Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Lupita on April 12, 2008, 09:22:11 AM
-
Not been posting or reding. I am tired,
feel apathetic, lazy to read, lazy to write, I do not understand my
surroundings.
The pastor of the church in the school where I work, was fired. He is
going on May and not coming back, and his "pretty baby" the pianist
of the church, is also going.
Coincidentally, immediately after that happened, all my problems came
to a stop. All the harrassement of other teachers and coworkers,
stopped.
That happened after a few days I complained about that with the
school accountant who is the most powerful person in that church.
I am very confused. I am down right now. Flat. But give thanks to God for being flat,
I dont want to feel sad.
I am very lonely.
Love to you all.
-
I do not understand the world. Life is overwhelming to me.
I do not undestand people. I do not understand the why of behaviors of people. I thought a guy liked me and he did not. I thought a person hated me and he did not. I never know what is going on.
I feel isolated.
Does anybody relates to this?????????????????????????????? AM I THE ONLY ONE????????????????????
-
(((((((((((((Lupita))))))))))))
sorry you're having a lonely weekend, Lup...I know how that feels.
But I'm glad to know the harrassment has stopped.
As to understanding people...I don't expect human consistency or predictability any more.
I think trying to reason through affection that's later withdrawn has always failed me.
It's all about becoming grounded in yourself, so other people's illogic or inconsistency doesn't ruin your happiness in life.
(I'm working on it too.)
love,
Hops
-
lup-Be glad the harassment has stopped. Sometimes I think changing our surroundings. I am looking to leave so I can have peace.
-
Awwww, Lupita.
I'm so sorry you're not feeling relief and energy now that the harrassment seems to have ended, at least for a time.
Makes sense that all that bad energy was being generated by a couple of people and I had no idea you talked to the school accountant but it sounds like it really shook things up in the direction of peace and justice?
That's how I read it, anyway.
I think the feelings of apathy and no energy from you is frustration and anger you're turning onto yourself bc you are so overwhelmed and unsure what to do....... what to feel.
Please, stop being so hard on yourself.
Be kind and talk to yourself with gently. Accept that you're confused and try to view this through Mud or Hop's eyes...... gain some emotional distance. Perhaps you'll gain some perspective?
That should go a long way in clarifying your feelings.
Maybe journal yourself out of this funk?
(((Lupita))) You're worthy of decent treatment. That you're now receiving it should bring some relief and serenity.
Lighter
-
I am glad that it stopped. But why? Did the pastor had something to do with it? Why would he? I never did anything to him!!!!!
I AM DISLEXIC ON READING PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DO WHAT THEY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO I NEED TO UNDERSTAND?
OR LIKE HOPS SAY, IT IS JUST TO FEEL GOOD WITH YOUR SELF.
Hop, thank so much for your kind response.
At the end, God was taking care of me. I did not know. So, who cares the why. Who cares. The important thing is that I am doing fine now.
I am fine.
But dislexic about the world. Confused. Not new. I have been confused since the they I was born.
We know it is beause the way I was treated by my mother. Never knowing if what I did was wrong or good, compensated for bad things, punished for good things and viceversa.
But the CDs work. I feel better than last year and better than six months ago and better than yesterday.
Hey hops, listen to CD by Dyer, Change your toughts change your life. Good stuff.
Thanks OC for answering me and Thanks Hops for your kinds words.
Hops, you are always supportive to everyone here.
-
Liighter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love you girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me how you have been doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tyhanks for your thoughtful answer, despite that you are being shaken by a turmoil of suffering in your own life, you still take time to think about others!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lighter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-
I've had lots of lovely time with my girls..... they've been on spring break all week..... so feeling pretty level today.
I have a bumpy week coming up..... I'll need you guys.
I hope this season of calm is lasting for you, maybe a pretty new journal is just what Lupita needs to get clarify and internalize her feelings?
Sure helps me to write things out then go back and read them a couple times.
Lighter
-
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DO WHAT THEY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know this cry from the soul Lupita. Oh I know it well. I have twisted myself in knots trying to understand why some people do the things they do.
As to the why … I believe they are broken. I am coming to believe, that in some ways we are all broken (there are just degrees to the brokeness).
I’ve also asked myself why is it so important that I understand? I think, for me, it is because I have innate compassion for people (something that not everyone has it seems). In understanding why, I might be able to help them, or perhaps it becomes easier to accept the behavior and maybe it won't hurt so much when I “turn the other cheek” and get slapped again.
