection. It has been fixed.Phoenix
Michelle, can you help me with this one? On 22nd of July, Pheonix started her new thread and said she'd been up and running and lurking here for month. I just highlighted it. Can you explain to me what her above comment in supposed to have us believe. That she was ham-strung to go into battle. No, I don't believe that. For obvious reasons. She was here. Think I'll go and do some more reading before she does anymore editing of her posts which I noticed she's doing. The race is on.
I'm bring this over from Legal /Emotional Issues.
Anonymous wrote:
[Pheonix, didn't you just tell Michelle you'd have loved to have stepped and contributed in the past month but couldn't cause you weren't hooked up. Make up your minds Pheonix gal. And you wrote this, when? HUH!
I've been hooked up for nearly two months. My TV had a short in it and they replaced two internet modems before they discovered the TV as the reason I couldn't keep my 24 hour BB on. Anything else? Phoenix
And yes I've managed to slip in a few posts. Even so, if I was just now mustering the courage to confront you- so what?
She was here. Think I'll go and do some more reading before she does anymore editing of her posts which I noticed she's doing. The race is on
I think you are now bordering on paranoia. The only thing edited has been wordings as I have posted them... you, know, making sure that my words said what I wanted them to.
What race? This is comical. Phoenix
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Phoenix Hun--
Yer my hero.
If ya don't want, ya don't hafta keep engagin', sweet. Sometimes evil can be pretty drainin'--- and ya 'ain't able to crack through it with any kinda logic --or even love--
Me & loads of silent others infinitely appreciate your bringin' the issue out so openly, and we got yer back real good in terms of callin' out any future abuses of P & P's self Possey--- If ya wanna leave it--feel free hon.
Ya already won by exposin' evil, and w'ere darn proud of ya--
Evil just gets crazier and more nonsensical-- Dialogue as much ya like hon, yer doin' great.... as long as ya 'ain't feelin' the demon spirit suck---
Ain't worth a single worry, hun. Though ya seem in finest form! Just want ya to know it's ok to shut it out cold turkey any time ya want---
Love n' Peace to ya, girl-- Ya rock!
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HUGS&C
I must give some of the credit to VCG who presented it. From there it was dominos falling.
I was relaxing out back, barbequing chicken , when a flame war broke out in my Weber Kettle! I tried to put it out by misting it with water- only to have the flames leap higher! Thick smoke filled the air! Finally I doused the fire by smothering it with the lid. Now the six chicken legs are all cooking nicely peaceful under their cover. Funny how life sometimes imitates the internet? LOL!
I suspect there is more to come.
I think it doesn't bother me because I have nothing to hide, and I care about others here.
Thanks for your kind words; I don't anticipate myself being harried by this too much. I've endured too much in my life to let unpleasant strangers yank my chain. Hugs, Phoenix
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I want to clear something up. I don’t think Portia is CG- but I had a moment of wonder there.
I think Portia and CG have contributed much wisdom to the board, and are intelligent people. I have always enjoyed Portia’s posts until late, where they have take on an aggressive, hurtful tone and content to others. As for my feelings regarding CG, I could throw the baby out with the bath water; I’ve seen too much ugliness there for my taste.
We are individuals here, finding our own way, learning discernment in our relationships, even the relationships here. I am not asking for anyone to join me on a side. All I am doing is encouraging others secretly wishing to, to speak up for what they believe. What’s the worse that could happen? That every post you ever wrote will be brought up to be scrutinized, twisted, misrepresented, and thrown back at you as ammunition? So what. It’s all paper airplanes to me.
good night all, Phoenix
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What a pile of nonsense.
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you who doesn't see it now i suggest you to watch for it in the future. you will see the real thing.
It's already starting.
Yes Michelle , you should get paranoid to, just like me.
See what is developing here Michelle (and silent others?)
Yep ,you can expect that everything I ever posted will be dragged up and used against me. That's why people who have been here before have kept silent. Busy little stinging bee.
And be alert and be very scared for the diversionary tactics- new posters (look out for all new posters ) with quite dramatic stories. Now how will you know? You won't.
