Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Gaining Strength on April 09, 2008, 12:14:30 PM
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I was very frustrated and angry that you chose not to intervene in the RAGE thread but now I understand the value of your passivity. You saw that Ami had the strength to set her own boundaries. I put my own stuff on the situation and wanted authority to intervene. I was stuck in childhood, Ami had broken into adulthood.
This process has brought me forward. Thank you.
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Me too. Now I see Dr. G's wisdom.
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to set her own boundaries. I put my own stuff on the situation and wanted authority to intervene. I was stuck in childhood, Ami had broken into adulthood.
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Dear GS,
It is interesting that you use the phrase 'broken in to adulthood". I see that I never DID defend myself,before. I was acted upon. I was silenced,by my M, in my ability to protect myself.
I thought I was "bad" if I protected myself(one of the many things under the category of "bad").
When you said that protecting yourself was "breaking into adulthood", I realized that that was right.
One of the lessons of getting our voice is being able to protect ourselves. Thank you ,GS. Ami
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Thanks ,Kim.
I am ,slowly, learning HOW to function in life.
I am trying to live by the quote,"If I am not for myself , who am I? If I am only for myself, what am I?
The balance of yourself and others is the hard part.
If we don't love ourselves and TRY to love others it won't work. If we focus all our attention on ourselves, that is out of balance ,too.
Maybe, this is the struggle in life for everyone. It makes it MUCH worse with an N parent. Maybe,it just magnifies the human struggle.
Thanks for your kindness, Kim. I really appreciate it. Love Am
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I was very frustrated and angry that you chose not to intervene in the RAGE thread but now I understand the value of your passivity. You saw that Ami had the strength to set her own boundaries. I put my own stuff on the situation and wanted authority to intervene. I was stuck in childhood, Ami had broken into adulthood.
This process has brought me forward. Thank you.
You're welcome, GS. Thanks for letting me know!
Richard
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I have a slightly different perspective on this though I agree the posts should not have been removed. Doing so would have protected not Ami, but the poster, especially after it was clear Ami had already seen them. My NF was (is) expert at hurting/manipulating/controlling through words, which disappear into the ether and which he then simply denies, or rearranges, or turns on his victim, all to his advantage. He's like a moving target, a malevolent verbal poltergeist. But once you pin him down with written words and start addressing each element rationally and dispassionately, he loses all power. Because I see him, and I know him, it's not anonymous, as words are here, I can do this, although naturally he avoids writing anything nowadays.
I don't know what has happened to that particular poster in her life and it is clear that she has suffered. But people have a right to protect themselves against anyone seeking to hurt, not help, via these boards. Again, I don't know that this intention existed in this case, but it is true that when hurt was clearly resulting from those posts, there was no positive message, and no attempt to clarify, explain, self-examine, apologize. OK, fine, the cards are on the table, and each person here could then decide how much time and energy they would give that person's words in future. Which was Ami's response, exactly.
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a malevolent verbal poltergeist
gjazz,
Great image & description