The problem is, my cheek is on fire.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I can accept that people (including and especially me) have quirks and make mistakes and that is ok .... so long as they don’t repeatedly, without remorse, injure me or mine (my family and those I consider friends) in the process (my line in the sand).
As a very, very wise person here has said (thank you Lighter) ….
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Took me quite awhile to internalize what Lighter was saying – but FINALLY, I understand. ::rolling eyes at myself::
If an injury occurs – due to my ineptitude, theirs, or both of ours, I am always willing to try and work it out. With reasonable people, this can be done. With unreasonable people (and they will tell you who they are over time), this can’t be done – and the only thing in that case that can be done, IME, is to walk away….
So when an unreasonable person unequivocally tells you who they are….
….trust yourself
….don’t waste any more time trying to figure them out
….don’t waste time trying to negotiate with them
….don’t try to help them
….don’t try to warn others about them in a vain attempt to protect the innocent
….and above all, don’t internalize their brokenness
As we all know - to try and do any of the above is utterly futile, and will most likely backfire and get you injured. They are where they want to be, and there is no trying to negotiate with them – they are sitting comfortably on their little perches made of rotten wood. The only thing you can do, is make sure that the rottenness of their perches doesn’t spread and infect you …
If you must stay in an environment with them, treat them courteously and with compassion for their brokeness, but also make sure you have your armor on that allows none of their brokeness to enter you.
I do feel compassion for people like these, but I won’t allow them to hurt me or mine anymore.
Sad. But it is what it is, and we deserve a life without abusive behavior directed at us (on edit: I define abusive here as repeated, deliberate harm). Been there, done that (as in try to understand), and have certainly had enough of it. We can't control others, we can only control ourselves.
As always, love you Lupe,
Peace
-
Oh Finding peace, your answeres are always so nice and so kind!!!! I wish I had you here and give you a hug and have a huge cup of coffee, almond coffee, with soy milk and splenda, and a talk to you all night.
Thank you for taking the time.
It seems that we have so much in common!
And you are right! Abuse is abuse. There is professional abuse.
God will help me to find another job.
Thank you so much, and God bless you!!!!
-
Hey Lupita,
I would love that cuppa!!!
How is work going - last I heard (I am having trouble keeping up with the board), people were treating you better?
Peace
-
Boy, that coffee sounds GOOD!
Sending you new hopes for a new job, Lupita...
xo
Hops
-
Lupe..... how's work and what's the weather like in your neck of the woods?
-
Bad. But I am so tired of not being understood that I do not even want to talk about it. Feel isolated. The good thing is that I do not feel as desperate as I used to feel at the beginning of this year. I have more trust that God will take me where I am supposed to be.
Thank you Finding Peace and Lighter for having the iniciative to ask me. It is hard to find people who care. Thank you Hopalong for following Finding Peace and Lighter. It is hard to find people who care. Thank you for asking.
I know that somebody will say that I do not reach out, but I do not feel well. I cannot reach out. When in an airplane there is a decompressure, the oxigen masks fall in from the ceiling. But they say that you have to breath first before you can help your child or somebody else. I cant breath right now.
I am tired of being unwelcome, no matter what I do, I am tired of being croticized, no matter what I do.
If anybody wants to critizice me and be condescendent, it is OK i will not answer them. So, if you critizice me and I do not answer do not feel ignored. I am not ignoring, I am choosing not to answer a critic.
Thank you Lighter and Finding Peace because you always show you care for me.
-
I hope you feel better, Lupita.
Sometimes it takes longer to shake off a low time....
to move through it.
I do think about you and how you might be doing.
How your son is and what's going on between you.
When you're ready to give an update..... we'll be here.
Lighter
-
Dear Lupita,
::sitting quietly beside you and holding that oxygen mask for you. Soft gentle rubs on the back as you take in deep breaths until you get your balance back::
I know that feeling of not being understood and isolation – it is heartbreaking and horrible.
((((((((((Lupita)))))))))
I am here if and when you are ready…
Love,
Peace
-
Lupita,
Oh boy do I need you and your advice. I have a son who struggles in education. He also *gives up* just because sometimes he don't feel like putting effort into the work.
I have been back and forth with him on this and it is frustrating. I have tried everything and I notice around this time of the year every year it goes down hill.