But consider it possible.
I have my own guidelines and
I have been pretty correct in using them,
watching personalities blow in , blow out.
Sorry,
I can't share what my guidelines are,
because I dont want to aid the creative writer in smoothing out their technique.
And if you are not sure, but suspect? I suggest just go ahead and treat everyone as real, it is the curteous thing to do, answer as you would normally. It is at the very least practice at putting your thoughts to paper, and someone else may be aided.Phoenix[/[/size]quote]
Yes, pheonix, we're all not only voiceless, but we're stupid too and it seems we're to be dependent on you to interpret our reality for us.
Oh, are you the boogey man pheonix? Why try to scare Michelle into beleiving she can't trust her own judgement. That's a bit off, I think. You say, because you can't share the secret of how you interpret. Have signed a coven oath. What is it that's so dreadfully secret? Are you reading tea leaves and ashamed of the weak source?
Pleeeze give us a break, and credit some intelligence to this board. Are you trying to scare everyone into believing you're smarter than everyone else and have some insight that we all lack? So we become dependent on you for the truth we believe and for you to interpret reality for us.
PUKE! :evil: It was talk and obsessive behaviour like yours from people like you who caused me to need to come here in the first place[/b]
very angry guest[/size]
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Don't bite Phoenix! It's so obvious who it is. Same writing style and board hogging as her baffling dialogue with CG in other threads.
I don't know anyone with that much time on their hands to post message after message, day after day, to go through all of those old messages and paste and quote.What a sick thing to do. That girl must have a huge inferiority complex, and no life.
We love ya ((((Phoenix)))) and are really smart enough to see the silly targeting practices of sick minds.
It's not working at all.
p.s. If the writer has anything to say to me it will be wasted. I won't ever waste my time with such a fool. :x This note was only for Phoenix.
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you who doesn't see it now i suggest you to watch for it in the future. you will see the real thing.
It's already starting.
Yes Michelle , you should get paranoid to, just like me.
See what is developing here Michelle (and silent others?)
Yep ,you can expect that everything I ever posted will be dragged up and used against me. That's why people who have been here before have kept silent. Busy little stinging bee.
And be alert and be very scared for the diversionary tactics- new posters (look out for all new posters ) with quite dramatic stories. Now how will you know? You won't.
But consider it possible.
I have my own guidelines and
I have been pretty correct in using them,
watching personalities blow in , blow out.
Sorry,
I can't share what my guidelines are,
because I dont want to aid the creative writer in smoothing out their technique.
And if you are not sure, but suspect? I suggest just go ahead and treat everyone as real, it is the curteous thing to do, answer as you would normally. It is at the very least practice at putting your thoughts to paper, and someone else may be aided.Phoenix[/[/size]quote]
Yes, pheonix, we're all not only voiceless, but we're stupid too and it seems we're to be dependent on you to interpret our reality for us.
Oh, are you the boogey man pheonix? Why try to scare Michelle into beleiving she can't trust her own judgement. That's a bit off, I think. You say, because you can't share the secret of how you interpret. Have signed a coven oath. What is it that's so dreadfully secret? Are you reading tea leaves and ashamed of the weak source?
Pleeeze give us a break, and credit some intelligence to this board. Are you trying to scare everyone into believing you're smarter than everyone else and have some insight that we all lack? So we become dependent on you for the truth we believe and for you to interpret reality for us.
PUKE! :evil: It was talk and obsessive behaviour like yours from people like you who caused me to need to come here in the first place[/b]
very angry guest[/size]
Hi pheonix hun, like talking to yourself and encouraging yourself, do you? You sure do a lot of it! :D All your imaginary guest friends are out in full force still, I see. :D
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There is only one person that can be sure this isn't Phoenix..... and that's Phoenix.
That's all that matters to me...
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bye
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you who doesn't see it now i suggest you to watch for it in the future. you will see the real thing.
It's already starting.
Yes Michelle , you should get paranoid to, just like me.
See what is developing here Michelle (and silent others?)
