Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Sugarbear on April 12, 2008, 11:06:25 PM
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I've been thinking about this board often in the last month or two, and today I sat down and looked over the last few months' postings.
I left almost two years ago - it got very strange at that time on here. I didn't feel like my voice was being heard, and I felt like several posters took the bit in their teeth and ran with their own agendas and religious beliefs rather than being/seeking a source of support and healing. I do not see them posting anymore, so I am cautiously re-entering the forum.
I don't believe I said goodbye to those posters that had been such a help to me, and for that I do apologize. I learned so much from so many of them, and I am very thankful, especially since it is partially from them that I gained insight and strength to deal with my N-mother.
If anyone does remember me, I would be surprised; and it appears that my post count dropped (due to posts being deleted or falling out of the archives??) but there appears to be some still left...
In the last two years, my mother and I had a showdown of sorts. I was strong and enforced my boundaries. Much anger and accusations and nastiness resulted - including her calling my counseling "phony baloney" and how stupid, selfish, cold and heartless I was (liberally sprinkled with the foulest cursing - she's got a wicked potty mouth and enjoys shocking me with the depths of her visciousness her anger can sink to). She got hung up on quite a bit during this time. She decided to seek a better source for her N-supply and cut me off and moved 800 miles away to live in our homestate, near my sister, her new N-supply. I am still dealing with my sister acting as a "flying monkey" advocate for my mother, and mother has spun the whole situation into sounding like I cut her off, but I am not interested in setting the record straight - I have distanced myself from my sister after explaining ONCE my side of how things went down, and it's her choice what she chooses to believe. I no longer JADE: justify, argue, defend or explain. If my sister wants to bare her neck to an emotional vampire, I'll not offer up my excuses for why I stopped offering my own anymore.
So I stayed true to myself, refused to back down to my mother's demands, and she packed up her toys and left.
There is still conflict, but it is at a distance and much easier to deal with. I have come a LONG way from the person I was years ago.
I am still (happily) married to my wonderful DH. His N-father passed away last fall, and we actually broke a 3 year total cut off in order to see FIL while he was still in hospital - totally DH's choice for his own piece of mind. FIL actually went into a coma that day, and died without regaining consciousness. DH has limited contact with his martyr/passive-aggressive control freak mother (boy, we had a some crappy luck in the parent department) who seems to be realizing that DH is NOT to be trifled with if she wants to continue seeing him and she has been behaving herself.
I hope over the next few weeks to catch up with the postings and maybe start posting here again. I am very happy to see some familiar faces on here!
~Sugarbear
*edited because of typo*
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Good to see you Sugar. I may have been kellydckm or kell Back then. The board has come and gone-ebb and flow. Hopefully we can get to business and lament about our mothers.
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Sugarbear - I have been here almost two years but started after you left. I'm glad you are back and hope you will find things here helpful to you again.
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Welcome ,Sugarbear. The board goes through ups and downs. I am glad you are back. It sounds like the board will be a good addition to your life. Hope to hear many posts from you. Warmly, Ami
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Welcome Sugarbear.
Very good to have you here. I discovered this place not all that long ago, so I don't think we've corresponded before. I just wanted to say hello and hope to speak with you more.
You sound wise and assertive - the things I am working on. (!) So sorry you have had to deal with parents and parents-in-law that are so challenging and un-loving (and a sister!) I hope you have a good support system of friends and others.
JADE (justify, argue,defend,explain) I LOVE this acronym. I will remember it. Thank you!
Glad you're here,
Dandylife
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Welcome back, Sugar!
It sounds like you have made a lot of progress on your own and you will be able to help many here is addition to finding help!!! You made a strong and wise decision and it sounds as if your life is much better!!!!
So glad you are here!
Love, Beth
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Hello sugarbear
Welcome back.......but I never knew you!
Izzy