Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Gaining Strength on April 11, 2008, 06:32:54 PM
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I am watching Dog Whisperer. I have learned so much from Cesar. This morning when I woke my son up he went into his tantrum mode. He has been doing this alot since he contracted strep for the first time at the beginning of February. (He's had it 3 times beginning Feb. 5.) When he hit me I got angry. Later this morning I got a call from school saying that my son had not taken his medicine this morning. I gave it to him to take but apparently he did not. Usually I watch him to be sure he has swallowed, but today it was all I could do to get him dressed, in the car and to school on time. So I had to go to school and give him medicine.
All along I kept thinking, "we will function better if I can learned to disengage emotionally and not react. And I also have been realizing that I must let my son become responsible for himself. I told him in front of the office person who called me, that I would not come to school next time he did not take his medicine, that it was up to him to take some responsibility for himself.
This is beginning to help me. I am beginning to understand that I can take control of my emotions and that life changes when i do. It is so clear when I watch Cesar using calm assertive reactions. I have made progress with our dog and now must try to apply it in other parts of my life. If I could be calm assertive then I can get past my self-belittling, self-doubt, etc.
I am beginning to learn that I don't need someone else to come along and help me but that I can go and get the help I need. I don't need my N family to change. I can change. Now that is power. We'll see.
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((((((((((((((((((((GS))))))))))))))))))))
I make tese decisions with my kids too, and they are so hard. Today my son wore his best new shoes fishing. I didn't realize until we were there. I told him he loses two months allowance (the cost of new shoes) since he is not being responsible. I hope I will teach him a lesson. I was mad. But I made a consequence and hope it will help. Did they forget to give you the manual with your child too????
LOL. You are really doing great!! You are making all the right decisions!!!!!!!!!
Lots of love,
Beth
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Did they forget to give you the manual with your child too????
YES!!!! I did well in the infant stage though that was the stage I feared the most. It's the older stage that is more trying. BUT, the more I learn about how to become the person I want to be, the better I parent. Whew. It's a trip!!
Of course when I get to his school and he is called to the nurse's station he walks in says with a smile, "Hey Mom." and gives me a big hug. And before he returns to class he gives me another hug. Hitting monster am, hugging monster mid-day.
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Dear GS and Beth
I think that we can trust our gut reactions with kids. My 22 year old was being disrespectful and trying to get ME to feel guilty ,rather than face that HE`was being disrespectful.
I trusted my gut and told him that I would talk to him WHEN he owned his actions. He protested and protested . Then, he texted me and told me ,'Sorry, Mom, I was testing you."
I wish I had trusted myself,more, over the years. I think our gut is about 97% right. Love Ami
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Trying to let go of that shaming feeling. Trying to substitute for a good feeling. As shame decreases able to substitute for a moment. Difficult habit to break. Wishing help descends upon me. Need support and encouragement. Struggling but moving forward. Just needed to put somethinig out here in order to push myself forward. Old self wants to climb into a box. new self want to move forward.
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Dear GS,
I made a breakthrough in inner strength and now I feel 'insecure",again--bleh. I guess it is a gradual process of change.
Sending thoughts of love and peace to you! Love Ami
((((((((((GS)))))))))))
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I would love to hear more about your experience Ami. I have found that the up and down, sort of yo-yo or seesaw action of healing is exactly the way it goes. It is very frustrating. I so want it to be a gradual uphill process but it never has been. I no longer expect it but still would like it.