Yep ,you can expect that everything I ever posted will be dragged up and used against me. That's why people who have been here before have kept silent. Busy little stinging bee.
And be alert and be very scared for the diversionary tactics- new posters (look out for all new posters ) with quite dramatic stories. Now how will you know? You won't.
But consider it possible.
I have my own guidelines and
I have been pretty correct in using them,
watching personalities blow in , blow out.
Sorry,
I can't share what my guidelines are,
because I dont want to aid the creative writer in smoothing out their technique.
And if you are not sure, but suspect? I suggest just go ahead and treat everyone as real, it is the curteous thing to do, answer as you would normally. It is at the very least practice at putting your thoughts to paper, and someone else may be aided.Phoenix[/[/size]quote]
Yes, pheonix, we're all not only voiceless, but we're stupid too and it seems we're to be dependent on you to interpret our reality for us.
Oh, are you the boogey man pheonix? Why try to scare Michelle into beleiving she can't trust her own judgement. That's a bit off, I think. You say, because you can't share the secret of how you interpret. Have signed a coven oath. What is it that's so dreadfully secret? Are you reading tea leaves and ashamed of the weak source?
Pleeeze give us a break, and credit some intelligence to this board. Are you trying to scare everyone into believing you're smarter than everyone else and have some insight that we all lack? So we become dependent on you for the truth we believe and for you to interpret reality for us.
PUKE! :evil: It was talk and obsessive behaviour like yours from people like you who caused me to need to come here in the first place[/b]
very angry guest[/size]
Hi pheonix hun, like talking to yourself and encouraging yourself, do you? You sure do a lot of it! :D All your imaginary guest friends are out in full force still, I see. :D
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i've just been thru legal and medical matters with my Nfather, and was thisclose to posting about it, and asking for opinions and advice from others who'd been there.
So I stopped in and caught up on this thread - honestly, at this point, with the meanness and vindictiveness, namecalling and just plain ugliness, how can ANYONE feel safe sharing?
All I can figure out is: someone is lying, I have no idea who it is, and I'm sure that there are many like me who would like some help, or to get things off our chest, and be honest.
But...there is obviously one or more people who are hellbent to destroy any safe feelings here at all. I'd imagine there will be helpful people who will tell me to "go ahead, share, we'll listen, we care" - these aren't the people I'm talking about. I believe them, but there are others who hog these threads, who sound so damned narcisisstic themselves that I might as well talk to my Nfather and expect to get some empathy.
WHO CARES ABOUT THESE ARGUMENTS? WHY ARE THEY CONTINUING TO GO ON? WHY ISN'T SOMETHING DONE ABOUT THEM?
In all honesty, it's difficult to "avoid" looking at these kinds of threads, because they're becoming very pervasive, and there seems to be several people who for one reason or another, would like to destroy this board for the rest of us. I would not disclose or share anything about myself or my situation at this point in time if I was paid by the word!
I know it doesn't matter (in the big picture) if I disclose/share here or not...BUT IT MATTERS TO ME THAT I CAN'T....and for God's sake, I thought that was what this board was about, not attack after attack, childish name calling, accusations, and posts that sound the same as the abusive people that some of us are trying to find healing from being exposed to.
I know my contributions (both my opinions and my requests for help/support) won't make or break this board. None of you know me, and I don't know you, but I have to be honest (this part of using my voice), this whole situation is making me SO SICK I COULD PUKE!
I'm sorry for you who have to attack, accuse, lie, re-victimize, dehumanize, degrade, etc. I thought, way back in Oct. of 2003 when I first joined under my original username, that I'd found a fairly safe place to ask for help, learn from people that were farther along in healing than me, maybe even try to support others....obviously I was wrong.
This has turned into one huge mud-slinging contest, and I am sorry for all of you - both the slingers and the ones that get hit with the mud - and also those who stand by and wonder what the HELL is going on here!
I thought this was a place to learn to HEAL for those of us who had been victimized by narcisists....lately tho, it seems like a place for some (and I'm not accusing anyone, because I have no proof nor a desire to accuse individuals) narcissists to play their games - maybe lack of supply in their own lives?