I just had a conversation with him (he's 13) and told him he is responsible for his actions and the work he puts forth. Trust me I know that alot of it (is now coming from him) and what he wants to put into and what not. I discussed that, I know it is difficult for him and I know that he also sits back and lets (the difficult part be and excuse) It's not always that difficult and he uses his (learning difficulty to his advantage) to not have to apply himself.
I told him that he is responsible for his education and what happens will be from his actions. I think he needs his own reality check to wake him up.
This can result in being left back. Or not allowed to join the football team or possibly being put back into IEP. I dread it but I think maybe if this is to happen, he may just wake up and smell the coffee.
Sometimes through failure comes success. I hope, think.
Don't know what else to do but let him suffer the consequences as hard as it is and I really want to save him but maybe letting him learn his own lesson just might turn it around and make him apply himself more.
Love
Deb
-
Deb,
I think you've just done a champion and difficult thing.
To tell him what the consequences will be, and then let him find out if you mean it, is pinnacle parenting.
(I know you mean it.)
That said, could he use an ADD coach? (If ADD is his issue.)
I had an organizer help me here for a few hours, and she does that professionally (ADD coach) -- and it sounded so wonderful. I don't know if that's your son's ED, but sometimes someone outside the family system can help the most, to give them confidence.
You're a champ Mom. (And I bet you'll get some valuable insight from Lupita.)
xo
Hops
-
Deb I will get back to you because I want to give you a meaningful response, that needs thought, deep thought.
My other friends I will get back when I can think more clearle. I am confuse and sad now. :LOLLOL LOL
:shock:
LOve to you all
-
Lup,
Thank you so much. and You know I love you too.
Love Deb
-
Hey Hops,
He was tested in 1st grade and ruled out ADD. He is dyslexic. He does pretty good in school but sometimes not without difficulties.
He can do it he just has to work a little bit harder and give every effort he can. He struggles with math and that's alright if he does not get the greatest grade as long as he puts the effort in. Reading also.
It is critical for him right now and it is really up to him to turn this around. Only he can do this.
His report card was not the greatest last marking period because of the heath issues and that was alright. I understood this. His anxiety levels were at an all time high. But it was finally resolved health wise and we knew he had to do much better in 3rd marking period. We spoke about this often if not everyday. And he did not put any effort into anything.
So now, he may just pay the price for it. There are always consequences and he has not yet reached what it will be. He has time to turn it around but it is up to him.
I have confidence.
I want to so blame it on when he had health issues but then was then and now is now and I can not baby him or make excuses and I SO WANT TO (lol)
It's hard being a grown up.
Love
Deb
-
Lupita...
Please get out of the house and go play some volleyball.....
don't stop twirling about in that beautiful red dress I picture you dancing in!
Lighter
-
Deb, I am thinking of you. I have to know something.
What is his IQ. Has he been tested for that? That is extremely important because you cannot frustrate a child with things that he cannot do. For example, I want to look like Brttany Speers, bvut that is not going to be possible. BUt if I put that as my goal I am going to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I need to find out what is his IQ, and after that, we need to set up a plan. Focus on things he can do and not focus on things that are extremely difficult. For example, if he has problems with memorization and he is obligated to take foreign language to graduate, he will be frustrated with the memorizartion fo the vocabulary, if he has problems with coordination of muscle and eye he needs to take pioano lessons to improve the fine coordination, so, my question we need to know IQ, exactly what kind of dislexia he has, because dislexia is of many m,any kinds. Not only ot invert letters, etc. Many kinds. I have dislexia too, I cant understand people and dont read behavior, and takes too hard effort for me to follow my dance partners because it takes time for me to understand what the partner wantas to do, also I have to brake in anticipation because I know that I rteact very slowly on the wheel, it takes a long time for me to understand what I have to do. Not IQ problem but processing problem. Taht is why we need to know mor specifics.
-
thank you lighter because in the middle of your problems you have time to think of me. Love you.
-
Lup, I do so well understand your feeling of not being able to read other people or understand the world. I feel the same way. I had a therapist once who told me that, with my Hx, she was not surprised.... and that most people with my HX would have ended up on a back ward somewhere, locked up. So I have tried to keep that in mind, that I have survived to this point, not that this point is comfortable, or that any of my life has been what I would call comfortable. I always feel the outsider, not privvy to some private joke everyone else understands.
-
Hey Lup,
Thank you so much.
My son's IQ is average. He had health problems in is 2nd marking period. That is when it started. I am sure he had high anxiety's, depression and big big time Fear's. He was at different Dr's and possible surgery's and yet no diagnosis. So I think the health issues contributed to some of his grades from anxiety.
2nd marking period
Art 87
English 87
Health I incomplete due to missed days
Math 80
Music 85
Physical Educ 90
Reading 80
Math Edge 65
Science 71
Social Studies 78
This is where he was being seen the most with Dr's so it was not really that bad but I had seen efforts dwindling. Understandable.
Now this is the recent report 3rd marking period and there were still some issues in the beginning of it with Dr's but resolved now.
Art 91
English 67
Health 72
Math 60
Music 88
Physical Educ 90
reading 61
Math edge 65
Science 73
Social studies 68
Comments were , in math, scores low in test, quizzes
reading, in danger of failing for the year, fails to prepare adequately for test
reading edge, puts forth little effort.
So Lup, I need your input because I am having a hard time with this being from his health issues or this beng from his health issues and working it too. Using it as a crutch now to not have to put anymore effort into the end of the year.
The 3rd marking period I had seen a big change in efforts he just did not care and was fine with Just Passing, as you can see some he did not and that is not acceptable to me when I know he can.
So we spoke about his efforts and he has to pull it together that is really up to him where he wants to end this year. As you can see he can do it. Struggles but he can do it. If he chooses not too then he will suffer the consequences and I do feel bad about that but it may have to be. It is in his control to change it.
Football may be a dead issue for the new season because of his grades. Although I will request him to be on the team on the side lines all year, doing homework, as they play. He is a team member and when season is over does not mean he retires from being a team member till next season. He will be letting his team down. This I will make sure happens if he does not turn it around. It would be too easy to just not be part of the team but not easy to sit there and not be allowed to play because of his own lack of efforts. Sometimes you have to pay to the piper. This he knows I will do. So I hope he wakes up! This is a tuff reality bite and I can't baby him or make it easy for him. Life is not that easy and I don't want him to always look for crutches to just get by or do less. And it is so hard to do because he is only 13 but old enough to learn his own lessons.
Lup I value your input and time. Do you think the health issues had a lot to do with it but then he ran with the *excuse card* and gave up with efforts.
It is soooooooo frustrating and I do worry.
Thanks again Lup, you know I love you and value your wisdom and I wish we had a teacher like you in our school.
Love
Deb
-
Art and music is right brain. He has high grades on those. Math and verbal skills. English Arts, is abstract thinking capabilities, that is where he has lower grades, that is left brain.
Abstract thinking develops at 11 or 12 years old according to Piaget and many others. He is 13. If he has difficulty understanding because of abstract thinking problems, he is going to lose interest. Most of students lose interest when they have a difficulty in the sibject. Must of human beings do not want to do things with wich they have difficulties.
Now, we have to find out what is the difficulty that is presenting to him in abstract thinking. That can be tested but my advise is that you go to a rpivate service, because at the school he will be labeled, and we do not want that. You need to find out what is the reason that he has a difficulty. Because obviously he has a difficulty. If you know what is it you can work on it with many different kind of exercises, and activities.
For example, piano lessons help a lot, boot camps on science and math in which the kids are immersed deeply into different thinking problems and critical thinking, etc. But you need to know the specifics. You do not know them now. Please, do not focus on the health issues from the past. That is not a reason for today.
Also, there is a possibility that he is lazy. Just that. We all have periods of being lazy. We need to find out the reason. Counceling privately. That is my advice. Does he have allownace? does he pay copnsecuences? do you excuse his attitud with his teachers? We need to analize all possibilities. Does he do chores? Do you make him work? Does he get everything for free? Does he clean his room or you clean after him? Does he go out with friends despite the bad grades? Does he like his teachers? Wich teacher he dislike?
I do not know what else to hink about. One more thing, do you do homework with him? Do you sit with him to work? Or it is "here is your homework, do it", many times if parents sit with children to do the homework they enjoy it and develops an assocication of pleasure with studying hard.
Love to you.
-
I never knew that's probably why I'm such a stumbling dancer!! Thanks, Lup.