I really feel that I belong on a pro-narcissist board - at least they're honest there. I'm in no way accusing very member of "not playing well with othes" or creating abusive/offensive threads. What I'm saying is: I know it doesn't matter in the great scheme of things, but IMHO, this is getting just a BIT sick!
In addition, I think not becoming a member, and hiding behind "guest" or "anonymous" (again, I'm not singling out one person, because I know there are many "guests") is one of the most cowardly things I've witnessed here. If people have accustions, attacks, or even concerns about what's going on, step up and identify yourselves. Usernames aren't even real names, membership doesn't give any of us any private info about you....quit being chickenshit and put your money where your mouth is. It's so much easier to attack anonymously than to attack when you've identified yourselves, even with a made-up username.
bobbie
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Hi bobbie
In addition, I think not becoming a member, and hiding behind "guest" or "anonymous" (again, I'm not singling out one person, because I know there are many "guests") is one of the most cowardly things I've witnessed here. If people have accustions, attacks, or even concerns about what's going on, step up and identify yourselves. Usernames aren't even real names, membership doesn't give any of us any private info about you....quit being chickenshit and put your money where your mouth is. It's so much easier to attack anonymously than to attack when you've identified yourselves, even with a made-up username.
bobbie[/quote]
I can see you're affected by this. I imagine a lot here are. I am too! :( But to attack all guests as 'chicken shit' . Thanks :( . A bit like kicking the dog don't you think?
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Can I add, I love your tag. 1st Cor 13. My favourite as well. Might help to for both of us to remeber thtat one here hey? :D And leave this wibbly wobly to fight themselves to exhaustion. Not everyone here is in this thread. And it is a supportiv environment if you stick to your own issues, I've found anyway. :D Good luck and hope you're okay.
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Let's continue to make this a great discussion place and continue to stand up for each other's right to have a voice and continue to believe each other's feelings as real. :)
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I can see you're affected by this. I imagine a lot here are. I am too! :( But to attack all guests as 'chicken shit' . Thanks :( . A bit like kicking the dog don't you think?
Yes, I really am affected by this. Reading people attacking and being attacked makes me sick, because I've spent my whole life being attacked, and thinking it was NORMAL, and because of extreme circumstances, like my mom dying last year, having to take over her role with Ndad and see how bad he REALLY is, having to deal with his bad heart, his diabetes, his Alzheimers, the fact that he physically attacked my sis and I the last time we did something to help him (take him to the cemetery to put flowers on mom's grave), have him verballly abuse my 3 boys until I finally put a stop to it by denying him any contact with them, not even being able to mourn my mother's death because sis and I are now responsible for Nhim, having medical problems of my own (chronic physical plus depression/anxiety) - YES, I am affected by reading this kind of sh*t in a place that's supposed to support just the opposite kind of behavior.
You're probably right - labelling every "guest" as chickenshit is like saying "all women are weak" or "all teenagers are punks". Your point is well taken - however, when we have you, "Guest", and correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think you're a "member", and then all the other "guests" or "anonymouses", first of all it becomes very confusing, and secondly, I wonder why anyone who's a regular poster here and is obviously contributing and involved in this board wouldn't just sign up, even if they decide to take the username "Guest"? none of my business, just a thought.
Yes, because of the way I was brought up, and have lived my life for 49 years, my conditioning makes it repulsive to me (and almost physically sick) to see people acting in a manner that degrades other people; I also realize that my feelings are not the fault of anyone on this board - I also don't think my feelings are abnormal. I'd like to think most people would find vindictiveness and constant back-and-forth attacking and name-calling repulsive, but I may be wrong.
I want to make it clear that when I was saying unidentified and unidentifiable people are chickenshit, I was not referring specifically to you. Since reading your post, I've thought of many reasons why someone would want to remain nameless. I can be the most chickenshit person in the world (I probably am) but i gave myself a username that describes how i feel right now, and i sign my first name on my posts. My option, doesn't necessarily work for anyone else. I NEED to name myself, in whatever fashion, because along with being voiceless for so many years, I've been "nameless", "invisible", "ineffective", "impotent", "unimportant", "helpless", and "hopeless", etc. To repeat, those conditions were not created by anyone posting on this board, but it creates a very strong feeling in me.
I know I'm coming on strong, and it makes me so uncomfortable to express myself this way, but I'm so upset by what I view as unnecessary viciousness I've jumped out of my own comfort zone.
I'm sorry if I offended you, Guest. I should have worded my opinion differently - the viciousness upsets me way more than people not identifying themselves, or sharing some kind of descriptive username. I apologize to you.
However, now that I'm out of my comfort zone, my next post will probably offend or insult many people, and for that I'm sorry, but I feel I must do it to express myself.
I'm also aware that because of my own life situation, which is disgustingly repulsive to me, I'm probably over-reacting to the situation here. Believe it or not, I am working on my "misplaced aggression", but I wanted you all to know I am aware of this fact.
bobbie
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bye
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Sorry, this isn't the "next post" I was referring to - Phoenix beat me to the "submit" button - my computer kicked me off before I could post. the "next post" follows this one.
Can I add, I love your tag. 1st Cor 13. My favourite as well. Might help to for both of us to remeber thtat one here hey? :D
Fortunately, only my dad is N - that tag is what mom taught us, and tho she's gone now, you're right - I really do need to remember it and practice it. Hey, I'm luckier than some - only 50% of my parentage was a waste of skin, altho mom was partially responsible for the "dance" that created our sickening family dynamics.
I'm sorry to have offended you personally. I have no problem with you specifically, but I've never understood why some people contribute and are involved in boards like this, but don't join and identify themselves, even if their username is "Guest". It just seems like "hiding" to me - altho after reading your post, many reasons to remain anonymous and maybe not totally commit come to mind, many of them having to do with possible self-preservation. It's also confusing to me to have "Guest", other "guests", "anonymouses", etc., but that's my problem, not yours. I'm truly sorry for using you as "the dog" and kicking you - that wasn't my intent.
And it is a supportiv environment if you stick to your own issues, I've found anyway. :D
You may be right, but I have many fears, and one of them is: if i say too much about myself and my situation, the "game players" might join in. I have no resources at this point to deal with that on a personal level, about my own stuff.
Good luck and hope you're okay.
My sincere thanks for the good wishes. I would love to say I'm okay, but like many others here, I'm far from it. Spent most of yesterday having such an extreme physical and mental reaction to my situation that I could hardly talk, and I was walking around as if I'd consumed a 5th of Jack Daniels - can't remember how many times I fell, but I've got bruises all over, took things out on my boys that they're not responsible for (which gave me a sh*tload of extra guilt, but I deserve that part), I couldn't even walk a straight line...and really, I wasn't drinking or drugging, I was just falling apart.
I'm also aware that I may be over-reacting to posts on this board the same way I over-reacted to my boys yesterday - because I don't take care of business in the correct ways with the correct people. Believe it or not, that's something I'm working on with my therapist. I just wanted to cop to that defect before my next post, as I'm afraid it may offend/insult people, which isn't my intent, but may be the result of what I have to say. I'll also say I'm way out of my comfort zone here, and maybe that's a good thing, but by expressing myself in a confrontational way, I almost feel like I'm possessed.
Sincere apologies, Guest - I shouldn't have used you like "the dog" to be kicked.
bobbie
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Sorry bobbie for what happened with you yesterday with your boys :( . Sorry for everything you've just shared :( . I wish you well. Let it reip bobbie. I'm sure you mean well and I'll keep that in mind when I read. :D
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i guess once i get started, only a fist in the mouth will stop me....i just have some observations and opinions i have to get off my chest. i've gone thru this thread, and seen some things that cause me fear and anger, and some things that reassure me (and yes, I do have a life - I just don't know how to live it yet). I feel the need to quote them, but I won't use the "boxes" - my intent is not to criticize the writers of the particular quotes, but to express my reactions to certain words and phrases. I realize that I haven't quoted complete posts, which ends up taking them out of context, but I again emphasize, this is MY take on things:
Phrases and wording that disturbed me:
- quit talkin' to yerself & take yer meds...