-
Hey Lup,
Thank you so much. I have a meeting with his teachers on Tues all of them. Yes he has difficulties but he can do it. He has learned all the tricks and found some of his own and he can do it. He especially now is being lazy. I'm pretty sure of this. Could be wrong but I don't think so. He had had a tutor after school with homework for years. He has chores and punishments and he has always had consequences.
The one thing I never do is excuse his attitude with teachers and they were kind of shocked that I didn't. I always make him come to meetings with me also. He likes his teachers and is well behaved in school. I do not clean his room he does. Well I do the sheets and washing, curtains, and things. He has to keep it tidied up. Homework must be done before he steps out the door. This is the first time that he requested to do things on his own. He begged. So we did not use the tutor and he was taken at his (word). I would ask, do you have homework, yes, I'm doing it now. He was in his room with books but obviously not putting effort into anything as it has shown on report cards.
I know he feels very embarrassed of his actions, I could read it all over him, by just looking at him. He did try to make excuses but we nailed him on every one of them and he finally took ownership.
I don't know if the school has labled him. I know that they will not say dyslexic. They say reading disability (general term). He was not diagnosed by the school with it I went out side private for that.
We now are going back to old ways and I know he is a little resistant to it but I think he is really afraid of failing this grade and wants to try everything not too.
I hope Lup he just had a down hill swing for a bit and sees what has happened.
I think he was given less credit then he should have been because I know in my heart that we (school and myself) overlooked that this child knew (how to work it) to his own advantage. We were more afraid to let him fail then he was. He took no responsibility on his own with out pushing and pushing. And this, I believe, was a learned behaviour that we have taught him.
If he falls, so what, he thought, some one will step in and save him. And that I think is really what was in his mind. Could be wrong but I don't think so.
He sees now that when he did it on his own, with little effort, he failed and does not like it because he has no one to blame but himself. He can do it and he didn't even try. That belongs to him.
So we start a new marking period now and things have gone back to how they use to be with, exception of the tutor not coming back, some new changes, like signed, homeowork assignments so I know what they are and I know he can pull this off himself, I know it as a fact. But at the kitchen table and with me checking everything. Tutor feels the same.
He is very capable and has all the tools. She also felt he got lazy.
Lup,
You really need to get out of the school you are in and I pray that you find a new job this summer. That school you are working for now is so stupid. My God, are they blind and deaf. They do not appreciate you. I do.
We need more teachers like you. Real teachers who care and really want to teach. Not one of the teachers has spoken to me like you have. They almost seemed afraid to speak.
Maybe it's the school and guidelines they have to go by. Don't know, but I do see the teachers sometimes want to say more then they are *allowed* I think. And I think parents also give teachers a hard time with resistance to problems with children.
You have a hard job Lup and a frustrating job. I don't think I could do it. Anyone can be a teacher but not every one can teach.
You can teach and you care............
Love to you Lup and thanks for all your help!!
Deb
-
Deb and Lupita,
Thanks so much for discussing this. I am having trouble motivating my older daughter re studies.
She too had a dive in grades this semester.
Lupe - your advice helps - thanks!!!
Peace
-
Finding Peace, how old is your older daughter?
::waving to CB::
Nice to see you on the board, you've been missed.
Lighter
-
Not to hijack the thread but I am so glad to see one of our voices of reason-hi CB! Missed you!
-
OMG CB!! it is so good to see you and I have missed you so!
We have done everything you speak of and his studying in his room was never allowed untill his request to do it on his own. I felt he was capable, we all felt he was capable and he was capable. He has the skills and tools. The thing is he can do it. He was now 13 and again I had to walk in his shoes. What would I want? How would I feel? at his age. He always has been assisted. Am I going to choke him? He had been doing it on his own for a long time. But with us always over his shoulder. The Psyh seen this. He totally took him out of the program, IEP, he felt that my S did not need the program and should fly on his own. I am seeing ressistance should I ignore his, pleas, force him to do it OUR way when he may just be ready to do it his way. And the end result is I had to let him go. He had to do it himself. I cringed when I did this but it was so apparent that he really need to do this. I was not only dealing with a disablility I was dealing with self esteem now.
I have walked every step with him in his shoes. I do understand. I really do. I know him like a book and I have to go over every thing I think to make sure I am making the right decision and seeing everything clearly. I think I am. I think I have.
He is Capable and he can do it. He will be bored with many things in life to come as he grows older, such as, a job and routine, but such is life and I can not assist him for the rest of his life. And no one else will. You get bored with a job or bored with studies in college and your out. They don't give a hoot if you fail or not in a job, in school, in life, itself. We fend for ourselves and make it what we want.
And that is what I am trying to teach him. Sometimes you have to let them go to learn on thier own. Sometimes out of failure comes success and I do really believe in those words. If you are never to fail then how do you grow? How do you take responsibility? I really do believe CB that I was the one who was so afraid of *failure* for him and that is normal but to try to always keep him from experiencing his own failure he will not reconize it when he does *as his own* or claim it *as his own* deal with it and move on, do better because he wants to not because he has too.
Now, ofcourse, I am not going to let my son totally go, he is only 13 but I think he got a taste of his own medicine and I truly believe he needed it.
When we are growing we go through so many maturity levels and this (experience) is due to I think he's imaturity not his disability. I seen it happen with my older children, not in the same grades, but in college. 1st year was PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!! and thier grades were not the best. They straighten up when they seen what was going on. Thier maturity level was not exactly where it should be and it was new to them. Out of the house, living on campus, friends, PARTYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! I understood this also. I knew this was a possibility, cause I know I would have done the same, but waited to see if it would turn around when they saw thier grades. It did and I'm hoping the same for my little guy right now.
Sometimes there is nothing more we can do. I can't get inside his head or body and make him. Well maybe right now I can make him but I want him to want to do it on his own.
I know he don't like the results and this may just turn things around and he will know there are consequences. Really what consequences has he had before in school? None he was always assisted and modified to make things easier. And he ran with it untill we took it away from him because he is capable of doing the normal work.
And I guess in some ways, like I said, he had a learned behavior, that it was made easier from 1st all the way through 5th and I do have to take accountability for this. He used a crutch more then he should have and we are the ones who gave it to him. Now don't get me wrong he did need to be modified and he did need lots of assistance but when do you know to stop. When did he know to stop. We didn't. We had to take it out and see what happens and why. And we have. He really can Fly he just swooped a little and I'm hoping he comes back up to soar. Only way to find this out is to monitor what is going on. I do not feel comfortable stepping in and taking over as of yet and I do not feel comfortable letting him fail on his own. . I still want to give him time to correct his own actions. I believe in him, failures and all. And this is something I honestly must let go a little longer. I gave him time on his own, and he did not do so well, but I must give him time to now correct it. Then we will go from there.
Yet I still contiune to worry and I'm scared. . I want the best for him and I struggle myself on decisions of my own on what way to go with it.
I think this time I feel confident that to continue to make him work for himself, not take total control, with exception of homework assignments signed by teachers and reports on his effort, will still give him the opportunity to learn from his mistakes and me not totally take over because he made one. I think he will feel much better about himself and his corrections coming from him and me not making him.
I have given this alot of thought and I have always allowed and given my other children the opportunity to fail and make their own corrections. I noticed that I did not allow this with my younger S because I was so focused on his disability that I over looked that he deserved the same as my other children. Opportunity to fail and opportunity to correct his failures.
and I do believe he was lazy.. and I do believe he knows this... and I do believe that is why he has failing grades.... and I believe he had learned. Kind of like his own *mini college* on my own, parrrrrrrtyyyy in 13yrs old kind of way which means, doing least possible you can when your first out on your own and this was his first time out of assistance from anyone.
So I bite my lip and hope this turn itself around..................without me becoming the Commander as of yet. If it does not turn around then I will.
So I spin and hop and cross my fingers that what I believe is correct.. but I do think so..
Wow sorry CB this turned into a novel but it's been so long since I spoke to you and I missed you so and your inputs I kind of went on and on. I think about you often.
How are you anyway?? You have a BF? This is so wonderful. You sound good.
And I think you would be a wonderfull teacher just like Lup. Have you ever thought about it?
I sure am happy to hear from you again. Keep in touch!!
Love
Deb
-
Hey FP,CB,LUP,
I hear you FP and CB. They are challenging (kids) period, don't know if they make me old or keep me young.
It's so good to hear from everyone. How have you been FP. You know it's weird because today I sat with a girl who went to high school with my son, year ahead, but she now is teaching cheerleading in her old high school. How did they grow so fast.
Is your D in high school FP? Mine use to go through periods of not studying like they should but then Cram about the day before a test. Use to make me crazy.