- Quite contradictory to this sweet & innocent pennin' over here
One word: DUPLICITY
- How BIG does the fire breathing dragon have to get for others to see? How could they not?
- Shame child- cryin' shame-- How long ya been round these here parts- girlie?
When it comes to P spew, I must be readin' the book and you must be seein' the movie or somethin', 'cause I can't get my head around the P your explanin'
I hear the masses callin' "here kitty kitty..." and when P burps, were gonna be mourning another...
- Portia 'aint no glam car--- she's a train---wreck
- Very much so but I am waking up to the fact that it's not. I feel like I'm in a fun house at the crazy mirror?
That she was ham-strung to go into battle. No, I don't believe that. For obvious reasons. She was here. Think I'll go and do some more reading before she does anymore editing of her posts which I noticed she's doing. The race is on.
- Only than can he create the appearance and illusion of security that soothes the savage egotist,that domination illusion/ manipulation,blame the person for thier own shortcomings and pain game that he uses to tell himself he is in control of the painful thoughts and feelings inside himself.
- Only than can he create the appearance and illusion of security that soothes the savage egotist,that domination illusion/ manipulation,blame the person for thier own shortcomings and pain game that he uses to tell himself he is in control of the painful thoughts and feelings inside himself.
- ...we're all not only voiceless, but we're stupid too and it seems we're to be dependent on you to interpret our reality for us.
Oh, are you the boogey man ********? . Have signed a coven oath. What is it that's so dreadfully secret? Are you reading tea leaves and ashamed of the weak source?
Are you trying to scare everyone into believing you're smarter than everyone else and have some insight that we all lack? So we become dependent on you for the truth we believe and for you to interpret reality for us.
Phrases and wording that feel like empathy to me:
- If you are going to make huge accusations like that, I think the least you could do for the participants on the board is to make your facts that you based your decision on as clear as possible so that none of us are left in the dark. This also allows us each the opportunity to re-evaluate the situation and make our OWN decisions. Otherwise, it just seems like a vicious attack on someone that we all trust and enjoy. I have no reasons to think differently of Portia OR CG. Right now I feel these are feeble attempts to put doubt in our minds regarding these 2 board members in particular and add mass drama and confusion to the board. If you really want to make an argument - go for it. Toss in some facts and solid examples so that we can see the real issues you are talking about instead of the fluff.
- One more question for you two - what are your motives? Are you out for blood here or truly trying to heal?
- My post is to invite others who already feel bewildered, in the manner HUGC and I are, to question! question! question!
- I can't understand why you think you have the "right" answer on this and I still haven't seen you present any hard, undisputable evidence.
- I can respect your response, although I am still confused about the details of the accusations.
- i'm a member here but am posting anonymos because in spite of what everyone says, there really isn't free speech here for sure. you get marked if you say what you think.
- I know the stability\safety of the board feels important to ya.
- There is not many havens in this world that exist that narcissists do not infiltrate.
- You have to be willing to LISTEN to someone before you tell them advice,and if they don't want it,get over yourself....A person wants someone else uses advice or insult to tell someone else to not use thier voice to express thier own pain they are a narcissist ,emotionally immature,self absorbed know it all,or emotionally overwhemed..
- It is the narciusist who tries everything mindgame he can to stifle the voices of others he does not like to hear to make them silent or be a voice that sings his tune only..
- A bully cannot stand anyone else expressing weakness and pain around him because he is weak,in pain and so afraid of himself he won't dare aknowlege it is in his own heart too. So he lies to himself ,and bullies to keep up the appearance of self control and power
- PUKE! It was talk and obsessive behaviour like yours from people like you who caused me to need to come here in the first place
I don't know anyone with that much time on their hands to post message after message, day after day, to go through all of those old messages and paste and quote.What a sick thing to do. That girl must have a huge inferiority complex, and no life
I know, taken out of context, it might be difficult to understand why I put certain statements in one "category" or the other. That's one reason I didn't attribute each statement to its author, altho I know the authors recognize their own statements, and it's not difficult to figure out who wrote what.