Anyway, it's nice to know when I come on here ranting that I have you guys who understand the frustrations, especially Lup.
And Lup hope is all is going well, I'm thinking of you.
Love
Deb
-
Well, it is fair to give an update of my son since everybody is talking about sons. My son never gave me a problem until college. He is going to graduate this year. But he reckt his car and is undrivable, we still have to pay insurance and monthly payment, he wants me to cosigne for another car, I said until this a fully paid I will not cosigne for anything else, he is saving to pay this car in full to release that from my credit and then I will cosign again for anotrher car, in the mean time he is having to be transported by friends and me and girlfriend, crazy, I have to get one hour earlier to be able to take him to university and go to work, those days he sepnd at my house so I can transport him he leaves everything in the leaving room I am about to kill him, lol, wets the bathroom all over, I do not know what does he do in the bath room that it is completely inundated after he takes his bath, the sink is all wet all over after he broshes his teeth, I do not know what odes he do, if he had to leave with me again I would go crazy. I feel guilty that I am not happy that he was spending a few days with me, but it was so much work. I started to resent the hours of sleep and I started scolding him for everythijng and finaly today he took everything, and I left himn ath the university with piaNO, no transportation, bags, clothing, amplifier, computer, and I told him, that after work if he does not have anybody to take him I will take him backl again, but he does not want to. I told him that he will leanr his lesson, that the next car he will take good care of it and appreciate it. He told me that he would call me if he does not get anybody to ride with. I mean to his house, where he lives. At least this is the last week of school for him for now. And When I am on vacation I can drive him around all he needs. And after trhat hopefully we will have the money to pay ofr the old car and get a new one. He still takes dance lessons with me and we dance together and have so much fun as a family dancing. And we play piano together nad have fun and enjoy music. Just yesterday I went to one of his concerts. He played wonderfully. So professional!!!! He plays better than me!!!!!!!!! And in dance class, our teacher told us that he was right and I was wrong because I was correcting his movements. So, her said I would have liked top have a video camara to record the moment when the teacher said that!!!!! I love my son so much!!!!!!
The male teacher at the beginning he was looking at me in an ugly way, and one day he could not resist anymore and asked him where did he meet me, and he said "I met her the day I was born, she gave me birth" And that teacher was nice to me since and said that it was very nice that we were sahing a nice activity as a family. I love my son so much!!!!!
He is extremely intelligent, a little lazy sometimes, a few Cs, more Bs, and a few As. 3.65 GPA, in college senior, I think it is wonderful!!!!! I was a straight A student and I was mad at him at the beginning of college but after five years it is OK.
I love my son so much!!!!!
-
My oldest is 9. She is in 3rd grade.
I am doing pretty well these days Deb – thanks for asking ::knocking wood::
I am not really superstitious – but I had a first-generation Italian grandmama who was as superstitious as they come. I loved that woman dearly – I can still picture her throwing the salt over her shoulder and advising me never to pick up a penny that was tail-side down up unless I flipped first – but I had to do this cautiously so as not to pick it up while flipping it. : ) some very good memories there. (On edit - oh I can just see her shaking her head at me in mock sadness with a mischevious twinkle in her eye for getting that backwards ....)
CB – it really brightened my day to see you posting again - I pray that everything is going well with you.
Lupita - your love for your son shines through your posts - that brightened my day too. A 3.65 - pretty darn good!!!
Love y'all
Peace
-
Lup,
Wow, you have a really good Boy, Man, Son, Wow!! Your a good Mom. You both should be proud.
FP,
I still do not pick up pennies (lol) and scream, NOOOOOOOO put it down, it's not head up. I have even done the salt thing. AND don't ever put shoes on the table. But now broken Mirror means nothing to me. I should shut up before I put the whammy on myself with the mirror thing (lol).
Love
Deb
-
So glad you finally got to an update, Lupe.
Sounds like your son's doing OK.... all in all.
Pretty normal stuff and thank goodness he wasn't hurt in the accident.
Good job, sticking to your guns about paying off wrecked car before co signing for the next.
Sorry but.... I don't see wet as a problem..... my bathroom is VERY wet after bathing two little girls, as a matter of fact.
::picturing your son splashing around like my baby ducks in the tub::
hee
It's just water and.....
I'm so happy you two are still dancing and playing piano.
Sounds delightful!
Lighter