What I was after was the language, the "tone", the sarcastic cuts...or the calm requests for clarification, the civil requests for posters to take responsibility for their statements (not just criticize without backing up the criticism), the respectful comments and observations, the the remarks that validate, rather than disrespect, others.
No one has to agree w/me, many probably won't, and many more may not have the slightest idea what I'm talking about. My "categories" are not meant to be judgmens, either - they are my OWN categories, and just about the way certain wording and statements make me feel.
probably time for me to take off now, i don't want to fan the flames, and i know ALL boards blow up from time to time. I guess I was just disappointed that at one time I thought this was a certain kind of place, and now I don't - THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE - it's just the way i feel.
bobbie
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Sorry bobbie for what happened with you yesterday with your boys :( . Sorry for everything you've just shared :( . I wish you well. Let it reip bobbie. I'm sure you mean well and I'll keep that in mind when I read. :D
Thanks, but there's no reason for you to be sorry, you weren't the cause of what I did, nor did you ever inflict any harm on me, but thanks for your thoughts.
I do need to apologize, because what I said, and the way i said it, was hurtful and insulting - no matter if i meant well or not. you (or anyone else) can't know what's in my head or what motivates me. all you can know is what i express, and i expressed myself in a negative way.
bobbie
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I know I wasn't responsible, just lingo differences. I feel sorrow that you, another human being, fellow traveller in life, is experiencing such pain and grief and distress as you've described. I felt sorrow for you. And that as a result, your children experienced that too.
And hey, I apreciated your post. You made some good points. I found my comments are in both lists. That's okay. I'll whip myself later. "It's an emotive topic" is an understatment.
All the best to you, and hopefully things will calm down around here soon, and everybody can on with the job of healing. A lot of people are I've noticed. These couple of turbulent theads really are in the minority here.
Take care bobbie
Guest (just to be annoying) :D
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That's okay. I'll whip myself later. ":D
Please don't! The world whips us enough without us making a do it yourself project! :( :roll: :wink:
Obviously I misunderstood a couple of your points: sorry/sorrow being one of them.
I'm also upset that my kids have to suffer for this. I know what I go through, and I can't even imagine what pain it's causing them.
If you found your posts in both categories, again, that may be a misunderstanding on my part. that's a problem with reading vs. talking face to face. as we all know, the same words can be perceived differently in writing when the reader can't see if the person's affect matches their words, but when talking face to face, it's easier to put the two together (well, i've never been very good at it, but i was conditioned well, i learned to practice many many forms of denial, and mom took the brunt of things for sis and I - honesty in any form was not popular in our house).
so if i took your meanings incorrectly, or anyone else's for that matter, i apologize. i did not mean to judge, i'm just not that omnipotent. i know i've written offensive things also, we're none of us perfect.
if i misunderstood any of the statements i listed, I apologize to those i offended. i'm very raw at this point, and that's not an excuse to hurt people, maybe just an explanation of why i'm not seeing things clearly.
bobbie
PS: and yes, calming down and getting on with the business of healing does sound like a wonderful idea, so i'm going to quit with the confrontational posts, altho i'd be happy to respond (in a calmer way) if anyone takes exeption to my previous posts or disagrees with me.
Thanks for listening/reading.
bobbie :)
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Hey bobbie, I was just kidding about the 'whip myself later' bit. I should have added :D this. I really appreciated your post, and who knows, maybe it'll add a new level of awareness to this thread. And who knows, maybe your words might help get it back on track to what I think was it's original author's good intention. I sure hope so. And if I'm delusional about hoping for good things, than that type of delusion I'm happy to live with. Once again take care, and hey, hug your kids lot's, and tell them you're sorry, and that it's wasn't their fault you snapped. But don't beat yourself up too badly over it, okay. Although, I guess you've already done that, hey, hugged them I mean. But it never hurts to do it again, does it. :D Enjoy them. They're only kids once and it really goes so fast.